| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 12:34:59 PM | seperated since July, officially in Aug so yeah its been 8 months and I'm not going back. I actually thought it would all be over by now but Im divorcing a scoundrel so it's dragging.
I dont see what the big deal is with dating a separated person unless that person isn't sure if it's really over or not, has unresolved issues and feelings. If it's over it's over....and why not date and have fun??? | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 1:40:38 PM | | Bandito, you make a valid point for those of us not familiar with Canadian law or the commonwealth for that matter. There is no time limit for separation in the states......... no cooling off period so to speak. Other countries do have specific laws governing when divorce may be filed. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:30:48 PM | Well thank you deetoyou I know the required seperation period in the US varied from state to state from 0 months up to 6 months for some states.
@checkin-u, that was my feeling exactly. If you are stuck in the divorced process but not officially finished it yet because of what ever reason, why should you be discriminated against or deny yourself from going out and making new friends or dating for that matter.
I see/hear from people posting here that you can get burned. Well that is the case with anyone regardless of the fact they are not "un-married" at the time you meet them.
It does seem however that the cheaters seem to like to call themselves "seperated" even though they are still married and living with their wives. Well they are not even seperated so I hardly see how that counts.
Bandito
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:34:28 PM | I've met so many guys that were separated (and some still living with their 'ex'). When I asked why, I was given all these 'wonderful' excuses, but I just don't buy them. In my opinion, a person is not single unless they are divorced and living apart from their ex.
I'm sure there are some cases where it's beneficial for a couple to have a relationship like you described. I would just have to wonder where I fit into the equation and how it would affect my relationship with the guy. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:36:06 PM | ^^^ "It does seem however that the cheaters seem to like to call themselves "seperated" even though they are still married and living with their wives. Well they are not even seperated so I hardly see how that counts.
Bandito"
and that my friend is EXACTLY why I filed...
among other things and we have not lived together since. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:39:08 PM | I think if a person has in their profile that they are "separated"............what that means to me is that her husband may be waiting for you with a shotgun when you bring her home from your date, so she better be an extra extra extra special woman for me to risk my life for her. Tracy
P.S. I would much rather have a woman that is single, divorced, or widowed........alot less chance of getting a bullet in my ear. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:41:01 PM | | well, I understand that. I guess you'd have to really ask for specifics. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:54:44 PM | ^^^That was my point some pages back that in reality you have to ask some smart questions. You have to really ask them regardless of what is posted in people's profiles.
I trust no one is truely single until I have been in their place and not seen any specific signs of a male living there like a toilet seat being left up, or Jock Rought Remover in the medicine cabinet or jockey/boxer gotcha's being left on the bedroom floor or the TV channel being left on ESPN/TSN | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 4:28:46 PM | Bandito ^^^^^^If the channel was left on ESPN/TSN at my house, it's because i'm a sports freak! Both my big screen in the living room and in my bedroom could very well be left on either of those channels. No man living here and i've been separated for the past 16yrs as I posted earlier in this thread!!!!!
Soooooooooooo......... | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 4:53:23 PM | ^^^denimandlace46, that just proves you are a goddess worthy of any man's affection | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 5:19:05 PM | Separated may not be the same as legally divorced but I think such designations are only relevant if a person is concerned with getting legally married. I'm Catholic and I live in a heavily Catholic neighbourhood. But there are men who live separate and apart from their wives there who may have been divorced 20 years or more and guess what?
Even though they will never go back to living with their wives (and not just because the wife in question doesn't want the guy back), they are no more divorced than flying over the moon.
One marriage, for life, period! There is nothing, not multiple lovers, nor live-ins, or even the government considering them spouses -- for tax purposes -- of someone else they have a child with along the way...nothing will change this fact.
They may go so far as to marry at City Hall which seems good except as far as the Catholic Church is concerned the City Hall marriage is bogus...legal, but bogus.
And any woman who wants to get involved with one of these guys had best be prepared for some family obligations that appear to go above and beyond the call of duty...whether it's for the good of the children or not.
You will never change some of these men's perception that the only Holy union in their life is one that went horribly awry -- even if they seem to be happy enough about it all now. (If that doesn't make sense then borrow a page from the Rocky Horror Picture Show: "It's hard being penetant. Even smiling makes my face ache".
As for me, one of the main reasons I held off from getting a divorce for quite some time was due to finances. You file, you pay. Simple as that.
And if I am with a guy who I don't intend to marry even if I am asked, then I don't see the point of him spending a chunck of his cash to free himself up just to meet what amounts to a standard I set before I'm interested. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 7:38:47 PM | Yes, if you are living a separate life from that of your spouse.
It really is such a touch and go situation. Everyone's situation is different. I'm sorry for those who were lied to or hurt by people who weren't really separated or emotionally unconnected to their spouse enough to be dating.
Honesty is so important if you are dating some one who is separated or you yourself are separated. You really have to get to the bottom of things before you get involved. Tons of questions to be asked and answered.
Don't judge some one who is separated and dating or dating some one who is.........some day you may find yourself in the same sticky mud puddle and you'll see how being REALLY separated is no different from being single. It sucks.  | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 8:02:06 PM | I will never date a separated (not single) man. I will not get involved in the drama of that lifestyle. People need time after divorced to learn (and heal) who they are as a single person.
I have been single for several years now. I can't believe the difference in how I have change since I was married. Those growth years (not being involved with anyone) where invalueable in becoming the person I am today. Knowing that you can handle anything life throws at you as an independant person is an amazing thing. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 12:02:05 AM | | Nah, the only thing on my list left to do is change a tire.......other than that, I can take care of myself. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 1:00:45 AM | | no it's married and seperated. you're single when you divorce... | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 3:35:11 AM | can do alot on my own, ex was in the army for a good chunk of our marriage so I had to. Sure there are still things I don't do..like change the oil....*shrug*..19.95 at speedy lube 
Why is it that a piece of paper can 'define' whether or not you're emotionally ready to date. I'm sure a lot of people need time to figure out who they are or what they want or time to heal. Ive been doing a lot of soul searching for years. Just finally realized what I had to do....
I think it's more of an individual issue anyway. | |
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| Is seperated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 4:44:57 AM | Seperated more then 6 months is single.
If your relationship/marriage is bad enough you've had to seperate, then something somewhere has died, and granted there is a few exceptions to the rule but its safe to say, its pretty much over. Sometimes for couples its harder to let go of the familiar even if its fighting and misery then to step into the unknown. You can't bring back whats dead, you can try and make each other miserable in the process, but it generally don't happen.
So yes, if they are seperated 6 months or more, not in marriage counciling, then yes I will date them and be open to more.
Bridgette | |
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| Is seperated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 5:54:23 AM | Really, I agree about divorce being similar to being single. It's amusing how some peole try to rationalize cheating by saying they're separated. This applies to men who say they're 'emotionally separated' or 'we don't do it anymore' or 'we're not sleeping in the same bed'...I mean who cares, you're still entangled with your significant other. Being separated doesn't even come close to being single unless it's a legal separation and you're going through the divorce proceedings and not turning back.
no it's married and seperated.
you're single when you divorce... | |
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| Is seperated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 5:59:09 AM | | I wouldn't date anyone who isn't legally separated. Not just moved out, they need to file the papers etc. I know several people and lived with with a woman who was legally separated but never bothered going for the divorce since she couldn't care less. The only reason she got a divorced was he wanted to get married again and she made him pay for it since he wanted it. | |
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| Is seperated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 6:02:42 AM | NO!!!!!
How long, after divorce, do you wait before you start calling yourself single again? | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 6:12:12 AM | I would not get involved with a married man.. irregardless of if they are seperated or not..
I actually met this guy who had posted himself as single.. at our coffee date he causually mentioned he wasn't divorced yet.. when asked why he said I see no reason i'll do it when something better comes along.. not saying that all guys are like this..
however, when I was done with my relationships I got out of them completely before getting involved with anyone else.. becuase lets face it.. a legal marriage is still a marriage and makes that person unavailable in certain aspects..
I want whoever I get involved with to be available both emtionally and otherwise. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 6:53:56 AM | | What if people who are separated can't afford to get a divorce???? I'm separated. And have been for quite some time. It costs money that I dont' have to get a divorce and he's too much of an jerk to pay for it. There's no chance in hell of us getting back together. I practically loathe the ground he walks on. The only reason I still talk to him, is because I have to but only regarding the children. Yes, i may have baggage, but it's not enough baggage that it's going to affect my life in a negative way. Everyone that has ever been in a relationship and has had negative results from that relationship is going to have baggage, no matter whether you were dating, in a relationship, common-law, engaged, married or separated...i think people that are separated can still date..and be classified as single...because they're no longer with that person..of course, everybody's situation is different. But I know that I'm not living with my ex....I live on my own (well with a roommate) and I live my life as if I was single....so, what's the problem? | |
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