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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 8:02:18 AM | Having been through this before I'd say good mother's loose custody in today's society because they get too comfortable with a fall-out and the intial rewards (child support, spousal, etc.) and then there's the bitter clous left hanging over the male, which may or may not be the better parent. The lose comes into play everytime the custodial parent slips by either doing the slightest mistakes and/or start allowing the wrong people into their homes which brings harm and conflict to the child/ren.
It shouldn't be about whether the mother just because it used to be the norm and I may be getting away from the subject a little. Fathers are now excercising their rights and a lot of us are winning. I think the sad part to all of this is our(men and women) selfishness and anger toward the ex over-rides the importance of how the kids feel. If both parents maintained some type of communication for the childs sake, this wouldn't be a topic for society or the courts to decide.
With all of that being said, in closing; good mother's loose sometime because they forget what being a good mother requires.
DoDat
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 8:07:24 AM | | It is the leaning of all court systems today. It is the fact that the dads have more money for the legal battle. It is because they fight for them. It is because there are lots of women in those court systems today, and they are big time career women,and can not see that there is anything better about being home with your young children. These are the reasons I figured out. Not getting custody and knowing he should not have it, kept me in my marriage for ten years too long! I tried to divorce and he threatened that he would get custody because he would have the best lawyer in the state, and everytime he was right. But I wouldn't leave my children when they were too young, so I always went back to him. The sad part is that the courts always claim to work in the best interests of the children, but they really aren't. No, it is not always best for the kids to be with their mom. Both parents being good parents joint custody is best, but if they are both good parents custody isn't suchan issue!!! So, having tried and failed four times, in different states and countries,and having researched it, I know that it happens a lot today- good mothers losing custody! I did get joint custody, joint physical too, and it is everything I thought it would be. They were mostly concerned about his retribution if he didn't get joint custody! | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 8:31:29 AM | djdodat, I like your post because it is answers exactly what my question was, way to go on the communication comment, I think that is the biggest part what divorced parents can not work on....(unfortunetely including my case as well)....although I am very curious about your statement on: "good mother's loose custody sometimes because tehy forget what being a good mother requires."
I just want to know that according to you statement what is a good mother reqired to do to be titled a "good mother"? | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 9:01:08 AM | Sure... while not putting a standard on the term "good mother", what i mean is this and I'll add to it along the way - speaking to all. While I have a thing for people, "some" mothers in particular that use the states walfare system to maintain a below poverty living, there's nothing wrong with it, if one uses it to get ahead and truly needs the help. On the other hand there are many who use it to simply get all that they can for free, frauding the system along the way and that's not being a good mother. What is that teaching the kids at home? They're inocent. Yes, some mothers are forced into this lifestyle because of the deadbeats that put them there but again, there are those that choose to want to be there and for the wrong reason, thereby eventually getting caught.
Now, the other thing is who's really taking care of the kids? The mother or her mother, friends, family, etc.; just so she and sometimes he, may go out on the night. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with going out having a nice time but then there's the stigma that its okay to do it all the time with "some" women and use the funds being paid by the father to party on and not have the funds to live on. That's not being a good mother. Not all good mothers who loose their kids are subject to my statement and maybe I should've cleared that up. Sometimes its about who has more money to spend to drag the battle out and in most cases the man will go out arms reach to either tire the mother out of resources or simply use all the negatie information to his advantage to win his case and that doesn't make you a bad mother. Please don't confuse what I'm saying. MO could list several things I would like to be considered a good mother. Different states diferentiate what is considered unfit. Please check with an attorney or your local laws resources.
I know I got off the point some but my point is... being a good mother requires not just keeping a roof over the child/ren heads and food on the table, dressing them, playing, homework, and all of that but to also show that no matter the difference between herself and the ex, she will do what she can to help keep their father/dad in their lives and that does mean communication. That may not even be easy and somewhere someone is going to give up. A good mother would do what she feels is the best interest of the child, granted it is by legal advise, not the unlawful. Prime example: There's this case where a mother lost her only child because she failed to allow the child to spend time with the father, even when he wasn't paying child support ordered but put in writing demanding to stay in touch with his child. She eventually moved away and claimed she didn't know he filed a block for her to move out of state. Needless to say, she lost her case and the child. That's a bit of neglect that no isn't fair but it happens and its life.
Being a good mother requires a lot more of the standard every day needs but also the needs of the child and most men have now picked up on this and are either abusing it or using to their advantage. Does that mean the father is better? Not at all. I'm not at excusing that but just like fathers face unfairness as to how to be a good father, so does women and both sides fail to realize it.
Nonetheless, in short of all of that: A good mother is one that exceeds the court expectations and this may vary state to state. Just remember this much... a paper trail is better than a verbal trail. It will hold in court and it will win your case. It's like money... it's all about the "PAPER"!
I hope it makes sense. I didn't say I'm right. It's just my opinion and maybe some of you other fathers can speak on this.
DoDat
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 9:42:42 AM | Yes, you make a lot of sence, so far I am learning a lot....
On the part where you wrote:"There's this case where a mother lost her only child because she failed to allow the child to spend time with the father..."
Do you refer here to the standard visitation right or to outside of that? I mean if a father gets visitaition lets say every 1st, 3rd, 5th weekend of the month plus every Thursday nights, should the mother still allow time for the father from her period of possession in order not to lose custody later on?
Especially if the father is really a back stabber and would never negotiate when the mother needs time from his period? | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 10:31:55 AM | New to this...but here's my dilemma (if you can call it that).
Separated 6/05. Final divorce 1/06. Kids have lived with me since the separation. Dad is a correctional officer and has differentiating work schedules. Meaning, even though the schedule comes out on, say, Friday, it is still subject to change at any time to meet the needs of the facility, which often does.
Since the separation, dad would pick up the kids whenever he wanted to and would telephone me shortly before or after picking up the children from daycare/school. Never asked if it was ok, just did it anyway. Even if I had made plans with the children, I would have to cancel whatever I had because now my plans were 'screwed' up when he did this. This continued for several months. Finally I told him that it was not in the best interest of the children for him to continue with this behavior. Every once in a while he would ask me if it was ok and most of the time I agreed and he would tell the children that he would pick them up and then he couldn't or wouldn't because he had other things to do or because he'd been called to work. This would cause undue stress on the children and I explained to him that I would prefer that he and I came to some sort of arrangement with specific dates so that I could schedule things around those dates and not always be wondering if he was getting them or not. Additionally, the look on my children's faces when I would show up to pick them up after they'd looked forward to seeing him all day is forever embedded in my memory.
Anyway, he wouldn't agree. His excuse was always that because his schedule changes all the time, he never knows what days he'll be available. Finally, I told him that I would prefer that he abide by the dissolution/child custody petition even though they weren't orders yet (meaning, the judge hadn't signed the orders and were not yet in effect). Still, he refused and indicated he would pick them up whenever he could.
I know that this has always been his way to maintain control of me since he has seen that I am a much happier person now and that I don't need him or his money as he always said I would if I ever left him.
Although we have joint legal custody of the children he wants joint physical custody. Today is mediation and I will take it as it comes and hopefully we can come to some sort of agreement with specific days he can visit. I would be disheartened to have to shuffle the children midweek to him. All I want is for him to let us know when he WILL pick up the children and stick to it.
Our (me and the kids) daily routine has always been, kids get picked up from school (I work until 5:00 p.m. daily), we get home shortly before 6. I make dinner or we go and grab something to eat. We sit down and do homework, get showered and then to bed.
What kind of father would want to screw this pattern up for their children?
Any thoughts anyone would like to share?? | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 10:36:11 AM | I forgot to mention, we have both always worked and contributed to the household so neither one of us was the main caregiver. We both always got home on or around the same time. He is a retired service member and I am a veteran as well. I am now employed in the legal field and have never been a stay at home mom.
What are your thoughts on this?? Does it make him or myself more qualified to have the children?
I dont' know. I'm just hurt and confused with all of this. Our daughter is 8 and our son is 4. Sad part of it is that my daughter has to attend mediation as well. That just makes my stomach turn that I would have to put her through such a thing.
Everyone, please say a prayer for me and my family. I would appreciate it. | |
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LMAO
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Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 109 | |
| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 10:40:30 AM | 1) family law lawyer ,,nothing else will do!!!
2) $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
3) $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
4)$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
5)$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
6)back bone
7)time
8)$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
9)$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
10)$$$$$$$$$$$$$
My expierence,,,,,$$$$$$$$ talks no matter,sucks,,but it does | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 10:52:56 AM |
On the part where you wrote:"There's this case where a mother lost her only child because she failed to allow the child to spend time with the father..."
Do you refer here to the standard visitation right or to outside of that? I mean if a father gets visitaition lets say every 1st, 3rd, 5th weekend of the month plus every Thursday nights, should the mother still allow time for the father from her period of possession in order not to lose custody later on?
Especially if the father is really a back stabber and would never negotiate when the mother needs time from his period?
Yes, I refer to the standard visitation. Whatever the court has set, is what should be enforced but just like the earlier post, it can adjust to facilitate the parents schedule. If the courts find it to be a pattern of a problem, they can enforce a strict schedule and if the father keeps fighting, then yes you may loose your kid/s. Again, check with your state and local laws.
As for allow additional time outside of the standard time, I think it shows you're trying to show a good parenting plan of keeping the abscent parent envolved. The main thing here is communication and try to keep things respectful in regards to the other parents time - meaning try to keep your schedule as agreed and if not, communicate and let the other know of any problems without arguing.
If you can't compromise with the father on times, you will need to again let a court decide.
Hope this helps!
DoDat
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 11:01:17 AM | lawgrilyjess,
I wouldn't get deprived by what he's doing. However, if these are frequent problems, don't just verbal request him to stop, put this in writing! I cannot stress this enough to either side (men/women). If you're having problems with the other parent, put the problem in writing and mail certified to them up to several encounters. The more proof you have, the better this will help your allegation and also start requesting the daycare signout copies for your child. That way you can show proof.
As for whose the best parent, I can't judge. However, as long as your home is in order (roof, food, electric, etc.), you're working and active in their lives, and allowing him, under a parenting plan, the right to spend time with his kids, you shouldn't have a problem. Furthermore, if he has just as much of a busy work schedule as you and he's putting his parenting work in too, you may have your work cut out for you in a custody battle. If he misses a support payment, document it. This will also help. Okay guys, don't hate me for that one!
Again, for everyone... COMMUNICATION... COMMUNICATION... COMMUNICATION.... AND KEEP THINGS DOCUMENTED AND IN WRITING!
DoDat
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 11:01:31 AM | | My experience goes like this: My sons' mother lost custody because she lost focus on what's really important in her life, got selfish and wanted to disembark from the family that she helped create. How sad, I really do feel sorry for her. But as she put it to me, "People change". | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 11:13:57 AM | Oh, trust me, its been an ongoing problem. What happens is that he gets mad when I ask him to be considerate of our schedule and please, please, please let me know, at least two days in advance that he wants to pick up the children just as a basic common courtesy to me and for the children, but it falls on dead ears.
His usual argument is...."Well, then forget it. I just won't see them. Is that what you want?"
He knows damn well that's not what I want. I want him to be as much a part of their lives as I am. I'm not trying to keep my children from him and he knows it. Its the simple fact that he can't control the situation that eats him up.
Boohoo on me that I didn't ask for child support, spousal support or retirement from him. Now we're having to get that reopened and heard before a judge. It sux!!
I would suggest that anyone who is going to go through a divorce, make sure you hire an attorney. Even though some may say...they're only out to get your money...well, they also know what things you are entitled to and how to go about requesting it and mainly, and most importantly, to have some system set up for the visitation of the children if there are any involved.
"Oh how I wish I would've done that."
Too bad I'm not in the family law field. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 11:50:08 AM | Hi bibstar I did not read the entire tread so this has probable been said.
I took a little offence at your post, not very bad but still because it applies to me.
The best thing for a kid is a good parent not necessarily the one that gave birth, could be that they are not even related to the kid (adopted).
In my case, I have nothing against my ex just in case you are wondering. My ex is a pretty good person; she would not harm anybody else. And in general a good mother when my daughter lived with her she never had anything bad happen to her. She did the breast feeding thing and of course the birth thing also but as a parent she sucks.
Before I got custody my daughter she could not read, tell time, all she did all day was watch TV and play on the computer. She did what ever she wanted eat what she wanted and was more of the boss of the house then a kid. She went to bed at 22h. She never ever went outside to play, even if her friends from school live in the same condo. This is with 4 adults in the house. My ex has her parents living with her. Even with all those supposedly mature people my daughter was not being broth up she was just existing. That not how you bring up kids, since she lives with me she went from a C average student to a strait A student, just got the report card. She goes to swimming lessons every week, camping in the summer, goes to piano lessons etc. Her teachers see the difference; my and her family see the difference. I am involved in her school the PTA thing.
The best for the kid is a good parent, giving birth to a kid does not make you a parent. Also it’s not a question of money either because I gave her every thing when I left her to make sure my daughter had a good roof and stuff. I also paid through the wazoo alimony and child support to see my not progressing towards being a proper successful adult. And it’s not the lawyer, although it make a big difference, because mine was a idiot I did every thing myself and gave him the money to go to court. I don’t make that much. But one thing I am, I am a good person, a good parent and a good father. That’s what counts in life | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 1:08:23 PM | Sorry to make you feel bad, of course my post does not apply to those who give a 100% of their attention and love to their kids...and from what I have read you are one of them....
Breastfeeding and giving birth was one example of being a good mother but that does not mean every mother who gives birth and breastfeeds is good.
My apologie if I offended you. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 8:08:05 PM | | There is not need to apologize, like I said it’s not a big thing. It’s just that it’s so hard for a man to prove that he is a better parent because he is a man. A woman is automatically label good because she gave birth a man has to prove that he is good. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/10/2006 8:09:26 AM | Bibstar-
Did you loose custody at some point?? Living in Texas as you do, it is VIRTUALLY imposible for a mother to loose custody in this state from what I have found. Where ther circumsatances here that we are not privy too??? I had a terrible lawyer with my divorce that involved my son. Who was his lawyer if you don't mind I ask?
PktChg | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/10/2006 11:25:01 AM | I know of a great Texas lawyer...I worked for them, but I worked in their personal injury department.
Her name is Cari Starritt-Burnett and she is with The Ted Smith Law Firm...if you still need an attorney, she will be the one to have.
You may also go to their website...Killeen Attorneys.com, make sure to add the www and put everything together (I just did it this way so that the site will show up).
Good luck. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/10/2006 1:36:19 PM | pktchg919 - I wanted to write you a personal email about names and stuff that you asked but your settings dont allowed emails from my age group...I will be happy to give you references and help.
And no, I did not lose custody. I got primary custody. My poll is about mothers who lost custody and the only reason I did this post because I wanted to find out how is it possible. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/15/2006 11:04:57 AM | I am going to be going to court in about a months time for my custody battle. I still have to prove my ex unfit, because he just realized that he's had a daughter for three years now!!(SELF INDUCED) He has the money, so he has the lawyer. I have to go and represent myself, for sole custody, and i am willing to grant him access and visitation, but i don't feel he should have the right of determining her education, medical, or other major decisions, because i have done EVERYTHING for her, doctors appointments, early interventionists, public health, rock and talk program, prenatal, all of it....BY MYSELF, and i want to continue to do it on my own. I am in school now to become a paramedic, to better my future for my daughter and hope to be done in september. His girlfriend now, hangs up on me, doesn't let us talk, which is something that needs to be done in order to properly raise our child. Her jealousy makes him want to fight with me everytime i try to talk to him about our daughter. But, with all this, it is still hard to prove him unfit, except with the letters that i am trying to get public health, pediatrician, prenatal classes, etc.. to write stating that i have maintained all of these appointments by myself. Anyone with any advice...  | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/15/2006 1:15:45 PM | otb...i dont think the key solution would be to prove that he is on fit...more importantly you need to try to prove that you are the better parent and you are the primary caregiver of you child. If you child does not know his father at all, it may be too much of a shock for her to be without you for a whole weekend. I would suggets try to get supervised visitations at first and see how that goes. Just because he has another child from another woman does not make him unfit.
Unfit is someone who is a danger to the child in most cases. But if you were the primary caregiver of the child like you said than you have nothing to worry about.
Good luck I hope all turns out well for you! | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/15/2006 5:10:58 PM | I didn't lose custody but my daughter lives with her father and my son lives with me. We got married way too young and get along fine and always have but when we divorced we both wanted it but we both took it very hard. My family never understood why I let her go with him. He was as equally good as I was and she loved her daddy as much as she loved me. That was when she was 7 and now she is 14 almost 15 and doing great in school and we all get along and last Christmas I was a little sad about missing something and I talked to her and asked her if she ever felt angry that I let her go with her dad and she told me she liked her life and would never want to change anything in it. She said she loves her dad and he has been a good dad. She loves her step mom and I am fine with that. One big happy family!
weird huh??? | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/15/2006 7:01:39 PM | Some times single fathers get a bad deal to. My son wants to live with me , his dad but his bichy mother say NO just to hurt me is that right. | |
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