Garf
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Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 26 | |
| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 3:31:20 PM | Prefer not to say = Yes.
I can understand if a woman wants to say "prefer not to say" about having kids.
But when I see "prefer not to say" beside `do you have children?', then to me, the answer can only be YES. It doesn't make sense to be anything else! How could it be? "No, I don't have kids, I just don't want to share that information."? That's silly.
If I'm looking for a non-smoker, and she has "prefer not to say" beside smoking...then when we meet, and she pulls out a pack; She's wasted my time and hers, which could have been better spent on meeting other people who actually fit the bill.
Putting "prefer not to say" in your profile is a good screening process, if you don't want to meet anyone.
Ok, now to this....
Again...Garf...did you not read all the post? Yes I did, I always do. It avoids silly rebuttals.
You want specifics....ask! Good way to start a conversation, Q: "So this bit in your profile that says you prefer not to say whether you smoke or not...what's that mean?" A: "I only smoke when..." Q: "Nevermind, bye, thanks for wasting my time."
I salute those ladies that put prefer "not to say" on their profiles...they are being wise... How is this wise? It makes them appear guarded and untrusting. Two things I personally would not like to see in a person.
....experience might have told them not to trust perverts that go scouting women with children to exploit them...Duh... Then don't date online. Meet people through other means, where you can see them first, and get other people's perspectives of them, if that's the case. Duh
....STOP.........BREATHE.......read the above again... Good advice. You seem a little agitated, you should calm down a bit, and rethink what you write a bit.
its' their choice....stop controling the situation with your Bratty Attitude..... It's their choice, that's correct. It doesn't make sense to try to change that, no. I'm not trying to change that, though. I'm just expressing my opinion, and how I approach the situation when it arises. I don't contact people who are obviously guarded and possibly suspicious of everyone they meet. I don't need the hassle...it comes across as baggage, which is something I left at the door. I expect someone I want to share a relationship with to be reasonably guarded of certain things, like their children, (only makes sense to me) but to be mature enough not to judge all men by the actions of some.
whining like spoiled children yourselves... sheesh....take a breather....  Ok, there...that's mature. A blanket statement to call out everyone that opposes your opinion, by calling them spoiled children?
Everyone that opposes my opinion from now on; Eats their boogers when nobody's looking.   | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 3:33:39 PM | Garf called me silly *heart breaking*
good dang point though, I never really thought of it that way...*duh* brunette moment!! | |
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Garf
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Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 28 | |
| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 3:38:37 PM | See, silly!
Do you want Children: Prefer not to say.
Ok, that makes sense. Under certain circumstances, with the right guy, perhaps this would be "yes", or perhaps it could be interpreted as "Kids are all vermin, but I'll tolerate yours"
Do you have children?: Prefer not to say.
(Ok, Sugar...don't get pissed at this) Some people are in an age category where they may have kids, but those kids are older and moved out of home. This makes sense. (I hope that was PC enough...)
OR: You've got newborn quints, but a great babysitter who is young enough to pass as your daughter, but old enough to pass for the quints' mom, and she plays along nicely until the guy is so far into your web of deceit...no, that's bad. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 4:47:19 PM | I agree with Garf and a few others here - putting "prefer not to say" is an obvious YES. I laugh when I read "prefer not to say" with respect to whether someone has children - I mean, duh, if you DON'T have any, you're obviously going to put no - so by putting PNTS, it's an obvious YES - though it shows you're maybe trying to hide that fact, or you're not comfortable admitting it, etc etc.
And when they ask on here about use of alcohol, drugs, smoking - they're not asking if you EVER used them - they're asking if you do NOW.
Before I clued into this, can't tell you how many guys' profiles I came across that indicated PNTS with respect to whether they had kids - and every single time when I'd start chatting with them, sure enough, YES - they have kids. Some would actually claim to have "forgotten" to answer that one so it went to PNTS by default - funny, of the dozen other questions, they had no problem remembering to answer.
How is putting PNTS going to provide security with respect to having kids? It's like a big neon sign that says "YES" when you put PNTS here. LOL | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 4:52:25 PM | Garf I'd never get pissed at you you silly thing 
good point.. i'm gonna change that now..it don't much matter anymore i'm not looking for anyone anymore..but whatever lol.. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 4:52:41 PM |
And when they ask on here about use of alcohol, drugs, smoking - they're not asking if you EVER used them
That's how i take that one too, but I still think it'd be a grand plan to have at least one more option to answer those 3 questions with. | |
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Garf
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Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 32 | |
| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 4:52:50 PM | ""How is putting PNTS going to provide security with respect to having kids? It's like a big neon sign that says "YES" when you put PNTS here. LOL""
Seriously.
It's as bad as those who put, "No head games!"
It makes you a nominal target for those who are actually gonna do it. They take one look at that kinda info and leap for joy, "JACKPOT!" | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 5:01:13 PM | So what people think is that there is this huge amount of people who don't have children who put Prefer Not To Say to help throw predators off of the people who have children who use the same response?
The point is that with a question where this is obviously yes or no answer, you're not protecting your children by preferring not to mention them. Like I say and garf has said... why would someone who doesn't have children ever answer anything other than No other than ScarletHarlet and people who are here for a similar reason? There's a difference between all your answers being selected that way, and only one or two selected as such. I'm sure a "child predator" sees things the same way where Prefer Not To Say is a hidden Yes. And chances are these predators would be more apt to go after someone who answers that way because they appear (to the predator) to think that not saying yes is some sort of impenetrable force field that protects their children. People that naive are often easier victims for a predator. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 5:18:16 PM | | Prefer not to say is rather a perogative, no need for any assumptions. Seems to be that the more a person 'perfers not to say' is a possible clue that they are not necessarily in it fot the longhaul. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 6:00:27 PM | On some sites the option is..."tell you later"
but it means the same thing......YES
If you have spent enough time at profile reviews....this advice is always consistant
from those who have much experience reviewing profiles...
"a good profile contains no prefer not to says" | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 8:16:11 PM | Garf ...I made a response to the controlling attitude you and BAngai had initially by not being reflective at looking at other factors that may have influenced ladies choices of choosing 'prefer not to say'. Again I will say, it is obvious the statement requires investigation; IT really is up to you to ask the lady for more information. I am sure the choices the ladies made was not of being deceitful, think about it.
Aside from labels that these ladies might have endured from the few of you that concurred around the question of deceit, I might ask what gave you the righteous position to use their children as pawns as to their integrity?
Garf you stated I made blanket statements, I did. These statements of being bratty was to you and Bangai, no one else.
Attached:
Moms Who Think (http://forums.momswhothink.com/index.php)
- Child-Rearing issues (http://forums.momswhothink.com/forumdisplay.php?f=15)
- - Are we to blame for our child being sexually abused? (http://forums.momswhothink.com/showthread.php | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 9:40:02 PM | Prefer not to Say seems to be like the proverbial None of the Above
Usually I skip past the ones with alot of PNSes in their profiles.
However, I can understand someone wanting to put PNS for their occupation to keep gold diggers away if his occupation is particularly known to be lucrative. | |
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Garf
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Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 38 | |
| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/7/2006 12:54:17 PM | Lipstick, you're obviously not paying attention or reading anything I write.
Sexual predators are not neanderthals. They are often very intelligent people who look for key things about women to exploit.
Women who are guarded about certain things have a higher likelihood of being taken advantage of in the psat, therefore they make easier marks than someone who hasn't been played before. Women who haven't been played, for the most part; have a higher level of confience, and are less likely to be targeted.
A smart sexual predator isn't going to search for women who says she has kids; he'll search for a woman who prefers not to say. She's an easier target.
I never said it was deceitful by the way.
I do agree that it's a silly option in most cases.
Do you smoke? Prefer not to say means you smoke. People who don't smoke; don't prefer not to say...that's just dumb. The same goes with drugs and drinking.
And again with the bratty comment. If you were my daughter, I'd send you to your room for being ignorant. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/7/2006 1:45:52 PM | It's a choice - theirs, yours, mine, whatever. Simply prefer not to say for whatever reason. Nobody else's business unless they choose to make it so.
You then have a choice, ignore their existence, or get to know them well enough that they divulge the yes or no and their reasons for not answering in a public forum.
OK - that's done. Now what do we talk about?  | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/7/2006 1:58:31 PM | King is right, and not just because I agree with him. I've done tons of profile reviews, and seen many profiles on this and other sites. Every single time I've taken the time to ask what does your PNTS mean, it was yes. So it's overall generally good advice to tell someone to take those out of their profiles and just answer. People are going to guess anyway, and some think that's a lure to get someone to write...Hello, hey why did you say prefer not to say to marital status? And I think you're hot....blah blah doesn't work.
You can tell how many people say they click over PNTS. And if you LOOK at the profiles with several of them, it's not usually a decent profile otherwise. Not saying I'm an expert, but I DO have a lot of experience. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/7/2006 3:13:02 PM | Yup prefer not to say is a crafty device of deception to be sure.
Thats like looking at a woman with a swollen belly, while standing in a maternity clinic and asking "are you pregnant?"
"Prefer not to say"
Do you have a S/O, boyfriend, or are married?
"prefer not to say"
Do you do drugs?
"prefer not to say"
So do you smoke/ drink?
"prefer not to say"
Do you subscribe to any sort of religion or have any beliefs?
"prefer not to say"
And was it you mam, that I saw about nine months ago wearing next to nothing while having sex in some dimly lit corner, of a bangkok bar?
"prefer not to say"
Do you have anything you would like to tell me about yourself?
"prefer not to say"
Are you even alive?
"Prefer not to say"
And there you have it. These people probibly aren't honest to themselves, and will be less to you, so is it a wonder that they "prefer not to say" anything, anything at all. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/7/2006 3:17:12 PM | | Nothing is 100% and there COULD be legitimate reasons for using PNTS. But come on, marital status, you're on a dating site, WHY would you PNTS and expect anyone to have contact with you. Some of the others, smoking, doing drugs...PNTS. The questions on this site are fairly basic things people would want to know anyway. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/7/2006 4:58:10 PM | ^^^^
Nothing is 100% and there COULD be legitimate reasons for using PNTS. But come on, marital status, you're on a dating site, WHY would you PNTS and expect anyone to have contact with you. Some of the others, smoking, doing drugs...PNTS. The questions on this site are fairly basic things people would want to know anyway.
But bucsgirl, I still don't "get" someone putting PNTS for things like smoking or drugs - the question is, Do you smoke? or Do you do drugs? You either DO or you DON'T. If someone did NOT smoke or do drugs, isn't it logical that they'd be more than happy to indicate they don't? So based on that, if you choose PNTS, all you're doing is making it obvious that the answer is YES but that you're not wanting answer honestly.
Why would a non-smoker not want to admit they don't smoke?
When I see PNTS I think to myself, "oh goodie, they can't just be straightforward and answer the freakin' simple question - now I have to waste my time writing to ask them, and then surely listening to some big long sordid explanation as to why they chose PNTS - NEXT." | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/7/2006 5:00:52 PM | | sienna Oh trust me, I skip over the profiles with PNTS myself. I think most do. Like I said, most of the questions are basic, things people would want to know and they'll ask anyway. It just doesn't make sense to use them. I think king was quoting what I said in profile writing tips thread. I always advise in a profile review to get rid of them. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/7/2006 5:03:55 PM | I think my favourite profile I've seen so far with the 'prefer not to say' answer is one where this guy started messaging me.
On his profile it asks: Do you smoke? 'prefer not to say'
His main picture includes him smoking a ciggarrete. LOL
In regards to anyone with prefer not to say about their single status or drugs? I usually avoid those....
I think they need to change the answers for some of the questions. Like smoking, I think they should be: Yes, No, Sometimes | |
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| RE: prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/7/2006 5:24:15 PM | WTF and it's meaning...
I am someday sincerely and seriously considering starting a "Acronym Abusers Anonymous" group or AAA for short. If I don't start the group, maybe someone else will. Too many acronyms have multiple meanings.
At for WTF and the meaning of WTF, well, pre 9/11 it meant "What The F**K". Post 9/11, well, anything with the letters WT has a whole new meaning.
It's not a fun thought, but this message is posted in memory of many that have died at the World Trade Center as well as others. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/7/2006 9:11:14 PM | But bucsgirl, I still don't "get" someone putting PNTS for things like smoking or drugs - the question is, Do you smoke? or Do you do drugs? You either DO or you DON'T. If someone did NOT smoke or do drugs, isn't it logical that they'd be more than happy to indicate they don't? So based on that, if you choose PNTS, all you're doing is making it obvious that the answer is YES but that you're not wanting answer honestly.
While I have gone on about the Has Children being an obvious Yes or No question, the others are not necessarily so.
Smoking: I know people who only smoke when they drink. I know people who only smoke when they're under stress. Sometimes that's twice a month, sometimes it's twice a year... it's very sporadic. If I were in their shoes, I would not say that Yes is the right answer, nor is No. Perhaps you could classify it as Occasionally, but I think even that seems to indicate more frequency than they actually do so, therefore a Prefer Not To Say is the best way they can explain their situation without lying.
Drugs: This is one where I had a problem. I have put No in my profile because Prefer Not To Say makes it sound like I'm trying to hide something. What are your other options: Often (>3 times/week) and Socially. I have used drugs in the past, and under the right circumstances I might again in the future, but it has been over a year since the last time I shared a joint. Perhaps me answering No is misleading, but there are very definite answers for a very vague question.
Drinking: I would not consider someone who only ever has a glass of wine at Christmas and never touches alcohol any other time to be a Social drinker, and they are obviously not drinking Often. Again, Prefer Not To Say usually indicates you have something to hide, but are people going to think they are liars if they say No... a similar dilemna as I had with the whole drugs issue? It all depends on how technical people get when judging someone else.
Like I said in one of my other posts, it would be much easier if certain questions could be kept from being displayed in your profile if you chose not to answer them. People can ask you why you chose not to answer a question if it is that important to them. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/7/2006 11:08:55 PM | Usually PNTS is not the best way to go for most of the questions, but as for a person's occupation there may be reasons for not listing it on the profile. Some include:
rock star
mortician
CEO
seriously, someone in a lucrative occupation might not want to disclose it, and that to me is a valid reason for using PTNS. | |
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