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Thread: To those who have a long shopping list of requirements does it help your relationship?

Spooky The Ghost

Joined: 4/27/2005
Msg: 25

To those who have a long shopping list of requirements does it help your relationship? Posted: 4/9/2006 2:27:08 PM
Puppyluv i believe you said this at some point: Not really, someone may say on their list they are not looking for someone with children or someone who smokes etc. Those would be things you couldnt fake or conform to..... well i just wanna inform you that it is possible to hid those things. i had a friend go through a relationship crisis (had kids with a guy, was planning on marrige). everything fell apart and then the father decided he was going to be a deadbeat dad for a while....he found new girls to fill his needs for sex,and whatever else. he recently found a girl who was a bit younger and more nieve then the last...he told her to her face that he did not have any children, when the fact of the matter is....he had 2 beautiful girls who he neglected for almost a year! he's not the sharpest tool in the shed obviously but the fact of the matter is, he was creative enough to convince someone he was in a relationship with. and now as for the smoking thing....its again easy to conform to being a non smoker...... maybe not super easy but it can be done. for example if i brought a boy home who smoked my mom would through a sh!t fit! so if i knew i wanted to take my man to a family gathering where she would be, i would ask him not to smoke at least an hour or more before the family thing. as well as have a shower,put on clean cloths straight out of the dryer, just to avoid any trace of the smell of smoke. All this trouble just to impress mom....but it can still be done. i've also known a lot of people who give up things like Smoking, drugs or alcohol just for a person they want a relationship with. sometimes love is worth giving up something for...... thats it thats all folks!

sun33

Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 26
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To those who have a long shopping list of requirements does it help your relationship? Posted: 4/9/2006 8:02:37 PM
i think my list is pretty short...he has to be stable, has to have good hygiene, has to be able to make me laugh but has to be serious when he needs to be...i dont think thats too much to ask

RiotProvocateur

Joined: 8/28/2004
Msg: 27
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To those who have a long shopping list of requirements does it help your relationship? Posted: 5/14/2006 3:20:02 AM
I wouldn't do all that BS just to please someone's parents.. You either love the package or you... hate it and send it across the continent to Mexico. I would agree to not smoking at the parents place, but I'm not going to lie about it or change my habits to keep them happy. Then again with your mom, spooky... Think I'd go outta my way to stink myself up with tobacee. ;)

JWA

Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 28
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To those who have a long shopping list of requirements does it help your relationship? Posted: 5/14/2006 4:00:16 AM
I first started online about 1999 and have been on and off various dating sites over the years and here's what I've seen and noticed: Anyone with list that is sooooooooo ultra specific like you describe tend to never find someone who fits even half of that list. They occasionally change their profile to add they're still searching and have been on many, many dates but so far nothing............. It makes me wonder why that is? This list thing typically does NOT mean someone knows themselves so well they can create one---it means they're hoping or wishing if such a person exists it will somehow make them happy or content with life. A person who truly knows what they want or need might express a few qualities in a profile but they'd not have paragraphs upon paragraphs describing this perfect mate. They would know by talking, sharing, listening, questioning a person how compatible someone would be for them. If it's not to be they'd simply part company politely. I've read a few profiles here that are no less than 10 very full paragraphs and the degree they describe their perfect mate is ridiculous. From the smallest of details like sock brand to how they wonder who'll BRING or MAKE them happy----it's more complex than most engineering specifications. Such lists DO say the lack of creativity and open-mindedness is partially why they aren't in a relationship now. That they add to this list as each new "date from hell" ends is probably why they've been without someone for that long time already. You also hear from such people "I just WON'T ever settle again..........." which I find quite funny. This list becomes the one and only criteria used to assess someone---if they don't meet every part of they're missing something. It follows that since they're missing one thing they simply can NOT be suitable----they couldn't supply the happiness required. More than a few will disagree with me here but all you need do is watch those with the lengthy specific lists. If they post on forums they are complaining about everyone they meet being waaaaaaaaay less than desirable for a myriad of reasons OR that soon after beginning a relationship their new partner has departed rather quickly for even more reasons. The variation on this is the lament no one ever approaches them for dates but they don't know why. I've seen this over and over by those who were on these sites when I first began----and they're still here!! Draw your own conclusions from that------

dave1234

Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 29
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To those who have a long shopping list of requirements does it help your relationship? Posted: 5/14/2006 4:15:11 AM
(msg 5) When I see the long list, even if I met it, I would still assume they were a bit of a pain in the ass. . I agree. Also, the longer the list the less value/importance they put on a relationship. The longer the list the less people that are available to fulfill it. The longer the list the longer it will take to find someone to fulfill it. The longer the list the longer that person will go without a relationship. The actual being in a relationship is not a priority which would lead me to conclude if things did not remain perfect the person would be more inclined than others to end the relationship. All in all, not the type of person I would consider.

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> To those who have a long shopping list of requirements does it help your relationship?