| Age gap...
Posted: 3/26/2007 10:57:51 AM | i'm really stumped right now a man wants to date me he is 53 and i am 41 i worry about the age difference, he seems to be a very sweet man guess i am scared but the age diffence has become a factor dont get me wrong he is a 1 of a kinda kinda man...please help me cause i have no idea what to do, cause if i start dating him i dont wanna be called a gold digger or worse someone please HELP me cause i'm in a state of confussion...  | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/26/2007 11:05:25 AM | | I personally think that age gaps are not that big of a deal. Yes there are situations where that age difference can be seemingless huge, but then of course once you get to a certain point it really does become irrelevant. Now if the case is where you have someone in say thier 30's and someone that is just coming into adulthood say 19 or 20, then you have to wonder why the relstionship exists. But, in alot of these cases those types of relationships last longer and maintain a better sense of equality and appreciation then alot of more traditional relationships. I have a friend that is 33 and his fiance is soon to be 22. And I can tell you this ... They are happy and have a very healthy relationship. So when seeing something like that I have to say go for it !! | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/26/2007 1:22:52 PM | Sweetie...don't be scared....Do you like him? Are you attracted to him? Have you talked with one another to be sure you have some things in common? Then I say, go for it. Neither of you are kids...hopefully, both of you are mature. A date doesn't mean forever after, either. You'll know soon enough if you are comfortable with this person who happens to be in his fifties. And, please, don't let what others think get in the way of your chance to meet and date a wonderful guy. If, later on, you become more serious, you will have to consider the fact that he may not live as long as you do, (women usually live longer than men), but, in the meantime, you may have had a priceless relationship that you wouldn't want to have missed for the world.
Now, take it from me...at 70 I'm often dating men who are even younger than he is. When I do find THE one, I'd sure like to stack the odds that he'll be around as long as I am. And, as far as other people's thoughts...I'm having the fun I deserve, are they? | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/26/2007 5:45:50 PM | Ms Kitten,
My hat's off to you Ma'am. and here I thought it was tuff to be starting over again at 43 ! 
Sure do hope you find a wonderful  that treats you like the queen you so obviously are.
 Rebl | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/26/2007 5:55:52 PM | My thoughts on age gap relationships:
Age gap relationships are more common these days than in the past I think, and they -do- work!
The older partner usually has made their mistakes, learned what they want and need in their lives, has more experience and wisdom and is more likely to not do things that will upset the relationship. The younger partner is usually eager to learn and share that wisdom, and is more secure in knowing their partner is less likely to do things that will cause problems in the relationship. It can be a win-win situation for both partners, and there is a high likelihood that the relationship will be stable and last longer.
Did you know that the divorce rate for age gap relationships is 10% less than the national divorce rate is?
Should tell you something right there... | |
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lfrl
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Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 256 | |
| Age gap...
Posted: 3/26/2007 6:12:26 PM | | I personally think 5 years is a good gap. | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/26/2007 6:18:25 PM | I was married for 8 years to a man who was 17 years younger than I am. Sadly, he died in October. The age difference was never an issue to us. We were both adults and had so many things in common, that age did not matter. It was more of a problem to people who thought age should matter. We heard things like "Is he your son" and were shocked when we said no. Actually, it was none of their business...they were just nosy or jealous that they did not have a relationship like that.
I say if you have a special relationship and are both adults with the same goals in life, then go for it. | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/26/2007 6:36:06 PM | Well, gang...it seems like we've got some folks in here who really know what they're talking about. Rebl...thanks so much for your compliments.....ya know, being around all this time DOES teach us something. Now the battle is to REMEMBER it.
mightbeme...I never thought of it that way...back in the old days, I probably didn't know if I was wrong...who talked about it. These days , I no longer strive for perfection. I'm living in a great imperfect world, and I'm thrilled just to be an 8....and now I'm looking for someone to share the 8 that I am. Glad to know that if I find him, the statistics are with me.
Walking: I can't speak too much for the "young" folks, but I think you did it well. Anyone past "maturity" should be able to handle it.
Punkyrita - I'm soo sorry for your loss...but....you had 8 years that those busybodies and nosies only WISHED they had. You'll find a new one as you move on...and don't forget, don't let ANYONE get in your way when you find him!.
And, this is coming from the wise old mama who's gonna do the same. | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/26/2007 6:39:39 PM | Sorry about your loss punkynita. You've got a good attitude!
I think for me a good age gap is between 3 and 6 years, but I don't want kids immediately, so I favor a slightly younger woman, but I'ts not a big issue. | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/26/2007 6:47:53 PM | | I dunno about it being creepy with only a 13 yr age difference. My last wife was 19 yrs younger and it lasted 20 years. No-one ever said that she looked like my daughter either... | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/26/2007 8:54:41 PM | Hmmm.. that's a great point about " the older one has made their mistakes already"
She's 43 and pretty much has been there / done that / got it figured out and ready to roll with it.. . he's 34 .. and been through a few wringers of his own.
So does she want to go through all those mistakes (again) that we're all bound to make as we get struggle into our (hopefully) wiser middle years? I guess really, it all boils down to " is the good good enough to offset the inevitable bad?" in ANY relationship, no matter the age.
Something to sleep on no doubt 
 Rebl | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/26/2007 9:54:17 PM | I am in the best relationship of my life right now. We have open communication, similar interests and goals, the sex is fantastic, we have similar moral values, similar familial values, like the same activities, both well traveled, both have seen many wonders, we can talk through anything -- -- -- and he is 19 years older than me.
Glad to hear the stat that it is likelier to last! | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/27/2007 8:35:20 PM | The 'inevitable bad?'
Sounds like someone here has a fatalistic view of relationships in general, be it age gap or not. At the very least, sounds like an unwilling compromise between what's more good than plain vanilla regular old good, and if it can outdo the bad, then is it worth it?
Suppose it works and there ain't the 'inevitable bad?' Then what?
Shivers........ | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/27/2007 9:17:46 PM | Seems generations have changed somewhat when it comes to age gaps. With my generation, late 30's/40's, of women choosing to go younger now. And the younger women these days stick to their age range it seems more often.
One co-worker said to me that the "pool" of women for men late 30's and up is very small compared to the "pool" of women for men in their 20's these days.
As I said, it is great to be a guy in his 20's, with an over abundance of available women from 18-45 approx who will date them.
Quite a difference than when I weas in my 20's where we were also limited to women our age who would date colse to their age. Funny how the women today my age used to date older when they were younger, now they reveresed and now will date younger now that they are older...and somewhere we guys got lost in the mix. LOL | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/27/2007 10:03:24 PM | | What's really amazing to me is that that this is a question at all. I can understand that ther are maturity issues on certain aspects. However, at the end of the day when you are all alone, you can take great solace in the aspect: that you have done the right thing by society standards. But, you'er still alone. | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/28/2007 6:36:56 AM |
I believe that age is just a number - you are as young as you feel! However the question I have to ask is this: What the heck is up with all of the 20 somethings IMing older women for sex? I have asked around and it doesn't just happen to me. Heads up to you 20 somethings - not all women in their 30's and 40's are cougars looking for a younger man to sleep with, most of us are looking for the real deal.
well I lost my virginity to a woman that was 14 years older than my 19th birthday. I was not chasing her for sex, she was chasing me. I know lots of women in their 30 and 40 not looking for sex with the younger males in their 20's. Young males will have sex with an older woman, because the older woman is putting up the red light district siren, and not even realizing it sometimes. Women are at their sexual peak between 30 and 40.
My question is this, if the young guys are propositioning you older women, what are putting out there for them to be attracted to you older women? Maybe the real deal is with a younger guy, you never know.
The older woman that took my virginity was certainly not attractive, she got me drunk and took advantage of me. Yes I was one of the late bloomers at 19, and was willing to wait for the right woman. Call me old fashioned, and unusual for this day and age, I know that most young guys will do anything to get sex. Exercise reduces the urges.
Now for the age gap thing. Its up to the couple. I know of a few relationships that have lasted, one went 35 years of marriage until he died, he was 22 years older. A young couple I know that just got married, she is 19, he is 34, I don't see the age difference.
Celine Dionne's husband is 30 years older. if it is true unconditional love then age is not a difference. | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/28/2007 6:43:10 AM |
I believe that age is just a number - you are as young as you feel! However the question I have to ask is this: What the heck is up with all of the 20 somethings IMing older women for sex? I have asked around and it doesn't just happen to me. Heads up to you 20 somethings - not all women in their 30's and 40's are cougars looking for a younger man to sleep with, most of us are looking for the real deal.
well I lost my virginity to a woman that was 14 years older than my 19th birthday. I was not chasing her for sex, she was chasing me. I know lots of women in their 30 and 40 not looking for sex with the younger males in their 20's. Young males will have sex with an older woman, because the older woman is putting up the red light district siren, and not even realizing it sometimes. Women are at their sexual peak between 30 and 40.
My question is this, if the young guys are propositioning you older women, what are putting out there for them to be attracted to you older women? Maybe your real deal is with a younger man, you never know
The older woman that took my virginity was certainly not attractive, she got me drunk and took advantage of me. Yes I was one of the late bloomers at 19, and was willing to wait for the right woman. Call me old fashioned, and unusual for this day and age, I know that most young guys will do anything to get sex. Exercise reduces the urges.
Now for the age gap thing. Its up to the couple. I know of a few relationships that have lasted, one went 35 years of marriage until he died, he was 22 years older. A young couple I know that just got married, she is 19, he is 34, I don't see the age difference.
Celine Dionne's husband is 30 years older. if it is true unconditional love then age is not a difference. | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/28/2007 6:57:29 AM | ^^^ Pretty funny Valley Boy.
On one hand, you seem confused about the younger man/older woman scenario and suggest some sort of problem with those "old" women. Then the other side of your mouth opens up and you talk about the older man/younger woman scenario and hey, it's OK if there is unconditional love.
You seem to think the 2nd scenario is natural and the 1st scenario involves perverts. | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/28/2007 7:00:25 AM | :: ears raise ::
Did someone say "perverts"? | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/28/2007 7:04:31 AM | | Personally, I would only feel comfortable dating anyone in the age range of 18-27. I am 23. However, if someone were to come along that was outside of that age range who I just clicked with, then obviously I would go with it. I think it depends what you want from a relationship, but if you like someone and are compatible on the major issues then age doesn't really matter. | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/28/2007 7:27:59 AM |
You seem to think the 2nd scenario is natural and the 1st scenario involves perverts.
I could have mentioned that I did in fact date an older woman in my later years, and it was nothing to do with perversion. We did connect more on a spiritual level too. She was only 13 years older. the youngest I have dated is 9 years, and that was about 3 years ago..
If its real and unconditional, then its natural age will not make a difference either way. If its for perversion, then age is a problem I think anyway. Not to throw flames here, there are women that like the younger male for just sex. Age does not bother me, cause I have seen some good relationships last. I have been on both ends of the age range. Ideally you would think that someone close to your own age would be the way to go. Love is a funny animal. | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/28/2007 8:21:39 AM | my parent had 20 years age diference between them, my mother simply did't want a you boy
they where great parents, especially my dad, he was kind patient, and there for us
most of my friends dads, where drinking, and just basic ass.ols
i dont think there should be any problem with age
when i was 18 i met a very wonderfull woman who was a very beautifull 35 year old, she 'trained me to be a good lover' i think youn men and women should experiment with older | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/28/2007 9:17:13 AM | arugula, t-baygirl the one that started the post about the younger men attracted to her, my gut feelings tell me that she is looking for the younger guys. I hear women I know women that want the younger guy, and that is quite normal I just feel that t-baygirl really wants it and stop lying to her self. I think that the only reason women go for the younger boys, is that they dont want to deal with a real man, they want a puppy to train lol
Prime example Cher and her boy toys. | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/28/2007 9:29:45 AM | ValleyBoy...I can understand that from reading just the OP's post. But the tone of these threads always seems to deteroriate to women wanting men young enough to be their children. For most of us, that has absolutely no appeal. And it makes me feel faintly ill to think of a man your age with one of my 24 year old daughters. I shudder to think what they'd be dealing with in 20 years, as a vibrant woman in her 40s.
I'm all for finding a partner near my age. Unfortunately, the great majority of men in their 40s on this site are looking for women 10, 15, 20, or more years younger. A man who is 45 will have his age filter set at 21-43. At 47, I'm too old for him. Of course (snide coment ahead), most of those guys couldn't keep up with me anyway. I've never seen a woman's filter set that way.
And the majority of these threads end up with men slamming women who say they like younger men, when they themselves would go much younger than the women responding would even consider. It pisses some of them off for some reason because women are now willing to date 10 years younger, and often have zero interest in someone 10 or 15 years older. I put a top age cap on my age filter because of all the men 60 and well over emailing me. And many of these 60 and 70 year olds had filters on that didn't allow anyone older than 55 to email them!
Oh, and I don't want a puppy. No more house breaking for me. Even my current dog was potty trained and "fixed" before I got her. I want the same in a man. lol | |
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| Age gap...
Posted: 3/28/2007 1:09:35 PM | A bit OT but...
Oh boy... I can see the sh1tstorm coming now ROFL!
Even my current dog was potty trained and "fixed" before I got her. I want the same in a man. lol
Ok, does 'fixed' include but is not limited to:
leaving the seat down
never missing the bowl
not needing a mommy
self-sufficient
honest and loyal
housecleaning
trash removal
cooking
honey-do awareness
cards, flowers
remembering b'days, anniversary etc
calling if late to explain why
etc...
Just wondering what the meaning of 'fixed' is... | |
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