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linne
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Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 102 | |
| in love with two people
Posted: 3/14/2006 3:34:06 PM | | There is nothing wrong or unusual with having affection for more than one person. An analogy I always make; are parents only capable of loving one child? Monogamy is the exception in nature. Little more than an antiquated notion with flawed religious roots. | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/14/2006 10:31:01 PM |
star 123 and steven if thats ya name i think ya just as bad as eachother you both seem that you wanna get ya legs over coffee we all no what that means dont we ...
Some people can be vicious. Especially vicious are those who project their own behavior and weaknesses onto others.
The truth is humans are social animals and form friendships and feelings for those they become acquainted with. It called bonding. Married couples and others go to parties to have fun and socialize with members of both sexes. Often they will dance which is far more physical than internet correspondence. Of course, they may have feeling for their dance partners. However, that does not imply that they are cheating.
Star has done nothing wrong. She has stated that she loves her husband and has no intention of cheating. She has proven to be honest about her feelings so certainly you should take her statement as being accurate and truthful. The only ones that would not believe her are those that have themselves cheated because they are projecting their behavior onto her. The only things wrong are the cheaters that criticize her for being human and socializing in a common and acceptable manner. | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/14/2006 11:57:38 PM | | Some people are/will never happy with what they have. Sad but True | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/15/2006 12:08:08 AM | | If you love your husband "dearly" and have "the perfect marriage", why the heck did you go looking? Why did you put yourself in a position like you did? | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/15/2006 2:30:56 AM | | I am not married, nor have I ever been married. I do believe though, that it is entirely possible to be in love with more than one person at a time. I have been there before and it killed me. In the end I walked away from both of them because I just couldn't pick one, couldn't have both, and the mental strain it put on me was hell. The heart and mind are the most powerful things in the world sadly, and though they can bring us great joys, they can also bring much pain. Good luck sorting it all out... you are going to need it. | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/15/2006 4:35:42 AM | AMEN TO DON....................
My faith has been restored in POF................there are people out there who dont just have huge chips on their shoulders.
Thanks oh wise Don..... | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/15/2006 4:55:55 AM | If you love your husband "dearly" and have "the perfect marriage", why the heck did you go looking? Why did you put yourself in a position like you did?
in reply to your question.....i did not go looking, if you read back you will see the reason i go on the sites is out of bordem, which i always state to anybody i talk to that i am married and have no intention to meet. and to all the ones that are giving me stick about this, i have been honest and up front, give me stick if i would of said my marriage is over because i had a fling with a married man, but like i keep saying my question was never do i meet him or not, but "is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time??????"
Also i came to find this site through a link on another chatroom which is for friendship only, and one of the questions on this site is, "looking for e-mail/msn only" i'm sure i'm not the only married women on here.  | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/15/2006 4:57:11 AM | Your infactuated, inlust, crush.
I was given advice about the net a long time ago. Things happen to ruin marriages, relationships and damage homes. It starts off as innocent flurtation that soon becomes a rush that you dont get from everyday experiences with your partner.
Be strong turn the puter off, and do some reading on how to get the interest back into your relationship with your husband. If he is not abusive it is possible to get the spark back.
Treat yourself, exercise, eat right, do your nails, hair, feel sexy and then tease your husband and u will find in him what your finding on the net.
IMPORTANT TO KNOW, THIS GUY ISNT LIKE THIS WITH ONLY YOU, HE DOES IT WITH ANYONE WHO WILL LET HIM!! To him your not as important as you are to your husband who is there in the flesh. | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/15/2006 6:04:12 AM | | theres no way you can TRULY be inlove with 2 people at the same time. being inlove is wanting to be with that person for the rest of your life, wont even think about being with another man. if you think that, then you are confused, and should figure out want you want before someone gets hurt. | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/15/2006 7:20:24 AM | | I have been reading these threads and most of the complaints and the most vicious attacks against Star have come from women, not men. This is crazy. Can someone explain to me what is going on? Since she is a woman shouldn’t other women be giving her support and shouldn’t men be the ones making most of the derogatory remarks? | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/15/2006 9:28:11 AM | I think it IS possible to 'care about' two men at the same time....usually it happens when both are in the beginning stages, and you still need to learn more about them....usually it actually means that NEITHER are the right one for you. (IMO)
BUT, you are married, and all I can do, (not being actually in your shoes), is tell you what I would do if it were ME. I would give up at least the emails and MSN's, if not the whole chat thing. At least if you cut out the emails and MSN's, though, the temptation won't be so great....you'd still have some interaction but at a more impersonal level.
I think you took my first post as being offensive....I didn't mean it to be....I really do envy you for having a good marriage and to me, that would be too precious to give up for a fling....but that's just me.
I'm glad you decided not to go with more temptation by meeting him, and I hope you have the strength you need if you are going to continue to email other guys. If I were your husband and I read this thread, you would be 'breaking my heart'. Just food for thought...
~DC~ | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/15/2006 11:19:43 AM | Star123, there isn't anything wrong with having feelings. I think the problem was that you were starting to fall in love with someone just through chatting with him. Maybe what some people see is a vulnerability, and they just don't want to see you get hurt. That's not an attack. But it is being straight forward with you about boundaries. Talk to your husband, and see what you could do to bring the fantasy and romance back into your marriage, if you can. If you can't, then maybe seek out an alternative.
In my experience, most men that would chat and flirt with any woman, much less a married woman for a long time aren't simply looking for friendship. I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule, but in most cases, it tends to be true. Even those of us who are single have had unlucky experiences on the net, including dating someone who turns out to be married, or finding out that you have been spending time on a player. Maybe you are being honest and upfront, Star, but that doesn't mean that all of the guys you are chatting with are. They see a married woman reaching out on the net and think, hmmmmmmm.....here's something I can take advantage of. They are thinking, "I wonder why she's not spending the time chatting to her husband?" And they DO NOT care about hurting you.
The internet can be a lonely place, Star. If you are turning to the net because you are lonely, maybe that is a sign to try to replace it with something healthy. I'm sure that we all could take that advice.  | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/15/2006 11:24:11 AM | well let me think abut this no u cant not be in love with 2 men ??? but i do know this women that is in love with 2 men and the bad thing is that im 1 of the men that she is in love with . i dont belive in this .but what can i do abut it who can help me i try to end it but she just cant let me go . and 4 u star 123 u have what all the women & men whant that is to find someone to love love well i was marred at one time to and my ex told me that love was just a word . and now im just think that she is right love is just a word  | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/15/2006 11:56:51 AM | Star, I took the time to read through ALL your posts. Quite frankly, I'm getting a little confused. In some posts, you say that you were falling in love with this guy. In other posts you say that you only had a few feelings. In some posts you say you will end it, and in other posts you say that you plan to meet him, just to "end your feelings." In some posts you say that you will stop chatting with this guy, but in other posts you make it clear that you don't intend to stop chatting with other guys on the net. Then, you are very very quickly offering to meet Steve the Eagle, who is married.. If you really just want "friends" then why don't you and Steve invite your spouses along to the meeting? After all, ya all are "just friends." Then you can tell your spouses where you met each other - I'm sure that will go over like a lead balloon.
When people here try to give you some good advice, you react as if we are being mean and attacking you. But your actions and words are all over the place. If my husband did this to me, I would have been really, really hurt - even if it was "just" chatting. I would have felt like he turned to some strange girl to share his feelings with, not me. And that would have hurt me, alot.
Love isn't just a word. Love is about treating another person with respect. Love is about standing by that person when they are ill, when they are hurting, when they put on some extra pounds and get a receding hairline. Love is about actions. And if you no longer love him, then do them the respect to tell him, directly. Then he can make choices that aren't secret, and are out in the open.
You have gotten us all involved in this with you. Your post might have been about "why do I have feelings for 2 men" originally. Well, we told you - because the net and the chatting was fantasy. But in several posts you've talked about continuing this with other people, and maybe meeting this guy.
I feel like you are wasting other people's time, when all you really want is to justify what you are doing. Fine. Go ahead. You'll do what you want anyhow. | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/15/2006 3:24:09 PM | in reply to birdy,
i take all advice with a pinch of salt, i'm intrested to see other peoples point of view, i have taken no offence to any advice that is given, but being called a homewrecker or saying that i've cheated i do not except.
yes i did have feelings for this guy, yes i did say i was going to meet him for coffee and yes i did say i was going to end all contact......but if you read my replies again, you will see that i thought meeting for a coffee would solve my feelings, but when i was told, "what if your feelings are stronger" i replied that i didn't think of that, so i decided not to meet....also after i decided that i would cut all contact...after reading many emails that have been in the same position as myself and now have a great friend, i decided to continue the online relationship, but that does not mean i will be meeting him or cheating on my husband. and you saying i should meet with stevetheeagel and partners,..well i think you are getting silly there,.
i have realized that my feelings for this guy were not the same feelings i have for my husband, my husband knows i chat on chat rooms, he even knows i flirt....but as long as i don't meet any of them, he doesn't see it as a problem as he knows my family life means to much to me and i would never do anything to destroy our happy family life....but before you or anybody else says again why am i on here??? again i will say because of BORDEM not to meet anyone... | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/19/2006 7:27:01 AM | star123
i guess im a little confused as well, ive read the entire thread and youre sending different messages, youre in love , hes a fantasy, its online flirting, etc etc etc
I think people misued the word LOVE personally, my two cents is you cant be in love in two different people, if you love your hubby as you say you do you wouldnt be online looking for a friend because youre bored, I remembered a saying the preacher said during wedding vows love and to honor etc etc etc.
Im not here to preach to you but if your family means that much to you i suggest finding another hobby or source of entertainment and try to rekindle the magic you had in the beginning? no.
If youre hubby was doing that do you Im sure you would be quite upset?
@ Don williams, its amazing that a single guy who has never been married can offer insights and the statement regarding divorce people are loser is asinine son, im divorced but im one of the lucky one, I married my high school sweetheart, but unfortunately we drifted apart, no infidelity no abuse etc, as a matter of fact my ex and I are the best of friends, been to her wedding and her and the hubby come over drinks every month,
Most folks are in love with the word LOVE and most i think love the idea of being in love but have no idea what love is. | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/19/2006 7:47:48 AM | in reply to harley4ever ,
you say your confussed.....i'm confused myself...
I have given lots of mixed messages, thats because i am very confused, i did think it was love, but now i know it is not.....he made me feel good when i was low, and because i spent so much time chatting to him, i was getting very strong feelings for him. Like i said before, i was going to cut all contact with him, but then i found it hard so i decided to get back in touch and remain friends.....but he couldn't handle just friends, so i decided to cut all contact, and i've not spoken to him for a while and i can honestly say that i've not missed him or thought about him, so i realize it wasn't LOVE, but the attention i craved, which made me feel like i was in love with him.....i wont be making the same mistake again. | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/19/2006 7:52:09 AM | Star ..
Think very carefully about what you are doing here, because if your husband catches wind of this you will be sitting in our shoes, and it can be a lonely place to be.
As far as your love question.
I think you can, there are many kinds of love, and what you are probably feeling for this person in the love of friendship. It can be very confusing and lead to broken marraiges and lives.
Try to make what you have work if you feel you love him. You need to get off the net, it can be an addiction, so it may be hard to. Shut down your computer, grow a garden, get a new pet, hobby, something that you can do together and talk about together.
If your friend is a true friend, he will understand this. | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/19/2006 7:53:53 AM | We must have been typing at the same time Star.
Cutting contact is the best thing to be doing. | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/19/2006 2:37:59 PM | Frankly, I don't think that that "star" really gets it. She's admitting that she's going to continue to email/MSN with this guy - how the heck is that any different than chatting in a chat room? It's no different. She's continuing contact with someone she's developed feelings for - and this is destructive to her marriage and deceitful to her husband. Her husband obviously trusts her with her chat room antics - yet here is a perfect reason why it's a bad idea. She doesn't feel it's wrong for married people to chat - but HERE is a perfect example of why it's not good.
And "steve" in this thread - you're about as transparent as a piece of plastic wrap. It's clear in your profile that you're looking for a fun lil' sidedish - I feel so sorry for your wife. And "star", you're actually inviting his attention - by inviting him to contact you. How shameful. You're that naive as to what "steve" is really looking for?
If you're so bored that you need to spend time wasted in chat rooms, why don't you spend that time with your children - or with your husband - or taking a class, or visiting the elderly or volunteering at a soup kitchen or shelter - there's so many more constructive things a bored wife/mother can be doing than chatting it up in chat rooms. | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/19/2006 2:50:56 PM | in reply to ladykanuck,
just to let you know, that i no longer chat to anyone in the chat rooms, but i am on here just for the forums.
the reason i am on my computer now is because my kids are in bed, my hubby is working and its late in the evening.......not many places i can go and visit at 10.50pm.
i enjoy surfing on the net and its not just for chat rooms.
i invited steve to CHAT only with me, he seems a nice guy, like i said over and over again, yes i did think i developed feelings for this guy, but since have realized it was just an attention thing, if Steve is looking for something else i can asure you, he will not be getting it from me. | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/19/2006 3:36:15 PM | Star....
I agree with the others that there is definately something missing. I'm not sure, though, if it is from the marriage, or from YOU. And that's not a slam - tell me - do you have social groups? Hobbies? Lots of friends?
I think you pinned the problem well as LONLINESS. Let me ask you - do you have a life that is YOUR OWN? Meaning, activities and friends? Or do you plan your life around your spouse, just sitting around waiting for him to be available?
I may be off base with this. But it sounds to me like you need to start LIVING. Once you fill your life with REAL actvities and hobbies, you won't NEED the attention from your virtual world.
You said you love your husband, but it's incredibly unfair to expect him to be your only source of fulfillment and entertainment. (Thus, when he can't be, seeking it elsewhere. Whether you realize it or not, you WERE seeking what you were missing, even if you weren't consciously aware.) At the same time, it's unfair of him to expect you to be at his beck and call, living only to serve him and raise his children. Not sure if either of those is happening....but it sounds like it may be? | |
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| in love with two people
Posted: 3/19/2006 3:50:22 PM | | Your frist mistake was he is married, been there done that. I too loved my ex, but was more in love with a married friend, yes guys there was something missing from my marriage. Think before you leap............ If you love your husband, find out what is missing and see if both of you can work on the missing part..... My ex and I fell out of love with each other......... I first, then him..........Think hard before you say you are in love with two people, the one you truly love could be right in your own home. | |
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