| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/21/2006 7:34:48 PM | | Well my mother lost custody when my parents were divorced. I never found out why until about 10 years ago. In my case it seems my wealthy grandparents was friends with the judge and conned my mother into signing over her rights to them. In turn they gave me to my father. So I am convinced the entire system is screwed from the start. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/22/2006 3:30:22 AM | | Agree with ^^^^ raising a child while working full time does chew up a lot of money, and does make it tough to make ends meet but it does not mean that a single parent should lose custody. Often, when they assign how much support needs to be paid they let the non custodial parent pay a share in support, but often it is not enough if that parent is a low income earner. Maybe that low income earning parent, who does not have custody, should be required to get off their butt and find a better job. Case in point, my ex pays $200.00 per month and works 20 hrs a week @ $15.00 per hour. Raising a kids costs $1200.00 per month, who pays that share? Me and I raise him and have to listen to opinions on what is best arrange transportation etc. Now here is an idea, maybe courts should look at how much the non custodial Parents makes and give them 6 months to a year to find a better job? And after 6 months everyone should head back to court to check on results. Thoughts? | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/22/2006 3:56:14 AM | ok i am sorry.... but i have to reply...to all
good mother do lose their children it happend happend to me and in canada... i had a horrable assault done to me buy compleate strangers walking home from my job and this is what was used against me in court....
what makes someone a good mom you tell me i have two boy 5 and 3 my husband left me 15 days before my baby was born to be with his long time affair i raised my boys for three years on my own without help from him no child support he did not even visit once no birthdays christmas nothing as far as work he halls garbage for a living and make maybe 600 a month and lives with his parents i am a paramedic and half way through training to be a police officer i worked and fed my kids i took them to daycare i picked them up i put them to bed i took the to the park i took them to the zoo i kissed every boo boo i was there for every bad dream i took my oldest to his first day of school and sat with him all day i was there for the first steps first words.... where was he??? the one time i needed him to step up to the plate i got fu*ked after three years of never having any contact with his kids he took them to bc well i was in the hospital for 2 weeks managed to takethe child tax from me now putting me at some stupid debt of 1000 to the gov and take coustady i cant even see them i am all they have ever known ????? explain this to me how would that work if judges are fair? no they look at my one time of needing help and asking from the FATHER due to a situation beoynd my control as lack of providing for my children well where was he and how did he proived eer? | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/22/2006 5:24:58 AM |
Now here is an idea, maybe courts should look at how much the non custodial Parents makes and give them 6 months to a year to find a better job? And after 6 months everyone should head back to court to check on results. Thoughts?
That is nuts...
... and what about the custodial parent in your equation?
I know divorced couples who were doing well married money wise only to both suffer after divorce due to many reasons.
My pet peeve with the whole system is the kids well being is really never looked at and the mother gets the children in cases where she should not...
As far as the OP's original post/question ...
As a father I do not think a woman should be given automatic custody and in today's world of equal rights under the law it also is hypocritical to say so... If the mother does not get custody many times there is something there that is not being discussed, not giving us the whole story per say... | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/22/2006 7:59:00 AM | Most of the replies are very good and very interesting.
I do not agree with the one who says that custodial parents who does not make enough money should lose custody. That is just harsch. I am glad you are not the one who makes the decision up on the stand.
I dont make a lot of money, but I didnt plan to get divorced too. I am from another country and never worked in the US before. This is my first job here and guess what? I will not be able to start out in a manager position. But I am working 40 hours/week, I go to school now so I can be better once I get my degree but it takes time and it will not happen the next day. So being so judgemental just tells me that whoever posted the message is very insecure!
So single dads and moms out there who work their butts off, way to go, at least you are not sitting home pretending that you are so ill and being paid by the insurance while taking acting classes for example.
I am happy that it worked out for you and you have a great job and make enough money, well guess what? Not everyone is that lucky. But that does not mean they are not great parents. And also just for the records, I am all alone here, no parents to help, nobody! Only me! And I sure hope you will never have to go through what I had to go through. I dont wish this to my worst enemy!
I was wondering, did you think before you posted your message, becase as I always say, silence is golden sometimes! | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/22/2006 8:07:04 AM | i agree with u fully bibstar i am also alone and well i think that is what hurt me the most in my battle
i do not belive that the parent that makes the mose\t wins can that parent give the best love? i think what it comes down to is it should all be equal (as long as both parents are fit)
these r kids and we want whats best for them right? is it best to fight and argue ? | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/22/2006 5:25:54 PM | | atrkyhntr, why is that idea nuts? The custodial Parent can also look for another job but they are limited in what they can do. I am a perfect example of this. I have noticed jobs on Workopolis that I am very qualified for and can do quite well, problem is there is travel, or overtime and unsympathetic Bosses who don't care if you need a sick day because your child is in bed sick. The non - custodial Parent does not have this issue. I am lucky as my employer is very understanding and doesn't care if I miss a day here and there, but I could be making a lot more. So why not look at the non custodial Parent and if they are not working full time and contributing the Lion's share then yes they should be forced to get off their butts. It is in the child's best interest. If the non custodial Parent is paying $200 per month and raising a kid costs $1200 per month and the custodial Parent has to make up the difference and do all the work raising the kids, how fair is that? I love my kid and would do anything for him but some people will not get off their cans unless forced so I say force them a little. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/22/2006 6:13:51 PM | It works the same the other way as well. You say just because a woman gives birth doesn't mean squat.....actually, legal precedent states that it is almost always in the best interests of the child to be raised by the mother where she is deemed responsible and fit. This isn't my rule, so don't get mad at me or say I'm against father's rights, because that isn't true. It's simply the laws that are on the books.
I just finished up my custody battle...and I found that the courts didn't seem to feel that a child should be raised by the mother if she is deemed responsible and fit.......I have shared custoday of my children.....no primary care giver.......
I did notice some biase in the beginning as to where a new born should be....which I thought was bull as my ex and I broke up 3 months after the birth of our second child.....
but I was lucky that i pushed to stay in my childrens lives no matter how young our baby was and have enjoyed 4 days a week since she was 3 months old till present and shes 3.....(also have a older child)......anyway I am rambling
Bottom line..... i dont believe that there is either as muchof this or that it is changing here in Canada..... this old belief that just because your a great mother that you automatically get custody......you can be a great Mom and dad and well you Share......Hell if you both Created.....your both as important
How is it in the best interests of the child to be raised by a great mom....what if dads great too?
I hope no one takes offence just my 2 cents | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/22/2006 6:59:25 PM | | Ok what about the (good) moms that don't work and only atempt to keep the children for the sake of getting child support and the child tax credit, mean while they are out partying on the money that is supposed to be used for brining up the children ie. food, cloth's Any thought's? | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/23/2006 2:25:36 PM | Well, first of all if the Mother isn't working then she wouldn't get a tax credit either. You have to work to get that. Second I am sure these mothers are not squirting out kids just to get child support. Granted child support helps but lets face it you can't raise a child on it and it alone.
Ok now that I have said that. If the mother is a unfit mother then no she shouldn't have the child. The father should have the baby or whom ever else is better to raise the child. Be it a grandmother or a aunt, for example.
I work my butt off for my child and yes I get child support. But if I want to go out on a Friday or Saturday night and have a few drinks then I am going to. Personally my daughter isn't going to be hurt financially if I do. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/23/2006 2:59:22 PM | I found this topic to be very interesting when I read it. I must confuse I am a single parent dad not a mother. I was given custody of my child because her mother chose not to want to raise her. I could have taken lots of higher paying jobs. I could have ventured out and refused my responsibilities as a parent.
I chose to take my 6 month old daughter and raise her on my own and every day I worked my ass off in hard work, long labor, and paid for baby sitters all the way on my own because I had no family to support me nor did the mother want to cough up any money.
Quite honestly I think the greatest thing I have ever done in my life was to raise my daughter on my own…..And really I think it was a gift…this does not mean. I don’t at time want to flip out ….now that she 12 years old and chatting with guys her own age - lol
Sure I have had my ups and down. But she has been the greatest gift I have ever been given - and quite honestly – there is two sides to every coin!
My greatest venture at present is finding a spouse that will accept and love my child as I would theirs…….. after, all it not the job of the child to love a parent ..it the job of the parent to love the child, or at least respect the child because one loves the parent.
Life is but a box of chocolate one never knows what one gets out of it!!!
Smile and thanks for this forum | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/23/2006 3:32:16 PM | crane man
...you are being transparent against the custodial and non-custodial parents to think anyone can simply go get a higher paying job within 6 mos... That statement is utter nonsense in every sense of the word... You are P O'd because you have your children but pay more of their living expenses???
I'll gladly trade places with you pal any day of the week... gezzzzzzzzzsus some people don't know when they have it good... I treasure my children and even though I am non-custodial does not mean I should pay more or less due to my X's current employment situation... I'd would give up half my current pay to have custody... | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/23/2006 4:50:13 PM | Sorry but in my opinion...you aren't a good parent if you lose your children.
I've know women that have given their children to their fathers because mentally they just knew that they couldn't care for them properly. Giving them up because you know you can't do it at that point in your life...some think is being a bad parent...but in reality, they had their childrens well being in mind. Having them taken...you had your own interestest in mind. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/23/2006 5:04:31 PM | Bluntly, from first hand experience, if a woman is a good mother like you stated, and there is nothing wrong, there is no way in hell a court would award full custody to a man. Joint, yes, but not full.
There is obviously some-thing wrong or it wouldnt happen. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/7/2006 6:49:57 PM | After reading all of the messages I must say this is an interesting conversation and one I am familiar with. I recently obtained custody of my three children after a 2 1/2 struggle in the Texas Courts. I didnt have to prove her to be unfit or anything like that, the judge just thought that it would be the better choice. After I won my battle here I had to go to Nevada, since that is where my ex and children were living, and prove to a court up there that Texas made the right choice, which I did. I never went into either courts and slammed her, made her look unfit, made her look insane, nothing like that. Infact I never even mentioned that I was forbidden to see them for 2 years. Some courts are just starting realizing that a father can be just as devoted as any mother, and struggling for over two years, doing everything I could is what finally did it. The courts realized that I was just as good of a choice as their mother and deserved the right to prove it. Will my children pay for this decision? No, because I am devoted to them, love them more than anything, and am willing to give and give up anything for them just as their mother would. Fathers are beging to get just as much rights as mothers have enjoyed in years past and courts are starting to see that a Father can raise his children just as good as the mother.
One more thing, about the mothers keeping their children for the child support, to some it is worth it. Its not just the child support, no most couldnt live off of that alone, its also the welefare, food stamps, AFDC and other government hand outs that they are after and receiving. I have known of a number of women keeping custody for these reasons and just so you know, here in Texas at least, AFDC must be paid back and it is usualy paid back by the non-custodial parent. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/7/2006 7:15:53 PM | | secondloader I have got to say that you have put it all in a nut shell for me. I am in the same shoes as you. My ex did the same exact thing. She stayed drunk and stoned on a daily basis. She neglected my son and sent him off to stay with whoever would take him. I had no idea that this was going on until the police got involved. Well, I took control and got custody of him. I am glad to see that there are other fathers out there to do the same thing. Good job. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/7/2006 7:52:17 PM | juliuscr1012, so basically you removed your children from a totally different state because Texas gave you custody? How can that happen if your children live in a different state?
Wow, if I understood your posting right...it is very scary to be a mother these days then. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/7/2006 8:29:04 PM | Jul,
so you had an interstate case then right? If they were living in Nevada at the time, was the orig. order in Texas and then they moved to Nevada? | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/7/2006 11:12:37 PM | WELL IM GOING TO SPEAK ON MY BEHALF.. MY SONS FATHER TOOK ME TO COURT TRYING TO GET SOUL CUSTUDY OF MY SON BECAUSE OF..
1.MY EDUCATION
2.BECAUSE I WOULD FORGET TO PUT WIPES, ETC.. IN THE DAIPER BAG
3.HIS FAMILY PUSHED HIM
4.HE WANTS ME TO BE SOMEONE IM NOT
5.HE THINKS HES BETTER THAN ME
6. SO HE CANT PAY CHILDSUPPORT( BUT I DIDNT PUT HIM ON IT CAUSE THATS ONE THANG HE DO IS TAKE CARE OF HIS SON)
7. HE WANTS TO HURT ME
8.I DIDNT HAVE A JOB AT THE TIME..
BUT THE KILLING PART BOUT IT IS WHEN HE TOOK ME TO COURT TO GET SOUL CUSTUDY HE ONLY GOT VISITATION RIGHTS AND I GOT AWARDED CUSTUDY..
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/8/2006 4:13:02 AM | You sound vindictive towards your X...
Children suffer because parents can't get over their past...
That should be a crime in itself... | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/8/2006 6:30:38 AM | atrkyhntr, I agree with you!
I never wanted to divorce, it is so bad that my little boy who is only 2 will never have memories of family vacation, mommy and daddy being together and such. It hurts my heart when I think about it. My X was very mean and he called me all kinds of names and tried everything to get custody. Didnt happen, but at the end it is not about who wins or not, because everyone loses esp. those innocent little ones.
I wish he never filed for divorce, he really had no reason to do so..... | |
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