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mysty
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Joined: 10/10/2004
Msg: 51 | |
| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/13/2005 6:29:03 PM | My pictures are all recent and all very representative of what I look like. In fact, I have been told that I look a lot 'prettier' in person by almost every guy I have met for a coffee.
However, I only had about three face shots up for a long time. I recently changed my pictures and, keeping the main one, changed the rest and included some full body ones. Since doing that, my emails have dropped to zero except for one guy who asked why I didn't manage to start any fires with the firefighters.
I don't ever expect to meet the man I want to spend my life with in this venue. I have given it a good try for three years now. I may not have my man, but I sure have enough material for a d*mn good book...and I plan to start writing it very soon. | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/14/2005 9:48:38 AM | Well....
Ive been on POF for about 2 months now...Ive met three women and got along fine with them in each case...however none of them are for me....I think men are definately at a huge dissadvantage in general, but its important to note that only the prettiest of women really have any advantage...guys are just as shallow, I mean how many guys that are say 6ft and 230lbs want to date a 300 lb lady?? Im amazed by the numbe rof attractive girls on here....
I think shallowness goes hand in hand with both sexes...there is a girl at the club I go to thats pretty darn hot, and I watch the players home in on her all the time, and I feel bad for her, but she always fends them off, then the ones she does talk to I wonder about....maybe she isnt shallow after all....as for me, she "allows" me to dance in her vacinity because I pose no threat, but she never talks or smiles either..hence my conclusion is shes stuck up...so I geuss we are all prejudiced, I think we all prejudge...but out on these sites its even worse...you can be judged on your pic in seconds! No wonder people put up "fakes" LOL...
Anyways, I know Im rambling, but its one of those things, Is it really worth the time spent?? I used to spend alot of time and money on phone chat lines, and Im greatful I found this in its place! Im saving tons of cash! That, and you can see something before you meet!
I think the absolute best means for people not finding someone suitable on their own is a dating service...the kind that actually play matchmaker...there is one I found out about last year in my area that will set you up on a date for about 50 bucks....as I found out about it, I started to date someone so I never pursued it, but Im thinking about it now as I am single again.
Good luck everyone....as anything else, dating is a mine field.....I am truly envious of my friends that actually have a stable relationship...they have no idea how hard it is! | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/14/2005 8:20:03 PM | I myself tend to think that most of us guys are at a HUGE disadvantage because we outnumber the women members.
I notice alot of these so called "nice girls" who claim to be open , fun-loving and friendly, but upon messaging them, find out that they are someone that they are not, simply by not responding in the least of ways.
I notice alot of women dont take the time to ever READ the mail before DELETING it, so my question is ,, "Why are you here?" for the attention that you might crave that you arent getting enough of? To make yourself feel "prettier and more attractive to your own doubting self?,, I dont know ,, it seems to be a perpetual enigma , and i find it to be ever-frustrating to continue this search for my ideal mate.
I have been a member for over a year and I am on 2 peoples favourite list, and that was only recently, and in 1 day i might add, but as Elvin Chile mentioned , a woman could be on this site for 0 days and find themselves on as many as 20 peoples favourite lists,,
so my conclusion to this is ever present problem is there are NOT enough legitamately elligable women out there actually LOOKING for a mate whether its just for an "intimate encounter" or any other sort of relationship.
So it seems that as men, we send out hundreds of mails and show our pics to all that wish to see , and yet we get what?,, one or two responses or a "UNREAD and DELETED message in the "message history".
Let me ask the ladies out here,, what is it ? are we all ugly and unattractive and not worthy of a response? are we as men wasting our time filling out all our information, criteria and whatnot?,, I just wanna know and Im sure I speak for all men here,,is it really that difficult for a woman to choose a man online? or are you just jerking our chains?
Thanks, hope this wasnt taken the wrong way.
Mike | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/15/2005 4:09:08 PM | | I have to agree with you, the ratio between men and women is extremely great. However, you have to remember that the goal of the game here is to hook up, in what ever fashion you want it to be. So it really doesn't matter what picture you post, because in the end it's going to be the same old you walking up to that door step to meet the girl. | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/27/2005 11:44:09 AM | hi, first post of the forum.
I have checked out a few dating services and have met a few people. There is disadvantages and advantages regardless for everyone, not just the guys. Some one had told me a while back that for every 3 single woman, there is 1 single man in Toronto. I think they read this in NOW magazine if I'm not mistaken. I know way more single women than men by far. I went out with a group of single women last weekend, some of my friends and they would all like to meet someone however when we go out, there are women in their 20's who are perhaps more adventurous and also maybe more appealing. I don't see how though because we be fine women and though were not all in it anymore for just the 'fun' or the 'thrill' (which seems to be the impression I get), we're your women who are perhaps more established and capable of going about relationships being serious mainly from having the experience of having been in our 20's, we're past that now. Some of these women are on these dating services and we all say how it's been this pattern of meeting guys and it's either the perpetual bachelor syndrome or sex sex sex (of a combo..lol). Any serious guys out there??? I definately have to be attracted and I'm not "all that!" where I'm in Prada every time we go out (which was a major problem for one guy I had met!) It's about being down to earth, isn't it?? I don't know... hmm, I'm feeling DISadvantaged right about now.. back to optimism!  | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/27/2005 11:50:40 AM | Hi, I don't know... my brother met his long-time girlfriend on Lavalife. I know a few other people too who've got together by dating services. It's luck too I guess so, I just find it can be a bit annoying after a while when you meet people and it feels so unnatural because it wasn't that you met in person where the chemistry is pronounced, winging it for the most part and see where it goes.
My pictures, I look kind of different depending on the pic so..., I can look OK and others not so 'OK'. God knows I have more bad hair days than good and so forth. We should realize this anyway that we aren't going to be exactly what a picture protrays. Might be better, who knows?? I have months where I gain a couple pounds and months where I'm slimmer so, who doesn't?? I don't know. It's really so superficial anyway.. | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/27/2005 2:09:57 PM | Bluemeanie: Well, God knows these are my real pictures. I wish I were some sort of Catherine Zeta-Jones, but hey, I'm satisfied anyway. Maybe Catherine Zeta-Jones is not as content with life as I am. Who knows. Some people on POF have told me I'm ugly. Some have told me I'm fat. Some have told me I'm hot. Who knows how people determine beauty. What it comes right down to is how the person feels about qualities she/he possesses inside; do they help the needy, are they compassionate to the suffering, do they stand up for those who cannot, are they protective of family, etc. At least that's my take on it.
As far as there being more men than women on POF, I don't think so, but only the mods know that. We should ask them.
Oh and I think you're about as much a doctor as I am an astronaut. | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/27/2005 4:25:50 PM | detrina,
You're sounding pretty disillusioned here darlin'. I checked your pics and you are a very attractive woman who could easily pass for being in your 20's if you desired- although I doubt you want to. Keep in mind a bad hair day here and there is better than a bad face life such as I have had  Keep your chin up, spend some time on the forums and drop a few people you find interesting an email and just give it some time. As far as the chemistry/ sparks etc not happening "naturally", be aware that each venue has advantages and negative aspects. Here we don't get the nuances of body language, tonal inclinations and such so we focus on all we have- the typed words and interactions with other on the forums which can reveal a great deal of one's personality which not come out till later in a real life initial contact.
but anyway, keep your spirits up darlin, the sparks will come when the time is right and you will look back on this gloomy time and laugh with someone who deserves you........ | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/27/2005 8:09:46 PM | I know I have felt a disadvantage here, so far, for me its been d*mn near impossible to get a response from a female on here, I have actually had some pretty rude ones respond to me, completly running down my photos and my profile, I've changed pics and rewrote my profile several times and still very low response. I don't know maybe my messages are not the way people expect them here.
I try to be as real as possible, maybe thats not good either and my photos are very recent, like yesterday. (2/27/05)
Why would I portray myself as something I am not, I want to meet some people, I want them to know me, I know I am good people and they will know as well if they are smart enough to try me out.
Also I had some good luck on bookofmatches.com, people seem to respond there much better, alot better than here.
There is no woman on this planet thats all that, I don't care how hot she is, she is not all that.
She is just a woman ! | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/27/2005 10:14:27 PM | Well I guess to put it simple, I am not having much luck here.
What I meant by no women are all that is, I am not going to portray myself as something I am not to get her, maybe I worded it wrong, maybe I should say no Woman is worth that, and thats for me, cause the fact is they will find out anyway so why bother with it, I am sure that works both ways.
However, for some I guess its worth it to them, not me.
I meant no disrespect towards anyone, if thats how it seemed.
I hope this helped !
Paul...... | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/27/2005 10:28:18 PM | "Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?"
So far?
In my experience .............no.
Though I haven't initiated contacts with the lovely ladies of POF,
.............. I am friends now with many of the more elegant and eloquent ladies of POF,
........... and quite fond of one in particular,
.......and she doesn't seem to mind.
Honesty in words/deeds are your own best advertising. | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 3/1/2005 1:02:43 AM | I keep seeing the same theme through this thread--that men are at a disadvantage--and it's always based on the fact so many more men are on dating sites than women. I don't disagree, but I think there's more to it than that.
When women go on these sites, we're looking for someone who catches our eye for who they are, not as much what they look like in that split second you get for a first impression when you're at a club or bar. Because of the format, people take time to listen/read/think before deciding if they like someone. The pressure is less on making a startlingly hot first impression, and more on being interesting.
If anything, I think this helps because it's a lot easier to make yourself look good if you're female--we get to have make-up, high heels, highlights, short skirts, and cleavage (and guys are stuck with nice clothes, good hair, clear skin, and. . .um. . .their wit). Because the emphasis is more on personality and less on appearance, all those appearance tricks we employ to make heads turn have less of an impact, essentially levelling the playing field a bit (not a lot, but some). | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 3/1/2005 5:26:10 PM | | I think your right. I couldn't figure it out but what your saying makes sense.I made the first move on a few women here and been virtually ignored, some delete without even reading !! When ever I get a response it so short you can't even figure it out,and you try to re-connect and again no response. My friends told me to avoid these sites and i'm starting to agree with them. I'm hearing that alot of men are going to south america to meet women, because their men treat them like dirt. I know this as got gold digger written all over it, but apparantly latin women are very loyal to a man that treats them right and enjoy the pampering. North american girls have become to obssesed with looks and the material trappings. Well on the bright side guys all were looking for is just that one woman and maybe she'll be in the next coffee meeting | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 3/1/2005 9:03:28 PM | | Yes, online dating is very difficult for men. Some sites I've tried have far more men than women. Men have to do everything too. Women never make the first move on you either. Plus women are so demanding and impossible to please. They want so much in a guy. So many criteria for their matches to meet. Ex- must be tall, handsome, muscular or athletic, intelligent, professionally employed, high class, well dressed, impeccably groomed, make over 30, 000 a year, positive attitude, motivated, ambitious, goal oriented, success driven, have strong sense of self, know who you are and what you want out of life, happy, fun, sense of humour, outgoing, want children etc etc. On and on it goes... | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 3/2/2005 2:29:42 AM | Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Hmmm..It's like trying to find a needle in a needle-stack (a shiny needle)? You guys know that using a little right brain activity might suit you. I hear women are into that stuff. | |
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