| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 11/18/2008 11:31:14 PM | "'Please be emotionally stable and not on any type of medication for mood disorders. Life can be crazy enough, my dates shouldn't be!'
Are you really that ignorant?"
Hahhaha funny! | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 11/20/2008 4:58:39 AM | A lot of responses to this question seem to be centered on female profiles with 'prefer not to say' .... there are a lot of guys profiles out there with 'prefer not to say' too
I don't think they're being deceitful but I personally do find it off putting as you do think why don't they want to say ??
I mean, who wants to wait until the first date to find out that that person is not very honest.
Why would you agree to meet with the person if you have read on their profile that there is a 'prefer not to say' and you think they're not being honest? Would you not bring up the subject before meeting them if you are that bothered about the exclusion of an answer?
denying one's own children in order to get laid
That's a bit of an assumption on your part ...... that someone is not admitting to something to get laid!! I mean please!! That's quite an immature outlook to something that might have a simple answer .... Just ask if you have a question on what someone has said .... assuming might mean you miss out!! | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 11/27/2008 9:25:12 PM | | Prefer not to say always means YES. And smoking socially??? HA!!! Nicotine/cigarettes are theeee most addictive substance on the planet! Anybody that says "Smokes accasionally is either a liar or in denial. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 12/21/2008 3:01:06 PM | Well' I've been honest on my profile. Me personally there are some things i like to know up front. Like, "Do you drink" That's one of those things i want to know up front before i ever message. Some folks may think i am being nasty here but i like to know if a person that i might possibly be interested in is a alcoholic or not. If your a true social drinker i can handle that. But if your one of these kind that has to have a drink 3 or more times a week then i am not bothering with messaging you. If you have "prefer not to say" in that slot then the first thing i think is you must be a drunk and trying to hide it. Some say that they purposely leave these fields blank because it gives something to make conversation with. Sorry it doesn't. Whether it's meant to be or not it looks deceitful.  | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 12/21/2008 4:27:20 PM | | I hate the "Prefer not to say" to me you are hiding something. The same with people who don't post pics. They will send it privately but not post it publicly what's up with that? | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 12/23/2008 3:21:14 AM | I think the main reason some people use "prefer not to say" is that there are not enough choices to choose from when making a profile. Not everything is "yes" or "no".
Re: people who say "prefer not to say" to smoking / drinking / drugs, well maybe they choose that ones because they smoke / drink once in a blue moon and the choices are not available (there is a choice for more than 3 times a week if I recall, but not one for less than 3 times a week / month / year. In a case where people hardly smoke / drink but do a little bit, they would not want to answer "yes" as it gives the impression that they do it often.
Re: people who say "prefer not to say" to drug use, maybe some people use medications for actual medical reasons and consider them to be drugs (which they are) - maybe they would like to have a choice which states "recreational" drugs or " prescription" drugs, although I doubt anyone would want to lable themselves in a profile and would prefer to explain it to you in a note instead, and their take on the matter. In the case of drug use, not everything is black and white as society encourages a high rate of medication for some illnesses these days.
Re: people who say "prefer not to say" to children, please consider that some people have children who they do not actually have physical custody of, some people have adult children who don't live with them, some have young children who are cared for by their grandparents or other family members, some people feel it is something they don't wish to advertise to complete strangers on the internet. There are many reasons that people withold information and not all those reasons are deceptive ones.
Bottom line is that every person has their own life with their own set of circumstances and not everything can be answered with a "yes" or "no". I think POF needs to expand the choices in the profile section to include a "write your own anser" bit (for each set of choices), so people can put something that explains their own personal situation more correctly if they choose to. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 12/24/2008 12:20:57 PM | The "prefer not to say" option can sometimes be way less misleading (or misrepresentitive) than the other options given. Seriously, as in my case... the body type goes from "a few extra pounds" to "Big and Tall/BBW." Um ok, so guess what, both (IMO) don't work for me. Want to know why? B/c I'm heavier than "just a few extra pounds" but I hate the label of BBW because that's not me either. Body type is a huge deal to guys but it seems that the only thing that works is "athletic." BBW tends to make some think that you just don't exercise-whatever.
Anyway, not to get on a rant. That's my major beef with this website is that "prefer not to say" is a someone misleading term of it's own but that the other options given can be equally misleading.
The only way you can truly know what someone is like or wants is to actually engage in a conversation. Let your BS meter take it from there. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 1/12/2009 3:57:08 AM | From my point of view I am not looking for a relationship with a girl with kids (I don't feel it's what I want) and so when I see "Prefer Not To Say" I prefer to presume that means yes (In whatever way). Rightly or wrongly I make that choice because it is my interpretation. It adds doubt. Some people will see it as deceptive because they feel the person isn't being fully honest. If they can't be honest about that what else aren't they being honest about?
I understand the security issues but I also see a lot of girls say they don't smoke and then you suddenly find out they do too. That's slightly off subject but I do think both sides have a right to say what they want but also both have the right to make assumptions about a person because of their responses to questions. I'm not willing to go one a date with someone that "probably has kids" and find out they have 4 kids etc. Call it shallow if you want but we are all looking for something here and it's not always the same as everyone else.
So as not to offend I am sure there are a lot of very nice single moms out there and I wish them luck but just not for me. Just wanting to try and avoid a flaming. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 1/12/2009 9:13:41 AM | Yeah, I dont get why people would respond to the smoking one and the weight one with "prefer not to say"....although, I was talking with an old friend that is now out of state and she had thoughts of getting into shape over 6 months and actually ended up gaining MORE weight....and how many times do smokers actually quit? maybe there are intentions there....
I dont think anybody is shallow for wanting whatever you want.... | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 1/12/2009 11:45:05 AM | | Really i think why should anyone WANT to disclose their intimate and personal business on a website, where, probably, for many of us people are just passing through. The internet is a dangerous place as well as fun - if you were a parent of young kids would you want people to target getting to know you for that reason? No i doubt it, because the average person wouldn't think about peadophiles or how they operate. However one of the classic ways is to befriend a lonely single woman in order to access their children...it happens everyday!! I dont think for one minute it is to deceive men like yourself - after all if you make it to actually meeting, if not before if the lady likes you enough i'm sure she'll tell you. Personally i wouldnt advertise the fact i had children unless they were over 18 - you can't be too careful - perverts are experts at what they do!! I say this on the basis of having worked in child protection for over 11 years not becuase im paranoid! | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 1/12/2009 12:52:47 PM | sometimes people put "prefer not to say" in the "has kids" section because they are wanting to get to know a person and explore the potential of a relationship before they bring the kids into it. also, there are alot of wacko pervs out there. i'd say...in this case it is acceptable to protect the kids.
i do agree that with all the other stuff...smoking, drinking, etc-there should not be a "prefer not to say" option. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 1/14/2009 11:07:46 AM | re:
I hate the "Prefer not to say" to me you are hiding something. The same with people who don't post pics. They will send it privately but not post it publicly what's up with that?
Agreed..it's duplicitous ....
Another favorite:Do you have a car?
"Prefer not to say" means " I got a bus pass"
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 1/14/2009 10:13:43 PM | | I don't associate Prefer Not to Say with deceit, but if I see more than one of them on a profile I am suddenly reminded there are plenty of fish. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 1/15/2009 12:15:18 AM | | Hmm, interesting responses. I never considered the security issue. I don't have kids so that didn't even enter into my mind, so thanks for the various responses. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 1/15/2009 1:18:22 AM | | When I read "prefer not to say" on `Wants Children', I always think Post Op Transsexual (especially if she's 6ft tall and has very large hands!). | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 1/15/2009 1:43:52 AM | | To me Prefer Not to Say = Yes. And I have no idea why people use it at all. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 1/15/2009 4:30:23 AM | | If someone wants to respect their privacy, you should too. It's not a lie to "prefer not to say" ... it's a lie when they say "Yes" and mean "No" or vice versa. HUGE difference. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 1/15/2009 6:12:55 AM | I assume prefer not to say =
for smoking: Yes
for kids: Yes
for weight: Huge
If you can't even answer the basic questions with an honest answer then its not a good start! As for being somewhere between "few extra pounds" and "BBW" surely "a few extra pounds" is vague enough ? It doesn't say how many extra pounds. If you're not hugely overweight, then that category is fine. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 1/16/2009 6:29:51 AM | | Do you not know this is the internet? why post alot of personal things? profiles with children s pictures scare the hell out of me and they should be ashamed of themselves. do you know how many children are stolen and abused every day in the united states? | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 1/16/2009 9:42:43 PM | The only time I've used "Prefer not to say" is in the "Income" category. Fortunately, that category is not represented here on PoF.
But I could see some instances in which people may want to say "Prefer not to say." It's going to be up to the reader to decide if they care or not. For example, I wouldn't even notice if a woman declined to say what her religion was, since I don't even look there. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 1/17/2009 3:29:55 AM | wow, a lot of haters and closed minds in this thread. i haven't answered "PNTS" on any of my choices, but i can actually think for myself and understand some possible reasons why someone may want to. if you want to continue to be closed-minded, that's fine and a choice you make for yourself....but why would you come in here and display your ignorance for everyone to see and make an a$$ out of yourself? if you don't like it that someone has answered "PNTS" on a question, it's quite simple to just ignore them and continue on to the next profile.....after all, it's not like you're not doing that already anyway......
now if you actually care to hear some reasonable explanations as to why someone might put "PNTS" on their profile, keep reading:
children:
they may have had a child, but due to circumstances, had to (or chose to) give them up for adoption. or they may have children, but they live across the state, or across the country with their other parent or family members who have full custody of them. or they may be a surrogate mother for another family who can't have children. or they had children, but they died. in all these cases, they may think it disrespectful to answer "no", because to do so (to them) would be denying that they ever had children, even if it is likely that the children will never be a large (or any) part of their life going into the future. had they answered "yes", people would automatically assume their children live with them, and had they chosen "no", it really WOULD be a flat-out lie. they chose "PNTS" for lack of a better option.
smoking:
the person may smoke a cigarette or a cigar only on special occasions, but don't do it frequently enough to answer "yes", because if they answer "yes", people will automatically assume they smoke daily, which is not the case. again, lack of a better option.
drinking:
see "smoking"
profession:
this SHOULD be self-explanatory...probably the most common reason for answering "PNTS" for this is because they don't want just anyone/everyone knowing how much they make. they could be some millionaire exective, and don't want to deal with thousands of people contacting them just because they make a lot of money.
drugs:
first off, let's examine the definition of the word "drug":
drug (drug)
n.
1. A substance used in the diagnosis, treatment, or prevention of a disease or as a component of a medication.
Such a substance as recognized or defined by the U.S. Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act.
2. A chemical substance, such as a narcotic or hallucinogen, that affects the central nervous system, causing changes in behavior and often addiction.
3. <Obsolete> A chemical or dye.
tr.v. drugged, drug·ging, drugs
1. To administer a drug to.
2. To poison or mix (food or drink) with a drug.
3. To stupefy or dull with or as if with a drug: drugged with sleep.
the question doesn't ask "do you do illegal drugs", it just says "do you do drugs?". most people just automatically assume it means illegal drugs, but not everyone thinks alike, and may think more literally than others and assume it to mean "any" drugs. if that is the case, almost everyone on this site does "drugs".....caffeine, alcohol, aspirin, etc. ARE ALL DRUGS.
there are some people who may smoke a joint once or twice a year, but don't want to be labeled a frequent drug user, because, well.....they're NOT frequent drug users. and in some cases, they may do a certain drug only on a very few special occasions like my explanation of smoking/drinking above, but would be completely willing to stop doing them at all if a person they are interested in may be completely against illegal drugs. just because someone does a drug or drugs on occasion, doesn't mean they are hooked on them. even some drug users can exercise self-control when they need to.
there are some people that are on prescription drugs, but don't want to be labeled a "junkie" by answering "yes"....because as has been proven in this thread, quite a few people automatically assume this field to mean "illegal" drugs. in which case, answering "yes" would be a lie, as would "no".
then there are those that really do want to answer "yes" or "frequently", but they don't want to incriminate themselves. what many of you don't realize is that these personals are public, unless you choose to make them private (which kinda defeats the purpose if you are looking for dates), so they may be afraid that answering "yes" or "frequently" could get them fired from their job, or otherwise affect the perception of people outside of this site that may come across their profile.
and then, as some have said, maybe they just didn't select anything in the field, in which case, it defaults to "PNTS".....they're not lying, they just haven't yet answered that field.
answering "PNTS" gives them more potential matches, because it doesn't instantly rule them out in the minds of any onlookers. the majority of people on here look at those "quick" answers first, and if they see anything they don't like, they just simply move on to the next profile without even reading their profile....which can be a bit unfair, because they may completely explain in their profile WHY they chose "PNTS", but if the person looking at their profile saw "yes", they would instantly discount them and move on. in any case, if you're actually interested in someone on here and not just looking for a quick fvck, you're gonna have LOTS of questions for them anyway.....what does it matter if you have to ask them ONE whole extra question? is it really that difficult? i mean, really.....
i do agree that some of the people who answer "PNTS" are intentionally trying to deceive people, but you can't automatically assume that they all are (or even a large number of them, for that matter). but for most people, the deception will become readily evident soon enough anyway.
but really, the most important thing to note is that nothing is going to change for the majority of the people answering "PNTS", so why make a fuss about it? a lot of you are acting like 2 year olds....you're adults, so why don't you act like it and grow the fvck up already...... | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 1/17/2009 6:53:59 AM | | prefer not to say is code. If you're cool with that persons lifestyle...you'll probably get it and maybe find some sort of common ground. Others who don't get it will take it as an oppourtunity to jump on their soapbox and let everyone know that not only are they square, they're kind of an ass about it too. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 1/17/2009 8:11:50 AM |
why make a fuss about it? a lot of you are acting like 2 year olds....you're adults, so why don't you act like it and grow the fvck up already......
We make a fuss because we have opinions about trivial things and like to read forums between vacuuming, washing the dishes, and preparing to go out for lunch.
So I will put in my not so humble opinion.
People who use "Prefer not to say" are delusional. For some reason, they think people who read their profiles won't assume or read between the lines. They also think that by being evasive, they can get to know someone before meeting, and then that person won't care if he/she smokes, does drugs, or is grossly obese.
If someone agonizes over whether to put if he/she has kids, then that person is probably a bit emotionally overwrought.
"Do you DO drugs" has a semantical indication for illicit drugs, not prescription drugs. It doesn't ask "Do you OCCASIONALLY do drugs," or "Are you an addict," but personally, as a non-drug "doer," I would want to know if someone occasionally does coke or meth (occasionally--right!) because it would not fit into my lifestyle. People who are on prescription meds "take" their drugs--they don't "do" them.
If a person has an occasional cigarette (right!), I also want to know. I cannot abide the odor of a cigar, so I would want to know that, as well.
I would use that option for income because that isn't anyone's business (though asking what one does for a living is acceptable). Of course, my profession is "Pagan Priestess" and "Queen of the Universe," but I do have something that actually pays.
What amuses me are the people who put PNTS in the body type slot, and then have pictures of themselves. What about those who put PNTS for cigarettes (or even non-smoker), then have a pic of themselves with a cigarette in hand?
A bit of an oversight. | |
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