| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 3/22/2006 10:52:09 AM | amanda: Well, you certainly have some good strengths in your profile. I think the major pieces are there and what we really need is a bit of fine tuning.
Firstly, I would avoid negatives in your writeup.. tell us you live in a small town, then move right on to what you like doing. Maybe suggest that you'd like someone who you can do things with away from your town? Just an idea. The rest of what you say should work well, but I would personally want to see the actual writing cleaned up some. You alternate between good grammar/spelling and pretty bad - hope you don't mind my saying so! Make sure you use the right version of your/you're, capitalize I when you're referring to yourself, that sort of thing. It doesn't affect the content of your writing, but makes it easier to follow.
Your photos are good, and show you off nicely. They should get guys in the door at least to give you a look.
To finish up, just for me, redo your last line? "If you want to know more, drop me a line!"
It would work SO much better.
Good luck! | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 3/22/2006 10:56:45 AM | naughtygrrl: This would be the second time I've been asked to review a girl looking for another girl! I think that most of the comments I used that first time apply here too and I'll give you the gist of it:
It's a short and sweet profile, but for what you're looking for, that should do the trick. Either they will be interested or not. I don't know what sort of response you're getting, but I think if there's anything you could add, it would be more photos. Show off your face (as well as your ass-ets), and probably one or two of yourself with your friend would lend some legitimacy to your profile overall. I have a feeling girls might get a little suspicious otherwise.
Other than that, if you're not getting many responses (and I wouldn't know at all!), be proactive maybe, and contact girls yourself that you think would make a good match.
Best of luck! | |
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Posted: 3/23/2006 8:44:49 AM | sweetheart: Wow.. that is a monumental piece of writing! I would be curious to know what sorts of responses you're getting from it. Just a few things to consider:
You explain who you are and what you're looking for quite well. However, you leave rather large gaps between paragraphs.
I'm just curious as to why.. :P
I think of profiles as being a quick blurb about yourself, the more compact the better. Some guys just will not scroll down all the way to the end. Maybe bring your sections a little closer to each other and it would look a little better. Really, there's nothing wrong with what you say or how you say it, so I won't suggest any changes there. Except for the conga line of bananas. Seriously.. 
That's a good pic, and like many others on here (myself included), I would suggest one or two more if available. I really must get onto that someday.
Hope this helps! Happy fishing..  | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 3/23/2006 8:50:01 AM | bailey: No problem, and welcome aboard.
Your message is good, but I would suggest a few changes to your execution. Specifically, if you look at what you wrote, you tend to end one sentence as if it's trailing off.....then end the next one with a gazillion exclamation points!!!!!!!! And this pattern repeats itself. I would suggest, for ease of following, a single period. Ditto for exclamation points! And double space between each sentence. It's a typing thing.
As I said, the message itself is fine, and I would think you'll get some decent responses. I might suggest a photo as well, if you have one. People want to know what you look like.
That's all I have at the moment! Best of luck on here. | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 3/27/2006 9:11:30 AM | cattitude: Not badly written at all, and please accept my apologies for the delay in getting this up here. You are concise and to the point and anybody with above-average intelligence should be able to figure out what you're looking for.. maybe even respond to you.
You might consider writing a thing or two extra about yourself.. what you enjoy doing in spare time or something that would give your readers some insight into you. Avoid the negative, as I always suggest.
Nice photos, and no comment there. Your first date idea also seems pretty reasonable. You should have no problem at all finding Mr. Right.
Good fishing and have fun.. :-) | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 3/27/2006 9:16:00 AM | bluedecember: That's one of the better-written profiles I've seen on here. Nicely done, and I hope you're getting favourable responses. You've left me with very little to critique.
Not nothing at all, though.. :-P
I have but one suggestion. You do a great job with your writing style up until the middle of your profile, when you break down into the part about hating beer, etc. Why not just continue using full sentences? It suits you much better and maintains the flow of your writing.
I would maybe suggest one or two more photos (and look, everyone, I finally posted a few more of my own!!). It ought to help.
Better run, here come the masses!  Good luck. | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 3/27/2006 9:43:17 AM | oops! Sorry - I didn't see your reply above! Thanks for the comments. i"ll fix it  | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 3/27/2006 11:53:06 AM | Dear Parksie,
I'd welcome any constructive criticism you have. I've been tweaking my profile in a reactive, not proactive way (hence the strong emphasis on meeting in person). While I am getting a number of good responses (in direct correlation to posting new pictures), I am always interested in feedback. Thanks for your time and interest! | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 3/29/2006 10:36:59 AM | Tiger: As with a few others I've had a chance to read, I don't have a whole lot to say about your profile in terms of suggested improvements. You present yourself very well and tell your readers about yourself very clearly. I normally suggest the 'short and sweet' method, but you writeup works nicely, I think.
You mentioned being reactive rather than proactive and that makes me wonder.. are you adjusting your profile based on the messages you're getting? I wasn't 100% clear on that, but there's no harm in stating clearly, as you do, that your goal here is meeting someone in person. Goodness knows there are WAY too many people on here (male and female alike) who are all talk.
Speaking of being proactive, be sure to send the odd message out (if you aren't already), inviting potential matches to check you out. Having a good profile, in my mind, is only part of the job.
That being said, best of luck! Have fun out there. | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 3/30/2006 12:53:18 PM | (deep breath)
Okay Parksie ... don't hold back, tell me what you really think! | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 3/30/2006 8:02:34 PM | small town: Your message in and of itself is fine. Most guys who read it are going to get who you are and what you want. What I'm going to tackle is your writing style. Did you ever have an English teacher pick on you for run-on sentences? ;-) I don't teach English but I know a run-on when I see one! You want to be sure that each sentence has only one thought. For example: "I lived in a small town for most of my life and I just moved up to the big city this year." should be the extent of that sentence. A 5-minute proofread would really punch up that part of your profile.
Your pictures are good and I like the wide variety of shots you have included. Good work! I think that once you fine-tune your writing you'll have a really good profile on here.. then you just have to throw out your net and wait for your fish. Best of luck! | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 3/31/2006 3:04:10 PM | kathyb: Oh for heaven's sake, what are you so worried about?  That's a great profile. Well written, intelligible, even well thought out. I like that you don't pull any punches over who you are (even though I generally discourage the negative). You are honest about yourself, and I should think that would certainly earn a brownie point or two.
One thing I might suggest you change, or rather eliminate, is the "I'm told I'm pretty" thing (just that, not the rest of the paragraph). By the time your reader gets this far they will have already seen your photo and made up their mind. If they're reading this paragraph, chances are that your photo already got their attention, so why tell them what somebody else thinks? Just a thought.
Speaking of photos, a few more wouldn't hurt at all. :-)
I hope this is helpful.. all the best to you. | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 3/31/2006 3:15:41 PM | sabbywon: Not a bad profile you've got here. I will offer my two cents and take it for what it's worth!
You do, definitely, start with a run-on sentences. Those are the bane of my existence and I just wanted to get that out there right off the bat! You write as though you're speaking to someone, and that sometimes has a way of making writing hard to follow. I would maybe take all the content of your first section and make it read more like a written paragraph. Just an idea.
The part about angelic with a devil inside is cute and will get attention, but I would suggest wording it more like: "I try to present myself as an angel, but there's definitely a devil below the surface - which one do you want to meet?" That comes off as a challenge that will certainly generate a response - assuming the responder has read your profile.
The part about who your looking for doesn't really need to be a PS. It should be an integral part of your profile! I would avoid asking for no creeps, as it's my impression that the creeps who message you won't have read that far in your profile anyways - they'll have stopped after your photo (which I must say is very cute.. can we have more?).
First date: Still sounds like you're talking to someone. Don't come off sounding so afraid of them. Like Troy McClure said once (talking about one of his self-help films): Get self-confidant, stupid! (That was his line, not mine. I don't think you're stupid).
I hope this helps - I daresay this is one of the longer-winded reviews I've written. Best of luck to you! | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 3/31/2006 4:45:31 PM | well thank you for all of that. it was all done rather quickly, and without much thought...all on a whim.
unfortunately, all changes will have to wait until after the weeked...thank you for the input!
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 3/31/2006 6:45:37 PM | thank you Parksie! I'm heading to make the suggested changes now!
(whew! that went better than I thought!)
You're a jewel!
--kathy | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/1/2006 12:05:12 AM | Ok here goes nothing,,, I am 32 female thats Bi sexual and to be honest I REALLY HATE HEAD GAMES,,, If there is a person that your chatting with and wanting them to send you a photo and the use the same excuse ***** my cam aint workin,,, I dont own a camera,,,*****They must be someone thats really yucky or better yet dont like who they are,, COME ON PEOPLE GET REAL,, EVERYONE OWNS A CAMERA,,, LOL
If they dont have a pic theres a REASON,,,, like my first exp... 5'9 big boobs, 130 lbs and well when i showed up for my big DATE,,, she must have missed a digit on her lbs...... she was a lying moose,,
I hope im not cruel but WHY CANT PEOPLE JUST BE HONEST!!!!
THERES ALWAYS SOMEONE FOR EVERYONE OUT THERE.... JUST DONT PICK ME!!!! :)
IM SORRY BUT IS IT BAD TO BE HONEST EVEN IF IT MEANS HURTING SOMEONE'S FEELING? | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/1/2006 8:43:43 AM | 
sexytatty:
I'm confoozled.
Is this a new draft profile that you want reviewd or a random rant  that wound up in my thread? Let me know please. | |
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