| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/3/2006 7:29:57 PM | velvetsteel: Now that's more like it. I shall now critique the real you.
Overall you've done a pretty good job. Writing a first-time profile is not an easy task, I freely admit, so kudos for tackling it. Here are my suggestions - bearing in mind that I find presentation and good grammar essential to the well-rounded profile:
Beginning with your first sentence (sorry!) - you need to add a word: "I'm looking to find that someone WITH WHOM I can just be "me" without appology." Removing the caps of course - it just reads better that way.
"I am independent, motivated and follow the basic principle of Karma."
The more ignorant among us, myself included, don't know what the basic principle of Karma is. It's not your fault, but you may care to elaborate on that just so we know!
The rest is quite good, although I wouldn't use as many :) along the way. Just me.
"If the pond of POF is only filled with many friends THAN my efforts will have been worth it."
Replace THAN with THEN.
OK, my only remaining suggestion is your photo. The one you had up before was much better suited as a main pic. Keep the eye-close-up if you like but I wouldn't use it as your headliner. Just my opinion.
I hope this helps! Have some fun here and best of luck to you. | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/4/2006 7:37:01 AM | irish whiskey: It's not badly done, and although not in a 'usual' written format it still works well. Since you specifically ask for an edit, I'll point out the few things that I can pick out that don't work for me:
You appreciate a straight shooting, fiery woman who is occasionally exasperating, regularly edearing, easy on the eyes and would not quickly blow over in a windstorm.
Fix endearing. You missed a letter.
You are a lousy communicator because you "were not hugged enough as a child" or you are seeking a "cute" girl with a tiny mind and a waist to match.
I'm sure it's not your intention, but be careful that you don't imply that all girls who are cute and have tiny waists also have tiny minds!
Otherwise, I don't see a whole lot that needs changing, so from here it's up to the fates! Happy hunting, fishing... whatever...  | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/4/2006 7:56:47 AM | mysecretlair: Alright, let's have a look at your writeup. It's ok, but I think it could be reorganized to make it easier to follow. Start with your list of interests. I'm not sure how you formatted it, but there are too many hyphens and it comes out kind of all over the place. I'm not sure how you'd go about fixing it, but it'd be worth a few minutes of your time.
Your "ME" section seems to combine interests with personality traits. I would separate the two categories and try putting all of them into full sentences. It tells us more about you that way and wouldn't be all of that time consuming.
The "YOU" section is fine as is, in my mind. You may wish to add a bit more if you can, but I wouldn't say it's essential.
That's all I have for the moment! I hope it's helpful. | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/4/2006 8:04:01 AM | Alright. I updated my profile. Except photos...I'll have to work on getting more photos. How's it look now.  Thanks, Tina | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/4/2006 11:26:01 AM | Parksie:
If they had a category for internet profile reviewers at the White Hatter Awards, I would surely nominate you...
Too fun, thanks muchly...
Whisky. | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/4/2006 11:30:44 AM | NoTease.........Thats pretty broad criticism. My profile, and a lot of the other women here, doesn't say anything about "athlete, tall, dark and handsome, (some want better-has to be gorgeous),hung like a horse, and of course, MONEY (the richer the better), financially secure (what's this mean)".
Some of us just want to meet a guy thats not a dog in heat. Or just a dog period. | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/4/2006 5:43:06 PM | | Ok review away always looking for ways to improve my profile. Thank you in advance. | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/5/2006 12:30:43 AM | Thanks, Parksie. I haven't done any re-writes yet 'cause I've caught someone & I'm thinking he could be THE ONE.    | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/5/2006 3:21:28 AM | alright, seems everybody is doing this, so take it away. be kind, ego is a little battered. lol. kidding. take your best shot. | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/5/2006 7:58:34 AM | inspired1: Yep, I have time - it's my prep.
You haven't given me anything to critique though - you did a great job just as it is. You must be an educator or something. The only thing I would suggest adding is a few extra photos, but that is your call.
Beyond that, what can I say? Cast your net and fun out there.. best of luck!
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/5/2006 8:08:22 AM | feathers: I have just a few things to suggest for you. You've done a pretty good job so far. I wonder if you're getting your continuing ed. where I went to high school? It's possible.. ;-)
First off: Where you're describing your match, I would avoid the use of bold and italics. To me, it seems unnecessary. The reader who's really interested will read it anyways, so you don't REALLY need a format that screams READ ME!!!!!!
Secondly, afraid has only 1 F. You used two - twice. 
Finally, when it comes to your photos, I would suggest posting at least one that has you away from your desk. This is one problem with webcam shots, in that you're restricted to a pose that has you seated in front of your computer. At least you experimented with different facial expressions (which is more than I can say for some profiles I've seen)!!
Truthfully, that's all I can find.. as I said, you've done a pretty good job overall. All the best to you. | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/5/2006 8:26:05 AM | Sweetness: I came up with one or two suggestions I can pass along to you. Let's see if they're of any use to you!
You sound like a really interesting woman to know. I think the challenge for you will be filtering out the genuinely worthwhile respondants from the ones who are responding to your pic or your list of interests. This brings me to my first suggestion: your list of interests seems to revolve around a very specific (and suggestive) theme. While that's fine in itself, I would consider shortening it some. You run the chance of a respondant paying attention to that list and making assumptions about what you're looking for (in spite of your stated long-term goal).
Beyond that, your writing is pretty good. Most of the suggestions I have are format-related. With any luck they'll add to your presentation and make it easier to read. First off, I would suggest you divide your "about me" section into three separate parts. Start a new paragraph where you say "I am a woman". Same thing for "I am not looking for anything casual". You did, but add an extra blank line.
Next, you may want to edit for spacing between words and commas. A few times, I saw something like ,a space like this after a comma; or where you list your children's ages (16,15).. there should be spaces after each comma there as well. I'm not going to list every single instance of that sort of thing, but there are a few so I wanted to bring it to you attention!
Nice photos - that should be said. I like. As I have with a few people recently, I would suggest some different poses. If you're doing all webcam shots, I would try different outfits - and colours other than black! Variety is a good thing.
That's all I have! All the best of luck to you. | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/5/2006 8:31:45 AM | cerise: Let you have it.. are you sure? ;-)
Well here's one for you: Even plain Jane has something to say about herself!! Where's your writeup, lady? Tell us something about yourself, please.. people will want to know a thing or two about you. You deserve more than seven words.
Your photos aren't bad in that there's some variety, but I question whether you REALLY want people to see that third one? I don't think it's your most flattering look, but it's up to you. Good for a laugh at the very least.
That's all I have for the moment, but I'd be happy to come back again if you add to it. Let me know. Good luck in the meantime! | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/5/2006 9:02:56 AM | | Okay be gentle. I know I used the ... like another girl you have already talked about on here.Though the general information and pictures are they good? | |
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akanke
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Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 149 | |
| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/5/2006 1:06:59 PM | Hi. Can you please review my profile - please ...
I know the pictures are a little lame but hope to be able to add more pictures this weekend from the kayaking trip.
I am thinking it may be to wordy .. what should I take out?
I am interested to hear your opinions ...
I did post on a seperate thread asking also .. because I noticed that others did that .. was not sure which I should do .. so I am doing both.
Thanks for your time!
Kathleen | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/6/2006 8:43:27 AM | swfsports: Not badly done. Your 'about me' section sums you up nicely, I think, which is always important. I think you could expand a bit on who you're looking for, mind you. All you really have to say on the subject is how long you want it to last.
This brings me to a point that, in my opinion, is kind of important. Rather than say 'spend the rest of my life with' and THEN continue on with 'friends first', I would reverse the order. You want to get to know someone and become friends, and then, if it develops into a committed relationship, spend the rest of your life with him. It might seem like a small difference, but think in terms of the order you want things to happen in. The friendship shouldn't be an afterthought to everything else.
That's all I can think of.. good luck to you. | |
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