| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/1/2007 9:20:01 AM | Marriage or cohabiting is something I have no wish to do again!
I lived with my ex for almost 10 years before we married then split after a further 3 years. I'm not saying that us getting married was the nail in the coffin of our relationship but these days I don't see why couples feel they HAVE to marry unless it's what they really want.
I may sound anti-marriage and maybe I am. Neither choice is for me but good luck to those who want it! | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/1/2007 9:26:58 AM | I'd accept Either . . with the proper Chemistry . .
My p e r s o n a l opinion . .
Marriage is only 'Necessary' if Children are in the plan . . !
Many people get married too quickly..and for the wrong reasons . .
' Love is the only ' Contract ' that is required . .
The Paperwork merely complicates any breakage of the contract . . !! | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/1/2007 12:59:42 PM | Eligible,
You, sir, are the foolish man.
Your selective paraphrasing and butchering of bible verses makes you neither honorable, noble, nor righteous. I would say that you are rather arrogant and foolish to compare yourself and your appearance on this website to the trials and tibulations of a prophet from the bible.
And it doesn't change that fact that you are, to be it nicely, disingenious. More accurately I would say you are lying and being deliberately deceitful. And yet you have the gall to pass judgement on others. Please dispense with your made up euphemism, "put away", and start being honest on these forums.
The Paperwork merely complicates any breakage of the contract . . !!
On the contrary, the "paperwork" protects the rights and property in the case of any breakage of the contract. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/1/2007 4:26:30 PM | I, sir, am the prophet iaucef, and david's persecutions are quite similar to mine.
Your selective paraphrasing and butchering of bible verses makes you neither honorable, noble, nor righteous
This is enough proof, as though any more were needed that you are a slanderous coward, because you make your immature slander void of particulars that can be discussed because discussion will find you out.
More accurately I would say you are lying and being deliberately deceitful. And yet you have the gall to pass judgement on others. Please dispense with your made up euphemism, "put away", and start being honest on these forums.
It is quite sinful to persecute and offend the innocent, and put away is the way that the scriptures describe my situation: to say i'm divorced is a lie because, again, divorce doesn't exist in this age and i can readily prove it to someone who isn't to big of a coward to ask; to say i'm separated is a lie because paul calls me unmarried (which also isn't one of the choices); to say widowed is a lie; and there isn't a none of the above, neither is a profile possible on this site without choosing a lie, so honesty is to admit that this format is an offense to the innocent, and therefore as dishonorable as your foolish mouth, sir.
Now tell me that you'd have been honest with the philistines and made them know that they were mistaken to assume you were mad.
Don't mess with me with your impertinent verbage.
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/1/2007 6:24:54 PM | There is where we all have a toss up. We have the really good people who still think that marriage is the way to go. But many of us are now entering our golden years. I just made 50--so I am one of the younger baby boomers.
I see the cohabitation is not a choice anymore for me. I have tried it twice. The first Woman I lived with for 2 years. Did everything under the sun to use me. I guess I had a job and worked--while the losers she cheated with--were somewhat of a bad boy. We broke up and it was a crazy time in my life.
The second lady I did it with--we were married a year later. It's my children's mother. Yet her idea of marriage was to make exuses and point fingers. Every bad moment we had--she says it's my fault. Even though--again I was gone 8 to 12 hours per day at work. Even though we had a nice home--the House, picket fence--2.5 kids and the dog.
But after getting a Divorce in 2001. I took my kids with me--odd for soime Men to do. I have now gotten back into the single life. I still think--life with a Woman living with you--well my mind has changed a lot. I will not do that. Why? I have two boys that I truly have to give respect to. It'll be a better thing if there is some type of time spent getting to know each other--in our own places prior to marriage....
We can't give up on what we think is right...Divorce is just so easy now--"Pay $299--it's over... | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/1/2007 6:38:27 PM | | I did cohabitation and now I would rather get married. Marriage adds divorce as a dimension to fantasizing about breaking up. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/2/2007 6:38:17 AM | | I didn't marry my daughters father, we lived together for 6 yrs, and were engaged, glad I never married the pig, and tomorrow I'm selling my stinking engagement and never worn wedding ring, means nothing and I hate his guts, good luck with ya new girl pig, lol, sorry, in a bad mood. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/2/2007 9:50:44 AM | I wouldnt do either.
I dont agree that someone who lives with me should get half of my worldy goods.
Especially someone who did nothing to earn it.
A wife who has my kids is something quite different. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/2/2007 10:26:06 AM | Some interesting posts here. I'm someone who has done both and is currently living alone and in a monogamous relationship.
My marriage lasted six years, the last two of which we were separated, so I guess four... it was miserable going through the divorce process, trying to remain polite for the sake of our daughter but the reality was that by the time we were done we couldn't stand being in the same room with each other. Our daughter is now grown and off to college, I probably won't even see him again until she graduates. And that's just fine with me.
My cohabitation, on the other hand? Twelve years and even though we are no longer together he is still my best friend. After that many years together we know each other very well and respect each other's opinions. To me it seems that since we didn't have to go through all the legal BS when we realized it wasn't working anymore for us as a couple that it was easier to remain friends.
After all... I liked him when I started dating him, do I really have to hate him now that I'm not? (Hmmm... might be an interesting thread to start.) | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/2/2007 4:35:17 PM |
I, sir, am the prophet iaucef, and david's persecutions are quite similar to mine.
eligible,
thank you, you provided my first good laugh of the day.
How have your dating experiences compared to David's? What were David's thoughts about co-habitation? | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/2/2007 8:59:26 PM | I have written this before even looking at any responses to previous post so as to expose a very foolish format that I cannot ignore any longer.
I have heretofore posted my responses quickly to facilitate an expeditious conversation with the others who post and in good faith, realizing that there would be no good reason to deny me the chance to edit after I post by deleting and reposting, which I had done several times successfully, but at the most inconvenient time, in an arbitrary decision, based on nothing at all (which I know because no one had responded to my post and my editing was done quite immediately, although 2 other people had just happened to beat me to editing mine because I went to the necessary room, but again they didn’t even respond to my post) my deletion was denied and I assumed it wasn’t and reposted so that it looked like I had changed my mind on something.
Well first let me say that typing slows down my thoughts and that’s the reason I have to edit what’s typed, but when you think you have that ability in good faith, and it’s arbitrarily denied, it can appear as though something is amiss when it isn’t. If I had made that comment above (that appears duplicated but has an edit added) in speech I would have added the exception about women who’ve been twice widowed, which situation is very unusual and easy to forget about anyway. But in the e chatting it becomes a habit to type, post and then edit for expediency as a courtesy, so your conversant won’t have to wait very long on responses.
But from now on I know to, and suggest that others be aware that they ought to, edit first because evidently decision are made with no common sense attached on this site. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/2/2007 9:07:52 PM | Dig your hole a little deeper.
When you laugh about the choices that the heavenly father makes for his spokesmen, you are mocking the heavenly father himself, and i'll leave the response in his hands. I've noticed he's real good at responding. iaua rebut you. (i won't even bother to give you a preview of how often he's rebutted those who tried to interfere with his messages that were delivered to me - i perceive that you aren't right minded and i don't caste my pearls before swine.) | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/2/2007 9:27:44 PM | ^^^^ what does all that have to do with the subject of this thread?
I would marry again before God... I *probably* will not marry again with a government paper, because the government has made it so that 'older' folk will take a major loss with that piece of paper. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/2/2007 9:34:56 PM | No Bible references were intended . . {'Your Tragedy' . .}
I'd get Married . . in a M I N U T E . . to the right L A D Y . . !!!
I was merely looking at Both sides of the issue . . | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/4/2007 8:49:19 PM | I find it funny that a lot of folks are opposed to FWB's (friends with benefits) but are in favor of cohabitation. To me cohabitation is the equivalent of RWB's (roommates with benefits). An arrangement of convenience.
That's fine for others. Me, I'm not sharing my house with somebody who doesn't share my last name. Someone has to be marriage material for me to sacrifice my freedom, space, and peaceful solitude. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/4/2007 8:59:03 PM | Legally speaking, in most places, there is no difference between cohabitation and marriage. You break up, you were the one earning more, you get cleaned out. Hence cohabitation carries the penalty of not having the very few benefits of marriage (estate issues, insurance, etc) Essentially if you cohabitate with someone long enough, you are essentially taking on a lesser form of marriage with increased penalties.
Basically if you don't want the legal penalties of marriage, even a common law one, you basically have to live apart and keep your finances apart. But can most people do that in this day and age and still own a home and retire?
When cohabitation becomes a lesser form of marriage, it tells you that fewer people are getting married period, otherwise the lawyers and state would leave cohabitors alone. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/4/2007 9:39:34 PM | I have been married twice (4 and 10 years) and lived common-law once (14 year relationship of which 8 were lived together). The two divorces were uncomfortable but at least they were clean - and they are peacefully in the past where they belong. The end of the common-law relationship was a lot more drawn out - at least it felt that way. Still there was a common thread in all three relationships that had nothing at all to do with legalities or religion. It is called COMMITMENT. For me, marriage is a celebration of how damn lucky you feel to have this person in your life and how much value you place on keeping the relationship working for both of you. For that you need some kind of a party and some kind of a declaration but WHAT you do depends on what means the most to the people involved. Moving in together without that feeling of "hot-damn" on BOTH sides is nothing more than convenience or hoping the other will change into someone you could like, or worse, into someone who could like you.
There is nothing more draining than living with someone - with or without paper - who you know has one foot out the door.
Just my opinion, based on my experience. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/5/2007 7:22:57 AM | Myself I have lived with the last woman I will ever just cohabitate with. The next woman I live with, we will be planning to be married. I believe that it takes at least a year to truly find out what eachothers habits are at home, and in that time you also learn how well you work together. Also I can find out if she is going to be in my way when I trying to brush my teeth.   | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/5/2007 7:48:17 AM | | One thing I have learned: We are only afraid of losing the things we really want. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/5/2007 8:59:39 AM | I think I have a few opinions, Captain Obvious.
And from this point on I'll refer to you as CO (Captain Obvious)
Ok, CO...you know why divorce rates are increasing?...Because divorce is JUST like breaking up...only with paperwork. You religious? I'm not. I don't give a mouse's sh!t if I'm married in the eyes of some god or not. It's stupid. The whole idea of marriage is stupid and people have begun to realize it.
CO, since you seem so confused, I'll give you the same analogy that I gave my gf's 7 year old. She turned 7 two weeks ago...
If your favorite food is lemons, and one day you had to sign a contract stating that you will ALWAYS have lemons as your favorite food, how do you think you'd like that?
Her reply..."I'd probably really start to hate lemons."
See, even if you really really really like lemons...even LOVE lemons...which I'm sure is illegal somewhere...having someone place a contract in front of you and saying "prove it" is more off-putting than it is desirable.
Marriage is NO different. You should be the person you're with b/c you WANT to be with them...b/c you LOVE them. NOT b/c you have a contractural obligation to them.
Cohabitation is becoming the norm...b/c it makes better sense. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:48:04 AM | having someone place a contract in front of you and saying "prove it" is more off-putting than it is desirable.
And having someone say "you must share your house with me to prove you love me" is just as off-putting.
If I want lemons, I'll go to the supermarket and buy them 1 or 2 at a time. Why should I buy a whole crate of them and give them their own space in my residence?
If I want to make lemons a permanent part of my life, then I want God, the legal system, and my family to formally recognize the importance that lemons have become to me. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/7/2007 1:01:02 AM | My sentiments exactly!....I think living together for a year would weed out anything that could be encountered in a marriage. Then, if things worked out...get married.
Just my opinion.  | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/7/2007 1:10:10 AM | hmmmmm
i am glad that my marriage is over and i am divorced
after being married for 6 years with no kids thank god
i lived with my ex for the year and things worked out well
why is it after you get married the man changes and things just get worse
from there, i have never seen a man change for fast, when i kicked him out i
wanted nothing from him. i like the fwb thing it works out well for me
no strings nothing to worry about,
i think that is how life should be
i dont plan on getting married again
living a happy life is what i want from now on
Mel | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/7/2007 7:15:23 AM | "One thing I have learned: We are only afraid of losing the things we really want"
Oh how true scorpiomover. What are those who don't want to marry afraid of losing most? Their freedom?
I have been married, and I have done the cohabitating thing. In my opinion, cohabitating is just another word for "playing house". Living together instead of making it real by taking the vows of marriage is "playing house". I'm a grown up woman with a mortgage, a career, grown children, and all the other "stuff" that documents that I have lived the life of an adult for quite some time now. Why would I want to go back to make-believe and playing children's games? | |
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