| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/6/2006 8:53:11 AM | Sunnydaze: You've got some good things going for your writeup that should be working well for you. I have only a few ideas to punch it up - see if they work for you.
In your first line, you list all of your attributes, which is fine. However, They're All Capitalized, and I question the need for it. The interested reader is going to read them anyways, and gramatically speaking, lowercase will work just fine.
You start your second paragraph with "I guess, I'm looking for". You guess? You're not sure?? Do you remember in the Karate Kid when Daniel tells Mr. Miyagi he 'guesses' he's ready to learn karate? I'll recap quickly, in case you forget.
"Do karate yes, or do karate no, you fine. Do karate 'guess so', get squished like grape."
Same thing goes here, although I'm sure you won't get squished. But you should be sure of what you're looking for and present it like that.
An issue of formatting: I would avoid the use of &, and just type the word 'and'. Just a thing that I have.
That's all I can think of! Have fun and try not to get squished.  | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/6/2006 9:02:18 AM | Claypot: I always take my best shot!
I have a few things for you and hopefully they'll be of assistance. First off, your writeup is very terse, as though you only had a few minutes to write it. I would go back and give it an edit. Start off with "I am independent, honest".. etc. and apply the same idea to all of your sentences. They should all start with capitals! It makes your writing look much better. On the same stream of thought, repace 'u' with 'you', where applicable.
This suggestion is strictly optional (well, they all are, really), but I would suggest avoiding the no-bull-or-hit-the-road approach. It doesn't enhance the positive aspects of YOU, which is what your writeup should really be about. It's a thought.
Finally, your two photos, while good at first glance, don't really give a good look at you - and specifically, your face. The problem is lighting.. the sun is at your back and so puts a shadow on your face. You might want one photo posted that was taken indoors with a flash, or something that gives a better look at you. Somebody might want to see!
Give it a thought, and either way you go with these, best of luck! | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/6/2006 9:13:36 AM | redhead: I can definitely provide a few pointers here.
Right off the bat, you talk about your busy life. Be careful of that, because it can come off sounding as if you have no time for anything else, potentially including whatever guy may be interested in you. Additionally, it doesn't sound at all odd to be working/busy - just a question of your wording there, though not a big deal. In the end, decide how busy you want to appear, and maybe try to leave the door open for having time in your life that COULD be filled by a significant other.
Spacing, dear. I see that your spacebar works, but it appears to malfunction after every period or comma. I would fix that - it makes things harder to read.
Now then.. the first half of your 'first date' is fine. The second half doesn't belong there. The stuff about who you ARE looking for belongs in your 'about me' section. The stuff about who you are not looking for just doesn't belong. Some of those things you can restrict yourself in your 'mail preferences' section - specifically the age and not-married part. As for the rest, I get the feeling that the flashers and other crazies won't have read your profile anyways, so it probably doesn't do any good to ask them to leave you alone. Your better bet is to simply block them if they're getting to you.
Hope it helps? Best of luck there, and good fishing. | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/7/2006 5:46:52 AM | akanke: Nope, I wouldn't say wordy at all. In fact, it's just about right. Do one thing for me though. A few times, you use a comma,then carry right on (<=== like that) without inserting a space. Please? :-D
Otherwise, I think you've done a good job. You might, however, think about adding something under the 'first date' section. Up to you.
I hope this helps, for what little I've had to say. Good luck on here! | |
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akanke
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Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 157 | |
| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/7/2006 5:58:29 AM | Thank you!
I will go back and fix the comas!
Have a great weekend!
I am off to my kayaking/ camping adventure!
I will have to think about the first date ... didn't want to put coffee or walk on the beach like everybody has ... but it seems to be the standyby line for that section!
Thanks again for looking at it!
Kathleen | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/9/2006 2:14:45 PM | Parksie,
Its browneyed,
Can u please go look at my profile again and tell me if its allright I included a picture now! | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/12/2006 11:36:30 AM | This is certainly a great way to checkout alot of profiles...lol...smart men!
I would very much appreciate a profile review....and do not hold back...I can take it!
Thank you,
MysticAnjel | |
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W84ME
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Joined: 4/9/2006
Msg: 166 | |
| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/12/2006 7:31:04 PM | | Help! You seem to offer constructive criticism. I have an offbeat sense of humor. It might scare some away but I want to be myself. | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/13/2006 12:21:56 PM | I've been reading reviews for clues. May I offer a suggestion, that photographs of profile views be encouraged along with some full body action photos. Profiles are expecially of interest to me.
You write your reviews so nicely, with such positive expression, no wonder you get so many requests. | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/13/2006 2:12:21 PM | | Okay. Im interested to see what you might say about me. Ive received two other reviews..lets see where you fit in | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/13/2006 6:35:30 PM | I'm not your evaluator Ms. PixxieDust, but your first paragraph rocks. The last sentence reflecting having had a broken heart makes my eyes water a bit.
I have been looking at forums, comments, and such. I, also, am a teacher. Exlporing, discovering, chatting with people is in the blood. Mr. Parksie will be along soon, I am sure. I am gone. Good luck, bless you. | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/19/2006 7:34:24 AM | Hi again all.. very sorry that I've been so lazy about getting back to you all!! I'm here again though and will do my best to get caught up ASAP.
Browneyed: Looks good with the pic. As I've said to some others, you might also want to post a non-webcam shot, OR post a webcam shot that isn't so in-your-face (it's a shortcoming of the technology). Just a thought.
On your profile (I forget if I mentioned it before), I wouldn't keep your fifth point. I think, in general, rants (even mini ones) should be avoided.
Cheers for now! | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/19/2006 7:42:47 AM | Casper: Not badly done. Just a few things I would change, relating to your writing style:
I am a recovering alcoholic, I have been sober for over 8 years.
This should be one sentence. Replace the ", I" with "and". You do the same thing once or twice in your first date idea.
Overall, I can't see anything that screams "please change me!!".. you're doing ok. On the subject of pics, you might want to post another one that shows you! Your dog is kind of in the way in that one - labs do that, I know. They're just so full of themselves.
Best of luck! Have fun. | |
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| Ladies, let me review you!
Posted: 4/19/2006 7:49:06 AM | Kgs: You just GUESS you're game?
Nevermind, I've belaboured the 'I guess' thing already once.
Good job, overall. I like it. I have only two things to pick on, so with no further adieu:
I would suggest switching your head-and-shoulders shot and making it your main photo. Just an idea.
In your writeup, you say "my passion is".. and then list two things. Gramatically speaking then, you should say "my passions are".
That's all! Run with it and have fun  | |
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