| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/1/2006 11:50:00 PM | To me, separated is NOT single. Good heavens, dating is complicated enough already without adding further potential problems and unexpected surprises to the mix.
I am completely single, and I prefer dating men who are single or divorced. I don't think that's too much to ask. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/2/2006 5:54:34 AM | Damn the vodka for ruining all chances of spelling properly!
Thats Great !!!! I do that all the time ... when I've had a few ..... lol
Anyhow.... I am currently separated. almost 6 months now. It really doesnt matter what my situation is..... as earlier posts indicated some guys lie about their situation, rebounds I imagine are possible.
I do however present my situation honestly and I really only expect chat or email contact till I am divorced. Some ladies have chosen to talk and or meet me ... that is their choice and I appreciate that.
As the post indicate many ladies tell me to let them know when the divorce is final.
No separated is not single to answer the question...
Jim | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/2/2006 6:44:12 AM | Separated isn't single but sometimes married isn't together, my friend has been married for like 13 years but he doesn't sleep with his wife, eat with her, vacation with her or anything else he's at work all the time!
on the other hand...
I was in a ltr for 5 years lived together 2 of them and we slept together, ate together, played together etc...but I still considered myself single beacuse I wasn't married.
You're not technically single if you're married but you're not unsingle (nottaword I know) just because you're in a relationship...you're just that, "in a relationship" whether it's monogomous or otherwise. You're single 'til the law of your land says you're not. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/2/2006 10:59:55 PM | | I think I may start my own variation of 'The Three Date Rule.' My thrid date with my best find so far here was to have her over for dinner and to meet the kids. (teenagers,living with) Since she doesn't comsider me a keeper (but a friend), I'll be continuing to fish. And I think I'll institute a homecooked meal as a third date as a matter of habit. Feels pretty single to me. Not as single as 'middle aged with no kids or previous marriage' type single. But that's not the type I'd be wanting to date either, so no problem. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/2/2006 11:49:43 PM | | I bring it u here because my dinner guest was divorced but wouldn't have me meet her kids because hers aren't ready for that yet. And to me and mine, it felt just fine. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/3/2006 3:28:26 AM | Sometimes there are legitimate financial reasons for staying separated. For example- While I'm still married on paper my ex is still covered by my company benefit plan. If the divorce is finalized, I'd have to buy her an equivalent plan or give her enough cash to cover her with a plan until I turn 65. I simply cannot afford that and continue paying her spousal support.
Also, in our separation agreement, we've made provisions to cover her share of my company's pension plan once I retire , and by staying married her pension is protected should I pass away first. Otherwise I'd have to buy her out of my pension, with what I call 'imaginary money' as it doesn't exist until after I retire. I'd have to declare bankruptcy as, after buying her out of the house, I simply don't have access to that much cash, and the support payments make it near impossib;e to raise it now. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/3/2006 1:22:02 PM | | I just had another thought....yikes...maybe just maybe....if a person is wanting to get married again or for the first time....then a separated person is deemed unavailable or not single because they are already married..... | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/3/2006 2:04:10 PM | There is a relationship-formula theory stating: After a breakup, it take one year of personal healing, for every four years the prior relationship lasted. Ask yourself where you are emotionally and if you would want to start a relationship with someone who hasn't healed. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/3/2006 2:57:26 PM | This is the post where all those that are separated (or dated while still married) will try post pretty convincing stuff about being 'emotionally' or 'physically' separated ...
Separated is married ... legally, morally and in every other sense of the word. There's a reason stuff is left undone and it's usually not the kids.
If you're 'separated' friend is in the hospital you can't make any decisions for them, their spouse can and they can even refuse you visitation. If they die you get nothing, their spouse gets it all. Chances are really good that holidays and family pictures will also exclude you ... so why on earth start a new chapter when you haven't finished the last one? Isn't life in general hard enough without complicating things more?
Remember what goes around comes around ...  | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/3/2006 3:10:31 PM | Mixing the words 'divorce' and 'healing' in the same sentence implies an illness of sorts. While the formula that you state is really good and pretty standard it only works when people are working on themselves to heal, grow and learn in the process.
Most people today seem to be really into the "I'm okay it was all their fault" mentality. There is no mounring and they don't take any ownership for what they contributed (or didn't) that added to the demise of the relationship. In that case it doesn't matter how many years goes by there is no 'healing' or growth, just repeated mistakes...
Remember what goes around, comes around ... | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/3/2006 4:39:50 PM | Like many people here I believe that if a couple has been seperated for awhile (awhile being more than a few months) and living apart they are certainly single whether they get the divorce paper or not. How truthful people are about their marital status is another whole topic of discussion.
For most seperated means permanently seperated and no longer with their previous spouse
For some seperated means married and looking for something on the side
If you aren't sure after a few dates offer to cook them dinner at THEIR home - if they give excuses why you can't - it's a sure fire giveaway that they may not be as seperated as they claim. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/3/2006 8:59:43 PM | Separated means you and your 'spouse' are living apart from each other, while you have a spouse you cannot be single ... thus you are still married if you are separated.
What it means to 'most' isn't really relevant, but then again 'most' don't seem to care about 'most' things anyway. 'Most' seem to make up their own rules along the way and then just complaining about the consequences of their poor choices.
Just my two cents.
Remember ... what goes around, comes around ... 
PS: It's spelled separated ... not seperated | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/3/2006 9:25:51 PM |
PS: It's spelled separated ... not seperated
I stand corrected. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/4/2006 12:57:17 AM | Nice to see the OP still dropping in to participate. You had no idea it would be such a popular thread, did you, Sunshine? And she asks:
Iif a person is wanting to get married again or for the first time....then a separated person is deemed unavailable or not single because they are already married.....
I covered that one before, I think. That if a reasonable amount of time is spent "courting" there would be lots of time to arrange to finalize the divorce. If I met a gril today that I thought I should marry and I still have to wait another five months before I can file, would that inconvenience the wedding plans? I think not. I was a bit too hasty the last time but even then it took longer than five months. It would, however, prohibit a "Las Vegas" wedding like what Brittney Spears or whoever did.
And @ Summer422, previous posters on this thread have said the formula is one year for every two married. So to recover from a twenty year marriage I need to be alone for ten? And Astrido thinks even that might not be enough. I had a nice date with a girl today whose occupation is as a counsellor (although not of the marriage type), and she deemed me ready and able. So suit yourself. My pond over-floweth. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/4/2006 1:09:42 AM | NO being separated is still being married in the eyes of the law. Nope.
I won't date a separated guy either, among many other things. I know. Picky picky picky. But guess who will be happier in the long run. You guessed. ME!
==========================
How long a run design???
Five years? Or twenty five years?
Whenever you choose to be picky always remember that although the man shortage is a myth the supply of men , willing to committ after the damage done to them by the last divorce , does diminish.
A lot of hetro Aussie women these days are turing to lesbian relationships because of it. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/7/2006 5:16:16 AM | i agree totally chritsina
i ve been LEGALLY seperated for 5 years.......... and it sure doesnt mean we will get back together.
he wouldnt pay for any of any part divorce so why should i? | |
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TruGen
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Joined: 6/5/2006
Msg: 743 | |
| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/7/2006 5:32:33 AM | | Been there, done that. The short answer is no, separated is not single. Single is single, divorced is single, widowed is single, but any version of married is married. I dated a "separated" guy, and on our one year anniversary he had sex with his wife. He's been separated two years now, and that's plenty of time to get a divorce; I mean he's not Donald Trump. If they're still married, they're hanging on for some reason. And they won't be quick to tell YOU what that reason is. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/7/2006 7:24:15 AM | No Trugen, I respect your opinion, but I've had different experiences. Widows who on the surface are ok but emotionally are a wreck. Single ladies who tell me they aren't seeing anyone else but are dating multiple guys simultaneously. Separatees who were unusually emotionally balanced. Divorced women who were extremely spiteful over their X.
Each situation and everyone is different, it's easy to make the short answer to try to simplify things in our minds, but life is much more complex than that. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/7/2006 7:55:30 PM | Hello trugen. how are you
i think why cut your line short. yes , i think seperated is single. evryone deserves a chance. relationship. honesty,trust, and communication is a big factor i think. what if there is "the one" out there for you who is seperated and who is honest like i am. than you have just missed the person by not giving the seperated person a chance. if the person is not honest from the start or during than you should have doubts than. i myself know i am not getting back and not afraid to say why. i consider myself to be single. i deserve that chance at romance. i think of it as this i give every1 the benifit of the doubt.
happy fishing | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/10/2006 9:52:46 AM | | Well I fall in the seperated category here. I haven't seen my husband in almost 5 years. I can't get a divorce for monetary reasons, and I have a protection order that keeps him from killing me. So should I be deprived from dating? I have one last childe that lives with me that is 16 and is hardly home. So am I to go on living my life alone because I found out to late that my husband had a psychological problem? I think not, life goes on. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/10/2006 10:07:30 AM | I have to agree with that bike_man, every circumstance is different. The divorced women still extremely spiteful over their X, maybe should look at their part in it and move on. Widows, well, I can see still having emotional issues after losing someone you love, especially to unexpected death. I've met single women who yes, lie, or on the flip side who are single just because they are emotionally unstable to begin with and their relationships don't last. And I've known some people, both sides, who were well balanced and "emotionall divorced" if not legally on paper.
I think there's a matter of time, I could certainly see a man being seperated, and both of them dating and having that "emotional divorce", while keeping the legal marriage so the kids have his insurance from the job. If they are mature about it and emotionally over it, I'm not so sure thats a big negative (unless, as someone posted, you want to marry them, then its obviously an issue).
To me its more an issue of that "emotional seperation" rather than some legal boundry. Although I would still argue that no, seperated is not "single", in they eye's of the law anyways, and I've been in a relationship with someone seperated, who wasn't really over with things emotionally, so I would be very cautious of it again... but I think you can be seperated and "emotionally single", even if not "legally single". | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/10/2006 12:03:34 PM | | I am seperated now for nearly a year . Did not date during this time took a while to recompose myself and now feel ready to start dating . I just want to take a break from dealing with negativity for a while that is why have not gone through with divorce quite yet . Need some positive focus for awhile. Is it wrong to take a slow approach to the change in my life? Everyone has own speed for things, but I definately see no reconciliation in our future , and decided to evolve myself in the dating expirience. It definately says SEPERATED on my profile so no games here. | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/10/2006 12:12:29 PM | I throw my vote in with the "depends on the situation" contingent, as I think it is possible to be separated and move forward while things get taken care of - although maybe it is a 50/50 proposition. Probably some people can't move on and are waiting for their spouse to return from Vegas with the stripper, but, can be done. We have to be careful about making generalizations about relationships, I guess. I agree with what SG64 said about being "emotionally separated".....I think that's the key.
You can't start a new chapter if you're still in the same old book. :) | |
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| Is separated single?
Posted: 6/10/2006 7:06:01 PM | Sometimes there are legitimate financial reasons for staying separated. For example- While I'm still married on paper my ex is still covered by my company benefit plan.
That would be the reason no divorce has been filed here too. I need the health insurance, I have some ongoing health issues that need taken care of and won't have a plan upon divorce. He has moved on with the woman he left me for and I'm not stupid enough to want him back so the marriage is for all purposes over and done.
Since I have no intentions of getting remarried quickly (out of a 25yr long relationship) I don't really see the need to hardship myself in order to have the "right" to date. | |
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