| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 7/27/2006 7:57:44 AM | Look its quite simple never use a child as a bargaining tool.
as for access and custody- if you want to control who your child is alowed to see then become a British citizen, the law is 98% in the favour of the woman!!!! | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 8/3/2006 8:49:37 PM | Well, I don't know if chattingirl is still checking her post or not, but here goes...
I posted 5 months ago at a time when I was still very angry at my own situation (similar to yours although different of course). I hope that you have or will get over your anger with your ex. It is clear and obvious that your anger is ruling your choices.
If he wants to have a relationship with your son, it is his right, legally and more importantly morally. My daughter is now 19 months old and she is a happy well-adjusted child who has a strong relationship with both of her parents.
Here is my advice....Hard as it may be, forgive him for what he did to you. Allow him to earn some trust and let him take your child for a few hours at a time. Over time, when your child is returned unharmed, you will learn to appreciate his involvement in your child's life and the "break" it gives you to do what is easier done without your son (even if it is having a few hours of alone-time).
If he is truly so bad and untrustworthy, why did you ever fall in love with him in the first place? Try to remember how he was when he was in love with you and trust that he will love your son with care and devotion. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 8/4/2006 4:35:21 AM | It does exist! generally for older children though that have an opinion.
"The Office of the Children's Lawyer is a law office in the Ministry of the Attorney General which delivers programs in the administration of justice on behalf of children under the age of 18 with respect to their personal and property rights. Lawyers within the office represent children in various areas of law including child custody and access disputes, child protection proceedings, estate matters and civil litigation. Clinical investigators prepare reports for the court in custody/access proceedings and may assist lawyers who are representing children in such matters."
http://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/family/ocl/ | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 8/4/2006 10:42:25 AM | | Hey there, the court will not give him joint custody with you if he or even you can prove that he is an unfit parent. It is a good idea to not sign anything bc it will bite you and your child in the ass later. If he is the one who left, he needs to pay child support. So expect to have him pay that when it is all over and done with. Don't let him manipulate you into giving him joint or even partial custody. If you get sole custody like i did, you get to decide when and where your ex can or can't see the child. Good luck. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 8/4/2006 11:37:57 AM | | oh girl! you need to get your head together and fast...take care of your child. dont think about or rely on daddy to do that..or you will soon be in court and hoping for the best...and broke. being mom of three, i signed over a lot of valuable real estate and got custod thinking ill get my star in my crown i heaven. meantime its a tough go but we are good. you have to love your child more than him and/or yourself..meanwhile of course go through the court system and demand support and get what financial support you can,as in you didnt make this baby alone! good luck and take care of you and yours. you need to stop fretting about custody, you are mom, put your best foot forward, be serious about this and just do it! w | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 8/4/2006 8:06:45 PM | As a former social worker who dealt with children from broken homes, you are doing your child a disservice by not giving the father a chance to be a father with equal custody. As a divorced parent who has equal custody of his kids, I will tell you that your child will be the one to judge you in the end, not the judge in court, and children grow up in many cases to resent the parent who tried to deny them the other parent. Most modern judges today know that an equal custody situation is in the best interest of the child, unless one parent is proven to be an inadequate parent.
Best of luck to you, and try to take any emotion out of your decision and see the big picture. I know its hard, but your child will respect you for it someday I suspect. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 8/5/2006 10:49:19 AM | | I was raped by this married man back in October of 2004 and ended up pregnant. I decided to go on with the pregnancy and keep the child. I knew that it would be hard considering I was just a senior in high school. I tried to have him arrested but he told the police that it was consentual and nothing was done. He never onced checked on me while I was pregnant..i was 8months pregnant when he contacted me saying that his parents had somethings for me...he found out where i had my child and tried to take him out of the hospital. he caused major scenes....my son just turned 1 and he has never once supported him...his parents have and now he is taking me to court for full custody. He thinks I am mentally and emotionaly unfit to raise my child. When he is mentally disabled himself collecting disability. His wife is okay with the fact of what he done and supports him 100%. What do you think..... | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 8/6/2006 6:09:31 PM | All I can say on the subject of custody is... If a parent wishes to be a parent to the child and love and nurture the child do whatever it is in your power to let that happen. I have seen too often parents that choose to vanish out of their childrens lives and that makes me absolutely sick. There is no better gift than having children to love and have them love you back.  | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 8/6/2006 7:55:51 PM | I was told that last year was the first year more men were given custody of their children over women, in history. Not sure if that was Ontario, or Canada.. My buddy at work told me this when we were talking about our custody situations.
Access to his father is important. If he can prove he is capable, he deserves equal access.
It's really sad what some kids and some people go through when there are breakups. :( I consider myself lucky... so far at least, heh heh. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 8/7/2006 1:33:58 PM | chattinggirl,
He will most likely get 50% custody, I would think. Who says it will be one-week here, one-week there, though? Remember, it won't just be your child. It will be his, too. The only reason why he wouldn't get any custody, would be for the same reason you wouldn't have any custody -- if you're an unfit parent. A lawyer selling their abilities on your side isn't a true advice giver. They're a performer to win legal battles.
I'm sure his family could probably point out a lot of negative things about you, too. His parents having a shower for him is not ridiculous, any more than your parents throwing you a shower. It's not solely your baby.
I think if you come to realize this, take a deep breath, and realize that he will be a part of your life forever in some way (regardless of legal battles), you will better understand that he may put things in perspective in terms of what's best for the kid's living situations. The worst thing you could do is be demanding and having him see the child on your terms only, if he is a fit parent (but not a fit husband for you). You'll end up putting the child in more of a week-here/week-there situation.
Realizing that you will be sharing a child, things may work out fine. More than likely, if handled well between you two, you will end up having being around the kid more.
You can't make him go away, and you can't fool yourself or anyone that it's your baby and more-or-less only your baby once it's born. That's just not the case. It's both of yours. Just be prepared, and make the best of it for yourself AND your child-to-be. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 8/7/2006 2:42:53 PM | | my ex and i share 50% phyiscal and legal custody. of our 2 kids.. they go one week on and one week off.. the kids love it they have had no trouble adjusting BUT there father and i were married for 12 years. they are 7 and 9 . so they love having the best of both worlds. The judge was very impressed with our decision and it is beconing more common. The judge thought it was truly in the best intrest of the kids and we were comended for putting the needs of our kids before our feelings for each other. We dont always like each other very much if we did we would still be married it didn't work out so why punish the kids. It also gives me time to myself . You have to do the absolute right thing for the child and kids need there dad as well as there mom .. all the time . and if isa asking for it then he may got it unless you can prove he isnt fit to have it. as far as him not shoveling and taking care of those things it doesnt matter. the judge doesnt care even if you were pregnant. it only matters how he takes care of the child. i know it sux but its the way it is. i can understand why you are hurt my oldest sons father ran out on me pregnant we were engaged and it really hurt. he left me preterm labor and on all sorts of meds for a girl he met in a bar. . but 13 years later we get along very well. it takes time. being in counseling is a good thing. anyway .. think things through carefully. Remember that all your decisions affect that child and things could backfire on you if your not carefull a freind of mine thought she had custody in the bag. he was a real dirtbag.. and he got both of there kids full time. and sole custody .. they dont like to give it. they llike to hear joint custody with one parent having custiodial and the other having visitation but you would have to prove extreme hanous things like child abuse to get sole.. judges like dads to be involved as possible. best of luck to you .. | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 8/7/2006 3:34:19 PM | Sorry if this has been rung through already..my eyes started bugging out whilst reading em all
This is simple: Though your ex was a jerk to you....he is trying to be completely responsible with helping raise yours and HIS child....which is much better than many people you hear about....Lawyers are out for their benefit..its a business..never forget that......If there is a way to settle this amicably, then do so for your child.
CHILDrEN ARE NOT PAWNS TO BE PLAYED WITH | |
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| Do you think he will get 50% joint custody?
Posted: 8/7/2006 7:53:04 PM | yes, he will VERY most likely get joint custody, so you might as well save time and money with attorneys (actually, i would advise you to ditch your attorneys and go pro se...it all goes to mediaiton anyhow, and 99% of the time an "agreement" is met there).
i guess i don't quite understand the issue, other than the fact that you're disappointed about how the relationship ended. Look on the bright side...at least he was honest with his feelings, rather than sticking around for the sake of the baby, lots of fighting in presence of baby, AND THEN dropping the bomb. baby was spared all of this, for which you are blessed.
i also am a huge advocate of lousy relationships ending prior to baby's birth (or, when baby is really young) this way, you have a "clean slate", and i cannot stress how important it is for you to set "status quo" with your infant, and try not to waver. it is clear that bio-dad wants to be a part of your baby's life...better to start this sooner, rather than later (ditto with support). This way, it will be the only way your infant "knows" and, therefore, feel normal to her. my daughter "knows" sporadic phone calls with hardly any visitation from her father. He has pretty much set the standard with this from as early as she could remember, which i much prefer to him having patterns that are far less predicatble (to me and her both). are you catching my drift?
the baby shower shouldn't rattle your cage....save your energies for giving birth, and celebrate the many gifts your baby will receive. perhaps bio-dad's family is generally excited!!! and showing both you and their son that they are set to be "active" grandparents.
anger clouds vision, and sometimes makes it difficult to act in the best interests of the child (which is, barring history of drug abuse/violence/etc..., equal and unfettered access to both parents).
congrats on your baby! | |
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