|
|
|
|
|
| | Why Do Men Say I Love You & then dump you later?Page 3 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | Romeo333, Wow. I agree with just about everyting you said, and it was very nicely said too. I read your profile and I have to say if we were geographically closer, I could definitely widen my age range and take an interest in you. So where are the rest like you?
 | |
|
| |
rrsjr
| | Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 53 | |
| Why Do Men Say I Love You & then dump you later?
Posted: 2/19/2006 12:51:53 PM | Exactly. Why do women always pull the whole "You know, I really need to get to know ME right now" b.s after being hot and heavy for couple months? I'll tell you why, people, and this applies to both men and women:
Many people enter into relationships after having been alone for a while. It's the old "lost in the desert without any water" syndrome. Eventually they hook up with someone. They're overwhelmed by the wonderfulness of intimacy, sex and emotion. They talk a bunch of smck which seems very real to them at the time. They "drink their fill" and then, when they aren't thirsty anymore, they stop drinking and want to move on.
The solution? Simple, people: grow up. Stop being so selfish. Be aware of your own tendencies. And "don't go shopping when you're hungry". If you make a bunch of promises and commitments to someone just because you're feeling temporarily needy, you're still accountable for your words and you deserve whatever castigations you receive. But of course, you'll turn it around and tell everyone how this person is being "obsessive" when they keep after you for an exclamation and to take ownership of what you did. Grow up. If you pump someone up with love talk and then just dump them when you've had your fill, you're an a**hole, male or female, and you deserve to be scolded and held acountable for your immature and irresponsible behavior. | |
|
| Why Do Men Say I Love You & then dump you later?
Posted: 2/19/2006 1:29:07 PM | For the most part, this is because the guy in question is: 1) Immature, 2) Stupid, 3) a Predator, 4) has never been in love.
The word "Love" is often used when "unconditional" is not. There is no real love with out unconditional. It's often used by predators who are out for their own goals at the expense of whomever they meet. It's difficult for all of us to have found someone where both words come together. Some people live their whole lives without it.
I'm fortunate to have been in Love twice in my life. It's probably greedy of me to think it can happen again. But I'm grateful that I've had that wonderful experience. Like a bear to honey, nothing else will do. | |
|
| |
| Why Do Men Say I Love You & then dump you later?
Posted: 2/19/2006 2:18:04 PM | Well genalsh, I read your posts (50 & 51), and I agree
Any answer at all cannot make me feel any worse than I do now.
Are any of us who have been left that way really so underserving and so far beneath you who are not giving us a chance at closure? ANY answer is better than NONE if you ask me. But chances are, he didn't HAVE one, and wouldn't admit to it because of stubborn pride.
Perhaps in his mind, he did consider himself "above" you. "Move on", "You've succeeded", "Turn the page", "Congrats, you've graduated". It's more of those subconscious messages we all carry. His ego went up a notch, and you simply weren't at his "level" anymore.
By not saying anything, he could have been telling you to "move on" yourself, because he already had.
Or he may have respected you enough, to not want to tell you something like "I love you, but I'm scared of my own emotions, and must find myself/soul-search." and give you false hope that he'll be coming back, when he's uncertain that he will be. (He didn't want to lie to you.)
While there are are many interpretations, there is no real reason to ever leave someone in the dust like that, except for fear. He was scared.
Scared of, you, scared of himself, scared of "love", scared of being attached, scared of death, and what it really means to be human, who knows?
As for
Romeo333, Wow. I agree with just about everyting you said, and it was very nicely said too. I read your profile and I have to say if we were geographically closer, I could definitely widen my age range and take an interest in you. So where are the rest like you? I'm quite flattered, believe me. (Especially since I'm shorter than you, I thought that was against the female code of ethics  ) Perhaps my cosmic Libran inheritance has something to do with your fascination (You ARE a Gemini, look into that  ). I'd definitely consider "upping" my age range for you ;) If those are recent pics, I'd say you take very well care of yourself indeed!  (Side note, if your age is accurately displayed, it would make you a "Rat" in Chinese Astrology)
Well, one problem with finding the "rest like me", is that a lot of us don't bother anymore. We're sick of the games most "civilized" women play (and yes, I will go out on a limb here and say most, because I cannot deny facts, statistics, numbers, experiences, etc.) We can't get hurt if we don't stick our heads out. Sensitive men are like this, and can be just as fragile/delicate as most women portray themselves as (some people's Yin is stronger than their Yang, despite being Male, and vise versa)... I may be talking for a lot of people here, but a lot of us ("like me") think with our heads (perhaps partly due to the fact that feeling with our hearts has always lead us astray), and the odds say we have fat chance of finding a meaningful, long-lasting relationships anyway, so some don't want to play with fire only to get burned. We don't need/deserve that. But I'm babbling on here...
I've also read your profile, and I can give you some tips :
First, your pictures. I must say that your third Picture is stunningly lovely! Why don't you have that as your Main Image? No one wants to climb/hang out with a tree (unless they're Tarzan). Understand that physical attraction is part of it, and unless your lover is blind, humans can't help but USE their senses, including and not limited to SIGHT.
Next, your headline "Friendship only!", not only wards off "players", but real genuine guys too. Just cause we're kind-hearted, and willing to work on/towards a relationship with someone, doesn't mean we're monks. Sex is the natural course of things, and a way to express affections on a higher level (this is the "sensitive" lover's take on it). Saying "Friendship Only!" discourages any guy to even bother with you. I mean, when will "it" ever happen? You're closing the door on it, and shooting the exact same "not-knowing" you mentioned back out there. Try changing that to something which hints "expandable" companionship (or mention something of the sort in your "About Me"), but Friendship Only! doesn't seem too friendly (especially with that exclamation mark!). I say dump it, and think of something catchy, humorous and/or original to go there.
You're "About Me" continues to display this kind of negative vibe you've established in your headline.
I really am not interested in any kind of romantic relationship at all. Meh, and some people aren't interested in anyone who shuts down the possibilty of "romance", and they'll move on to the next profile. No skin off their back.
Then you wrote
By the way, people tend to blame the dating sites when something goes wrong. It's not their fault. I had a bad experience because I trusted too readily. While this is all fine, dandy, and true, you put yourself in a position saying "I probably won't trust you, you WILL meet resistance due to my reluctance, so you must prove yourself to me.". Sure, any man worth your time will laugh at the challenge, but some won't bother with it, because why should they? They've probably been through the same, and expect you to prove your faithfulness just the same. We're at a stale-mate/face-off here. How do those usually end?
And it doesn't end there. Your "First Date" says : "ABSOLUTELY NO "DATING" FOR ME!" Well that's a deal breaker if I ever saw one. Why not leave it open, and see what happens instead of sealing your own fate like that?
Is it any wonder you can't find "guys like me"? I guess that question doesn't make sense, since guys "like me" would see past/through all that anyway (like I just did) ... But rhetorics help reflect. Think about it. ;)
Good luck!
~ Romeo | |
|
| Why Do Men Say I Love You & then dump you later?
Posted: 2/19/2006 2:51:43 PM | Romeo, you make me smile. BTW, I didn't even notice the height. Not a big deal to me.
Not sure about the astrology right now. I normally believe in it, but he was a Cancer (who has grown up, he said, and not so moody anymore) and a Monkey. All that was supposed to be really good. So that whole issue REALLY confuses me.
The profile will get changed. When I first changed it I was very hurt and angry, obviously. I really don't want to date for now; I'm on the verge of that not bothering anymore. It's sad to see you are feeling that way already at 26.
Pictures - that 3rd one is 10 years old, but one of the few I have anymore (house fire) that show my face well enough. You can extrapolate from that. I have a new one that shows my face more than the other one, but I can't seem to get that one to upload. The tree? I love trees and cats and just wanted something different. I'm not really looking, remember?
Perhaps in his mind, he did consider himself "above" you. "Move on", "You've succeeded", "Turn the page", "Congrats, you've graduated". It's more of those subconscious messages we all carry. His ego went up a notch, and you simply weren't at his "level" anymore.
While there are are many interpretations, there is no real reason to ever leave someone in the dust like that, except for fear. He was scared.
Scared of, you, scared of himself, scared of "love", scared of being attached, scared of death, and what it really means to be human, who knows?
Those are ideas that have gone through my head.
Thanks for all of your input. I will have to read some of your posts on other threads as I've enjoyed reading these so much.
 | |
|
| Why Do Men Say I Love You & then dump you later?
Posted: 2/19/2006 3:14:34 PM | Thanks for all of your input. I will have to read some of your posts on other threads as I've enjoyed reading these so much. Hey it's my pleasure! Yeah, Monkey and Rat should get along, but Cancer and Gemini? Here's a snipet of what I found (incredibly, it may apply!) : "Female Gemini is a creature of the mind, whereas male Cancer is a creature of the heart -- they will both encounter great difficulty in communicating with each other, and without communication there can be no understanding." While Astrology is a fun way to look for/find answers, I still firmly believe that 2 people, despite their signs, can work ANYTHING out. It simply takes the 3 "C"s that all humans should be capable of: Communication, (4 if you want "Comprehension" here), Consideration and Compromise. They just both gotta want it, and have open minds... *sigh*
You'll be reading some of my posts!? Yikes! *Nervously sweeps some under rug*
Be warned; Don't dig, you may not like what you find... (I've told this to an ex once)
~ Romeo
 | |
|
| Why Do Men Say I Love You & then dump you later?
Posted: 2/19/2006 3:39:47 PM | | To me, "I love you" means I love you, right here, right now. And love is eternal, I believe. But saying that (even in all sincerity) DOES NOT mean that I intend to hang around with you forever. "I intend to hang around with you forever," pretty much states that. I've gotten FAR away from women whom I love dearly. I still pray for them. But I won't put up with them rippin' me a new one every time they're feelin' hormonal (hey- I got hormones, too!) or jealous (over delusional & paranoid delusions), or dissatisfied with where they are in life (yet they spent 2-3- or 4 DECADES gettin' & STAYING THERE before they met me!). In short, ya wanna cheat on me, do drugs & lie about it, or wallow in other self-destructive behaviors while NOT LEARNING OR PROGRESSING in life, I'll love ya (no matter how morbidly obese you are), but I won't be hangin' around. | |
|
| Why Do Men Say I Love You & then dump you later?
Posted: 2/19/2006 3:57:59 PM | Hey, all this man-hating is really sexy! Especially since we know that all women are perfectly sincere & completely honest at all times! Grow up, chicks, we are ALL on here because prior relationships haven't worked out, and we ALL have experienced that pain. But we ALL don't choose to wallow in it, like you egotistical brats who think that you're the first & only ones ever to suffer on this Earth. And as for michchick: I'm down with that- LINE FORMS TO YOUR REAR !!! | |
|
| |
| |
| Why Do Men Say I Love You & then dump you later?
Posted: 2/20/2006 1:25:09 PM | people: grow up. Stop being so selfish. Be aware of your own tendencies. And "don't go shopping when you're hungry". If you make a bunch of promises and commitments to someone just because you're feeling temporarily needy, you're still accountable for your words and you deserve whatever castigations you receive. But of course, you'll turn it around and tell everyone how this person is being "obsessive" when they keep after you for an exclamation and to take ownership of what you did.
Excellent points!
After reading some of the nonsense on the first page of this thread by some of the people stating that love is only a state of mind, a feeling based on fantasy that WE are responsible for and not the other person and blaaah blaaaaah....gimme a break. Why blame the victim in this case who is clearly the OP? If you are with someone and today they are telling you all sorts of nice things including that they love you, you are blaming the OP for trusting that what he said was true? Who wouldn't question what the heck the person was on about if weeks later he hands over the walking papers!?!? How could this same person turn around only weeks later and decide "no actually I changed my mind see ya!!"? Are we not accountable for our words? Who cares what love means to everyone, the bottom line is that when a person is in a romantic relationship and tells you that they love you they are telling you that they are yours, and they are celebrating everything about you in three words "I LOVE YOU", whether they truly mean it or not is a moral call on their personal part but by putting the words out there it is implied that they DO mean it! No matter what love means to each.
If there are so many cynics out there that are going to twist and dwell on the meaning from person to person then why even tell someone you love them? might as well tell them "I have a baked potato for you" heck to some that may equal LOVE. pffft!
On the other hand words alone don't cut it, communication in a relationship is comprised of what we say combined with what we do. A person can say things until they are blue in the face but if their actions don't match up they might as well be the phoniest person on the face of the earth. When a person is feeling one thing but wanting to put out a less hurtful version of what they feel they will mask their actions in pretty words. That is the ulitmate coward's way. Would be interesting to see what he was like leading up to this break-up...
If you truly love someone you don't just fall out of love like that from one week to the next no matter WHAT love means to you. Unless of course you never really knew what it was to beging with.... | |
|
| |
| Why Do Men Say I Love You & then dump you later?
Posted: 2/21/2006 6:42:35 PM | I apologize for the double post, but I posted the response above from pg.2 before I read what Sexy&Brainy had to say! It's nice to see you again, Miss Sexy&Brainy and it appears that we still have "The Timing" thing, though we are still lacking the "Location, location,location" thing! Lol...Again, I like what you have to say! It's too bad that some people do not " Say what they mean and mean what they say" or to give them the bennefit of the doubt, they may just have a diiferent self-meaning of the words "I Love You"! It seems pretty clear to me, some people are just players and use these words to gain what they want and some people do not want to hurt the other person and do this because of their cowardice ways, as you mentioned! Actions, do speak louder than words, especially if you are dealing with someone that mistakes lust for Love or does not have integrity backing their words! Such "ass" life I like to say but as long as we don't let these kinds of people shrink or prejudice the real people, we should all have a shot at True (unconditional) Love that will last the test of time & the rest of time! Ah! Does that only happen in Hallmark cards? Maybe, I'm just a dreamer or I've had too much  but it kinda makes me wanna  Lol...Kidding! Good luck, Everybody!   | |
|
| Why Do Men Say I Love You & then dump you later?
Posted: 2/21/2006 7:06:02 PM | ok have one just as good for ya.. say they love you but dont want to be with you. but never leaves. then keeps it going by telling you he dont want to be in a relationship... wants to be single and be a hoe. | |
|
| |
| Why Do Men Say I Love You & then dump you later?
Posted: 2/21/2006 10:01:06 PM | How about why do "people" say I love you and leave? PEOPLE do these things not just men, not just women. There is no guarantee of any time limit on love from another human being.... that is why self-love is important.
How does anyone expect to meet anyone else with such negative attitudes? | |
|
| |
| Why Do Men Say I Love You & then dump you later?
Posted: 2/22/2006 7:03:35 AM | | Chocolate is unconditional love...Even Jesus had guidelines. That is, of course, unless your merely talking about respect for all because they are humanbeings...that's far different than what American's cognative meaning of love is...Women demand too much. | |
|
| Why Do Men Say I Love You & then dump you later?
Posted: 2/22/2006 7:09:22 AM | Probably cause after a man says I love you the women leaves or cheats...LOL
Actually that does happen to people, both sexes, and so sometimes they are nervous of saying it can be the downfall of a relationship.
as far as the above statements:
TRUE LOVE NEVER DIES.
TRUE LOVE CAN NEVER TURN INTO HATRED.
the line between love and hate is razor thin
and please define true before saying that it never dies... one of the very few truths (painful as it may seem) is that everything dies...
and why are you putting so many rules (or restricting) love? | |
|
| Why Do Men Say I Love You & then dump you later?
Posted: 2/22/2006 9:47:12 AM | Why do they do it? I'll let you in on a little secret: sex.
They tell you that to have sex with you. Since we all know, if someone says they love you, it's time for sex! Often times though, it's time for sex even with that magic phrase.
If you want real love, you'll have to actually date them for a long time, get to know them, and not have sex.
If they push sex on you, chances are it isn't real. | |
|
| Why Do Men Say I Love You & then dump you later?
Posted: 2/22/2006 11:26:13 AM | jillmac71 :
Your initial post begs an answer that I am sick and tired of answering....
STOP the generalizing!!!. Sounds like you have dated all the men in the world.
Maybe you are choosing the wrong guys, or maybe you are choosing guys who fear love and commitment. Could be that you are choosing players or tall pretty boys....
But not every man is the same. Date people a little less than the GQ models, and maybe you wont have to feel high and dry all the time... | |
|
| Why Do Men Say I Love You & then dump you later?
Posted: 2/22/2006 11:32:32 AM | I can feel your BURN here as they say in "That 70's Show". Take a chill pill. I on the ohter hand have always been a man of deeds and actions...only to be left holding the bill. So what!
I must move on and grow from the experience.
You way of expressing anger and shame is a set up for it to happen again...and again and again .....you get the point. A godd psychotherapist could do you wonders. Stay away from men for one year! That is my advice. If that doesn't work....try girls!
tino1035 | |
|
| |
|
|
|
Page
3
of
11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
|
|
Home
login 
