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Bitxi
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Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 551 | |
| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 3:19:00 PM | It's a mind set.
On paper, I'm still 'technically' married - but in real life ( as in what really matters here ) I'm living my life as a happy, single, baggage free chick, therefore that is what I am.
Every situation is different, and that's how it should be treated.
Happy Friday!!!
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 5:24:30 PM | | NO, youre not single. Youre still married. I wont date a man that's separated. They either go back, or carry too much baggage, or talk trash about his wife, etc etc and blahblahblah.... Its just too much work for very little rewards. Get a divorce if you want my company. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 7:07:18 PM | Never date a guy or girl who claims to be separated but is still living in the same house as the significant other. My best friend just went through a hell of an ordeal with her now "ex". The guy claimed to be separated but he and his wife had decided to live in the same house until it was sold. Very Similar to Auntie's situation mentioned in earlier posts, there were always excuses as to why he couldn't be with her and why the house hadn't sold yet.
She began putting two and two together and eventually ended the relationship. She tracked down the supposedly estranged wife and handed her a banker's box full of pictures, letters and other strong incriminating proof of the affair.....all on his birthday. Not sure what happened but chances are instead of getting a big cake, he got served with divorce papers. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 7:16:08 PM | | I am just wondering how 'bible thumper' and 'selfrighteous' came into the picture......we have threads to share viewpoints...but not to inflict name calling on ones that have opinions that differ....differing opinions make each of us unique.....and it is an expression of how each one of us feels on the subject....we, including me, might not agree with an individuals viewpoint....nontheless....each is entitled | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 1:57:21 AM | I'll apologize for the use of "bible-thumper." My question regarding selective morals remains. But I have to credit Floky for having laid out hers earlier:
it is wrong to have sex with anyone other than your spouse.
I wonder if the others posting here who are using terms like adultery and sleeping around have equally consistant application of their morals? My assumption of hypocracy got me cranky.
For the record, I don't subscribe to that philosophy. Situational ethics is more my gig. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 2:42:23 AM | Unfortunately I as well as other, Im sure, have had relationships with people that were separated that were a disaster. Personally, on 2 ocassions, while dating someone who was separated, suddenly they decided to return to the spouse. Also separated people on dating sights may be looking for a quick bang to get even. I know I probably shouldnt, but I now shy away from any profiles that say separated. In your case since it has been 8 years, I would consider you single. So if you havent already done so, change your profile to reflect that. Most people, I believe, would understand your situation when it is revealed to them that you are actually separated.
Later | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 2:45:13 AM | lol....Thanks reddwine ...."Bike boy.. give it up. Youre boring us."
Ha.. we've got a 39 y/o, never been married, calling names and giving opinions about something he's never experienced.. other than dating separated people.. lol.. feeling guilty?
As I said, SOME of the Separated people bend the tree in their favor..The issue here is saying Single on a profile, when in fact the person is STILL in a contract of Marriage..
Thanks sunshine: "I am just wondering how 'bible thumper' and 'self righteous' came into the picture......we have threads to share viewpoints...but not to inflict name calling on ones that have opinions that differ....differing opinions make each of us unique.....and it is an expression of how each one of us feels on the subject....we, including me, might not agree with an individuals viewpoint....nonetheless....each is entitled" | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 10:45:48 AM |
Bike boy.. give it up. Youre boring us.
Sorry redwine, you can have any opinion you like, however an intelligent person sees the grey in issues, it's not all black and white, perhaps your opinion can evolve, life isn't as simple as some make it out to be. People who see things in black and white quite frankly bore me.
Ha.. we've got a 39 y/o, never been married, calling names and giving opinions about something he's never experienced.. other than dating separated people.. lol.. feeling guilty?
I didn't call anyone a name--however if the shoe fits, wear it. BTW the fact that I've never been married has nothing to do with the issue of the "date-worthiness" of separated folks. You're mixing apples and oranges.
I don't feel guilty about getting to know separated women--the stories these ladies have told me about what kind of jackasses their husbands are, the irresponsibility of the husband's behavior, listening to all that actually makes me more resolved to have at most one marriage in my lifetime. Never being married is not I'm ashamed of, what's wrong with being selective and valuing your independence? I don't like making mistakes.
Proceeding to a divorce is a tough situation, it certainly isn't something that should NECESSARILY put your personal life in limbo. We only have one life to live on this earth, why should you be spending it with a jackass? Why should a separated person be concerned about how religious-types view them? Forcing someone to reconcile with a total irrecoverable jackass moron is against my religion. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 11:26:18 AM | | I think the conditions surrounding the break up would decide if you are single while separated. If both parties are willing to let go and move on, then absolutely you are single and available......but if one or both are still holding on, then I would think you aren't ready to start dating or meeting anyone new. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 1:26:21 PM | | I agree with you 'stillinlimbo' about the terms adultery and sleeping around......I detest hypocrisy and it would, indeed, make me cranky as well. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 1:35:25 PM | | bikeman.....who is not intelligent?....and our opinions bore you? And what size shoe are we speaking of? Hmmmm apples and oranges....Good for you and listening to the stories of separated women.....a question?...have your confirmed and verified the truthfulness of both sides of the story in each case?...before you decide they are jackasses and irresponsible? And do not be ashamed of never marrying because you do want to make a mistake....or marrying a moron...because it would be against your religion | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 8:50:30 PM | Bike Man, I don't have time to show you how many times you called people names, but I'll do it anyway..What the Heck!
Bike man says:
"I didn't call anyone a name"
"people, you're being damn foolish for NEVER considering to date separated people."
"so keep on living your life foolishly by labelling others with black and white colors;"
"giving open-minded people like me more chances of finding AWESOME people."
"You biblethumpers who are thumb their noses at separated people are a hoot!"
"Personally I think separated people generally have more class than many singles."
"Basically you're a fool if you label separated people"
"Another message to biblethumpers:"
"expand your mental capacities instead of confining them. Open your mind."
"yeah MA lots of people are SELF-RIGHTEOUS, they feel they don't make mistakes."
"use your brains, if you have any,"
"some people have to dumb down issues in order to understand them"
"i'm not that dumb."
"I didn't call anyone a name"
......Bike man, all you need is a Cape to go with the outfit, then you can save all the separated Damsels in distress...
lol.. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 9:01:37 PM | No, I don't want to involve myself with someone who isn't legally divorced or separated with a written agreement. Sparing the children isn't an excuse: the kids know more than the parents do about divorce. Half of their schoolmates come from broken homes. Expense is no excuse: the parent with the lower income carries huge tax deductions, including hiring a relative to do daycare.
I've had CE3K's with two people who haven't quite gotten away from their marriages. It's incredibly hard to find the person you're with suddenly thinking about their ex with guilt and longing. Are you really enough of a chameleon to change from S.O. to casual friend to buddy depending on the wish-wash of the person you're with? | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 9:11:25 PM | What ever happened to separation meaning that the couple is just not living together but still working on trying to fix the relationship? At least that's what it meant when I was growing up. So you're telling me now that "separate" in the year 2006 means something different? I don't date men who say they are separated because there is always that chance that he might go back to his wife. Stranger things have happened. Why risk it? | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/30/2006 5:15:10 AM | Well, what happens if your separated and waiting for the divorce to come through. It could take years, are you suppose to not have sex or date for years. Separated is single, if your living in separate places. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/30/2006 5:24:49 AM | See, my profile states separated which is the truth. I contemplated 'single', but because the divorce isn't finalized and I am legally separated it seemed dishonest to list any different.
I really want to change it to 'single' because I really am single in my life, which is really what matters to me. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/30/2006 5:50:52 AM | I would date a seperated person,but know in the back of your mind there is a chance they will try and fix things with there s.o. I just went thru this with someone I loved deeply and they decided to stay and fix things. It hurts,but I wished her well and I wish for her happyness, I told her that if things dont work out I maybe there and I may be not. For I can move on now and she cannot at this time.
I knew this time might come and had already started protecting my own heart!!!!!!!!!!!
The time we had together was beautiful,but the book is closed now.
For now she has the memmories of two to contend with as I only one.
youtouchedmysoul | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/30/2006 6:29:16 AM | | Wow, this thread is still running. Well, kinda - now it's a "slam anyone who disagrees with me" thread. Oh yeah, and slam bikeman, too. Kinda off-topic, dontcha think? Anyhow, like I said many, many pages ago......separated is not single. Before I would go out with a woman that's separated, I'd need to get (some) details of the situation. Each instance is different, as has been pointed out about 450 times here. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/30/2006 6:55:25 AM | (Sorry redwine, you can have any opinion you like, however an intelligent person sees the grey in issues, it's not all black and white, perhaps your opinion can evolve, life isn't as simple as some make it out to be. People who see things in black and white quite frankly bore me.)
OUCH. Why do you name call? You imply than Im not intelligent because I don't think your way? You want name calling? I can do that and in a polite way. Darlin' you're insulting, rude and condescending. Now all I hear from you is blah blahblah blahblah.
Its a nice day out, go ride your bicycle and take a deep breath. It will all be okay tomorrow. 
p.s. single in the dictionary is defined as 'not married'.
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/30/2006 5:54:39 PM | I would just like to comment on this statement.
A simple way to answer that question is to ask the person your dating to meet their family and friends. If he/she has to keep you secret, then they are not single.
FALSE.
EX: My ex had introduced his new girlfriend and her children to my in-laws on numerous occasions. At which time we were still together, going through counseling, etc. He actually brought her to his mother's to have sex with her when they first met. What a winner I divorced.  My in-laws and I weren't speaking at this time. So, whether or not they believed what he told her (that the divorce was in the works) is another topic. Though I don't believe it would've mattered to them regardless. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 4/30/2006 6:21:33 PM | I don't blame people for being leery of separated people.....and I am one.... I am separated and am divorcing my ex because he came on this site posing as a separated man when he in fact was still married to me. We had just gotten an apartment due to relocation (he got a new job) We moved in furniture and his belongings and then I had to go away on a work contract. When I returned, we were going to move my things down. While I was away he dated and slept with several women.....when they came over he hid pictures, took my name off the buzzer board, turned the ringer off on the phone so he wouldn't have to answer it if I called, forwarded the home phone to his cel so the girlfriends wouldn't get the message with both our names on it. etc etc. It's very very easy for someone to lie on these sites....even easier to cheat on your spouse or partner..... Yes....ask to meet the family, friends. Ask lots of questions....be observant....and pay attention to any red flags that may pop up.
So..yes, I am separated....I can't call it anything else until the divorce comes through.....if I had lots of money, I would be divorced already...... Every situation has to be looked at separately. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 5/1/2006 5:16:46 AM | | Separated means, the relationship is broken up or you would be together, their is about a 10 per cent chance of separated couples getting back together, as far as I'm concerned you can date other people if you want. Let the separated people decide for themselves. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 5/1/2006 9:52:18 AM | | ok i am seperated and have been for the past 9 years now. as for sleeping around, that thought never occured to me. i am not interested in finding a "quick bang" or a "one night stand." i had a companion that shared my apartment and her and i never had sex or even shared the same bed for the year that she lived with me. i have this "thing" about casual sex. i have to really like the other person and they have to really like me. i am seperated, i suppose, as a bit of a safety net because i have self confidence issues and am looking for someone who can accept me as i am, warts and all. after all no one is perfect but some of us are still not evil. as for the reason for not having the divorce, it has something to do with the fact that i do not know how to find my former spouse and get this done. there are other reasons that are personal in nature and i do not need to add more fuel to the judgement file, ok? | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 5/1/2006 10:22:28 AM |
What ever happened to separation meaning that the couple is just not living together but still working on trying to fix the relationship?
The term, common in the 60's/70 for this was "trial seperation" in the days where divorce still was not popular and not forthcoming by certain churches in some countries.
Few people today bother with "trial seperations". Even fewer marriage councilors suggest this as a method for repairing a marriage. Research shows the majority of seperations lead to divorce. If you think the majority of people that are physically seperated are looking to return to their marriage your wrong. However, that said, there are the minority that do so there does exist the possibility that seperated people will go back to their marriage as some posters have experienced.
Bandito
Btw...I just drop in from time to time on this thread to support the "seperated" but not divoced yet camp. I got a few months to go yet before I get my legal status set to divorced...yet another stigma to hit then | |
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