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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 5/29/2006 1:04:23 AM | Interesting thread ...
So tough .. Im in a simular situation than a few single dads around here that have primary ... but because of court coming up ... Im reluctant to say anything in open forum ... DAMN | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 5/29/2006 7:59:14 AM | any parent can lose cutody if they make bad decisions that put thier kid at risks an others report it as such, an prove it. sometimes parents do not know all the things that can put thier kids at risks becuase they just are not well informed or did not even think of something as a risk. i will not name what i am thinkin of here even as an example becuase i do not want this to go off topic but parents should stay educated an open minded to hear what others have to say without gettin defensive becuase what they have to say may help you keep your kid from being at risk. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 5/29/2006 8:40:45 AM | | well most of the time that mom has either started to use drug and alchol and other things that dont seem to other poeple and the judge that they are fit to be a mom but all in all if she fight her hardest to get the child back that will happen. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 5/29/2006 8:54:13 AM | | now i'm getting scared,i was a SAHM for almost 6 yrs,started working from home a few yrs ago,but not making as much as him.job hunting for a better job since my boss is a ex's relative. my ex wants her 9 months out of the year and i can have summers,and after he told me that a few days ago i was planning on filing. i wanted joint,i have her all week and he would have 3 weekends a month and every other week in summer but he won't agree to that.so courts frown on stay at home moms? i knew i needed a better paying job to file but now i'm starting to worry. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 5/29/2006 12:34:27 PM | Everyone goes on about drugs and booze ... my ex gave my daughter to me by choice .. and everyone ALWAYS asks .. "is she a drunk or a drug addict?" ... no shes not .. and she not a bad mom ... my daughter was jsut better off living with her Dad ...
See THIS is the issue .. truly ... people look at it and think ... the mother lost her children so there must be something seriously wrong .... but NEVER think that way about fathers .. sometimes ... its just better ... or maybe they want it that way ... for whatever reason .... and there are WAY too many judgemental people out there | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 5/29/2006 1:14:52 PM | Dear North Exposed,
I think you are right! Way too much judment! Its great to see that there are still a lot of down to earth people left on this planet!
Thanks for the cool post and everyone out there; Hang in there and never give up! You are all wonderful parents! | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/1/2006 6:24:21 PM | | I would like to know the answer to that question too. My oldest son went to visit my parents on a thursday. The next day my parents went and got temporary guardianship of him. I knew nothing about this til sunday when i called to let them know i was coming to get him. They said no cause he's ours now. Tell me how this can happen? He was with them for 2 yrs before i got him back. they got him so spoiled in those 2 yrs that the next 2 yrs when he was with me...all i heard was i wanna live out there. So thats where he lives now. At least i know he's happy and he's taken care of but i don't understand how something like that can happen. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/3/2006 10:37:42 PM | Whew you got my blood flowing...
Custody?? Physical Custody?? Joint Custody?? Temperary Custody??Legal Custody??Cuardenship??,legal,physical,joint.etc etc etc. These are all legal Mumbo-Jumbo terms that are different from state to state. Lets jump to the Supreme Court Level......."Perental RIGHTS". This way my next statment blankets all 50....and I can agree with mes. #7 99.99% (leaving that .o1% open the the word never)
Good Mothers N-E-V-E-R lose their Parental Rights in the USA....N-E-V-E-R..Period.
FYI(not being cathartic) I just spent 3 years, 8 attornies,around 100K, several arrest, 4 jurisdictions, a total bumbombment of government requirements to get my daughter from a Herion Addict mother...While the state went on a "BAD FATHER WITCH HUNT" Get this...Keep reading....I seeked the courts protection with documentation when my daughter was still in my house. KEEP READING......For 3 years to the date in 3 weeks. Mother is homeless,Herion Addict,refused all government demands...counseling, threatment,get a job, get a house. Has not seen her daughter on a visit in a year, and here is the...... KICKER.....................
.................................................
STILL LEGALLY HAS PARENTAL RIGHTS...Welcome to good old USA.....where every politician's third sentence in front of a camera is "BLAH BLAH BLAH.........for the children"
More FYI..... Her rights have been all stripped down to 1 hourly visit per/month in a courthouse.(Which she has not asked for) Hopefully that will be stripped from her July 24th... and she can appeal to a Federal court if she so likes.....LMFAO.....
You think this is a isolated case......you are insane... Get off this site and start researching....REAL REAL EASY... Try Ask jeves or other search engine.....try ...."Mothers that killed child and have custody"..."Herion Mother that wins custody".... MY FAVORITE... "Abusive mother that has custody." You won't live long enough to read the hits.
By the way the court system is a Joke. ALL Lawyers are the lowest from of humans on the earth.A Lawyer is a paid Liar.PERIOD EVERY court System is a self-pepetuating money marker, ran by lawyers. I might have spent 100K on my daughter, but you all spent over a millions dollars easily. The other 15-20 attornies involved are paid by the state. MINE where the only privately paid.dozens of state postponed dates and a total around 35(lost count) court dates. All in which a minimum of at least 13 government employees had to be present.
Tried to stay on the ?? , but show where I have 1,000's and 1,000's of hours on researching this.
IN CLOSEING.....PLEASE GOOD PARENTS....LISTEN....STAY OUT OF THE COURTS AT ALL COST.. ONLY WINNER'S ARE THE LAWYERS...AND THE CHILDREN ARE THE VICTIMS. WORK IT OUT...IF YOU ARE TRULY DEALING WITH A BAD/DANGEROUS SPOUSE. TAKE YOUR KIDS AND MOVE.
A Loving/Happy Single Dad. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/4/2006 7:35:29 AM | In one word....money. If the dad has more disposible income than the mother, which in our society he usually does, and he can pay for a lawyer to emotionally and financially destroy the mother....he usually gets the child.
Sounds harsh, but money talks in Family Court.
Yes there are wonderful dads out there, I have no doubt about that, but custody is a serious, emotional, lifelong, traumatic experience.
One good thing is that eventually the 'battle' will end, and that is the time to make the best of your situation, love your child with all your heart, and carry on with life. Don't let the fighting between both parents spill over into the parent/child relationship...which is a hard thing to do, but it is all about the best interest of the child. Parenthood is the best job in the world!!!
Oceans2424 | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/4/2006 8:37:06 AM | Oceans2424,
Money!!!! Not true in USA. Can I site legal courtcases here??
Okay read my 1st comment. At one time I had 3 lawyers at the SAME time. Also the years I had may case postponed , or for hearings only I sat and listen to the other cases.
However, I agree 1,000% on the rest of your input " WORD for WORD".
Also don't badmouth the other parent...you are only hurting the child (they also have a loving built in mechanism that will go into defend mode for the parent being badmouthed). They will fig out the truth one day...now...tommorrow.....when they are 35 maybe..and you are worm food.
A truly good loving parent will put there needs,wishes,and desires to the side for the BEST interest of their child.
Thanks Again
BDJ | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/4/2006 12:44:47 PM | | I disagree with u tree...i lost my son and i never did a thing. my mom said she didn't want to call child protective services in cause she didn't want me to have to go through all that. U know what? I wished she would have cause then i would still have my son. he was fed, clothes, had diapers and toys ,...everything he needed...i worked as much as i could to support the both of us. I was a single mom. The only thing i did was not listen to everything my parents told me to do. I didn't kiss their ass. I even had my friend who watched my son and was at my house almost everyday go to court on my behalf...u know what happened? they made her stand outside the courtroom while they royally screwed me. I had 2 days to find me a lawyer before the court date. What chance did i have? NONE!!!!!! | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/4/2006 8:47:50 PM | Okay momoftwins...
I'm not bashing.... Your profile says your honest...
Don't piss in my face and tell me it's raining.
You lost your son and didn't do a thing.. Do you mean you lost your child and did nothing wrong to cause this?? OR You lost your child and did nothing to get him back??
Okay you have 3 children now. What happen to the one you lost... You stopped fighting and decided to have more children???
In ever state in the United States child custody starts at the lowest state court usually called District... Then there is at least a 2 tier court system in EVERY state... sometimes 3. then there is two Federal court levels, and finally Supreme court....
Lastly,I never heard of any court in any jurisdiction in the United States giving you 48 hours to get an attorney (Plan and simple.ITS unconstitutaonal). Hell, my Daughter's FIRST trail after the state had been postponing it for over a YEAR.. Had me send the highest Judge in my state a personal 8 page letter(Chief Judge Bell),......AND GET THIS a Separate Judge (Judge Joseph Kaplan)assigned just to my case and my case only from the felony court over to Family Court. No court in the USA is going to take a child from a good mother for doing nothing wrong in 48 hours....PLEEEEEZE!
No I'm not a lawyer, I have more self respect and as my profile states. HONEST. Just been studying law.
BDJ
P.S. You want your child back.... contact me I'll be more then happy to point you in the right dirrection. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/4/2006 9:03:15 PM | Sweetascandy99
Message 153 you are 100% correct.
If you have OR just have been accused of being a bad mom you child will only be removed from the home temporarily, wants you clean up OR prove (as myself) you are a good mom/parent you child will be turned home never actually to have lost custody.
BDJ | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/5/2006 4:00:40 PM | | A child should never be removed just because of accusations. there needs to be proof. whats the saying? innocent til proven guilty???? | |
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m/s
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Joined: 5/1/2006
Msg: 165 | |
| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/23/2006 4:19:10 PM | My husband has joint custody of his first three kids.Twin girls that are 6 and a 5 year old boy.I've been with him since the boy was 3 months old.His ex-wife doesn't see them much because she like's to party.He pays child support but has them most of the time.
So I believe if you men want to keep your kids just get a divorce and give into everything that she wants.My husband can't tell her no because he's afraid that she'll make things hard on him.But we're willing to pay the support just to see the kids so much.
How good mother's loose their kids' that they don't really try hard enough to keep them.Women win custody 93% of the time in Indiana.The other 7% go to everyone else.So women if you don't try you're not much of a MOTHER. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/24/2006 12:04:53 AM | | hi, i was reading alot of responses n was just wondering if intriguing77 could message me, bc i have some questions id like to ask her/him. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/26/2006 4:13:21 PM | | OMG I have read alot of the posts on here and I cant beleive some of the things that I read. And some of the states you people live in really suck with Child custody laws. I am from Wisconsin and I have Custody of my 15 year old daughter. she has been with me since she was 11. You know why? Not becuase My ex wife screwed something up.....Not because I have a ton of money....Not because I paid for a lawyer to trash her...... Because I am a good Dad and I take care of my child!!!! This all starts in the home people. I bet some of you who are complaining that you dont have custody went into court in front of the judge and started whinning and b.itching about your ex... Instead of showing that you CAN and WILL be a good father to your child/children. If you show in court that you are a moron and that your Ex might be a better choice where the hell do you think the child is going to live. And for the other states that just normally give the woman the child without a fight. You elected the Government there. REelect and change it. If you dont do something to change it you cant b.itch about it. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/26/2006 4:27:00 PM | ^^^^Dude^^^^^^
You are in the best state in the United States for a single Dad's with the most private and public assistance available per capita. I can't dig in boxes right now, but alot of grassroots movements started in your state. I thought I was gonna have to move there.
BDJ | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/26/2006 11:51:51 PM | Here's a little example of Canadian family law, at least as applied in Ontario. My son was born Oct 17, 1985. On Jan 3, 1986, my twentieth birthday, as a matter of fact, his mother went to Sears, supposedly to buy me a birthday present. The next time my son or I saw or heard from her was Oct. 17, 2001, my son's 16th birthday. In spite of three convictions for prostitution, one for breaking and entering, and four for various drug offences, coupled with the fact that she was living in a homeless shelter, she was able to get legal aid, and initiated a custody battle. In Sept. 2002, she called me at home, approximately 3:30 am. She informed me at that time that she was willing to drop the custody case the very next morning, if I would give her $10,000 in cash, and that we would never see her again. I refused, and reported the incident to my attorney. In spite of the fact that I had the whole conversation on tape, he told me it would not be allowed.
During the years my son's mother was gone, he spent nearly five years in foster homes, starting within a week of my reporting his mother missing to the police, while I jumped through every hoop imaginable trying to prove I was not an unfit parent. 50% of my income was garnisheed to pay for support, while the Children's Aid Society kept telling me I didn't make enough money to support a child. This was out of an income of $70,000 per year.
I'm not sure where the support money went, every time I saw him he was chronically under-nourished and wearing worn out clothing. The only skinny kid in my family in 5 generations. My attorney informed me that this was normal for a single man in a custody case. He told me that in common practice of CAS, men were considered a paycheque, with no rights at all.
In April of 1992, I was granted TEMPORARY custody, subject to CAS review at any time.
That order was terminated Aug. 6, 2004, along with his mother's custody application, two months short of my son's 19th birthday, and the day after he was inducted into the army.
The Children's Aid Society is still pursuing a claim against me for court costs. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/12/2006 3:31:55 AM | I realize that this is a little late in posting but, I just found it and was interested in other people's views of this.
I have to disagree with most of the replies that the primary caregivers start using drugs, alcohol etc. While this does occur, sometimes women lose custody because of the legal process itself.
More than five years ago my ex and I split up, had visitation worked out etc. and he took them out of county during his visitation. By the time that I was able to get it before the judge in an emergency hearing not only was it 6 months later because of the "jurisdiction" factor, he would not allow me to see my children. Lots of psychological trauma to my children and to me. To quote the presiding judge, "they are stable, in school and seemingly adjusted to their environment. I am going to order that they remain in his care until the trail".
Two forensic psychologists, 2 home studies that were heavily in favor of my children being returned to me, $100, 000 and two years later. The presiding judge ruled that since, "the visitation and arrangements have been working up until this point, he sees no reason why it should change."
The entire courtroom and the attorney's were stunned. BTW - his own attorney had to have herself removed from the case due to ethics. She could no longer represent him due to conversations that she had with him and his reasons for wanting to keep the kids.
So, I just wanted to add my two cents worth. Good mom's lose their children for reasons other than drugs or alcohol. I lost mine becuase of two things, money (his family has lots) and the legal system itself.
Thanks for letting me share that.
W- | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/12/2006 11:15:00 AM | Lotus 35, thank you for posting that. I was horrified to see how quickly this thread turned into another ex-bashingfest. The simple, horrible, truth is that sometime, good mothers DO lose their kids. I've seen it happen to good friends of mine. Usually it's a case of an abusive ex-husband with a lot of extra money looking for a way to continue to control and manipulate the mom. In one notable case, the dad was driving under the influence at 9 a.m. with the daughter in the car, and instead of sending the child to her mother (who has no history whatsoever of substance abuse,) the judge decided that the father's girlfriend could drive the girl. The "father's rights" groups out there are all too willing to step in a help the guy in a case like this, including calling the mother's character into question for "failing to protect" the kids from the very guy who is now suing for custody. According to an APA study cited by Ariel Gore in The HipMama Survival Guide, the majority of men who seek fulltime custody have some history of abuse. That book is several years old, so I have no idea if it holds true any more, but the fact is, the court system is not necessarily weighted in favor of women. A lot depends on the political climate where the case is being heard and the personal inclinations of the judge. 
YES, there are great dads who get screwed over by the system. That does not mean that every mother out there who loses custody of her kids is a huge feckup. It means the system screws people over, period. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/12/2006 11:16:30 AM | Lotus 35, thank you for posting that. I was horrified to see how quickly this thread turned into another ex-bashingfest. The simple, horrible, truth is that sometime, good mothers DO lose their kids. I've seen it happen to good friends of mine. Usually it's a case of an abusive ex-husband with a lot of extra money looking for a way to continue to control and manipulate the mom. In one notable case, the dad was driving under the influence at 9 a.m. with the daughter in the car, and instead of sending the child to her mother (who has no history whatsoever of substance abuse,) the judge decided that the father's girlfriend could drive the girl. The "father's rights" groups out there are all too willing to step in a help the guy in a case like this, including calling the mother's character into question for "failing to protect" the kids from the very guy who is now suing for custody. According to an APA study cited by Ariel Gore in The HipMama Survival Guide, the majority of men who seek fulltime custody have some history of abuse. That book is several years old, so I have no idea if it holds true any more, but the fact is, the court system is not necessarily weighted in favor of women. A lot depends on the political climate where the case is being heard and the personal inclinations of the judge.
YES, there are great dads who get screwed over by the system. That does not mean that every mother out there who loses custody of her kids is a huge feckup. It means the system screws people over, period. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/13/2006 7:07:21 AM | Interesting thread... probably should have been how good PARENTS lose custody...
I did not need court approval to father my children, nor was it required to parent them ... that is until after I was divorced. The "fathers rights" groups are in existance because they need to be. Prior to DADI, Dad's Against the Divorce Industry, 90% of all custody cases were decided in favor of the mother based solely on the assumption that women were more nurturing simply because of gentalia. I know people who's former spouses have been in jail for extended periods for domestic violence, theft, fraud, and drug usage who still cannot obtain even temporary custody. Do the courts act in the best interest of the children? I think not! Few people know that the federal government actually pays each state an annual "grant" based on the amount of money collected from Child Support. The more money each state collects, the more revenue provided by the Feds to operate. There is are studies about PAS (Parent Alienation Syndrome) that identify staggering differences in children raised with the guidance of a single parent vs. those raised in a shared custody environment. Children are 80% more likely to fail in school, use drugs, commit crimes, and commit suicide when one parent excludes the other (with the aid of the courts) from contributing to their emotional development. The simple fact is, it's all about the money, and while the government is making a windfall, our children are paying the ultimate price! | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/13/2006 7:23:53 AM | Well, Tim, we may actually agree on something....
I don't know about the viability of the PAS thing, eprsonally, seeing as every single new "syndrome" to come down the proverbial pike gets credited with almost identical statistics re: substance abuse, promiscuity, etc etc. I worked in family services for YEARS, and believe me, we heard the same exact thing about oppositional-defiant disorder, obssesive-compulsive disorder, attachment disorders, ADD/ADHD, etcetcetc. Show me the diagnosis du jour, and I'll show you someone who says, "These kids have increased risk-taking behaviors and are more likely to fail." I'm not saying it's not real, just it's worth being wary of the latest thing to blame for kids' behaviors.
And the father's rights groups - I think you're right, SOMETHING needed to be done. Unfortunately those groups can be manipulated by abusers, as well. I used to work for a child abuse crisis hotline, and the false reports we got outnumbered actual abuse reports in huge numbers. I think the father's rights groups as a whole are getting better about ferreting out the abusers who are just looking for another avenue to maintain power and control over their children's mothers, which they need to if they're going to maintain their integrity, so they can help men who truly need the help.
As for the "divorce industry" - I wish it were as hard to get married as it is to get divorced. I do think divorce needs to be accessable when it's wanted and needed; I don't see any sense in forcing two people to stay together if they don't want to be. And I think if people had to think a lot longer and harder about their marriage before it happens, there'd be a lot fewer divorces.
Sadly, my experience with the court system has been that many judges are on power trips and are more interested in promoting their own personal agenda than in the cause of justice. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/13/2006 7:58:26 AM | Anything good can and will be manipulated by unscrupulous people for their own personal gain. The only way to eliminate those scoundrels from this is to remove the possibility of financial gain. I have first hand knowledge of someone who had to get a second job in order to pay child support AND cover the marital debt. When his ex heard of the second job she filed for an increase in CS because of the increased income and won! The guy had to take a third job just so that he could afford to buy the gas to drive to his first two jobs!
Most of the horror stories you'll hear about displaced parents are of women abusing the system for one simple fact, it is women who most frequently abuse it. Not because women are more vicious than men, but because the system puts them in the drivers seat in disproportionate numbers, and instills an entitlement mentality, i.e. the more women that receive child support, the more that will abuse the system. After a period of time, the non-custodial parental role becomes more of an ATM machine than that of a parent, in fact my own children have referred to me as the First Bank-o-Dad...
I'm not saying that children don't need to be supported, I'm saying that there has to be equal accountability. If a non-custodial parent is accused of not paying support they can be jailed and have their DL suspended until they can prove they did pay it, or pay it again. However, there is no accountability for the child support received; is it actually used to support the children? If a non custodial parent chooses to have a second family, there is no recalculation for the distribution of income, but if a custodial parent has additional children, no proof of increased income to offset the increase in costs is required... in short, some children are providing support for their half siblings, while their estranged parent is footing the bill! The system is broken on every level, but as long as it's profitable for the states, the status quo will stay in place until enough people scream loud enough that we're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore! | |
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