| Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!
Posted: 1/27/2005 10:34:43 PM | OK I had a date with a woman, I was really excited about her.
I said we should do something again, yadda yadda ya.
But,
Later on, away from the field of battle (so to speak) I thought about
the date. In retrospective I realized that Our life styles didn't really match.
Somr other stuff that maybe I was glossing over in my mind because I was really attracted to her and maybe I was excited to meet her, but she didn't really demonstrate anything more than a tolerance of me.
So, I never called back. What would be the purpose. To tell her what I just described above? That would be like wasting both our time. She was probably glad I wasn't stupid enought to bother her again.
Now- I think it's a different story if you've more or less officially been together for a while- like a month or more. Then you actually have something going and if one decides to terminate that - there should be some sort of sign off - some closure.
SO there at that point - people who aren't sure about things don't know what to do.
DOn't quite want to say that's it - goodbye, But don't know if it should continue.
Hence a fade out.
Its human nature- once you are dealing with people- nothing is entirely black or white.
Evan | |
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| Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!
Posted: 10/15/2007 10:20:25 AM |
Guys don't spend their childhoods playing house and practicing dating and breaking up, getting engaged and breaking off the engagement, etc. They don't come pre-programmed to move through the steps of a relationship like girls do.
A little to generalizing there for my tastes. Not all girls do that! I am not preprogrammed.
I certainly didn't play house - I preferred cars thank you. And I believe as many guys as girls have played the dating game and broken off relationships and engagements.
And a lot of girls certainly don't say goodbye.
There is so much generalizing .. :/ everyone is unique, every relationship is unique, and a lot of thought patterns are unique until a member of EITHER sex grabs advice or does what his or her friend does in the same situation. | |
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| Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!
Posted: 10/15/2007 1:53:51 PM | First off, nsalne....maybe she DIDN'T find another guy (which is why she was so upset) she just probably had been picking up clues and was testing to see if you would even mind if you were gone...she obviously found out it "was not that big a deal". I don't play that way, but alota women do.
Shadesofgrey...I don't know why your ideas are what they are, and you are certainly entitled to them...but I can tell ya, this gal didn't come "pre-programmed to move through the steps of a relationship". And as for your ideas on guys? Dang, I'd give 'em more intelligence than THAT!!!
LMAO....as for the fading thing, it's a matter of closure so they can move on I think....if women want closure....just say "bye, have a nice life". I think most of us would seriously "get it", and move on. The question about the fading is just that....how are we supposed to KNOW you aren't comin back or just got busy, if ya don't say so. That not only goes for real life but online. At least say bye or have a nice day/night to them if you're done talkin with 'em.
DJW...not all women are crazy hon....say bye to me, not a big deal....don't have a problem with it, but sometimes I like to know why, just in case there's a message of self improvement in there, yanno? Besides, I don't want a man around who doesn't wanna BE around.
Wrong Babylonia...I have never faded on anyone...so can't really say ALL and make it so, and I'm sure there are others out there who don't do it. In fact, I'd rather tell a person why I don't wanna talk to them anymore, and would rather have them do the same with me if it's how they feel. What's the big deal about fading out? I just ain't believing we have that many "chicken" people in the world!!!!
Exactly...Casago!! But Ageless Wonder has a point too, lmao...and a good one at that!!!
ljf2000...Exactly what I was sayin to shades.....I didn't play that crap either, being a tomboy, guess I missed that part, and if that's how ya turn out, glad I did miss it. True, everyone is unique, too bad so much generalization still goes on. | |
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| Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!
Posted: 10/17/2007 9:28:52 AM | | i think it can be impulsive of some guys 2 do this,maybe it because during your conversations they havent heard what they want to hear and become bored of the convo and sign out in haste if its on msn or like wise a date they wouldnt contact u afterwards,or it could be the fact that there are some pretty un thoughtful guys out there,in general i am as polite on line as i am in person,but unfortunately i cant speak 4 most guys on here(sorry 2 sound big headed lol)hope this has helped! | |
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| Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!
Posted: 10/17/2007 9:34:36 AM | This is so funny. I have sent women all the signs that something is amiss and met silence. And, oddly enough, sending those signs usually connotes a communication problem.
I have faded at the ended of relationships as well. It usually involved some period of silence (putting the house in order) and the inevitable talk. | |
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| Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!
Posted: 10/17/2007 9:38:26 AM | | I'm not a guy, but I know why the fade happens in my life. I don't break up when there is nothing to break up. I don't consider a few emails, phone calls, or even a couple of dates a situation that necessitates a dramatic good-bye scene. As far as I'm concerned, we were just two ships that pass in the night. | |
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| Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!
Posted: 10/17/2007 9:49:18 AM | I always say goodbye and I love you when applicable whenever ending a conversation with a good friend or a woman I am seeing.
As far as ending a relationship, it is important to be definitive and clear that the relationship is ending. I also like to make sure that I make it clear to the other person why I want to end the relationship. People are entitled to closure. Within reason I will talk with that person as long as they need to talk to me. If they would like to explore a new relationship and I believe it is feasible I will do that as well.
I know that common wisdom says you have to be cruel to be kind. Although I agree with that saying only with a grain of salt. I want them to know they still have access to me. People are important I want to do whatever I can to be there for someone who was not ready to end the relationship. If it becomes obsessive then I cut it off. Otherwise I have often found that an ex lover has become a close and treasured friend.
Simply I always say goodbye, I always give closure, and I never take people for granted. I leave the disappearing acts to Casper and Houdini! | |
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| Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!
Posted: 10/19/2007 2:13:58 PM | Why Is that? Ha opposite of fear of commitment??? Just please, it's not that hard guys , when you are signing out, don't just quit typing! Please! Thanks!
my bf used to do that like ALL the time to me and i'd get sooooo pissed! i'm like...you can't even take the time to say bye?! da phuck?! ahahahahaha...he'll be like...but i'm busy...too much ish going on...yara yara...
anywho...he's doing that on a minimal now. if anything, he'll go on typing spree ...yara yara...goodnite, i love you....then immediately log-off. | |
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| Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!
Posted: 10/19/2007 3:31:37 PM | | Even better is the guy that calls you the day BEFORE your birthday, gets "too busy" to call on your birthday, and then won't answer any calls or emails. Can't he just have enough manners to end it through a phone call, at the very least?????? | |
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| Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!
Posted: 10/19/2007 3:45:12 PM | Here's the reason......It goes something like this....
guy: hey....you know....I just wanted to say that I'm really glad we got to know each other in this brief time. But I'm not really sure we would be right for each other.
woman: what's wrong with me?
guy: no...nothing is WRONG with you? I just think we probably have different lifestyles.
woman: Oh, I get it...I'm good enough to lay, just not good enough to be in YOUR lifestyle on a day to day basis, isn't that right?
guy: NO!! I'm not saying that.....I...
woman: oh...so now I'm not even good enough to LAY, huh?? Why are you such a PLAYER???
Should I continue????
Most times....it's BETTER to just walk away quietly......... | |
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| Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!
Posted: 10/19/2007 3:58:00 PM | | Alright you caught me. I'm one of those guys. I try to keep a normal life going on at the same time I'm on the internet. I use the internet in my free time and I'm usually doing other things at the same time. Laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc... Sure if the conversation is interesting I'll stay at the computer and type. I also have a short attention spand and if it takes someone to long to type a response I figure they are talking to other people and one of them can just keep them occupied. | |
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| Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!
Posted: 10/19/2007 4:06:56 PM | I imagine some women are crazy, but stay away from them. The way I see it, life is short. I want an end. Otherwise I wonder if he is just busy or he is picking up mixed signals from me or what. I'd rather just hear it's over and then I can move on with out wondering what I'm supposed to be doing. Being a single woman in her 30s is easy since we seem to be such a rare breed. If one guy isn't into you, you still have 20 other ones trying to date you. I'm not a jerk or a player, so I want to know where the end is. That way, I'm not moving on prematurely or hanging on too long.
There are a few guys who have taken me out a few times, then they would stop asking me out but still call or email me. What the heck is that about? If they are not going to ask me out, why are they calling me? I don't need a phone buddy. Can any guy explain that? | |
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| Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!
Posted: 10/19/2007 4:20:51 PM | One friend has this theory that many men don't want to say anything definitive like "goodbye" in case they need to come back to you. If they didn't leave on bad terms, then they have a better chance reawakening whatever you had together--assuming they can get you to buy whatever reason they come up with for why they disappeared for two months (or whatever length of time).
But I think the would-rather-avoid-confrontation/unpleasantness explanation is far more likely. And not restricted to men, by any means.
Almost everybody I know, however, would rather know--even if it's bad news--than guess why someone stopped calling or writing. And I believe the possibility of having to deal temporarily with a few tears or hurt feelings is well worth it for the everlasting satisfaction of knowing you did the decent thing.
--Ms. Flis
Now stopping to ponder how often she might have done the fade without thinking about it... | |
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| Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!
Posted: 10/19/2007 4:39:37 PM | Knowing, it's human nature to want to know, not only by females, sometimes.
I am cool with goodbye, that fading act, too freaky, kind of creepy. I think some do it to keep from shutting that door like mentioned above, some do it because that is how they handle things that are uncomfortable for whatever reason. Some do it just because they are jerks...notice I left out a gender....males and females are guilty of fading. I have learned that means usually, he will be back..eventually this can be emails, IM, personal friends, relationship types. My sense of me is healthy enough that I can shrug and whatever.....but Dont go away mad, just go away. That works for me too. | |
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| Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!
Posted: 10/19/2007 6:15:17 PM | Guilty.
Sorry, a lady writes me , says she doesnt want to see me, wont work out, wrong cosmic freaking energy lol what ever. Ok, thats good bye.
Perhaps I disagree, maybe I think there is a chance?
No, I am not into games , so I just walk on bye. | |
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| Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!
Posted: 10/19/2007 7:46:07 PM | I would much rather have a definitive end, even if it were that the guy was bothered by my hunchback, and my crooked nose with the wart on the end of it.
Do other people find it unsettling when the other person does a fade-out?? I would find that it shakes my confidence a little bit, making it harder to put myself out there the next time. I haven't experienced the fade-out with men I've met, but have with pen pals. I wonder whatever happened to them and if it was something I said.
It would be great if those of you who do the fade-out could muster up some empathy and some bravery and let the person know that you don't think you're a good match. A friend of mine told me about the best good-bye she ever received........."I'm just not feeling the chemistry I'd like to feel". We cracked up laughing over that, knowing it was a well-used line, but found it quite cute. Why not just tell the person about the "deal-breaker" about them? It really isn't all that hard - what is there to be afraid of?? | |
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| Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!
Posted: 10/19/2007 9:19:43 PM | "Why do guys never say bye? They just fade away quietly!"
Why are there so many of these bullshit threads that lump ALL members of either gender into one type? If the forum moderators would do their jobs and immediately delete all such threads, there would be a hell of a lot less garbage to sort through and we could have some actual USEFUL threads to participate in.
ATTENTION FORUM MODS!!!!
PLEASE DELETE THIS PIECE-OF-CRAP THREAD IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!
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