| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:24:00 PM | I must admit...I enjoy being chased!
Sometimes, I may be midly interested in a guy but not really pay attention to him unless he is always there...and keeps the communication going...which tells me he is actually very interested in me and is putting the extra effort into getting to know ME as a person.
Then I would give him my undivided attention as well. (as long as I like what he has to say to me off course) Some guys give up too soon. | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:33:02 PM | | With the way the ladys return emails thier is not going to be that much of a chase, all it takes is a no thank you or we dont click or something besides ingoring them. | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:45:51 PM | It is soooo true. The bottom line is, if he hasn't called, he's not that interested. It's not games. Man pursues woman. Period.  | |
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htarw
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Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 279 | |
| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/5/2007 11:53:37 AM | | I never liked the chase....I would always let girls come to me. Although if I am REALLY into this girl, i will chase, for sure. However, if she plays too hard to get, I will lose interest VERY quickly and move on. There is a limit to all this chasing and hard to get stuff! | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/5/2007 12:12:57 PM | I'm SOOOOOO very interested in men's responses to this question. I'm struggling with this issue myself currently.
I read "He's Just Not That Into You". Agree with most of it from a practical, logical standpoint, but still don't "get" the part where we have to act like we're not interested if we are....
Man, I hope I don't have to play games. I'm such a bad game-player.
Let me get to reading these responses and formulate my plan. | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/5/2007 3:19:32 PM | It just goes to show that one rule really doesn't apply to all - sometimes you wish it did so that we might be successful in finding our partner; but I guess then people wouldn't be unique. This is why I actually don't like the beginning of relationships; they are too hard to figure out, I like after you know each other and know the little things to respect and keep each other happy.
Honestly, when I have liked the guy I have just tried to be myself. I am someone that probably would call too much by some definition; so I am respectful with that, although in my latest situation he has always called far more than me.
I will say that right now I am in a horrible situation where I am more interested than the man is (absolutely awful; I recommend it to no one) and I have backed off all the calling because all the facts are laid out, we both know we are at different stages, and it is my heart that is getting broken. So in my case I am respecting that we are stuck, and trying to exercise a little self-preservation. I do take his calls though because I am terribly fond of him.
As a side-note; I did notice he became more "confused" about his feelings once I was more sure about mine...so it does beg the question: did he lose interest in me once the "chase" was over? It would be a rude question to ask, and I would hate to think it of him; but it has crossed my mind. | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/5/2007 3:43:40 PM | Chase? Not a chance.
I left that game back in grade school. Which is where it belongs.
You want to be with someone then be with them. The only place games will get you is tossed to the curb with the reast of the trash. | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/5/2007 4:45:57 PM | The book goes on in this same vein for about 175 pages, and the themes remain the same. The only guy who deserves you is a guy who will go to absurd lengths to pursue you. Guys -- all guys, any guys, all the time. From the negative chapter titles to the even more negative summaries, this book is not a good read. It claims if a guy doesn't call you immediately after you call him, he's not into you. If he doesn't fall to the ground and kiss your feet after you meet him, he's not into you. It goes on in this way through the whole book. As a MAN I can tell you this is the most ridulous thing I have heard from this book. And i have a name for guys who act like that tarwads women
it's called w u s s y man, come on now, we all know women are not attracted to men who act like that and let women lead them around by the nose.
Look this is 2007 both women and men are no longer in the stone age like this book makes it sound. Both sexes want the same damn thing, personally I am flattered when a woman askes me out and it triggers something in me that makes me want to reward her for being so bold and her being bold makes her even more desirable in my eyes. If she makes first contact and I am attracted to her in some way, then she goes to the top of my interest list.
Whether you end up hating or loving the book, it does offer a nice excuse for women to continue to be picky. The main purpose, of women's over-analysis of men and also the way women make excuses for guys, truly points out that men are not as complex as women make them out to be. Most men are not shy when it comes to saying what they do and don't like. If he likes you he'll talk to you or email you. Maybe not everyday, but I mean we are just at the dating stage. Why can't a guy have a life too? Why can't he just be busy taking care of a sick family member and not have time to call? This book leaves too many open ended answers and will definatly stir the modern woman in the wrong direction. Perhaps it would be useful as kindling for your fire place? After all ,if you go by that book it's gonna be a long cold lonely winter......
PS. Tell your aunt iIsaid hi!
Badboy~ | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/5/2007 5:11:01 PM | | There comes a point when we determine it's a waste of time, and that there are other women who may be more interested. If you don't seem interested then you probably are not.....it's simple! | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/5/2007 5:21:30 PM | | Twenty years ago a girl said something to me. She said stop chasing after women and find someone that wants to be with you. It makes as much sense to me today as then. I want someone to do things with not to chase after. | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/5/2007 9:47:51 PM | silversky11
Sometimes, I may be midly interested in a guy but not really pay attention to him unless he is always there...and keeps the communication going...which tells me he is actually very interested in me and is putting the extra effort into getting to know ME as a person.
Then I would give him my undivided attention as well. (as long as I like what he has to say to me off course) Some guys give up too soon.
Very interesting but what happens while my leg is suspended in a cast and I'm unable to get to my PC every day?  | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/6/2007 4:37:05 AM | TANTRIC7777
Very interesting but what happens while my leg is suspended in a cast and I'm unable to get to my PC every day?
Then hopefully you still have the use of your hands to be able to use a telephone.
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/7/2007 4:32:07 AM | Nope... I value equity in my relationships... "the chase" is a powergame created by women to rob a guy of his decisionmaking power... he can decide to be interested or not but he dosen't get to decide when, if or how anything happens cause he's always following the woman's lead.
and women wonder why so many guys are so badly adjusted to what they want... | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/7/2007 6:34:43 AM | This thread should have been a eye opener for some of the ladies who insist that all guys like the chase.
It won't be though.
They will focus on the few that either condone or like the chase.
At the same time ignoring the general consensus that it is game playing and the majority of the guys aren't interested in it. | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/8/2007 9:13:08 PM | It's pretty simple. If a woman is interested in a man, there's no problem in letting him know as long as it's not pushy or obnoxious. (That frightens both genders and reeks of desperation.) A little encouragement is all it takes. If the guy is interested, he'll run with it. (Applies to both genders, actually.)
Those self help books are directed at men/women who are too pushy and; therefore, come off as desperate. No one wants to be around someone who's desperate.
You want to give just enough encouragement, but not too much. Simple as that.
Use your common sense, for Heaven's sake. | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/8/2007 9:47:03 PM | | I own that book. I've read it a few times. I think it's fantastic. I do think though, that as always, it doesn't apply to ALL MEN -- but ya know, with my latest canceled date dramas, I do think men like the chase. In fact, I firmly believe it. | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/9/2007 3:20:20 PM |
Dating is not a game of chess.
Chess is easier. It's black and white, win or lose.
So true... in relationships , both are supposed to win. | |
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| Men.. Do you have to chase?
Posted: 10/9/2007 4:43:31 PM | mako28
Are you on drugs???
To make a man chase you isn't so much as making him prove himself to you by jumping through hoops, more so you are letting him prove his own value to himself. This is the subtle difference. Find his character...give him the signs that are appropriate, then let him "prove" his own value to himself. In other words, make him feel desired.
I am sorry you seem to need a woman showing you your own worth... for those of us that already know that... the 'game' is an insult!! Grow up...
[qoute] what is given for free will very often hold little value.
Again I feel just the opposite is true... the freely given has much more value to me then anything earned... God agrees with me... the gift 'grace' of salvation is not a thing able to be earned but given.. yes it requires faith, but no works can 'buy' it... I feel the same with things regarding the heart n' love. Keep it 'simple' which to me does not mean in simplton terms, but simple as in pure... the ultimate love is that which is 'childlike' undefiled, accepted wholeheartly, given freely.... not poisoned by fears, someones past dissappointments, or the worlds view of what it should be!! Love me for me... simply pure! | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/9/2007 6:08:11 PM | Firstly Will.. I love every one of your posts.. wish I were as talented in putting my thoughts into written form!!!
If you are looking for a woman that will not "play the chase game"...why? Because all you want is an easy path into her, or you don't feel like you have what it takes to deserve her
Deserve??? Wow... where is the mutual respect in that statement... are women being told all men are dogs... undeserving dogs... I can understand a woman wanting us to demonstrate the worth we see in her... but if she says outright she is 'not interested'... honor (and possibly the law) demands we listen to her! Easy has nothing to do with it... but if the man is not sure of the womans true feelings... even if he believes she is 'playing hard to get'... he crosses boundaries that he should not... let the effort be made once they are an item, and that continue to eternity.
for every one of you that is being super laid back about this there are 20 guys who are willing to do the pursuing and to go after what they feel they can get. and guess who is going to end up with the girl? I'll give you a clue: he won't be on here complaining about how he is tired of having to do all the work, you do the math.
SexyandBrainy.... This coming from you?? 20 guys?? Are you saying to us men... pursue me or I'll let one of the 20 have me?? You know what, go for it!! The type of man that pursues a woman of the game... you will soon find a few flaws in. Secondly... I bet the woman 'playing' has done much more 'work' then the pursuing man.. what could he possibly have to complain about? She would have to be very creative in setting the stage for the hints n' clues... constantly watching the timing of the encouragement... not a job I would wish... not even on an enemy...lol Math?? As in logical thinking... lost me on that one uness just meaning 'think about what I have said' | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/9/2007 6:37:38 PM | | thats sooooo lame, i think you should burn the book and protest!! Guys like when women hit on us just not over agressive. and rarely do i persue a girl. i will flirt and make her laugh but thats all. | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/9/2007 7:00:26 PM | Will (aka Filmscorpio),
Your post was so very insightful & I cannot extract any one small portion of your statements to comment on...it was ALL great. Your analogy of M&M's & Skittles is priceless. If anyone missed this great addition to this thread...STOP...GO BACK TO PAGE 1 AND READ IT - its worth the effort.
I have often wondered how men view this little aspect of the male/female traditionalism & wondered... 'have I been too forward?' or 'what will he think if I e-mail first?'
Thank all of you gentlemen for the insights. 
Cata  | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/10/2007 8:09:34 AM | catabrie
Do email first... my best relationships, including ones that did just end up friends (which I consider a great honor) originated with the woman emailing me first... I respect a woman that is not afraid to take the lead at times. "Priceless" is right... a perfect set of posts by Will, I agree!! | |
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| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/10/2007 8:19:52 AM |
men have to have the chase regaurdless so play hard to get
With me that is a very slipery sloap. If someone I am interested in starts playing hard to get, they will end up alone. I don't play games and to me playing hard to get is a game. | |
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atlast
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Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 300 | |
| Men.. Do you have to have the chase?
Posted: 10/10/2007 8:25:59 AM | If I want to go hunting I will take my bow and arrows out in the woods and kill something like my ancestors, roast it over an open fire, then eat it. Women are not animals to be hunted for sport. If I want company, I will find a woman who shows interest in me and ask her if she would like to spend some time together. Hopefully we will "click", and pursue the happily ever after ending. If a woman plays "hard to get", I assume she will play other games, and I will move on quickly. Life is too short. I don't have time to waste playing childish high school games. That time would be better spent filling up the empty spaces in each other's lives. As for books, no self-proclaimed "expert" knows what is on my mind. I am certainly not your everyday, run of the mill, ordinary guy. I look for the same in a companion. Good luck on that, huh!
By the way, I don't have the heart to kill cute, fuzzy animals, so my bow hangs in the garage till I feel like target shooting. I will hunt when civiliztion ends and I don't have Wal-mart anymore. | |
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