| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 4/18/2006 5:56:34 PM | Congrats on the Baby boy.....
I just wanted to post to a couple of previous post chatting about how shared custody and being shuffled back and forth isnt good for the children.......
But being apart from a parent is?
I have ENJOYED shared custody of my girls for almost 3 years....with it just recently being enforced by the courts.....
My ex and I seperated when my youngest was just 3 months old......and I have always had wed morn to thursday even and sat morn to sunday evening.......
ANd let me tell you my daughters are wonderful well adjusted children....
They understand as much as they can about mommy and daddy not being together.....
and believe me going back and forth between our houses is 1) not complicated or strange 2) does not mess them up in any way.....
I have a home full of cloths and toys....as does my ex....so whats the problem......Isnt it better to have both parents equally, if possible........
As a father i have as much right to be in my childrens lives as does their mother....
Its time for all fathers who WANT to be in their childrens lives to fight to make it happen
Other than breast feeding......their isnt a thing a women can do that I cant......I can love my children, cry with them, displine them and be a postive input into their lives......
Little boys need a male role model to show them how to be a good man....
And little girls need their father to feel loved and protected no matter what.....to know that the fathers in their lives love them for who they are, can be and will be.....
Im not trying to rag on anybody but comments denouncing a mans right to be in his childs life really upsets me.....
If hes a dead beat......get rid of him........but if hes not.................they r his children too.....
and an hour here and a weekend there is a slap in the face...........
Im glad you had a healthy child......good luck..............hopefully the father suprises u....
my 2 cents | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 4/19/2006 5:43:52 PM | and an hour here and a weekend there is a slap in the face...........
It is if the guy is responsible. If he is not responsible, then he should have only weekends. I don't think my ex is ready for such a large commitment.
A mom has such a huge bond with their child. Who does he/she want when they are sick? Mom. Who do they go to if they are tired or grouchy? Mom. The beginning years are time with mom. Dad can be involved, but only if there is a bond between the son or daughter. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 4/19/2006 7:18:48 PM | Im sorry but r u high?
or just on a high horse........
My children r just as bonded with me as they r with their mother.......more so probably
in fact when my youngest one got hurt yesterday at moms....who did she cry for...............
daddy.......thats who......who came running over ....daddy....(as i do every time I get phone calls of that nature....)
and that is because I have been just as bonded with my children as their mother....
Since we seperated.......when my youngest was three months old..............she and my oldest have both been with me 4 days a week........
I bathed her.....fed her.........got up at all hours with her....looked after her when she was ill....etc.....
Children bond with whom they r around the most and who treats them the best......
gender has squat to do with it...........and dont play the old who ever gave birth is most connected argument.............because that would surly piss off a lot of adoptive parents who would call that bull.............
You r unfortunatly under the false idiology that your gender gives you more rights to your child.............
that u r more connected with your child.....
like I said before ....if the guy turns out to be a shit head then do whats best for your child....but do not presume to paint a hole gender on your man........
the bottom line is a man can be just as connected/bonded and as good of a parent as any women..............
the beggining time is for mom?.................thats just a load of crap...........
I | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 4/19/2006 7:50:58 PM | | As far as I know until your baby turns 2 he will only get once or twice a week visitation for only 2 hours! I would not worry about the 50-50 until you child gets older. Also there is NO court out there that would award fifty fifty unless both parents agree to that in a parenting plan. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 4/19/2006 7:55:50 PM | | You know, you can go for joint custody with you having primary care and control!!!!! that way you both make choices but the baby is your primary care.... I have sole custody of both my children but its not the best choice for everyone!!!!! | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:01:03 PM | | I have joint custody as well, and I am the primary. We both have independent right to make decisions which is I think much better sometimes that making decision together. Especially if you to dont really agree on things. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 4/19/2006 9:48:09 PM | "My lawyer says that he cannot communicate with me and so he should not receive joint custody."
Lawyers are in the business of making money. Watch out for this advice. It sounds fishy.
"He is demanding that he has the right to have 50% custody of our child once he or she is one year old. I don't agree with this. A child needs a safe and secure household. None of this week at one place a week at the other place. I don't think that 50% custody is in the best interest of the child. I am willing for him to have every other weekend and one night a week visitation access because I think a child needs a father figure in his or her life, but that is it."
Based on my experience, you'll probably lose at court. He'll have restricted visitation at first. The court will set visitation to increase as the child gets older. By age two it's not unreasonable for him to expect 50% or close (40 / 60 for instance). You've given no reasons other than stability why this is bad idea, so to my mind you're just exacting revenge on your ex.
<<<*has primary custody now* | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 4/19/2006 11:41:06 PM | | Congratulations on the birth of your son. I think it is a good idea for you to have sole custody of your son for the first year at least. Since you are breastfeeding, it is better for the child not to be bounced around from home to home. Most judges recognize this so joint custody is not even an issue until the child is older. Be careful though. Joint custody can have pitfalls that you may not have even thought about. It's good that you are giving your son your last name. If you had given him his father's name, you may have problems travelling out of the country (you need a written letter from the father to say that it is alright to travel). From the sounds of it, it looks like your son's father wants to be involved so supervised visitation is a good idea. If you see that he's paying child support and is making an effort to see him on a regular basis, then make your decision based on that. I know it seems that he isn't doing as much as you would like but he is making an effort. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 4/20/2006 6:53:40 AM | Stuff like this never ceases to amaze me.......
why does a father...who i am assumming from the origional poster isnt a abuser or anything
have to have supervised visits with his child.........apparently I just fell off the turnip wagon...
its funny..........in the late 60's early 70's womens lib started.....(justifyably so) wanting equal rights ///pay etc.......here in 2006....a man has to prove he can be a good father before he can spend some alone time with his children......
wow.....could u imagine if the roles were reversed......
Just because he left her doesnt make him a bad father.......Again Im not saying he might not turn out to be.....but can you say Witch trial.........hes damed if he does and dammed if he doesnt.....
again I call bull to a baby having to be with mommy 24/7 in the first year.......my daughter had us both equally and she ....like her sister who had us both together when she was a baby...
is an incredible example of what shared parenting can do....
p.s....as far as breast feeding.....its doubtfull you will be able to go a year on only breast milk.....check the statistics.......2) ever heard of a breast pump......
but to each his own....punish you child by restricting access to his father.......for hurting you.....
so since Ive probably pissed alot of u off.........attack | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 4/24/2006 4:26:59 PM | p.s....as far as breast feeding.....its doubtfull you will be able to go a year on only breast milk.....check the statistics.......2) ever heard of a breast pump......
but to each his own....punish you child by restricting access to his father.......for hurting you.....
These statements are pretty strong and wrong!
By the way, I'm not pumping for him to have access to his son. That is not fair. I should not have to do this. You've never had breasts before. My lawyer says that I shouldn't have to do this. By the way, you lose your efficiency of milk supply if you pump too much!!!
By the way, you supplement with food once the child is a least 6 months old. I know how to take care of a child!!! But, you can breastfeed for one year. Typically feedings happen in the morning and at night once the child starts to eat solid foods.
Also for all the men out there who are pissed off about this forum, I'm just trying to protect my son. I don't know if I can trust my ex. He did a pretty horrible thing to me and I just don't trust him right now. I'm doing what is the best for our child. Breastfeeding is what is best for our child.
I'm not trying to punish my ex!!! I have told him this from the very beginning. In my eyes, he has already had some pretty far reaching consequences:
1. Our friends are starting to view him as selfish, immature and spoiled and are starting to spend less time with him.
2. He wasn't allowed to be there at the birth of our child.
3. He has been allowed to come and visit his son at any time he wants. He only comes when it is convenient for him. He doesn't realize what he is missing outside of the hour a day he is not around.
4. Leaving me when I was pregnant is a pretty awful thing to do. People now have a completely different view of him now. Our son will eventually learn what he did to me when he is older (I will never tell him how I was treated or that what his dad did was wrong) and he will be upset at his dad.
By the way, the bond between a mother and child is extremely strong, especially if the mother breastfeeds. I see children running to their mother in a relationship where two parents are together. Whoever is there on a regular basis will have the strongest bond. My son will have a stronger bond with me than my ex because I am there 96% of the time. My ex is there for the other 4%. He has been given the chance to have access that is for longer periods of time, but he chooses not to visit my son for more than 1 hour per day. I know he wouldn't be around at night, because this is not feasible, but he could be around more after he has finished work. I know he isn't doing this because he is going to the gym or playing soccer or running. I know he will not give up his extra-curricular. I've overheard his plans for the summer. I know he will be training for races this summer. He plans on spending time on himself and not on his son and that is pretty sad in my eyes. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 4/24/2006 7:49:15 PM | Point 1)
["Pumping breats milk can help relieve engorgement, clear a clogged milk duct, correct an inverted or flat nipple, increase your milk supply by creating a bigger demand, and give mothers of hospitalized babies (such as preemies) a way to give their infants breast milk"]
according to american baby . com........pumping milk creates more milk....which at room temperature can last for 7 to 10 hours.......can be stored in the fridge for days....and can also be frezzed.....
so there................ you wont lose milk production as you claim......
Point 2)
you dont know if you can trust him with "MY SON"........because..................of all the Bad things hes done to YOU.....
ya cause your not still way angry......
also I notice how you say all his friend are turning away from him etc..................
gee you certainly seem to enjoy all the nasty things happening to him.......
yes you really seem over this..................
point 3)
he wasn't allowed to see the delivery of his child.......the truth would be better to say.......
YOU didnt allow this........not like the doctor banned him.....that would be you......
point 4)
You say you will never tell his son how badley he treated you.................but SOMEHOW....hes going to know.........Cant wait to tell him it seems.....
POint 5)
yes a mother and child bond can be very string......just as strong as a father/ child bond.....
I have been apart from my ex since my oldest was 3 and my youngest was 3 months.....
I had them both 4 days a week from then on....(thats over nights too)..............
My daughters are just as bonded with me as they r with their mother.....probably more so....
SO get off your high horse and do whats best for your child......all he's proven so far.....is that hes not into you......maybe he could be a supurb father........if given the chance...
but like I said before ....if not.....then get rid of him..........
Im sorry (really) if this all seems harsh but that child IS A product of two people.....
you do not own that child.....it is a gift for the pair of you.......
he only ....(in my opinion)....has too prove himself too his child......not u...
goodluck.....blast away | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 4/27/2006 8:18:44 AM | I have to run off to work right now but I WILL be throwing some fuel on this fire for sure!
After a 10 yr court battle I think I have a few tidbits to offer......
For the record...... in Ontario we do NOT have a justice system, it is a LEGAL system! Hardly the same thing but we deal with it as best we can...... | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 4/27/2006 8:42:05 AM | CHATTINGGIRL- A man can have a girlfriend, two girlfriends , etc. . He can have more than one family. But there is something about a woman that he knocked up that is SUCH a turnon to a guy! The whole "whose kid is it?' deal. A man likes to be sure it was HIS kid.
We're all stillon the Discovery Channel as a species!
So He's curious. WHO GIVES A F**K! The P***k LEFT you! Tough S**t! Let him find out on his own time, not yours!
Breastfeed your kid till he's three if you have to. Or if he really insists on seeing the kid , tell him -"By the way , I don't think it 's yours!" You can always change your mind and get your memory back! Let him get the paternity test, the p***k! Cuz when it comes back as his, YOU CAN GET COURT ORDERED SUPPORT! | |
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ousu
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Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 64 | |
| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 4/27/2006 2:04:17 PM | | A comment about pumping milk: for a baby it is easier to drink from a bottle so later it might to start prefer the bottle instead of normal breast feeding which requires more "work". So better results you will get in order to breast feed longer less you feed from a bottle. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 4/27/2006 5:22:37 PM | chattinggirl;
I must be missing something. Unless he is abusive what would prevent you from allowing him 50% custody. In today's society there are so many battles over children that don't always have to exsist. He may have been lazy around the house but that doesn't mean that he is going to be a bad father. It may infact be a good thing by allowing your child to know the best of both worlds. It would also give you a break that most single parents need from time to time. As far as his parents throwing him a baby shower, well they are celebrating with him the life of his new child. Yes, this child will be his as well. Try looking at this in a different light and things just may work out better than you had anticipated. I don't know the whole story but remember that we don't own our children we simply parent by teaching and providing and if there is someone wanting to help in that department such as the father then all the better. Also remember that this does not make you any less a parent.
I have gone through two custody battles and in the end the fighting isn't worth it. My first we had shared custody and at first it was shared. Life goes on and situations change. I am now the sole caregiver(decided by both parties) but every chance i get i make sure that my son see his dad. After all that is his dad. My other custody battle ended with no access at all because at that time my daughters father wasn't all together. Today, because of personal growth, we are amending this court order with my support to encourage a relationship between them.
good luck to you and congrats! | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 4/27/2006 5:31:52 PM | | I failed to mention. My daughters father left me when i was pregnant and i understand the pain however in retrospect(8 yrs later) you have to get over it and think about your child. If he is missing visits and isn't paying any interest it might be because of how the situation has been handle so far. Don't push parenting on to him. Your responsibility is to care for your child not worry about what someone else is doing or not doing. Think of relationships with people like a movie, everyone has a role. If you change just one person's role(the only role that you can change, your role) then everyone else's has to change to adapt. Possibly for the better. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 4/27/2006 6:02:29 PM | Chattinggirl,
I am somewhat in the same situtation as you.. My ex is wanting a week to week custody and I fighting it tooth and nail.. One I have another daughter who is not his.. Who before I wised up and kicked him out verbably abused her.. The difference in us is mine didn't leave me when i was pregnant i left him cause he was a drunk and abusive.. And i am in for the fight of my life it has gotten expensive but i refuse to back down.. Cause i know he is only doing it cause the gf wants the little girl she never got my daughter.. But his track record with kids suck plain and simple. He walked out on his oldest daughters life cause he didn't want to pay child support and now is paying back support.. And as of right now he is suppose to be paying me support i haven't seen a dime the whole time we have been seperated.. His lawyer is fighting the first judges order which is to pay.. Its rediculous.. But my thing is.. If he was never abusive and truely wants to be a father to the baby don't hold that from him.. I have someone who isn't doing it cause he is a wonderful father he is doing it out vendictiveness.. If my ex truely wanted to be a true father to my daughter and cared enough to the point to live in the same county with her we wouldn't be going through this.. But unfortunately he isn't.. I have never once bad mouthed him infront of either of my kids.. never will.. I feel when my daughter gets older she will learn the truth.. But hopefully not the hard way.. I wish you the best of luck in this. And i wish you and your new baby well.. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 5/1/2006 4:01:32 PM | I have thought about our child a lot. I am allowing dad to come and visit when he is able to. I have been told from a tonne of people that I am doing a great job at being accomodating not only for dad, but also for his family.
He could have easily have had 100% access to his child. He chose to not work things out. He just left. I know I was not easy to live with when I was pregnant. Those hormones really take a lot out of you. Our lives as a couple were way to crazy and he should have recognized that I needed extra help around the house and that our social agenda should have slowed down or it should have not existed.
I have been very accomodating to him. He can come over whenever he wants. I have allowed him the most flexible access possible. Because I am breastfeeding (which is best for our child and not because I am keeping him away from his father), dad will only get access like this for a year. I am allowing dad to take our son for 2-3 hours at a time on some weekends and weeknights.
Since the hormones have left my system, I have been very nice to him. I have told him any sort of updates. For instance, our son started to smile for the first time and I captured it on video and shared it with dad.
I think that considering the circumstances that I have been placed in, I have done a great job at coping and with allowing access. No one in this forum should be criticizing me for this. In fact, I should be getting accolades for how well I've dealt with an ex husband who LEAVES HIS PREGNANT WIFE WITH ABSOLUTELY NO WARNING OR NOTICE!!!! AND ALSO SOMEONE WHO REFUSES TO GO TO MARRIAGE COUNSELLING TO WORK THINGS OUT!!!
And by the way, the guy who is responding to breastfeeding - you have absolutely no idea how painful this can be unless you try it. I'd like you to understand what it is like to have cracked nipples that are bleeding and sore and have an infant on them for sometimes an hour at a time!!! It is not easy. It is quite painful and pumping does not stimulate milk production. When I was in the hospital, I pumped to try and stimulate milk production and by the second day, I had no milk or colostrum. Thank god my son latched properly after this and then I started to produce milk. There is no way that a breast pump can replace the effectiveness of a baby on the breast. | |
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6767
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Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 69 | |
| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 7/25/2006 4:34:05 PM | It takes 2 to make a child there missy....you better get out of the stone age....cause if you ever marry and have children i tell you your husband will fight for 50/50....
When i left the Army i took care of my daughter and got the bonding..i had my wife (now my ex) go back to work..she has always hated me for it but to bad...it's our rights as father to have the BONDING as well......................... | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 7/25/2006 6:27:33 PM |
Breastfeed your kid till he's three if you have to. Or if he really insists on seeing the kid , tell him -"By the way , I don't think it 's yours!" You can always change your mind and get your memory back! Let him get the paternity test, the p***k! Cuz when it comes back as his, YOU CAN GET COURT ORDERED SUPPORT!
Interesting but totally invalid. Here in Canada it doesn't matter if the child is biologically his or not. They were married and not separated at the time she got pregnant therefore that child is a child of the marriage. It doesn't matter if its biologically his or not he is still legally that babies father.
Now on to the point of custody and fighting for it. Our legal system here in Canada is an arena where legal battles are fought. The law states the rules surronding those fights. If you both have strong smart scary lawyers to help fight your legal battles and advise you on conduct then he will end up with shared 50/50 custody. He won't be required to ease into it either. Once the year is at an end it will just happen.
And here are a few child psychologist points of view on the world. Shared custody is encouraged and the younger the children the more frequent the changeover, sometimes down to switching every other day. The reason for this is because children need both their parents if they are both there and willing to be involved. And children feel sadness and a sense of loss if they are separated from someone they care about for more than a couple of days. The older the child the longer the separation periods can be between changeovers. Also ... rules do not have to be consistent between households because children can easily adapt to the concept of "different houses, different rules".
Chattinggirl ... if I read between the lines of what you've written then I'm seeing a lot of anger and a need to see things put right from your point of view. I have no doubt that you feel wronged by your ex. You need to set that anger aside and look at things objectively. If your ex fights for custody then he will probably be a good parent ... stubbornness is a good parental trait. My legal advice to you is get the best custody court lawyer money can buy. I don't really agree with your conduct in all this or your intentions but its not my place to agree. I would only advise you to force yourself to think objectively and do what you believe is right. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 7/25/2006 9:36:40 PM | | There are so many single parents out there who do not have the other parent around but would like for them to be and then we have the OP on here mad because this man left HER but still wants to be a part of his childs life. You are still angry. I am not saying it was OK for him to leave you while pregnant but do you think it would have been better to have stayed together just for the child if this man doesnt love you anymore? You said you wouldnt have gotten pregnant if you knew this was going to happen, so you CHOSE to have a baby with him and now you dont want him to have the same access to his child that you seem to think only you are entitled to. You chose to have a baby with him and he was good enough when you two were together but now that youre not he isnt trustworthy enough to be around his own child, so I wonder if he hadnt left you would you have still denied him access to his son? He had a right to be there when he was born but YOU took that away from him, you say he can come visit his son ANYTIME he WANTS but then get mad and say that he only comes when its convenient for him, well maybe thats the time he wants to, YOU gave him that option. I noticed in some of your posts that you say "My son" and "MY child", sorry but this is his child too. Once this child does hit a year old I hope he does get joint custody, no problem with the child being with his father EVERY weekend and one evening during the week and he should have a right to decide how the child is raised. Good luck and I hope you two can work together to raise a happy child because that is who this is about now, not you and the father and how he left you. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 7/27/2006 3:04:56 AM | In reading through this entire thread, I couldn't happen to wonder a couple of things..
1) It seems pretty clear you're very upset with what your ex did to you, and that you're mourning the loss of your relationship. In ordering supervised visits, and stating that the dad can come to see the child whenever her wishes, it is possible that you may be doing this so YOU can see your ex, and possibly bond and "repair" the relationship?
2) Since your ex was the one that effectively ended the relationship, perhaps he would spend more time with his child if he didn't have to spend it with you.
*shrugs* No need for a reply.. just wondering aloud. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 7/27/2006 3:33:04 AM | "Firstly , You picked the father , don't punish the child for your choice ."
I agree with that post and its true i mean YOU (op) did pick the father the child/baby had NO say so in who their father is so why should they have to suffer just because you made a mistake..?, and that innocent child does NOT deserve to be going through this just so it will make you/whoever else happy. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 7/27/2006 6:46:30 AM | In my humble opinion from what you have said, it seems that your desicions are focused on the fact that he left you and how hurt you are by this and understandably so. However, your child that you have created together should be given the opportunity to be raised by the both of you as in choices made for the child and time spent with each parent. This has nothing to do with him leaving you or you leaving him or he did this or you did that. It has to do with your child having a mom and a dad. As far as a baby shower being thrown by his side of the family, That's great, it shows how welcome the baby is. After all it is a baby shower and not an ex shower.
Regards:Greg | |
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