| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/13/2006 9:51:53 AM |
See THIS is the issue .. truly ... people look at it and think ... the mother lost her children so there must be something seriously wrong .... but NEVER think that way about fathers .. sometimes ... its just better ... or maybe they want it that way ... for whatever reason .... and there are WAY too many judgemental people out there
Amen brother. Thank you for putting it so well. I get asked the same questions all the time, and get the same funny looks from people that don't know our lives, or anything about us | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/13/2006 8:41:16 PM | this question has arisen before, and my answer will most likely resemble, verbatim, my last answer (sorry in advance for the redundancy).
'good mothers' can lose custody if they are caught in a lie in court...little thing called perjury. this happened to a friend of a friend of mine.
'good mothers' can lose custody if they appear totally unreasonable in granting visitation to the ncp. judges typically grant custody to the parent who is MOST LIKELY to fascilitate visitation with the ncp (a solid family attorney, or any book on custody will tell you this).
'good mothers' can lose custody if they totally fly off the handle in court. if the 'good father' has an EQUALLY or more solid attorney, he will advise his client to try to intentionally rattle the 'good mother's' cage (and, let's face it, folks...our ex's know PRECISELY how to push our buttons, especially when the most important matter in life is at stake). the judge will sit back and think, "hm...the woman who cannot remain measured during court proceedings probably can't deal with 2 screaming toddlers/hormonal teens very well on a regular basis.
'good mothers' can lose custody if the 'good father's' attorney happens to play golf with the presiding judge, if the 'good mother' dresses inappropriately for court proceedings, if the children in question are boys (the "same sex" parent argument), or if the judge is making his once-yearly, "token" gesture of awarding a father custody, which is SUPPOSEDLY happening more these days, but I'm sure not seeing it. Custody awards deserve to be in the best interest of the child/ren, regardless of the gender of the parent. dads have been getting the bum rapp in this department for ages... | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/13/2006 10:16:51 PM | I may be biased because I'm one of those dads like a quite a few of you who already posted who actually wanted custody of my kid but mothers do not make better parents than fathers simply because of biology.
If I had thought my son's mother was a good mother in all honesty I would have let her have primary custody without a fight because of the amount of hours I work a week. At a year old we agreed to joint custody with me having primary. I had no desire to use my son as a chess piece.
At 4 years old he came to me and asked me if I could make it so he didn't have to spend the night over at his mother's any more. He said a couple hours at a time was ok though. This really thru me for a loop coming from a 4 year old so I went back to my lawyer for full custody. Once I started doing some investigating of my own her own friends ratted her out on her drug use and a few more issues.
I had a drug testing provision written into the papers concerning how visitation would work and no child support to be paid. I knew her priorities, we never even went to court. Only thing she asked my lawyer when she met with him was if she had to pay child support. When he told her no she signed em right there.
She failed her first drug test and a month later moved out of state. She calls my son once or twice a year and hasn't seen him in 4 years, just enough contact to get him upset without having to act like a real parent.
I'm not a great dad but I'm better than the alternative and at least I do love my son. My son's mother was a stay at home mom who gave birth, did the laundry, cooking, shopping, etc. too and none of that qualified her as a 'good mother'. Guess what I'm saying is what constitutes a good mother to some people? Staying at home with em? I hope most realize theres alot more to it than that.
In a perfect world all parents would figure that out between themselves with their child's best interest in mind. Unfortunately not all breeders care about their kids enough for that to work. Dead-beat dads and dead-beat moms sure make the lawyers happy though. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/14/2006 3:36:40 AM | I am also a single mother. I have 2 beautiful boyz that I would do anything for and that I have done everything for so far. The ex keeps threatening that if I move back out west(where my whole family is) that he would either try and get custody or get a court order making me stay in this province with the boyz. Well, I think that fathers that haven't done anything or that have shown lil interest in their children should not even have joint custody. Seems like my ex just likes saying he has children, but would rather go out and party(he is 21) and leave me here to raise the boyz(I'm 25 and I never get out of this house). I have recently met a guy though who is an awesome father to his own children and even though we are just friends...he is a really kewl guy and my son already runs around saying his name and looking around for him.
But I really think it is unfair for a mother to lose custody of their child when that mother has bent over backwards trying to raise the child and make sure he/she is healthy, clean, eats properly and is a happy child. For all those deadbeat fathers that have custody of children they shouldn't have read this and I hope you all feel like scum for taking those children away from the one person who actually gave a crap on how that child is. Remember, that you can do anything to get your child back into your custody if you observe the way the father is and keep tabs on all the WRONG things he does in front of them(I had a friend who went through all this and now her and her son are in Ontario with her family where they should be). She wrote down every lil thing that he ex did or didn't do and got full custody restored to her. Anything is possible if you give it your all.
Hope everything works out
TTYL
Peace & Kiss'
SaSSiE | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/14/2006 9:40:44 PM |
I would say, impossible.
I would also say, appeal. The judge would be breaking the law (precedent IS law) in the matter and it would be overturned on appeal.
I just don't believe it. I good stay at home mom NEVER loses custody over a father, period.
Apparently you don't live in my State, more importantly, my county. I have been fighting this issue since last year. I won't go into details but it has not been pretty. And saddest of all, my youngest daughter has gotten stuck in the middle of this mess. This man, was also a prominent father figure to my oldest child... funny how he likened himself to just cut her out of his life and pretend she doesn't exist anymore. Sad that she still refers to him as her "daddy" when it's painfully clear that he doesn't give a rats ass about her in the least.
Oh well... another discussion for another time. | |
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Karl73
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Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 182 | |
| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/15/2006 10:33:50 AM | | The question is a lie and of course a lot of people will also lie and claim otherwise (no evidence, just what they claim to have seen themselves), but a snowball in hell has a better chance of surviving the hottest day in August than any mother that wants custody does to not get custody. | |
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Karl73
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Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 184 | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/15/2006 8:22:43 PM | | unbelievable, how good mothers lose custody, they never do, even if thier bad mothers they still win custody, been there have the t-shirt,the latest stats done on custody court decisions proved it, for every 10 cases going to trial,9 out of 10 verdicts were in favour of the women getting primary custody, surely 90% of these men couldn,t be all that bad, could they, the system is unfair to all men, politicians are afraid to rock the all too powerfull womens rights, movement, etc, men in general don,t and haven,t organized themselfs like the wome do,,,,, it,s the pollitically correct thing to do,,,,mel | |
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Karl73
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Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 186 | |
| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/16/2006 3:32:39 AM |
unbelievable, how good mothers lose custody, they never do, even if thier bad mothers they still win custody...
Except when the mother agrees to it. A study of all divorce-custody decrees in Arlington County, Virginia over an 18 month period found that no father was given sole or even joint custody unless the mother agreed to it. http://www.glennsacks.com/fathers_bear_the.htm | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/18/2006 5:49:04 AM | just so u know karl...that is not the case in all states or countries. me being from canada know way too many mothers that have lost custody/or almost lost custody till i testified! this country is harsh on mothers who are on say social assistance bcuz they have small children they have to raise b4 they go back to work. Their custody privilages get taken from them bcuz they dont actually bring income into the house for the children. Here after at least 2 yrs on social assistance they look at that as the mother not wanting to work. I on the other hand have just had my second child and am looking for a job. I have a 2 1/2 yr old and a 5 month old i am a single mother and trying to find a sitter and a job.funfun. so any guyz out there that want to argue about the whole custody battle shit can kiss my ass.
later chics i feel for all u
sassie | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/18/2006 8:12:17 AM | | You Know its more about what is best for the child!!!! The bummer is that the general feeling is the the child is a possesion. Each person thinks that they are the riteous one! And they try to convince there friends and support groups[parents, colleagues, freinds ect. ect.] that they are being screwed over. But the ones that are being screwed are the childern, they need both to be in thier lives to have a full good life. If it takes counseling , theropy or what ever then that should be recognised and done , ither volenteorly or court ordered. The court is so overly biased to the woman that it is really criminal. Just because a mother says that she is the best one for the child is redicules. Just because the parents don't get along any more they shouldn't use thier childeren as wepeons of revenge to show the other that they will be the dominante one. Yes there are men that feel that they want to go on and not exept thier responsiblty to thier shared creation, just as there are women who feel the same.But one gender is not more able than the other to be a good parent. The parents should stop thinking about themselves and really think about thier childern,because when they act like that they are really hurting the ones that count the most the childern NOT themselves . There are cases of both genders that are totally screwed up not just one!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/21/2006 7:18:40 PM | | So why, here in Canada, when the dad wants equal custody and the mom says no, and she has no reason and has stated he is a good dad, why does the court side with her and dad have to fight for every minute of time. Seems to boil down to the child support for her and now it is law that you have to disclose any increase in your earnings every year and seems like she does not have to do this. I am at 40% access and would take them full time but mom only has to say she does not agree with that and the court listens to her, but then she would lose her easy money and I wouldn't want a cent from her. Where is the justice in this country? | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/22/2006 2:26:17 PM | The Texas court system is not as biased as it once was, as a matter of fact there is significant lobbying for father's rights that has made great strides and the good ol' boy system has strong roots. And of course don't forget that men make (on average) a higher income and can afford to push a bit harder, hire a more experienced attorney, hire more experts, and put more pressure into the litigation process. And typically men have the added incentive to avoid child support.
I know this sounds like I am anti-male parent, but the truth is I am not an activist for either gender...
Being a good parent is not gender related nor is it finacially related, it is simply providing to our children all that we have to offer; time, patience, love, discipline, smiles, giggles, respect, forgiveness, encouragement, etc.
The reality is (in most circumstances) that our children will best be served with the love and attention of BOTH parents, where the children are NEVER put in a position where they feel they need to choose and/or protect one parent over the other. Custody battles do exactly THIS. Ultimately... one parent may "win custody" but often they lose in the eyes of their children because the children have become pawns as often the parents/attorneys/courts have lost site of "the best interest of the child" and ran with the battle instead. We can always point out the "negatives" of our ex's... and build a case against him/her if we work hard enough because there is no such thing as a skeleton free closet....
This is not to say that when there is abuse --alcohol, drug, mental, physical, etc... or if there is neglect that custody should not be questioned, as it definitely should!
The reality is that a "good" parent can lose custody of his/her child.... but a good parent will never lose the love/respect of his/her child and that is ultimately what a good parent seeks. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 9/22/2006 8:01:49 PM |
The question is a lie and of course a lot of people will also lie and claim otherwise (no evidence, just what they claim to have seen themselves), but a snowball in hell has a better chance of surviving the hottest day in August than any mother that wants custody does to not get custody.
well first of all, I'm not lying about my particular situation. I AM a D-A-M-N good mother!! I PROUDLY displayed that by going through two days of custody trial. I have an older child with Down syndrome who happens to be fully included in her school. That daughter has had extensive medical issues that I have dealt with for the first 9 years of her life. Four surgeries in 9 years and I remained tough and strong for her through out all of the therapies, numerous specialists and countless doctor appointments and hospitalizations. Her biological father wasn't even around. I put my daughter's health and well being first in my life so that she could have a chance to survive. I provide a stable and loving environment for BOTH of my kids and will offer them no less than that. After all my oldest daughter has been through, knowing this, not even THAT convinced the judge that I should get full custody of my youngest child. All the while, the judge KNEW that this whole custody situation was because of my EX not wanting to pay what he should have in child support.
Who are YOU kidding? | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 10/15/2006 4:05:04 PM | Hi intriguing77
I noticed that you were willing to help another mother on here with legal recarch I was just wondering if you would maybe be willing to help me as well. I am at this time going through a custody battle with my ex regarding our 13 month old daughter. Everything with him is his father's right's but yet has done nothing with his child since the day she was concieved let alone born. In her 13 months of being here he has spent a total of 2 months off and on to see her by his choice but now that he was served with papers he wants her every second weekend and I am scared for this because he has never done anything to take care of her at all. most people do it for the money but I could care less about the money, I care about the safty of my child. He right from day one said that he did not want to be a father, and he walked out on us almost 4 months ago. This is more his mothers doing and I just am so confused about this whole father's rights thing and it scares me. I know that he would never be able to take her from me because I am one of them good mothers but even for the every second weekend thing I am not comfy with that, and I do know that is not about me it is about the child but she is not comfy with him and his family and she never has been since the day she was born. If you would please help me. I am in canada as well so..
Thanks | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 10/24/2006 7:14:00 PM | | I lost my baby half the time, the judge in all his wisdom has decided that my 15th month old is better off with her father 2 weeks and myself 2 weeks, even though her dad smokes pot in the same room as her, and hasnt lifted a finger to look after her before. Now that I left he wants her. But a word of advice, if you are leaving your partner GET custody BEFORE you leave the town. Or you will be the bad guy. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 10/26/2006 5:25:54 PM | The answer is:
A bad lawyer
custody cases are more then not lost on the way they are handled then anything else
and i agree........appeal
my lawyer refused to do up affidavits, refused to say anything bad about the father, refused to make any defence on behalf of all the lies my ex husband told about me (im supposedly this big drug addict? ive never done drugs in my life)
he refused to answer to a councillor that was set up for assesment where i got 20 minutes and my ex and his new wife got over an hour to tell our stories
she said i seemed harrassed and a bit out of sorts......i had 20 minutes and a lot to say...i should say so
the judge made his judgement saying i had nothing to say to this woman, in the meanwhile 2 weeks prior i had handed my lawyer 5 pages on what i had to say to this woman
my lawyer refused to bring up financial issues my ex husband was having and how the extra cash he would now have would save his house (his wife wouldnt want to lose that)
well......to make a long story short........the man who was convicted of molesting my daughter........got my son........because my lawyer sat on his hands and did nothing
ever wonder if your male lawyer is prejudiced in some way............ask him before its too late | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 10/26/2006 5:33:02 PM | AMEN to that Sexy-in-the-city......
If you find one let me know the name as well ok lol..... I see my lawyer for the first time tommrow afternoon.. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 10/28/2006 7:20:58 AM | I haven't read all the posts or profiles and each circumstances are different however, in Louisina when there is a custody battle we ask the court to appoint an custody expert evaluator who evaluates all the parties involved and then makes a report recomending who they feel is best as the domiciliary parent and who should have custody. Regarding the drug issue you can petition the court to order random drug testing.This is all very costly but most people will do whatever they have to. Each parties pays for their share of the evaluator and with the drug testing if the party turns up dirty they pay if they are clean the person who requested it pays.
I deal with these issues everyday and the court system is very fair if you know you rights and how to get the judges to look at the proper documentation before making an off the cuff decision.
We had two fathers get domiciliary custody just last month because the mother's turned up dirty in their drug testing. These mothers got visitation but only under supervision at their expense.
Good luck to all you parents out there | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/1/2007 6:49:18 PM | | It is not impossible!!! Good mothers do loose their children to abuse fathers. Judges do break the law. They are bias, because some other judge in their own divorce gave custody to the mom. I do applaud the outstanding fathers who are great role models for their children and in most cases and often when there are dads like that , they have joint custody or are awarded legal custody, but there are some cases , in given custody to an abusive parent , then when something happens to the child , all they can say is, well we didn't think that would happen. most outstanding fathers and mothers, want their children to be with in the best interest, it is only abusive parents who feel they have to continually control after a divorce, this is their last result. | |
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