| The M Word
Posted: 3/7/2006 7:52:07 AM | | I remember a thread discussing WHY people feel the need to be married instead of living together. About the only real reason I could find in the thread was being eligible for the spouse's medical benefits. | |
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| The M Word
Posted: 3/7/2006 9:15:25 AM | It's not for everybody. I think that it's actually overrated considering 50% end in divorce anyway. People can still have everything that married couples have, only without the legal shackles :)
OP | |
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| The M Word
Posted: 9/4/2009 3:58:42 PM |
What was so frightening about marriage?
Well I'm in another "resurrecting dead threads" mood... and here's one that's worthy.
So... what's so frightening about marriage? Well here are a few things from what I've observed/experienced/read about from a male point of view:
-the threat of Divorce
-Getting divorced
-Divorce Lawyers
-The bill from divorce lawyers
-Having kids, loving them, then losing them and as a result, feeling like you've had your insides ripped out.
-Losing half of your assets (or more) that you've built up before the divorce
-Alimony... even though women these days are perfectly capable of supporting themselves.
-Child support payments that are FAAAR in excess of what it actually costs to raise a child.
-Having to live in poverty due to Alimony/Child Support payments
-Verbal or physical abuse including death threats
-Fear of false accusations of abuse or assault facilitated by VAWA legislation.
-Being tied down and limited to having sex with that one girl you are marrying... FOREVER... And if she loses her sex drive, then you're expected to live a life of celibacy (I know of more than one instance where this happened) ... Unless you are marrying an open-minded person who is alright with the odd bit of variety on the side.
-marrying someone who is on their best behaviour before the marriage, but then turns into a different person after the marriage (I personally have a friend who experienced this. Lucky for him, he knew all the legal implications of staying and so he divorced her long before they had their 1st anniversary... still, the money spent on the wedding and honeymoon was a waste. But at least he got out of any sort of alimony and they hadn't been married long enough for there to be any assets to split)
There's a good chance I'm never gonna get married again.
AAAAANNND... I'm going to tell all this stuff to both my son and daughter. And then I'm gonna make my kids read everything Gene Simmons has to say about marriage as well.
And if they still get married, I'm going to expect them to have a prenup. I certainly won't give them a nickel towards their wedding unless they have the prenup agreement in place and in force legally. | |
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| The M Word
Posted: 9/4/2009 4:46:15 PM | From my knowledge and experience, this is what's frightening about marriage:
- Being cheated on
- Forgiving, getting past, and having it happen again
- Coming to the decision that it's time to leave
- Having to tell my husband
- Having to tell my kids
- Seeing my kids' heartbreak when it's time to visit/leave Daddy/Mommy
- Seeing so much of our life together just disappear, home, "stuff", friends, lifestyle.
- Living on welfare and min-wage jobs for years, till I could upgrade my education and start having a 'decent' income.
- Knowing how much my children weren't able to experience because I didn't have the resources to provide it
- Letting my kids go live with their father because it looked like he could give them a better life.
- Deciding not to pursue child support/alimony and trust my ex to help as he could and when needed (which he did)
- Being supportive of my kids' relationship with my ex and his new wife
- Being tossed out of the church for my "sins"; losing all social network & support
- Being tied down and limited to having sex with that one man you are marrying.
- He turns into an alcoholic or drug user after marriage
- Finding out several months into the relationship that he's physically abusive
- Finding out several months into the relationship that he's an accomplished liar
- Finding out three years into the relationship that he has a new baby with his ex
- Finding out that he sexually molested your daughter/son
- Finding out that so many men think they're the only casualty of divorce
- Finding so many men crying "victim" and attempting to avoid any responsibility to the kids they brought into the world, because any child support they provide, "mom" will steal it for herself
- Finding so many men who are blind to their contribution to any marital/family breakdown and prefer, instead, to blame women in general and women's lib in particular because the man chose an unreliable or unsuitable partner. | |
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| The M Word
Posted: 9/4/2009 5:27:58 PM | You guys should have read his profile before responding. This time I did. Here's two very clear points from his profile you ALL missed:
Quote # 1: I like to dress up, and look good in a denim mini skirt and stiletto boots. I hope that you do, too.
Quote # 2: After dancing, we could go for a walk, on the wild side, of course.
He is a CROSS DRESSER folks. It's very hard to find a woman who wants to marry a man who looks better in HER clothes then she does. He MAY be gay, since he wants to be cross-dressed, then take that "walk on the wild side" with his dance partners.
His denim mine and stillettos would get some sucker to his car...
and then it would be...
The "Crying Game" all over again..
hahahahhahahahaha.. ALL Of you bit this one. Hahhahahaha.
Gamophobe.. I thought it was the fear of better looking legs! (gams)
IRONY LIVES.. I am losing buttweight on this forum I laugh my a$$ off so much. | |
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| The M Word
Posted: 9/4/2009 5:32:03 PM | ^^^Nope... I picked up on it too... why do you think I resurrected it?
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| The M Word
Posted: 9/7/2009 5:18:45 AM | Yeah, right Jeke. 
You were posting damn seriously there.
I was like "gamaphobe? what is that?" But I can be excused, I just came off an 18 hour shift. | |
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| The M Word
Posted: 9/7/2009 8:35:15 AM | Maybe it's not a fear of marriage per se but a fear of WHAT THAT MARRIAGE WILL ENTAIL. EXPECTATIONS.
You've already made it clear what your expectations are (house payments, insurance, rug-rats, in-laws). What are hers? Flowery romanticism? You home in bed every night? Tax benefits? Lower-cost health insurance?
I can see the pros and cons of marriage. It sounds nice if demands don't get greater than I can handle.
If her expectations don't sound appealing, absolutely don't get married, and use condoms religiously for sex, to keep those rug-rats from forming. If she can't handle not being married but having sex outside of wedlock, you might have to find yourself a new honey. | |
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| The M Word
Posted: 9/7/2009 8:57:06 AM | Ah we are getting bored enough again to resurrect three year old threads.
I think the whole post is bullshit from the get go. We have the cross dressing which, hellooo, means squat, there are cross dressers that marry because it isn't a sexual orientation issue.
Unless you are an orphan in Siberia, how does one get through their 20s and 30s without attending even a single family wedding? And why exactly would someone bother to contemplate this at 55?
The resurrection post, those things are not things to be scared of, they are things that should be concerns and should cause people to think long and hard about getting married, go to premarital counseling, etc.
There is nothing wrong with having no desire to get married, but if you are honestly gamophobic, you have problems that have little to do with marriage per se. | |
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| The M Word
Posted: 9/7/2009 5:24:48 PM |
Ah we are getting bored enough again to resurrect three year old threads.
More of a sense of Mischief than Boredom actually, Packagedeal-X3.
I find humour in seeing people get worked up about what the OP said... only to realize it happened 3, 4 or 5 years ago...
I wouldn't consider myself Gamophobic though... technically I'm still married right now. It's hard to get married when you're already married... actually, no it's not now that I think of it. But I definitely believe it isn't advisable...
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burpie
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Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 35 | |
| The M Word
Posted: 9/7/2009 6:20:32 PM | you're asking us? when you were spending decades in abject fear and horror of the institution? what is so frightening about marriage?
you were just frightened of the monster in closet...RESPONSIBILITIES...
now that you are more grown up do you think you can face the big bad boogieman???
:) :) :) | |
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