| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 6/12/2006 3:15:26 AM | | well if it isn't a problem for your child why make it a problem yourself yeah it is hurting u but if she thinks nothing of it wait until she is a bit older. I personally wouldn't wncourage my child to call any man daddy but then again if he wanted to and the guy was fine with it I wouldn;t stop it then again my child doesn't see dad xjx | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 6/12/2006 3:23:00 AM | I am so sorry you are going through this. What a horrible thing to do to a child, and to you. I would advise you sit down and speak calmly with your ex wife and her bf, and explain to her how this makes you feel and how it could be extremely confusing to your child. Ask how she would feel if the shoe was on the other foot; as a momma, I know I'd not like someone to be called Mom other than me.
I hope this turns around for you. Good luck with this and keep your chin up. | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 6/12/2006 7:13:41 AM | | I never insisted on my kids calling anyone other then their father DAD. They have however called my last serious boyfreind dad. No matter how hard I tried to get them to stop they still called him dad. He didnt mind as we had long talks about it. I relaxed about it. | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 6/12/2006 9:40:56 AM | Hello Bryn69ca;
Love your job,
I see you have 4 children in single digit age.
As I realize the word DAD might not mean anything in your house,[current Bf?, where is the real Dad(s)? ]but as child/ren grow and leave the house to socialize, not only are you confusing them, but what thoughts go through their mind as they take part in classroom discusions, or school projects such as making Father's day cards, and such???
"Dad" is not an adjcetive like BIG that has such an ambiguous meaning as to mean almost anything depending on who is using it in what matter.
A child has only ONE Dad.. It's hard enough when a child does not have a Dad in his/her life.
, but to start throwing the term around to anyone coming in and out your bedroom door is deplorable, and dentrimetal to your child.
You need to stop and you need to give whatever current Male figuire in your life a cute little careing name ...i.e poppymike (or see post above)
BDJ | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 6/12/2006 9:49:45 AM | There hasnt been a male figure in the house for close to three years. As for fathers day I bring them down to their grandparents place to give the cards to her so she can give them to their dad. He chooses not to be involved.
Just because he donated sperm doesnt make him a dad. My kids chose on what they want to call my last ex. Who is still currently involved in there life as their cub/scout master.Plus he helps me out when I need a sitter for school. He is the closest thing they have to a DAD and im not going to squash it for them. Its hard enough them knowing their father doesnt come around. Why take the little bit of happiness away from them in that department. They know who their father is.
I have never once encouraged them to call him nor would I ever. THEY chose to call him that. They are young and want a dad. He doesnt have a problem with it and either do the kids. They know hes not their father. He is a great role model for the kids and he is always there when they need him around. Id rather my kids have that then nothing at all. | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 6/12/2006 7:15:41 PM | Bryn69ca,
["Just because he donated sperm doesnt make him a dad."]
Uh in that sence I guess being a sperm recptacle doesn't make a mom.
It takes a mom and a dad to create and bring a child into this world equally.
My hats off to you. There is no way I could handle 4 children all within 4 years the youngest 2.
I'm sure you are a loving mom and are doing the best you can, but I guess because you are in the picture you can't see the picture.
["THEY chose to call him that." ]
Okay, "THEY" choose to jump on the furniture, "THEY choose to play with kitchen knives, "THEY" choose to play with matches, "THEY" choose to go outside without shoes in the winter, "THEY" choose to cross the street ,but don't want to hold your hand..........getting my point???
Who is the parent????Who makes choices and decisions?????
I pray that you would not let "THEM" carry out the above.
As you can see that is it is obviously dangerous to your child/rens physical health.
Well, Guess what?? Letting anyone that happens to be currently in your life be addressed as "Dad" is not mentally healthy for your child...
My knowledge is only with the raising 2 children who's Dad was not around once the oldest was 22months for 11 years, as well as spending the last several years helping with troubled teens,couple with years of reading and a few college/non college classes on the matter.
In closing it truly saddens me that the little bit of happiness in you childrens life are giving titles to people who are not. They are at ages where just reading, blowing bubbles, or making smiley faces out of the mustard on the ham sandwich has them jumping for joy.
Good Luck.
BDJ | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 6/12/2006 7:20:59 PM | jstone82
no matter what happend's between you and your lil girl's mom her mom should NOT be teaching her to call her boyfriend "daddy" i can not stand a woman/man who teach's their
kid/ baby to call their new woman/man "mommy or daddy" because to me there is NO other man woman, who would TAKE the baby's dad/mommys place. | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 6/12/2006 8:23:08 PM |
Uh in that sence I guess being a sperm recptacle doesn't make a mom.
It takes a mom and a dad to create and bring a child into this world equally.
your comment is very wrong. yes it obviously takes a man and a woman to make a baby but there are lots of valuable citizens to society that were raised in a 1 parent household. There are many many more dads abandoning their parental responsibilities then there are mothers (im not aying moms dont abandon their children because i know it happens) it is very much so easier for the father to leave then the mother.
Okay, "THEY" choose to jump on the furniture, "THEY choose to play with kitchen knives, "THEY" choose to play with matches, "THEY" choose to go outside without shoes in the winter, "THEY" choose to cross the street ,but don't want to hold your hand..........getting my point???
Who is the parent????Who makes choices and decisions?????
I think all she was trying to get at was she never forced them to call him dad they did it on their own. children will do what they are comftorble with so obviously they were comftorble enough with him to want to call him dad.
this lady never once said that her children have called diferent men dad. 1 man who has been in their life and has done more for them then their own father. Children deserve a dad who cares if its the actual father or a man who can step up to the plate and raise children that arent biologically his.
This man wants to be these childrens father. so if they were abandoned by both parents they should stay orphans forever because the people who would raise them and love them wouldnt be their biological parents? is that what your saying, because its the samething.
Stop picking on this poor lady, i am happy for her and her children that they have found such a great man. | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 6/12/2006 9:07:24 PM | Jenny,
Reread the post.
I never said it takes a mom and dad to raise a child... Hell, i am a single dad and doing what appears in our world better then alot of 2 parent homes.
I never wrote to "pick on" anyone. I gave her praise right at the beginning as well as closed with good luck.
Her youngest is 2 and by her own admissions is working on at least a third guy. She stated "last X".
A good parents job is to do the chooseing for the child.. The world does not work around what children want. Guess what I have to "FORCE" my child to brush her teeth. I have to "FORCE" her to eat her vegies. I have to "FORCE" her to not butt in when adults are talking. I have to "FORCE" her to take a bath. etc etc etc... Getting the picture..
It's ran by adults. If you can't teach your child the meaning of a three letter word when they are 2 through 6 ...what are you going to do with a teenager????
As for someone stepping up to be a DAD... I started in 1993 with a 1 and 3 year old I was the sole supporter (NO government or family help)who have NOT seen their father since 1992.
Guess what Jenny they NEVER called me DAD and they knew I love them more then their own mother....why cause now at 15 and 17 they tell me so. Love doesn't need a name tag, but until a spouse has years of stable homeing, marriage maybe(?) and only one male figuire around (dad long long gone)for 2 year old working on possible the 3rd male figuire in her life does not need to be throwing "DAD" around to everyone that comes into her life,
Don't believe me... watch how this thread plays out....
As for more dads walking out then moms please provide me where you get your information. The state I live in has pages of organization for helping single moms....guess what ...unable to find ONE for men. The system is geared to help single mom.
There are over 2 million kids in Foster care in US. Baltimore City alone has around 13,000. guess what???....No moms anywhere???
Not Picking, Trying to enlighten, and looking out for the childs best interest,
Remember, for what every the reason be................................
A child didn't get off the "HEY I'M HERE BUS" They didn't ask to come here. It's a parents job not to screw with their head until they are an adult and really can make their choices.
BDJ | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 6/12/2006 10:39:22 PM | | Man, I feel your pain! I have been divorced for about 9 years now, and both of my boys were quite young then. She married the guy she had an affair with and she immediately had them call him "daddy" and call me "father James". So wrong! But I didn't let it bother me although I just wanted to scream at her. But I wouldn't give her the satisfaction... Now that they are older, they KNOW who their daddy is. It just takes some patience on your part. Just wait and see, your daughter will resent your ex for this.... Guaranteed! | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 6/12/2006 11:14:07 PM | JKC66
true i agree with what you had stated i think all kids should have the right to know/meet their mom/dad no matter what the situration is no kid should ever have go without knowing who their mom/dad is and wondering, if their mom/dad even loves them. | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 6/13/2006 5:21:03 AM | This post is about the kids calling someone other then their dad "dad". My kids are happy. You dont know me and you sure dont know my kids or our situation.
They will continue to call him Dad, as far as they are concerned he is their dad. They know who their father is. It would be different if he was in the picture. I dont think they would be calling anyone else dad is he was in the picture. I was adopted my dad doesnt share my dna but it doesnt make him any less of my dad and he will always be my dad. I met my birth father I call him Rick and thats it.
A good parents job is to educated their children into making good choices. You have to give them choices to re inforce that you trust them to make desicions on their own. Im still am not going to let them play in traffic, but they understand why they cant.If you taught you child manners you wouldnt have to worry about them cutting in into conversations. Children of single parents tend to grow up and mature a lot faster | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 6/13/2006 6:50:40 PM | Looks Like you have it under control you said when she is with you she calls
You daddy and he is not thought about. she is only 3. wait a yr or so when
she really understands and then explain to her about her moms boyfriend.
and you are her real dad. It will be OK. It is the heart that matters and you
know she is your babygirl.so Love her and dont stress about things like that.
Remember. You are her dad and no one can take that away.
God Bless Jacky:   | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 6/13/2006 7:20:28 PM | | ^^^^^ What she said! Your daughter knows who her daddy is. As for your Ex she's either really spiteful, or really clueless, or trying really hard to play house. I am wondering what he bf really thinks when he's called daddy. Just love her infinitely and treasure her you know it's going to be you walking her down that isle in 20 or so years and this will be a mute point in the end. | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 4/6/2007 2:54:29 PM | Perhaps I am the only person with this opinion, but after reading all these posts I had to throw in my two-cents worth too.
The original post says that the mother was living with her bf...well, if she is living with him I am sure that he is more than simply a "bf". This new man has staying power and you're just going to have do deal with the hurt feelings that are going to come along with that. The man is a very large part of the little girl's life, whether her Dad likes it or not. I see nothing wrong with the child calling the man Daddy. She is so lucky to have two men in her life who love her as a daughter! So many people are jumping to the conclusion that the ex is being spiteful in order to push the Dad's buttons. I disagree with this. That is a rather self-centered view...not everything is about you, boy! The ex-wife has moved on with her life, found a new partner, and that is that. Of course the little girl with grow up knowing who her Daddy is. Having another male role model in her life that she calls Daddy is not going to give her a complex! When her father remarries, she will also have a new woman to call Mom. It is a word, a name only. Because the little girl is calling someone else Daddy does not mean she loves you any less, and it does not change your relationship with her. I am sure this mother is only doing what she thinks is best for her and her daughter. If he can't accept that, than that is his issue, not the ex-wife's.
I had my son when I was quite young, and during my next long-term relationship, the man and I moved in together and had another child. My son (who was three at the time) wanted to have a special name to call him, so we decided on Papi. He would sometimes switch between the man's given name, and calling him Papi. My daughter has grown up calling her father Papi also. Although we are no longer together, my son continues to call him Papi and has a special relationship with him that in no way interferes with the relationship he has with his Daddy. | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 4/7/2007 4:20:19 PM | I agree with Enhiparas, almost.
I have a step dad who is a better dad to me than my biological father ever has been. He's been a part of my life for most of my life, (though there were periods when he wasn not) but he never stepped up and wanted to parent. Most of my childhood, he'd pick me up every other weekend, bring me to his place, then stick me and my brother in the other room with a tv. Sometimes we'd hang a bit, watch a movie together or something, but not often. My dad loved me but he wasn't a great father.
My step dad on the other hand, started dating my mom about 2 years after my parents divorced. He was only 22 at the time (9 years younger than my mom) but he stepped up and was a parent to us. He worked longer hours to support the family. He came to our school functions, sporting events, conferences. Things my actual father skipped most of the time. (I wrestled in High School, my step dad was at every meet when he wasn't working, my dad made sure he saw me once a year) He loved us unconditionally. About 4 years after he started dating my mom (3 years before they married, though they were already engaged, but we were poor and they wanted to save for a nice wedding) me and my little brother started calling my step dad dad. My father didn't like it. He spouted the same crap you're all saying, you only have one dad.
We weren't stupid. But I believe there's a difference between a father and a dad. A dad is a male who loves you and raises you, they don't neccesarily need to be blood. My step dad is my dad, I never call him anything else nor would I ever, except once in a great while when talking to family, to clarify who I'm talking about. I know who provided the sperm, I knew it when I was 8 and first started calling my step dad dad too. I also knew that my step dad had earned the name every bit as much as my father. Anyone can be a father, not every father is a dad. Some kids are lucky enough to have more than 2 parents who love them. There's no reason they can't call the other person dad if they want to.
You parents saying you wouldn't want someone else called mom or dad, you talk about it as if it hurts the child but the only real reason for it is jealousy. You're jealous that someone else could have a bond with your child on the level that you do. Just because your child wants to call someone else mom or dad, it doesn't mean they love you any less, it means they love someone else more. You should be happy that there's someone else who loves your child that much and who your child loves that much. A child can never have too much love. Never.
But relating more directly to the original poster, I disagree with Enhiparas. Because I definitely get the impression that when a parent is making a child call someone else dad, that it is mainly to get under the skin of the other parent. If your child loves this BF (who as he's living with them, probably isn't just some random guy passing through the bedroom, at least I hope not) enough to want to call him dad, fine, you should be happy for her. But if she's being made to call him it, that's wrong because that's not real and its not about love, its about being forced. It is mainly to get under your skin and you should talk to her about it more in depth.
The real question though, is do you know for sure that your ex is forcing your child? Or are you just assuming it? | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 4/7/2007 4:34:28 PM | I personnally think your ex is unhappy in her relationship and is clutching at straws,trying to proof to herself and this guy that he is the one for her by getting your kid involved, and playing mind games with both of you.
Kids are not pawns, and she shouldn't do this.
Even though I am divorced from my kids dad,she will not call another man dad - unless she chooses to.
Hope all works out well for you(by the way - a 3 yr old isn't daft) | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 4/7/2007 6:51:36 PM | Bing brought up a great point about jealousy over another adult having a close enough bond that your child calls them 'Mom' or 'Dad'.
That bond is something we have to realize may happen if our children are young and our ex finds a good person. There could also be more siblings arriving ... further confusing what the 'step parent' is called at their home.
You did mention that it took 4 years and alot of respect for you to start calling your Step Dad, 'Dad'. He earned that title fair and square!!
I believe the hurt comes when mothers/fathers refer to the new/est boyfriend as 'Daddy' or the new/est girlfriend as 'Mommy'.
OP, as a different take on why your ex is doing it, my sister did it, I believe, to 'include' the new/est boyfriend in her family (in her case, the real Dad split for 16 years). I think it was her way of feeling like she belonged in a complete family once again.
Personally, my youngest child is 4 yrs old. His Dad has a 1 year old child by another lady so I'm expecting the 'endearment' of him calling her 'Mom' to come one day. I also have been separated 10 years from my ex-husband, the father of my two older children though, so the hurt has already been worked through. I am happy that there is another adult to care for and love my son (as well as additional 'grandparents', 'aunts', 'uncles', 'cousins' to love him) .
I am sorry for your pain though. My guess is that it feels like a raw wound. | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 4/7/2007 7:21:20 PM | I can't imagine the stab in the heart to hear another man (or in the case of us women, other women) being called daddy (or mommy) with our children.
Your daughter completely forgets about her "step-father" when she's with you, so take that and know that you can "stick your tongue out" at the other dude and her mom.
Keep in mind, children like to impress their parents. If her mommy is molding her to call the other guy daddy, she's doing it to please her mom. She knows that you're the ultimate daddy in her life, and that's all that matters to her.
There is nothing from a legal standpoint to do here. Even in booking a mediator for a session to bring it up seems a little far fetched.
My son's dad and I push eachother's buttons when we can just to do it. He knew calling our son Nick (over Nicholas) could send me up the wall, so he did it on purpose. You obviously rubbed your daughter's mother the wrong way and she's doing it just to get you by the balls and all up in a huff.
Kids are smart, one of these days your daughter will realize what daddy means fully, and she'll look at this boyfriend of mommy's and give him the "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!" when he tries to punish her or anything.
Be patient and just disregard it, it sucks, believe me I know...But if your daughter picks up on the resent over it, it could hurt her...
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 4/9/2007 4:33:50 AM | | k really a parent can never ask a kid to call there new bf/gf dad or mom its up to a kid what they wanna call the new person in there parents life and i would say that to ur kid its up to her but id say if the kid choice to they should have to ur step in front of it forsure cause they always do still have there real mom and real dad if both or there | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 4/9/2007 4:59:52 AM | This is disgraceful-it is just like the single mothers who vindictively shut the father out of his child's life to "get back" at him for the affair he had etc etc.
Your ex-wife is using youre child as a weapon to get at you. It often happens in divorces and it is appalling.
You are right about the Bible but the Bible also tewlls you to take a stand on what is right-to do everything you can to protect youre children and to stand up for a just cause-remember Jesus trashing the Temple? He was making a scene because he saw that what they were doing was wrong.
What youre ex-wife is doing could confuse youre child emotionally and make her feel she has to choose between two "daddies"-she could end up feeling guilty for not loving this other guy as much as you- her real dad. She could end up feeling torn-or not undewrstanding why she has to call him Daddy as well-when all the other kids only have one Dad. So for youre daughter's sake you must confront youre ex-wife about this-and if necessary get angry with them-tell her this is about youre daughter's welfare-that youre daughtewr already has a dad-and that youre ex-wife's actions are unfair to the child.
You must stand up for youre daughter-the Bible does not tell you it is wrong to do that.
And good luck hope this situation can be worked out-youre ex-wife sounds selfish, bitter, petty and incredibly immature.
But dont let youre daughter suffer as a result. I would say stop this happening now. Just my advice. | |
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| Why does my ex-wife insist on my daughter calling her boyfriend Daddy?
Posted: 4/9/2007 5:09:58 AM | And Bryn69ca-youre story is not relevant here-youre children do not see their real dad-through his choice-but the man on this thread DOES see his daughter regularly-so it is therefore wrong (not to mention unnecessary) to insist on her calling someone else "dad" as well.
As for those of you who say its not a problem-you are wrong. It is confusing for a youndg child-we are talking about a child here-not an emotionally mature adult.
And the fact that you would'nt stop youre child calling someone else dad if they wanted to-is missing the point. This man's daughter DOESNT want to call her mothers bf "dad". But the mother INSIsTS on it-that is what is wrong. That is like brainwashing a child-it is disgraceful and it must be stopped.
Honestly-i dont know how selfish mothers like her ever win custody! | |
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