| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 7/26/2006 4:57:25 AM | This is never an easy prospect, but I have had to do it on several occasions. Once, two of my adult children - very early 20's - were living at my house. I was spending all of my time in my room, with the door closed, because I felt like I was a visitor in my own home. So one day, I went out apartment hunting for me and my "last hurrah". When I came home and told them that I had arranged for them to take over the lease, they nearly had a stroke. My son said "But your the mother and it is your job to take care of us." Yep he actually said that. I told him that it was my duty and obligation to support them and take care of them until they reached adulthood, but that they were now on their own. The last time was with my "last hurrah" and was very recently. At 20, my son is a very compassionate young man. brings home the whole world to take care of, no matter how much screaming, hollaring and ****ing I did. So I started looking for a tiny place for me. In the interim, I found a cute little apartment that was perfect - FOR THE BOY. It just so happens to be THREE DOORS DOWN from his fiancee's mother! You guessed it: it's HER turn to float that boat. I love my son and my beautiful grandbaby, but it is simply his time to do his own thing. Equally, it is my time to resume the life I stopped to raise him. My apartment is so small that I meet myself coming and going, but it is MINE!
Nature had it right: the mother bird scoots the little chicks to the edge of the nest and pushes them out. They fly or they plummet. How rare it is that they plummet. | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 7/26/2006 6:10:21 AM | I like the bird analogy too angel.
About a year after my husband passed away my youngest son moved back home. We had both been on our own so it was very difficult. We are pretty close and in some ways alike so we got on each others nerves too. One day in the midst of a little 'glowing' discussion he said something about moving and I said maybe you should. He did. He likes it better or I should say WE like it better and we're both managing.
You want to help the little buggers but you want a life of your own too. | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 7/26/2006 8:10:06 AM | After reading all these, I want to ask if your children are well behaved and pay you for the rooming, would you still kick them out??? It is funny that I was going to make a Thread similar to this to say why we don't keep our adult kids at home.
I have many longterm clients. When I first knew them their kids were just kids mostly under 12 years old. The kids are all adults now as old as 28, and they all live at home. I mean even when they go to other city to study, they would still return for the summer. THEY DON'T ASK THEIR KIDS TO PAY RENT even the kids could. The idea is that the parents always allow their adult kids few years time to save up for their own house, pay off the car, student loan, etc. Some kids volunteer to pay, but the parents always put it in saving and return their money for their wedding. I am very much admire of this type of family relationship, warm, loving and caring. But what I am telling here are clients of my culture, the Asian. We all spoil our kids.
However, my son left home when he was 20, for he couldn't get along with his father. When my daughter left home for Vancouver she was barely 17; not that I kicked her out, it was just that she had to further her education and started working there. If she was in my city, I would have kept her. We love to spoil our daughters when she's still "under" us. Who knows what kind of husbands they would end up with? At least with mommy and daddy they would have few relaxing good years before they have to struggle with life. | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/7/2006 10:27:14 AM | | This forum is addressed in Adult Children. I had my venting session there. Showing the adult children to the door is doing them a favor. It is the best thing you can do for them. No lights or groceries and all. Bonnie | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/7/2006 10:44:57 AM | I took in my 38 year old son 2 years ago. He was thrown out of his home, was into drugs, and said he wanted to clean his act up. Needless to say, he used me, and left, only to return a few months later with the same lame excuses. I took him in again, and the same thing happened. When he left the 2nd time, he knew it would be the last time. I wouldn't take him in again. I haven't heard from him in months, but pray he is ok. Sometimes I think we hurt not only our children by trying to help, but ourselves as well.
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/7/2006 2:13:57 PM | | I have one still at home (20), one in 4th year a distance away (23), and one married and gone. I have no problem with my kids living at home until they complete post secondary, beyond that, if they're contributing, if they're working, if we're getting along....they can stay as long as they like. If they leave, and need to move back into to regroup for some reason, that's fine too. Same conditions apply - working full time, contributing, being an active family member. | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/7/2006 2:34:52 PM |
After reading all these, I want to ask if your children are well behaved and pay you for the rooming, would you still kick them out??? It is funny that I was going to make a Thread similar to this to say why we don't keep our adult kids at home.
I think EVERYone needs to live on their own - without roommates, live-in loves, etc., for at least one year in their lives.
I dated a guy many years ago (we're still friends) who has NEVER lived out of his mother's house, although he lived in the basement area. Until his mid-thirties, she did EVERYTHING for him including making his bed and ironing his blue jeans and he paid no rent at all because she never asked him to. (He said that if she had, he'd have moved out and got his own place.) He just turned 50 this year, still lives at home, does his own laundry now and pays all the utilities (the mortgage is paid off) but to me, he will NEVER fully be "grown up" as long as he's living with mama. His dad died about 4 years ago, so I wonder what's gonna happen when his mother passes on? | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/7/2006 6:57:16 PM | "Whats going to happen when his mother passes on" .....I would say gee I dont know.....could it be he will inherit a mortgage free home and have you move in with him to cook,clean and wash his clothes ....and then when he is tired of you,kick you out......because whatever the hell happens,he` sure not leaving....... | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/7/2006 9:36:57 PM | Never had to ask any of my sons to leave. Two have left home and set up house with g/f's, the 3rd (19yrs old) is still at home, doesn't do any chores, but what he does do is unmeasurable. He is his 6 year old brothers mentor, watches his little bro like a hawk, and diciplines him firmly, but fairly with so much patience! I believe this is what has contributed to my 6 year old being so polite and well behaved, i couldn't ask for better children.  | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/7/2006 11:10:50 PM | ^^packleader:
Nope, that won't be MY ass washing his clothes!! Lol. I'm probably the only female friend of his who has remained a friend and I tell him all the time he needs to move out. He says, nope - he's doing fine. Thank goodness he lives 400 miles away so I really have NO need to see him and haven't in over 3 years.  I'll leave him for some other unsuspecting soul to take care of his paunchy, alcoholic ass. | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/7/2006 11:12:46 PM | Dr Robert:
What a great response!!! I wish that would work for a woman to say to her son. Unfortunately, my kid would probably try to kick my friend out of the house.  | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/8/2006 12:47:16 AM | Interesting. How many are in farm states and know somebody who wants their kids around to work the farm/ranch?
---personal sidebar.
My dad and me are planning to get a house together next spring. After 30 years, I guess you can come full circle. | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/8/2006 4:32:19 PM | | I would never do that unless I knew they had somewhere to go and the ability to survive. Besides I like the company... when he's here.. it's rare.. but his stuff is still here so he must be | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/12/2006 1:52:27 PM | | Tried to get the ex to move her slob 27 YO daughter and her son out on their own, guess who was shown the door? Blood certainly is thicker than water.... At least it was for the bonehead I was married to. | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/12/2006 1:56:45 PM |
Tried to get the ex to move her slob 27 YO daughter and her son out on their own, guess who was shown the door? Blood certainly is thicker than water.... At least it was for the bonehead I was married to.
Little bitter are we??
It would depend on the circumstances. I guess if I had a 27 year old daughter who had a baby, I would think twice about kicking them both out. It certainly isn't the child's fault. I would try to get them help, but if given an alternative... yep, blood is thicker than water. | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/12/2006 2:44:07 PM | I'm here because my soon to be ex preferred my leaving rather then her 25 yo son.Mind you i tolerate alot but it was too much..i offerred him 6months paid rent elsewhere...His mom nixed it. so here i am back in the fish pool....its been 9 months since i left..havenet been back..after 2-3 months she realized she made a mistake, shes lost alot of weight and is now a hot milf..but the love is gone from my heart for her......8 months living with a maniacal parasite can do that to you, especially if his mom enables him...
So now i'm free, finding myself, buying furniture and dating...its hard when youre seperated..i dont think she'll grant me one for spite..and money..I will survive and find love again..... | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/12/2006 2:50:47 PM | | That "baby" is 9 years old. The wife and her daughter were both pregnant at the same time. Then there were 6 of us living in a house maybe comfortable for 3. I certainly don't blame the child but when is enough enough? | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/12/2006 3:56:58 PM | trailerblazer and cutting loose, I feel for you both. cutting loose, I say you took enough and left. So move on, put it behind you!  | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/12/2006 4:47:16 PM | | Not me ... and I'm not really sure I could. Of course, it would depend on the situation. Working and saving to get their own place, sure they could stay. Lazy, unemployed mooches would be a totally different story I'm sure. I've been blessed with two pretty independent kids. I gave them roots and now they have wings. I'm sooo proud of them both. | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/12/2006 5:16:50 PM | | ^^^ me too tinydancer, but I have a neighbor lady who has her daughter move in and out. She is a drug addict, and I have talked to my neighbor about it. Sometimes you have to use tough love! | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/16/2006 7:18:19 PM | | wow,,it must be very difficult to boot your kids out the door,,i have 2 full grown daughters,,the youngest got married,,they are both working and we are planning on buying a house together,,being First Nations,,in our culture we dont kick our kids out of our home,,makes me think why so much kids are out on the street,,because they have nowhere to go,,my daughters both chip in with rent and food and bills,,they are both drug and alcohol free all their lives,,which im so happy about,,i like their company as well,,nice post tho,,thanks | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/16/2006 7:22:29 PM | | ^^^ we aren't talking about kids, but adult children, those who are in their mid 20s to 30s and still living at home, possibly without working or not helping. There is a big difference there. It's not like people are throwing their kids out on the street! | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/16/2006 7:54:14 PM | What about if you don't need any money from them?
When you remember that the slightly spoiled babies of rich families make a disproportinate contribution to world culture, philosophy and literature, doesn't it make it easier to let Junior pursue his ambition to be a classical composer? If you can afford it, why not let Sissy study Aztec stone monuments? Maybe something really great will come of it. Why impede civilization by throwing the next Newton or Keats into the street? | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/16/2006 8:26:55 PM | | I don't think that is what was inferred in this thread. I certainly would help either of my children pursue a career or go to college and stay at home. BUT, if they were hanging around, not working, sleeping all day, playing games and not doing anything to better themselves, then it would be to their benefit to go out and make it on their own. | |
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| Showing an adult child the door...
Posted: 11/16/2006 8:50:58 PM | ^^^^^^
Well AW, maybe this wasn't the main point of the thread but it is relevent. Piano and harpsichord were the 18th century Xbox and GameCube. Rossini never got out of bed. If he happened to drop a few sheets of music on the floor, he was too lazy to reach for them. He just wrote new stuff. Lord Byron was allergic to work and responsible behavior. The Shelly's were thought to be beyond redemption by their families. Buddha never did a day's work in his entire life. It is not always easy to distinguish indolence from genius. | |
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