Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 kran007
Joined: 5/28/2009
Msg: 901
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship? Page 37 of 40    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40)
So it's ok for the guy on the first date BUT he will look down upon the woman and say "SHE sleeps around"? C'mon....what a double standard! I think guys who PUT OUT on the first date are only looking for that anyway. I think both men and women need to control themselves and ask questions before being intimate.
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 902
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/1/2011 10:03:30 PM
2 of my relationships, i waited to have sex til i thought it was the right time but turned out they were not all that great at it and the relationship went downhill....so i think if you have chemistry and like the person then go for it. life is short and don't waste time just hangin out wanting to have sex. just do it.
 Leonardodecaprio
Joined: 4/10/2011
Msg: 903
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/1/2011 10:28:35 PM
not really, if it happens, that is mean both matches each other a lot.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 904
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/2/2011 4:57:41 AM
My take on the double standards thing is this

From the womans perspective it SHOULD be seen as a good thing rather than a bad one, suppose you HAD waited, that same exact man wouldnt have had the chance to show you what a total knobhead it was for a lot longer, maybe even years later

But by not manipulating the situation by arificially waiting and just doing what you feel is natural you get to realise the blokes not worth wasting time on with a view of women like that and save yourself a chunk of your life to spend with someone who views women in a much better way instead


From a male perspective, the ONLY, and I do mean the ONLY scenario where a bloke has ANY right to view a woman in a negative light for having sex on he first date is where he follows the flow of the date until just before sex is guaranteed to begin and then,,,,,,,

He turns around and says "I'm really sorry but I'm just not THAT type of guy" and leaves

If he actually has sex with her, then any criticism of that woman without also equally criticising himself too is just vaccuous prattlings from a person who doesnt have much of grasp on any form of rational reality and is therefore totally meaningless expulsions of hot air

But women trying to second guess their way around that sort of thing really doesnt do you any favours either, because many men will sense that someone is being false, they might not know what it is theyre being false about, but will pick up on the base inconsistencies subconciously

So as with any other topic about interpersonal interactions its ALWAYS best to be yourself, and that means in a given situation you'd want to ride them like a rodeo horse on date 1 or date 20 then do that. If the bloke isnt happy with that it doesnt mean anyone is "wrong" or "better" its just another type of incompatibility, nothing more

But its always best to do what you think is right for you, rather than pretending to be somebody else and doing what you think some practical stranger "might" prefer

I think the men who do view women negatively for having sex early on are (in the uk at least) in rapid decline. As its not something I have heard anyone I know voice since my early 20s. Most men I know see women and their sexuality/sex drive as not being that dissimilar from their own nowadays. Which is why far more men would view a long "waiting" period as a sign of issues, far more readily than they would see no waiting time as being a red flag

And most couples I know had sex almost as soon as they started seeing each other, many on the first date. So that obviously isnt something that seems to cause many people a problem nowadays either and most just view it as being because they both instantly fancied EACH OTHER not because theyre sluts with no morals as the bible bashing brigade would be inclined to do

Infact nobody has "no morals" they just have different ones. And although people will try to feel better about themselves by pretending their morals are "higher" than someone elses they arent. Theyre just different
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 905
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/2/2011 6:39:54 AM
You know...i might actually read your posts if it wasn't a damn novel.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 906
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/2/2011 8:10:03 AM

So it's ok for the guy on the first date BUT he will look down upon the woman and say "SHE sleeps around"?

The problem with that logic is that the guys who sleep with a girl on the first date are not always the ones who say "SHE sleeps around"...
It's often the guys who don't look for first date sex that don't want her because "SHE sleeps around"... but by the time she figures that out.... LOL

And the same is true in reverse... some women don't want a guy who sleeps around....
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 907
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/2/2011 8:17:15 AM

The problem with that logic is that the guys who sleep with a girl on the first date are not always the ones who say "SHE sleeps around"...

No, the problem with your logic is that no woman should allow her sex life to be dictated by some vague notion of what some guys might think.

And the same is true in reverse... some women don't want a guy who sleeps around....

That works for me. If my sex life was a turn off for a woman, she was welcome to date someone else. Why should a woman think any differently?
 afrnd4u12
Joined: 12/21/2008
Msg: 908
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/2/2011 8:50:13 AM
I agree that sex is a form of taking the relationship to the next level, if you take it there the first date then there is nowhere else to move to unless there is committment ie moving in or marriage. How can you decide that on a first date? However, I have to say that long term conversation on a site like this can move a relationship to a point that a next step is not inappropriate. Depends on how long and how committed you have become in conversation. And, how the first date develops as someone else said motel/car or one of your homes, and how trusting you are of eachother. Lots of variables here for that question to be answered here. I have to say for myself that first date sex is not going to happen.
 Betterthanblond1331
Joined: 5/29/2011
Msg: 909
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/2/2011 8:58:48 AM
Abelian...I agree...

My life is my life and do what I feel is right for me. If some man doesn't like my way of life, then that's fine with him. Just remind him that he is no better than I am and I am no better than he is. Same for a woman...if a guy "sleeps around" in your opinion...then just don't date him. There is no need to talk about him or gossip.

I am not 100% where I stand on the whole idea of sex on the first date..but the way I look at it, it's all in the attitude. If a two people are really into it and each other...and they don't have all these judgmental ideas, then it's fine. If they can both accept the fact that they had sex, move on or continue to see each other without name calling, then that's fine.

I think it's when the man treats it like "another notch on his belt" or the woman starts feeling bad and apologizing or bad talking him to her friends...that's when sex on the first date turns into something nasty.

I'm not saying I make it a practice of having sex on the first date..I have in the past and although I did have a 10 year relationship with someone who I had sex with on the first date, it usually never worked out....I am saying that it is all in the intention and attitude. If the attitudes are positive, then it's a good thing. If not, well it shouldn't have happened.
 virVerus
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 910
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/2/2011 10:32:33 PM
Not necessarily. The first time I met one girlfriend I had a good relationship with, we stayed in a hotel that night and had oral and anal sex. True story. I didn't have a condom and didn't want to get her pregnant. I normally don't pay a woman's way unless we're already in a relationship and having sex. At any rate, I didn't think any less of her after that or lose any respect for her. I'm a gentleman that way.
 virVerus
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 911
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/3/2011 3:21:28 PM
Nope, that's not me. The funny thing is, I was not expecting it. We got to fooling around and one thing led to another. Well, it takes two to tango!
 knowwhatsrite
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 912
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/3/2011 5:09:23 PM
There is a double standard here. People often say things they don't mean. Then, judge according to what they believe as opposed to what they have said. If your profile says you are sincere and honest for example, be sincere and honest. A friend of mine says she went out with a guy and they hit it off so well after their dinner date she went back to his home. Once there he told her he felt comfortable with her and they were both adults, so if anything where to happen he wouldn't think less of her. She never heard from him again. On the other hand, a lifetime ago, I met a man I was instantly attracted to and after a brief lunch well let's just say dessert wasn't on the restaurant's menu! lol After two years of dating, we got married. That union lasted 10 years. I don't like to generalize, but some people should look in the mirror before judging others.
 goodguy63624
Joined: 7/29/2011
Msg: 913
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/4/2011 10:44:11 AM
Really depends on the mindset of the people involved. Personally I love a woman that is comfortable with her sexuality, and married 2 of my 3 ex wives after having had sex with them on the first date. It didn't make me think less of them, quite the opposite as a matter of fact. Sex is an extremely important facet of a relationship.
 startnewlife2011
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 914
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/4/2011 12:40:38 PM

Sex is just plain better when you have some knowledge of each other, and care about each other. Why not wait? I enjoy anticipation. If you have sex right away you don't have time to flirt and build up the tension. Instant sex is like fast food. It is convenient but not much else.


totally!!!
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 915
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/4/2011 12:49:42 PM
Actually I find quite the opposite to be true

I find that once the sex bridge is crossed you tend to have a new level of intimacy and far fewer boundaries and barriers so conversation and the whole "getting to know each other" thing seems to actually speed up

Not quite sure what the big attraction about building up tension is though, does that mean that once youre actually in a relationship with someone all the sex is crap unless they work away for months at a time without that "tension"?

As for flirting, again, thats an ongoing and integral part of a relationship and isnt actually supposed to cease the moment you bump uglies for the first time as far as I was aware

I mean jeez, if this built up tension and anticipation is what allegedly makes having sex with somene sooooo fabulous would that mean if you were living together you'd only have sex once a month so it has time to build back up again? Or just never bother with again because it will never be like the frist time twice?

As for being better when you have some "knowledge" of each other I actually agree

Although knowing someone is allergic to peanuts, doesnt like milkshakes, has a pair of homer simpson slippers, used to have a cat called Munchies and never has a go on the lottery has never, not even once in my life improved having sex with them

Having physical and intimate "knowledge" of them for some strange inexplicably unfathomable reason however ALWAYS seems to have that result though

Go figure.....

Signed

Mr Confuddled
Wednesbury
 needahug
Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 916
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/5/2011 8:53:48 AM
Haha, sure men are going to think that!Hello!And not to sound rude but having sex on a first date and having a relationship are two different subjects. One,sex,you just met this person and are acting out with lust and desire,Two, a relationship is developed over time and consist of many things which include intimacy.Having sex the first meeting to me and prospect of a relationship is totally depending on the two people involved. Was that first time great, fireworks and seal the deal!Or did it just satisfy a longing need you both or one was having and ended the deal. I think each situation is different and you have to live with each decision you make.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 917
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/5/2011 9:12:34 AM
Course theyre two different things, so are having a relationship and NOT having sex early on, so?

The point being theyre not two mutually exclusive things unless someone has some kind of issue, hang up or other notion about sex

And as many have stated its not only "possible" but actually very common for couples to have a long term serious relationship AFTER having sex on a first date

Nobody is saying it should be compulsory, just that unless one or both of the people involved have some kind of weird hang up about sex it really doesnt influence whether a relationship will follow or not. As that is a "different thing" and depends on other things like how well you get on, how your personalities match and zillions of other things

And rather than it being "how men think" who on earth do you think all the men having a long term serious relationship following sex on the first date are having them with?

Aliens?

No, its with women, so obviously many women also think the same think too

The fact you dont doesnt really have any bearing on what the other 3 billion or so women on the planet think as much as you might like to think youre their spokesperson
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 918
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/5/2011 10:13:13 AM

No, its with women, so obviously many women also think the same think too

Which actually brings up a good point....

In this thread there is a bit of an unwritten assumption that it is the men who choose whether or not to have a relationship after first date sex...
Yet, the women involved have just as much if not more choice whether to have a relationship...

I'm sure that many women have decided after the sex, that it wasn't that good... or that the guy was a 12 second wonder, or not big enough, or not good enough at foreplay, oral, whatever and stopped seeing the other person because of it...
In that regard, many men may be losing out, in that first time sex, is often not the best. Perhaps a few drinks too many, rushed, nervousness and unfamiliarity with the women (combined with her expectations not being fulfilled especially) may in the long run be a potential relationship killer... (Granted, not everything can be fixed, like physical issues, but there may be more tolerance of them...)
Whereas if the women has spent the time to get to know the guy she might give him a second chance... she's less likely too if she has no emotional connetion to him...
And of course, once the guy gets to know her, he's going to be more comfortable and relaxed and the event may be a little more planned and enjoyable for both...

So it's entirely possible that rushing to first date sex, can kill the potential relationship from her point of view...
 addictedpoetess
Joined: 8/15/2011
Msg: 919
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/5/2011 10:28:11 AM
In my last relationship... i picked him up at a bar. I got jealous every time he went to the bar.... turns out he was a cheating azskehole, but anyways..

it's hard to "trust" people after that... but, doesn't mean that it isn't possible

sometimes you meet certain people that just taste better than others...
life's funny like that.
 plebian1
Joined: 9/21/2011
Msg: 920
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/5/2011 4:42:09 PM
There's no hard and fast answer. I think it's bad for one side to go into a first date with the expectation of sex, but if both people really like each other, there is physical chemistry, and sex just happens there's no reason a relationship can't develop
 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 921
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/5/2011 8:43:17 PM
Having sex means you are willing to have sex with each other. It's supposed to mean you have a degree of attraction, compatibility, TRUST, and communication to have sex.

Surprise! All those mixed feelings or problems with compatibility afterward that were not addressed before the sex act don't magically disappear AFTER sex. It's amazing how many people think that sex is the magic bullet (er, bullet-shaped device) to fix problems.

Anyone who feels bad or has regrets afterward, just remember - YOU WERE IN THE ROOM WHEN IT HAPPENED. Soooo so so so so many people lash out at their partner with blame or worse because of how THEY feel afterward. I don't know how to push this point any harder - it is NOT about your partner - it is totally about how YOU feel about it.

If something happened during the act that was genuinely wrong, you're getting into something totally different - and probably criminal.

On the bright side, it means you've already seen each other naked - so if you can handle that, it's one less mystery that needs to be solved down the line. Personally, I wish I could start a date with a passionate kiss as an ice breaker - it would save hours of starting nervous chit-chat.
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 922
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/5/2011 10:24:09 PM
Lol you crack me up. I have done that before actually. I just wanted sex really so as soon as i saw him for the first time i thought he was sexy so i just grabbed and kissed him. We made out for a while, then went from that to the most amazing foreplay to the most awesome sex i have ever had. It turned into a relationship and i was with him for 2 years. I loved him more than i have ever loved anyone. It can happen.
 bkskd
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 923
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/7/2011 6:25:19 AM
I actually posted an experience of mine which related to this. The post was erased I

guess becasue it fell under this same topic? I asked this question to the posterss: if

ALCOHOL played a variable on hooking up the first night, do the same rules apply?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 924
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/7/2011 7:21:48 AM
In this thread there is a bit of an unwritten assumption that it is the men who choose whether or not to have a relationship after first date sex... Yet, the women involved have just as much if not more choice whether to have a relationship...

In theory, the male and female roles would be the same, but in practice it seems that a relationship is usually a male's prerogative - at least I've never had sex on first date and had a woman choose to not get into a relationship when the circumstances made that at all possible, even when that wasn't her intention. Also, if the relationship wasn't generally the guy's prerogative, the proverbial ``player'' wouldn't exist. There's not much point in deceiving a woman for sex if she's no more likely to want a relationship from it than the guy is.

So it's entirely possible that rushing to first date sex, can kill the potential relationship from her point of view...

It's possible, but only with women who are sexually experienced enough to be picky and know the difference between bad sex and good sex. That would seem to defeat the purpose of the argument, if the point is to exercise restraint.

if ALCOHOL played a variable on hooking up the first night, do the same rules apply?

Sure. Alcohol is just an excuse for doing something a person wants to do. I'd actually think less of a person who wants to shift the responsibility for doing something to alcohol rather than just take responsibility. What's the difference between wanting to do something and wanting to get drunk to do something other than needing the alcohol to lower one's inhibitions and have an excuse?
 simplyamorous
Joined: 8/5/2011
Msg: 925
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/7/2011 8:44:23 AM
I think some people apply hard and fast rules to their life such as, if a woman (or man) is willing to have sex with me on the first date then they are somehow not worthy of a long term commitment. Take it a step further. Some people think that anyone who has sex outside of marriage is loose or has low standards. Everyone has their own "rules" they live by, sometimes without even realizing they are doing it.

If someone having sex with you on the first date is such a turn off to you then why in the hell are YOU doing it? It takes two. You can't have sex on the first date and then negatively judge the other person for doing the same. It kind of makes you a hypocrite.

For me, whether I had sex with a person on the first date or the tenth date is less important that how I feel about them and how much I like them. If I am really crazy about them and want to have more of a relationship with them then the rest of it (when we first had sex, etc) is secondary to that.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?