| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/14/2007 8:21:34 PM | "Meanwhile many cohabitations last for longer then many marriages."
Do you have anything to support this? | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/14/2007 9:29:01 PM |
Meanwhile many cohabitations last for longer then many marriages."
Do you have anything to support this?
Only anecdotal. In my case, our running joke was that we'd get married after a good, healthy try-out period of 50 years, and maybe recoup some of the wedding gifts we shelled out over 25 years for our friends (some of them for Marriage 1 AND Marriage 2, and in one case even Marriage 3).
Overall, I have know idea what the actual stats are, but I guess the bottom line is I don't really care. Marriage just isn't for me, or the type of man I'd have a relationship with.
I'm not anti-marriage, by the way. For other people. Some of my best friends are married. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/14/2007 11:32:38 PM | Ask them and they'll tell you.. they got rings (even un-married women love diamonds you know) and they got a piece of paper (its called a mortgage). THey live together in wedded bliss.. in all senses fo the word, except they arent married
Sounds like they are married without it being sanctified by the state ! | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/15/2007 3:50:26 AM | "Meanwhile many cohabitations last for longer then many marriages"
Well it might not be scientific but in just the last two pages on this thread alone you have a couple of examples.One for 25 years and my own for 17 years. I know of several others that have been together for 20+ years.
Compare that to many marriages that don't even last past the third year. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/15/2007 3:55:21 AM | | some enter marriage with their eyes open believing the for better or worse in sickness and in health til death us do part. Mom and dad were married almost 65 years. They saw good moments and they saw bad. It was help mate and be there marriage. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/16/2007 9:53:34 AM | Damn dread, you are so scientific. Plus you show such a great awareness of the world outside of your own. Here are my examples:
-- Dad & Step-mom, 30 years.
-- Aunt & only husband, about 40 years.
-- Uncle & 2nd wife, 40+ years.
-- Paternal grand-parents, 50+ years until grandmother passed away.
Compare that to co-habitations that don't last past the 1st tax refund check. Or disinegrate as soon as one or the other has rehabilitated their bad credit. Or once the terms of someone's bankruptcy have expired. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/16/2007 3:58:46 PM |
Damn dread, you are so scientific. Plus you show such a great awareness of the world outside of your own. Here are my examples:
-- Dad & Step-mom, 30 years.
-- Aunt & only husband, about 40 years.
-- Uncle & 2nd wife, 40+ years.
-- Paternal grand-parents, 50+ years until grandmother passed away.
Compare that to the statistics showing that overt 50% of marriages don't make it three years.
Sad fact is that the vast majority of marriages don't last, and the odds are even worse if it is second marriages. | |
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Ecky2
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Joined: 7/31/2007
Msg: 158 | |
| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/16/2007 4:06:11 PM | I lived with my ex for several years before we eventually got married, the only reason we got married was because of our daughter, i wanted to have the same last name as her for when she started school. Wot a crazy reason for getting married, i know, but there ya go!
It made absolutely no difference to our relationship and how we treat each other, nothing changed after we got married. So, there was really no point in doin the whole marriage thing, i coulda just changed my name by deed pole!!
We still ended up getting a divorce, so neither of us cottoned onto the fact that we weren't meant to be when we were cohabiting. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/16/2007 4:22:48 PM | I'm reminded of the actor & actress who were co-habiting for 43 years with 4 children before tying the knot as with with some of my close friends who are in both hetrero & homo-sexual relationships that are still going strong after many years, both married & co-habit.
What i've learned from them is that the act marriage or civil-partnership is just a maker of their relstionship, not THE relationship. since it has varying degrees of importance placed upon it.
Marriage doens't bind love
As education & social environments improve so that as people beocme adults they'll relaise the importance of a stable relstionship & the values that underpin them, hopefully extinguishing something that was coomon place befoer the 80s, getting married for the children's sake | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/17/2007 12:42:44 PM |
Sad fact is that the vast majority of marriages don't last, and the odds are even worse if it is second marriages.
And how many cohabitations make it past 6 months? And how many cohabitations turn into "well, this ain't working, but let's stay roommates while dating others until we get our finances in order and can afford to get our own places"?
And someone please explain to me the theory that marriage is just a piece of paper, but cohabitation is the ultimate symbol of commitment.
Married couples who choose to stay in bad marriages most times do so b/c of the children, not b/c of a "legal piece of paper". | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/17/2007 1:19:21 PM | | I'm not a conservative person, but I think that cohabitation and marriage are quite different. Marriage is a leap of faith that you take publicly. Marriage is a way of sharing and celebrating this with your friends and family. Cohabitation is more of a practical decision. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/17/2007 3:36:08 PM |
And how many cohabitations make it past 6 months? And how many cohabitations turn into "well, this ain't working, but let's stay roommates while dating others until we get our finances in order and can afford to get our own places"?
And how many marriages make it past 6 months? And how many marriages turn into "well, this ain't working, but let's stay roommates while dating others until we get our finances in order and can afford to get our own places"? | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/17/2007 7:03:03 PM | You tell us Dread. You're the one who made the statement that the only reason people stay married was b/c of a piece of paper. So my counter to that is that the only reason 2 people continue to cohabitate is b/c the utilities and cable bills are now in both of their names.
You're the one making broad proclamations about the viability of cohabitation vs. marriage. But you have nothing to back up your statements. So why can't I make the same kinds of statements? | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/17/2007 7:21:17 PM | i noticed some have this thought that Co-haibatation does't
Last, Well guess what, it can. i think it can and much longer then
conventional marriage. See i was Co-habitating with my late
wife for 5 years, yea maybe not long but it was the best 5 years of our
relationship as it felt as if was new all the time. After we married,
Things started to go down hill but too, by no fault of our own,
she passed away 5 more years later.
For me, i think it's a great way to start a relationship.
i think it gives you Both better insight into
compatibility issues and if you will be able to make it Last.
just my 2 pence | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/17/2007 7:27:19 PM |
And someone please explain to me the theory that marriage is just a piece of paper, but cohabitation is the ultimate symbol of commitment.
That's not my theory. Both marriage and cohabitation can involve ultimate commitment, or none at all. The fact is, people who live together and people who marry break up AND there are successful long-term relationships that involve marriage and cohabitation. One is not "better" than the other for everyone.
The OP, way back when, asked "What does everyone think about this cohabition as an alternative to marriage?" I think both are fine, for different people. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/17/2007 8:05:52 PM | rp with a better then 50% failure rate there is no basis for your claim that marriage means more commitment. Commitment doesn't come from that piece of paper it comes from the heart.
The only thing a marriage offers that cohabiting doesn't is that piece of paper.
Taking care of loved ones after death. Thats called a will and everyone should have one.
Insurance? Manty companies offer coverage for cohabiting.
They all have an answer.
The fact still remains is that with cohabiting a person stays because they want to and not because of some piece of paper. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/18/2007 7:11:22 PM |
The fact still remains is that with cohabiting a person stays because they want to and not because of some piece of paper.
The fact remains that I have seen people cohabitate strictly for the purpose of cutting down on their bills. The facts in my world remain that I have seen cohabitating couples continue to live together as roommates strictly for financial convenience. I even dated someone in that situation.
And for the millionth time I ask, are you saying the only reason married people stay together is b/c they have a marriage license? Married couples never stay together b/c they love each other? b/c they value the commitment they made in the eyes of the Lord? b/c they value the commitment they made in front of their families? b/c they feel their relationship is worth fighting for? b/c of children they bore together? According to you they only stay together b/c they signed a piece of paper. That has to be (to be kind) one of the most narrow-minded opinions I have ever heard in my life. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/19/2007 3:44:12 AM |
are you saying the only reason married people stay together is b/c they have a marriage license?
no it's not the only reason however it seems like that piece of paper changes a lot of people
Married couples never stay together b/c they love each other?
Sure as do people who co-habitat.
b/c they value the commitment they made in the eyes of the Lord? b/c they value the commitment they made in front of their families?
If the only reason they stay together is because of what others think then why bother.
b/c they feel their relationship is worth fighting for?
Any relationship hits a rough path once in awhile. In that there is no difference between married and cohabiting.
b/c of children they bore together?
Oh that is common/ and also the cause of many children's dimensionality. Kids are quick to pick up on things like that.
According to you they only stay together b/c they signed a piece of paper.
No that isn't what I have been saying. That is what you might have been reading into it but that isn't my problem
That has to be (to be kind) one of the most narrow-minded opinions I have ever heard in my life.
Stick around and read some more then. I have read many narrow minded opinion's on here and some of them was from you. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/19/2007 4:31:28 AM | Carpaccio I really liked post 161. You are absolutely right and that's why we romantics like the idea of being married. :)
Dread... with a 50% success rate what evidence is there that cohabitation success rate is higher? There's none presented by you, just this terrible statistic about divorce (BTW, does anyone else think a 50% success rate sounds pretty good??). From what you say you seem to think it must be though. Do you really believe that there is a higher percentage of successful cohabitations than marriages? That would have to be true for any of your arguments to have any weight at all.
But...
National Institute of Child Health and Human Development reports: "Cohabiting relationships are less stable than marriages and that instabililty is increasing, the study found."
What I always found fascinating is the way some people refused to get married because they don't want the relationship to change. I think it comes down to more than just paper, or the ceremony or any of that. The biggest, very biggest, difference between living together and marriage is the rule book... in people's heads. Once a marriage has occurred they begin to behave differently because they feel they must take on a role, and that their spouse must take on a role, that they never had before. This happens even after living together for many years. Unfortunately, living together is often a very poor indicator of what someone will be like once you marry them. That's why the divorce rate for people who lived together prior is 85%, not 50%.****
***Keep in mind that 50% includes everything. That includes the above mentioned group who lived together. It includes second marriages that have a much higher failure rate, everything. First marriages where they don't live together first have a remarkably good success rate in the range of what it was when that behaviour was the norm. Of course, it could also be because people who don't live together first are exceptionally passionate about one another or have a more rigid belief structure, including a stronger commitment to making a marriage work.
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faour
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 170 | |
| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/19/2007 6:55:28 AM | You're supposedly the doctor, so tell us...
Until then, statistics -- which usually mirror logic -- dictate that divorce rates are EVEN HIGHER among those who cohabitate before marraige.
With all due respect to statistics, God, my Mom and Dad, and whomever else may be watching from above, I refuse to cohabitate. I'll know if we're supposed to be married, which is the only time we will live together.
Hope I didn't sound too harsh, especially since you are an esteemed physician. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/19/2007 4:33:54 PM | Stick around and read some more then. I have read many narrow minded opinion's on here and some of them was from you.
Oops dread, I forgot who I was talking to. You're the one who believes biological fathers have no rights or say in their children's lives. Whomever the mother is dating or living with automatically becomes the new daddy and the "old" daddy is supposed to fade away. That's gives me better insight into your opinions on this or any subject for now on.
Oh, and the other thing I remember, you're very selective in what portions of someone's post you answer.
Now back to cohabitation. Extending Dread's logic, couples who are girlfriend/boyfriend but live in separate homes are actually the most committed and happy. They choose to spend time together when they are together. Couples who cohabitate are FORCED to spend time together b/c their share the same residence. So my g/f and I are more committed than married couples and cohabitating couples. Our time together is always by choice. We're not together b/c of a marriage license or a piece of legal paper or a shared cable bill or joint lease or the convenience of car-pooling to work together. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/19/2007 9:21:40 PM |
Oops dread, I forgot who I was talking to. You're the one who believes biological fathers have no rights or say in their children's lives. Whomever the mother is dating or living with automatically becomes the new daddy and the "old" daddy is supposed to fade away. That's gives me better insight into your opinions on this or any subject for now on.
No your the one who feels that even if a couple gets together for a long period that your ex's new mate will have no say in the childs life, and you hold the threat of court over your ex-wifes head to keep her single.
That right there was enough to make me aware of the type of person and the views that you hold.
Extending Dread's logic, couples who are girlfriend/boyfriend but live in separate homes are actually the most committed and happy.
Where you extrapolated that bit is anyones guess. Another example of your views? | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/19/2007 9:33:18 PM | BTW, does anyone else think a 50% success rate sounds pretty good??
Yep. Right here! Considering that people now have the choice to divorce, whereas historically couples were bound together "until death do they part". We now have the option to divorce and it's not socially frowned upon, so if 50% of couples choose to stay together, I think that's pretty good (all things considered).
I would consider cohabitation with the right guy. As it stands, I'm still trying to find him so that decision seems such a long way down the road that I don't think about it much. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/19/2007 9:49:10 PM | | Cohabitation as a "trial" marriage, or as an alternative to marriage? Honestly, once you've been through a divorce, I think cohabiting is a very viable alternative to the legal contract. For those who have not yet been down that road, though, I don't know, my gut tells me that "not to decide is to decide", if you get my drift. | |
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| Cohabitation vs. Marriage
Posted: 10/20/2007 9:18:56 AM |
you hold the threat of court over your ex-wifes head to keep her single.
Dread, get it right.
I said, and still say, my ex-wife will not cohabitate with my kids living with her. If she did (but she wouldn't), I would petition for full custody of both my children. If she got married I wouldn't have a problem with it.
So explain how that would keep her single. In fact, that's the exact opposite of the bullsh!t you just typed.
Try to make sense next time.
I'm still waiting for an intelligent explanation from you explaining how cohabitation is a higher form of commitment than marriage. | |
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