| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 11:24:15 AM | I'm with you Stillinlimbo -
I love the freedom I have now and I'm certainly not looking for an LTR any time soon. It's partially because I got married much to young originally. Now I know much better what I am looking for and I still have years to find it. My goal is basically to date as many women as possible to get the broadest sample I can and then shorten the list over the next several years until I'm left with just one. It's possible that someone will be "the one" and shorten my plan, and that would be ok too. It's all good.  | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 2:08:07 PM | | floky, I have a very good lawyer hun thats not an issue at all. Just takes time to get the shit sorted out and on his part takes years for him to decide I guess, this has been goin on forever and am told will soon be over, so no worries. But then again I was told it would be over every other month for the past almost 3 yrs. He dosent want to pay me support and wants to fight me on everything, thats the hold up. Money was an issue in the marriage and knew it would be in the end. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 4:50:06 PM | ^^^^ sounds familiar
and geesh we're on page 15 folks...let it gooooooo...breeeeeeathe, date whoever the hell you want. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 5:01:15 PM | I think a large part of the problem is the use of labels....I just think that for me personally its wrong to put a label on someone at all...the only person I have a right to label is myself. Anything else is just assumption, and is probably in error.
True, there are people in different stages of adjustment that need time, but there's no label for that....its called life.
I think that about covers it for me. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 6:08:51 PM | | @youtouchedmysoul......yes it does depend on the situation and it does favor that no...separated is not single.....I am not sure quite how to approach this but the same thing is happening in my daughters marriage...she is unhappy and has confided with a male friend...feeling that she could vent to someone....my daughter also wants to leave her marriage.....I admire you for bowing out of the picture....for now....and even if that person does leave the marraige...they have done it with a clear head and not because they feel that someone is waiting in the wings that will provide everlasting wonderment. I feel...and that is only my opinion....when a marriage ends....there needs to be a mourning period....laugh if you like...but jumping into another commitment....nope, it rarely works.... | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 6:16:00 PM | | I agree with you on some stuff yourdelights....the think time to learn is absolute....even as a woman...I know that when we get down to reality...BOTH in a marriage are at fault for 75% of the time. And cheating is not always what breaks up a marriage. The stories are always in the perspective of the one considered the "victim". And depends on who their buddies are that they vent with.... | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 6:22:16 PM | | In my opinion....daniellem....he is supporting her....if she has a job or no job...I beleive that you wish to provide child support....but no....if she is working and she is living with someone for 6 months....yikes...he is claiming her on his income tax I think....absolutely not.....I'd get the cheapest divorce possible and let the courts give you a break..... | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 6:32:48 PM | | @stillinlimbo....on your post re: the mcleans magazine.....yup....I am at the age of independance....etc...but I was not of this mindset or emotional place until a year or so ago. But, I am basing my opinion on a relationship that was quite common for women my age. In those days you got married to the first person that winked at you (slight exageration...LOL). And the wifey stayed home and cleaned and had kids....small town mind. Now, through education and opportunity, women get and have jobs and are recognized for their brain and abilities to advance.....And, they have their own places and can furnish it the way they wish....dine the way they wish....pamper themselves the way they wish....cuz they work hard and are rewarded with that paycheck now. So, you are right....what would add to their life? | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 6:37:09 PM | | @cegsfine....who told you that this would be over soon? You wanna match X"s? Move out.....get subsiduary income if you are working...it will pay for another place for you to rent. My X's first name is money. I know.....why are you holding on at staying at that same house? He is the puppeteer and making you dance ya know | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 9:27:01 PM | | My personal opinion on this is when you are seperated you are in decision, you are either going to decide to work it through or you are going to decide to call it quits, either way I think you are not single, when you are single , it means 1. When you are seperated its the dividing of something, its not divided. Nothing is final until its final. As so many get back together and so many finalize. I think that when it takes so long to finally put and end to the relationship what is it that keeps you "seperated" or so long. You are basically in limbo. To be honest with outselves there is something that keeps us seperated instead of final, many can say, money, time, division or assests etc but notice that in those cases there is a reason for not making it final. I beleive everything happens for a reason. I personally think that if there is no hope or will at all to salvage a marriage then why would anyone hold on for so long. reguardless of circumstances, if ther eis a will there is a way. I think that most stay seperated long because if the what if and they feel like there is still something there so they are too afraid to let go.. As an example I have a friend who knows that her marriage is over, there are alot of excuses she could use to stay "seperated" but she fought tooth and nail to get that divorce against the money and all because she knew it was over. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 10:43:10 PM | Last post for me on this issue.....its a no win situation, everyone has their own views and there gonna stick to them.
I'll admit I can be a stubburn Irishman at times. But if you knew my situation, and the fact that I haven't seen her nor spoke to her since the days she left. Hell I don't even know where she lives, nor do I care. She never did work so I imagine that hasn't changed.
She was a homebody the entire time we were together, first 3 years weren't bad she'd try her best at doing the household chores but the last 5 she made sure the couch didn't have a chance to collect dust using her body as a sheild. The last 6 months we were together she had been seeing someone while I was at work. When she left the day after she was already living with him. Now I know through her family it only lasted 4 months which looks good on her, and she knew where I stood about cheating so she knew she wasn't welcome back.
I paid for the legal seperation now she can pay for the legal divorce. If its 50 - 50 when seperating property then same applies to the cost of ending the relationship. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 12:26:35 AM | last time I read single in the dictionary it was spelt: s i n g l e
I think it's single with strings attached. It could be they're still friends. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 1:06:39 AM | Dictionary definitions are very useful, Haha. The point has already been made that single means never having been married. From there, the question implies: are people who are separated elligible dating material. My good buddy Trevor, on another thread, has provided this, from Webster's Thesaurus:
"To go on a social engagement with" but it also means, "To go on dates that may eventually lead to marriage". And a good part of my posting has been to the effect that one can 'go on a social engagement with' someone who is separated and from there determine whether such person is elligible for the second definition.
As an added note, the friend (about my age) who first suggested I look into on-line dating three years ago has never been in a relationship longer than two years. He was telling me how great this gig is and how he's banging 25 year-old gymnastic instructors from the intimate section (of another site) without even having to learn their name. Now I have to admit, I don't know if he's also trolling the 'dating' and LTR' sections. Wouldn't surprise me. His category is 'single.' This is not someone I'd want to be seeing with my sister. Any of you 'single' girls like me to point him your way? He's very charming. And single. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 1:11:45 AM | | Nah I wouldn't get invloved with a guy who was living with his ex whatever the reason. What am I to do when I go over to see him sit and compare notes with her. I don't agree with the staying in the same house but diff rooms cos of kids cos it is a cop out and kids are not given enough credit. I dont think it would matter so much to me if he guy had been seperated and not divorced as long but I think it would seriously depend on how long as well. xjx | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 1:39:14 AM |
Is separated single?
Is this even a question?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
no to either....seperated is seperated and single is single.
Nah I wouldn't get invloved with a guy who was living with his ex whatever the reason
OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
smoochiegal hit it bang on! | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 3:37:19 AM | Speaking from experience...separated means married. My friends and I, have all dealt with legally separated men. Including all the basement dwellers.
It boils down to this......OUCH!!!
I was madly in love with a separated man for years....and always the excuse was...money. I beg of one separated man to NOT say it was because of money.
IF the fellow was madly, passionately in love with you and wanted to marry you...NOTHING would stop him, including any excuse about money. The money would suddenly appear, as if by magic!!
Welcome to Limbo-land.
If you are dating a man and he remains separated and not actively seeking a divorce...then it means this...."He's Just Not That Into You". (please buy the book!!!)
I believe that they do it in order to have all the perks of a new relationship knowing that they really don't want to get married again. Thus, the excuses. Or...they don't want to marry YOU.
It irks me when guys get "offended" when they say we as women are judging them. No. It isn't judging them to know what you want, and simply not want to get involved with a man who is very likely...to not be available in every way.
It doesn't mean you have to marry each other, but there is always that current of non-committment to the present relationship. I don't think most want to get back together with their separated spouse...but for whatever reason, they are not even aware of exactly why they stay in that state. Because of the money, the kids, because they are afraid to deal with the finality of their marriage...and actually are afraid of being alone (another possiblity)....whatever!!
It did break my heart. I am not the only one.
It makes me sad that being so *understanding* all those years...simply took me away from finding a man who would love me like crazy and want to be with me totally.
Nothing wrong with dating a sep guy...but...if you fall in love or want more out of the relationship...just prepare for achy breaky heart. If you just want to date and have fun, nothing more...go for it.
And that...is my opinion. Thanks for reading it.
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 3:43:19 AM | | I'm separated but put single. The reason is I've been separated for 10 years now. We live completely separate lives and he has a child with a woman he lives common law with now. The only reason we haven't gotten a divorce is because there was a mix-up at the registry making the cost of getting one more expensive. Neither of us have plans to remarry but if it was really important to whomever I was with, I would get a divorce. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 3:47:00 AM | There are those who, like Polly, are mentally ready to move on whilst not officially single.
There are those who, whilst officially single, be it never married, or divorced, are not ready to embark on another relationship.
In terms of whether I would date somebody who was separated - yes I would. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 3:54:29 AM | I probably shouldn’t even post this because I haven't read the entire thread.
I just wanted to say that I agreed with georgiegirl.
I also think that the commitments of marriage is in the heart, not the paper. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 4:41:02 AM | I've been reading some of these posts and had to put my 2 cents in.
A bit of information here. If you don't want to pay a lawyer big bucks to get a divorce try Legalzoom.com. For $250. they will write all the forms for you and all you have to do is submit them to the courts. Very easy process if you are both in agreement and there is nothing to fight over. The court will set a date and you could be divorced within 6 months.
If a person is separated or divorce the length of time makes a difference as to where they are at. For instance, if someone has been separated for a few months compared to someone separated four years (yes it does happen for various reasons) that person's head is in a different place. Some of you who have been on your own for a long time will understand this. A failed marriage can be like a death and there is a mental process some go through.
Now let's be intelligent creatures here. Separated is NOT living with your spouse. Get a grip. If you can't visit his place or the relationship isn't out in the open, like "DUH." Sorry but it is true. You should be stupid slap if you fall for that.
Also, don't judge everyone by a few. Some situations can be different. Don't make assumptions or someone wonderful may slip right by you. Weigh all the informaiton and trust your gut instinct. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck...it's a duck!! | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 6:17:17 AM | | Thank you sunshine2tan It is hard to walk away but my heart cant handle the ride one day up one day down. I told her that only time would tell. She went on vacation and will be gone for a week and a half and I told her it would help her find things her own way. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 6:39:57 AM | Nope..still connected to the hip/bank account/assests ..you get him..you get her/ the kids..and all of marital problem baggage that goes along with it...
you will be used as a therapist/financial aid counselor/F$%K buddy..and a stepping stone..someone who helps his self esteem build up to actually dumping the ol bag and then he dumps you because he is "single" again and needs to sow his wild oats all over again..
anything else I left out?... | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 6:59:26 AM | | Yes you do get all of that except with my situation we were never physical just emotional thats why I will just walk away for now because her feelings are confused and it up and down I can see it in her actions just like in my previous post she will be gone for a week and a half I told her it would be good for everyopnes feelings but then she set it up so I would get a email everyday that shes gone the first one came today and it put me right back on that rollercoaster again I know she cares more than friendship but I told her she has to make the dicision on her own to make herself happy without anybody elses thoughts in her mind and until she is emotionaly sound and at pease with her self she will always have different feelings In her mind she is still attached to her other feelings and has to decide for herself which path to take. And I need to protect my heart and soul also from the pain and the rollercoaster so I will disappear in the distance. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 7:07:46 AM | | The Lawyers told me........lol what is ( subsiduary income if you are working )and how do I do that? | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 7:49:00 AM | | That's enough of this for me on this thread. Its been repetitive for a while. I count seven on page 15 who say go for it. I've had three emails this week for dates that I've had to turn down for lack of time this month. So that's a broad enough pool for me to work from. Good luck all. | |
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