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slick6
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Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 526 | |
| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/23/2006 10:53:04 AM | | If they don't live in seperate residences, then there's probably not much point in seeing the person. The break should be obvious and clear. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/23/2006 11:34:06 AM | You biblethumpers who are thumb their noses at separated people are a hoot! Could you possibly be more judgmental?
Reason 1: If they are involved with someone chances are their partner doesnt know that they are even looking for someone else.....
Yeah you'd rather choose to be involved with a person who would lie to you about their social status?
Reason 2: Chances are I'm the one in the end that will get hurt. I wont let that happen again.
Not true, same chances exist for the so-called singles some of you choose to date who either lie to you about their status or are using you as a stop-gap until they reconcile with their X. This behavior is not exclusive to the separated.
Reason 3: There are usually a lot of excuses as to why they have to spend time with the real significant other. Sorry Im no ones second best....
Perhaps, you have to judge each situation. Again being devils advocate, I'd be in contact with single women, try to arrange dates, get the runaround, and then find out she is back with the X (yeah right), or suddenly is in love with another guy (yeah right there too). I get this behavior more from the singles I date than when I have chosen to date separated women.
Reason 4: They are usually a pig and if they did it to her they are gonna do it to me. Sorry I wont ever be there intentionally.
Personally I think separated people generally have more class than many singles. Usually separated folks have been involved in lengthy relationships, this generally indicated loyal and honest personality qualities which I value. Singles often exemplify the exact opposite of these attractive qualities, as they simply play the field and make notches on their bedpost.
Basically you're a fool if you label separated people into the above four categories, and don't recognize that the single people that you choose exclusively as possible partners aren't pulling a fast one on you and playing you for a fool.
Another message to biblethumpers: we all have a limited time on this earth. Why should a separated person submit themselves to basically throw away a big piece of their life while they negotiate through the mindfield of divorce proceedings? I'm not telling you that all separated people are saints. What I'm saying is there are many good separated people that you choose not to date while you date a bunch of single people who are not of the highest character. Within the limited time of your life, expand your mental capacities instead of confining them. Open your mind. | |
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Garuda
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Joined: 1/8/2006
Msg: 528 | |
| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/23/2006 12:00:09 PM | | Who ya asking? Ask many, you will get many answers, so try the dictionary! | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/23/2006 12:07:39 PM | I think what it really comes down to is your comfortability with the other person's life style. Do the reasons for no "official" divorce make sense? Are they reasons you can live with? Can you live with the fact that they still may live at "home" ?
I definitely have a problem with the guy still living in the house. To me, that's NOT seperated. I understand that if you abandon your property or home, you stand to lose it permanently in the divorce procedure. However, how weird would it feel for me to visit this man, in this house knowing that she is still here, and possibly upstairs while we're in the basement. It gives me a creepy feeling. Almost like when I was a teen and hung out in the basement smooching some guy, while mom and dad were upstairs.
People get "seperated" for various reasons, rather than plunging into divorce. Sometimes it's a cooling off period...to make sure the marriage can't be salvaged. This usually comes complete with therapy or counseling. Sometimes, it's just until each can get their act together before divorce procedures start. If someone is living in the state of seperation for years and years, I'd have to question why. If it's over, truly over, what could possibly be the excuse after years have gone by. I've been divorced....and I couldn't wait to cut every tie that bound me to the marriage. I needed to move on.
Psychologically and emotionally, it's very hard to let go. Having that one little string attached gives us a feeling of continuity, of still "belonging". It's also a ready excuse when a new relationship doesn't pan out...."Things are starting to work out between me and my old lady, so I can't see you any more", or "How can I leave him....he'd be lost if I still didn't take care of the bills or the laundry". Of course, children are always used as a great reason. "I can't leave my wife because of the kids right now." Please!! Are children stupid? The reason Dad no longer sleeps up here with Mom, and lives in the basement is because.......? Kids are much more intuitive and in tune than we adults give them credit for. Living in the basement DOES NOT constitute a stable, family environment. It can only add to the children's confusion and make them feel they have to choose sides...something they should never have to do.
If I'm to be in a relationship with someone, I want to know that it has the ability and potential to move forward somehow. When a marriage still exists for one of the partners, no matter how strained or tenuous, the new relationship will reach a plateau and stagnate. It has to...there's no place for it to go.
I say....at least be out of the house....and have a plan for your eventual divorce. Let me know that you're ready to move on and forward in your life. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/23/2006 12:20:03 PM | From the perspective from someone that is,(separated) yes! Jeeeez sweetie. Half the time u don't know the whole situation(: and should ask :p
Adreena  | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/23/2006 12:44:02 PM | ^^^exactly adreena. people, you have to "read" someone. do you take everything someone tells you for face value? if the story doesn't add up, whether it's from a single or someone who's separated, you don't go further.
i've had as good as or better dating experiences with separated women compared to those who claimed they were "single". there was no way these separated women would reconcile, i knew that after i invested time in getting to know them.
i've dated divorced women who claimed they were "single" because they couldn't get the right responses from guys. not every single profile actually represents a "single". same thing with age--women often post inaccurate ages to get preferred age groups to look at their profile.
you just don't take what people say on face value. correspond with them, meet them, size them up before you discount that all separated people are desperate pigs.  | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/23/2006 5:59:01 PM | yeah MA lots of people are SELF-RIGHTEOUS, they feel they don't make mistakes.
it's common sense to take some time to learn about ANYONE (single, divorced, or separated) before getting serious with them. use your brains, if you have any, before getting involved. think if it's possible.
i'm not saying all separated people are great to date. what i'm saying is that EVERYONE makes mistakes, a separated person's relationship mistakes are more obvious than a single person's mistakes, in a way you know more personal information quickly when dating a separatee. you should know WHY someone is separated, then ask for a story, you listen to it, and if it doesn't add up, DON'T DATE THEM. if you don't get a story when you ask, DON'T DATE THEM. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/23/2006 7:33:28 PM | | I am separated and yes I believe it is the same as being single. My how would you say it EX Husband or separated partner is living with another women he is living a single life. Do I live as a married women? No I will not sit home and cry I will move on and date . Hopefully find another person whom I would like to share the rest of my life with. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/23/2006 11:00:10 PM | you know what i have learned from all of this.......
I need to move to the Ontario area... there are some very very beautiful SINGLE.. { Included in that SINGLE word are thsoe women whom are SEPARATED} women liveing up there.
Any of you SINGLE woman wanna date a firefighter if i move up there? | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/26/2006 12:18:16 PM | | I take offense to the statement made by delytful regarding " bogus excuses for why married people should be allowed to sleep around".....please rethink that statement. I've been separated almost 2 years and I DO NOT sleep around. I have had one relationship during that time that I have no regrets about. The person that I was involved with knew my situation, knew that I was legally separated with no intentions of a reconciliation, and was fine with it. Now recently, I met someone who seemed to be interested; but like some people, decided it was better not to date because I have not completely severed the tie. It's fine with me if a man thinks that I am not available because I haven't cut all communication with the "spouse/former husband". I'm not hard pressed to remarry and simply would like to go out, go to dinner or movies, sit on my porch and drink coffe.....in other words, I'd like social interaction. For some of us, it's not about finding a reason to sleep around; it's about finding a decent person that we can communicate, have some fun, and keep as great friends (if it never goes to another level). | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/26/2006 1:15:53 PM | | THANK YOU Beaches.....that post was great. Some of us have kids and CANNOT cut all communication with the former spouse to be, and there are some of us who refuse to allow the end of a marraige affect our children and therefore make sacrifices and try their best to maintain a friendly relationship because believe it or not to all you anti-spearated people... THE ONLY PERSON WHO SUFFERS IN THE END IS THE CHILDREN. say what you will about those of us who are separated, but again you may very well be passing up the one who could really make you the happiest.. so whos loss is it really? | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/27/2006 9:55:29 AM | all the bogus excuses for why married people should be allowed to sleep around, which is what this all boils down to.
I'm surprised anyone as judgemental as this would be thinking about sleeping with anybody if you're not married to them. What are all you 'single' people doing sleeping around, you super-moral (better not use that word.)
if you're not married, you shouldn't be having sex with someone whether they're married, separated or single. Isn't that the bible-thumpers' postion? (Its not really mine, BTW. Just stirring the pot.LOL) | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/27/2006 10:15:54 AM | | Too late to edit again. 'Hypocrite' would have been the right word. You're being pretty selective in your application of morals. Stating that separated people dating are "sleeping around" suggests that you are sleeping around with people that you are dating (if they aren't separated.) Your high-horse suggests that you have some morally superior position, while Beaches and many others here seem to take the position that dating means going out for dates. What else comes along depends on what seems appropriate after getting to know the other person. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/27/2006 10:26:05 AM | I'm separated but was never married. I lived with a guy had children with him... We lived together for 4 years been separated for 2 years now...
I would hope I could be able to date... And not have to worry about my past being separated... I think once you got to know me and my situation there would be no problems... Yes I still have contact with my ex as he is the father of my children and in fact we are friends... | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/27/2006 10:49:16 AM | On more shot, just cause I'm on a roll. If I met someone special and she said, "No sex until the divorce is final," I might respond, "Ok. I can't get that done until November 1st but I think we should be married first so lets pick a date in December. And lets' go to the art gallery tomorrow."
Or another take. Lets assume that a priest or preacher is a reasonable choice for an arbitrator of moral issues. (I'm an atheist, so this is hypothetical.) If I asked my priest whether its was OK for me to go out for a coffee or a movie with someone while I was separated, and you asked your priest whether it was alright for you to sleep with someone because you're both single, whose behaviour would the priest most likely condone? | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 9:59:28 AM | I'm no bible thumper, but after reading the majority of the replies, its obvious that the separated people are excusing their behavior.. I suppose its only human to bend the tree in their favor.
If the divorce is not final, then you are separated although single if you live in different residences.. If you still reside in the same home you AREN'T single Or separated...
It is simple Logic, and none of my business unless I am being lied to. Then it is complete deception and it is plainly WRONG..
Just be truthful about it.. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 10:23:44 AM |
Will this thread ever end?
Not as long as I read blanket descriptions of separated people.
its obvious that the separated people are excusing their behavior.. I suppose its only human to bend the tree in their favor.
Incorrect. This is not a black/white issue. There are shades of gray. Haven't you read the plethora of different scenarios from these separated people? The majority of separated people posting here are not looking to wash their hands from the relationship. Just move on from a painful experience which they have mentally have recognized as being reconciliation.
If the divorce is not final, then you are separated although single if you live in different residences.. If you still reside in the same home you AREN'T single Or separated...
True, personally I wouldn't date a separatee if she were still living with her husband. Technically I'd say she isn't even separated. What's your point here?
It is simple Logic, and none of my business unless I am being lied to. Then it is complete deception and it is plainly WRONG..
Agreement here. If I am corresponding to a separatee and sense deception, it's a turn-off, I don't pursue anymore. Dating a separatee isn't easy, but I tend not to over-judge someone's behavior; as I have never been married, I can only guess what it is like to deceived INSIDE a marriage. Which is the plight of many separatees; I feel compassion toward people who have been wronged by others, not disdain. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 10:38:15 AM | I clicked my heels three times but this thread still keeps going on
I guess there are no shortage of people willing to share their bad experiences and painfully gained wisdom here...it's all fair game and a reafirmation of the value of the forums even if we don't wish to see opinions counter to our way of thinking or living.
Seperated people rock like the rest!
Bandito | |
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mjr150
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Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 546 | |
| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 10:40:29 AM | | A simple way to answer that question is to ask the person your dating to meet their family and friends. If he/she has to keep you secret, then they are not single. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 11:00:28 AM | bike man...seems like you have too much time on your hands.
Its nice out today get out and enjoy yourself! | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 11:28:44 AM | mjr150 wrote:
A simple way to answer that question is to ask the person your dating to meet their family and friends. If he/she has to keep you secret, then they are not single
I would have to say .. why didnt i think of posting that? I will introduce anyone i am dateing to my " wife". it may be a bit on the awkward side but .. then there is no doubt about the separation. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 11:31:27 AM | Its nice out today get out and enjoy yourself!
yes it is a nice day today, hopefully the evening will be nicer with a Flyers victory over the Sabres!
sorry i get tired of reading tired blanket answers to complex relationship questions. some people have to dumb down issues in order to understand them, i suppose. i'm not that dumb.
A simple way to answer that question is to ask the person your dating to meet their family and friends. If he/she has to keep you secret, then they are not single.
Incorrect. Don't ASS-U-ME that because you don't see someone's family that they are not single. What if their family are a bunch of idiots, displaying immoral behavior that you disapprove of, etc. If you want to date someone from a solid family, that's one thing, but to blindly classify as "un-single" everyone who doesn't introduce you to their family is idiotic. | |
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poemer
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Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 550 | |
| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 12:12:31 PM | I would say no. Single to me means no legal ties to your former partner. I dated a seperated person in the past who was "legally seperated" by NH law, who stayed married for insurance reasons. Legally separated means "no new financial ties" to your former mate. You're still "bound" legally and financially up to the point you separated. NH law says you're still in a contract with your former and you shouldn't act outside that realm (of marriage) as a truly single person.
As far as I'm concerned if you want out then get out so both parties can move on and not be bound by any unfinished business. I got a "Pro-Say Divorce" with my former and it worked just fine. You don't have to pay Attorneys, you need to fill out the forms you get from the courts, meet with a mediator to settle whatever issues you may have, and go to court to a marital master to finalize it, legally. You needn't stay legally seperated for long with today's laws unless you want to. | |
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