| |
| Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Posted: 9/16/2008 10:38:54 AM | I've had a "friend with benefits" and it worked just fine. We "helped" each other out for a year until he found the girl of his dreams and we carried on as platonic friends.
No romantic feelings got involved because we were so different and could have never been compatible as romantic partners, but the friendship was great and so was the sex.
I think where these types of relationships go wrong (feelings, jealousy etc) is when one or both could actually imagine the other as relationship material. I can imagine that would get messy emotionally! | |
|
| Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Posted: 9/16/2008 10:45:14 AM | | It's called a one-night stand, unless you are giving it to him all the time, then you become FBuddies. If you want to be "friends" but still have sex, then, you are Friends With Benefits. All of these three classifications fall into the category of uncommitted relationships. | |
|
| Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Posted: 9/16/2008 10:47:37 AM | Two potential problems, but they don't always have to happen, I guess:
- One of you gets more attached than the other, and that makes it an emotional ordeal for the one that is more attached (the most common situation is when the woman gets more attached, because there are biological reasons for a woman to get more bonded than men with sex, but it can happen the other way around too. Either one can fall for the other).
- Don't overestimate the friendship part of this. It's not like having a good female friend who will be there for you for years to come. Once you have sex with a man, there are all sorts of things that can end the friendship. Once either of you get into a serious relationship with someone else (and stop having sex with each other), it becomes more and more difficult to maintain the friendship. It's not impossible. But it's difficult. And it's very easy for it to seem like you two have a very close friendship when you are sharing something that feels so intimate, but that's the sex making it seem close. It may not necessarily be that close or long lasting.
Also, I suspect that there are a lot of guys out there that are hypocritical and don't respect the women they have casual sex with like they respect those that perceive to be girlfriend material. These guys are not worth it. There are other guys who are just more open about having sex outside of committed relationships, and respect women in general. I don't have a magic trick to figure out the difference right away...you just have to get to know the person and trust them.
In my opinion, it's a tricky thing to make worthwhile and to have it work. | |
|
| Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Posted: 9/17/2008 2:43:21 PM | Lotsofbutterflies:
Its the kind of mentality that is blocking you from loving anyone ever, or being loved back.
2 people using each other's bodies just for the pleasure, avoiding a complete and loving relationship with all the responsibility, respect, and maturity this requires for the long run, is just against our true nature.
I'm realy sorry some people find it cool. Cause they have lost all respect for the other sex and only care about themselves. Thats what i think.
Certainly there are many that use another person's body for their own pleasure - whether fvckbuddies, friends-with-benefits, committed partners or spouses. Personally I believe that sex should be a giving of pleasure to your partner and not a taking of pleasure from your partner. This difference in attitudes can make a huge difference!
I know a responsible, respectable lady that meets a friend just for hot, passionate sex for a few hours and then he leaves again. Both enjoy it. Neither is being used. They have agreed to give each other this physical pleasure. It doesn't mean they are irresponsible, disrespectful or immature towards each other. This is my understanding of what fvckbuddies are.
Recently I had two friends-with-benefits at the same time. (I don't mean in bed with both at the same time). Both knew about the other lady and were okay with the situation. Both are very decent ladies. They had been widows for 1-2 years and were looking for a new partner but also had a strong desire for sex. They would call me a couple times a week and ask me to come spend the night. I took them out on dates too. After getting to know each other and realizing that we were not what we were looking for long term, we agreed to continue seeing each other. So there was complete openness about it not developing into a long-term romantic relationship but that we enjoyed having sex. In both cases I made clear that I was not looking to just have a fvckbuddy. I cared very much for each one and what was going on in their lives. We talked about a lot of different things. Both relationships were true friendships. This is what I consider friends-with-benefits and the benefits included a lot more than mere sexual pleasure. | |
|
| Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Posted: 9/17/2008 3:00:31 PM | | So long as both have agreed to being friends after this type of situation. I have counseled many on this issue. There is a stereotype that is passed around that it's okay for men and not for women. TG it's 2008. I am too horny to remain just by myself yet would prefer a relationship if one came my way. | |
|
| Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Posted: 9/17/2008 3:07:10 PM | donkeyfu:
Sure.
Prostitutes do it all the time.
This strikes me as a bit arrogant.
Also, do you really believe prostitutes are friends with their clients in the sense that the OP meant? I've never been with nor known a prostitute but my thought is that the men they are with are dealt with more as clients than as friends. | |
|
| |
| Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Posted: 9/17/2008 3:30:07 PM | woody79_00:
This thread is a wreck.....what people call "sex buddies" shows nothing but a complete lack of responsibility.
You are 29 years old. But not everybody here has to worry about having children. I've had a vasectomy. Some of the ladies that spoke positively of this kind of agreement are most likely no longer able to become pregnant. Generalizations are sometimes not applicable. | |
|
gybson
| | Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 110 | |
| Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Posted: 9/20/2008 9:43:30 PM | | My casual partners over the last couple months have all been fun...I sure wish they felt more comfortable being chatty and wanna hang out some...I am not looking for a deep relationship...I think it would need to grow into that...but my casual partners all seem shy and afraid of being friends...as if it's taboo..and leading me on...in a sense i think it is kind..and in another a total ****ing joke... I think there has been some social conditioning that ties into it though...This is a bit of a touchy subject. Woman get to be whores for doing the same thing men have done for centuries...they have money and power..and woman get stuck with **stard children and awful labels that can ruin them....times are a little different now, but I still feel like I cannot do what men do..and be viewed as equal...I don't think...men feel we can handle casual ....and not want more.... WHICH IS SOOOO SILLY!!!.... For me...the only thing that would be a problem...is if he ****ed my friends..anything else goes...even a cup of tea and a nice chat! | |
|
| |
| Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Posted: 9/21/2008 5:53:56 AM | why would you want to **** someone but not date them? i dont understand
if you dont want to date them its because they have a flaw....so why would you want to **** someone you think is flawed?
if i want to sleep with a guy its because i think hes amazing, so of course i would want to date him too.
again i dont understand how anyone can sleep with someone they dont have feelings for. if youre gonna have such low standards you might as well be a hooker and get some money for it | |
|
| Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Posted: 9/21/2008 5:55:50 AM | Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Yes, yes, if you both have the understanding that is what it is, FWB
It can be enjoyable,,if you are not hurting anyone but your self and no others involved.
We all need a little sometime..  
There is usually a lot of guilt feelings for some of us... | |
|
| Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Posted: 9/21/2008 7:36:58 AM | | I would never do it. Most I ever did with a friend was kiss and grind, and then he said he loved me and wanted to be with me. I know for me sex has to be with some emotional bond. I think even if both people are "okay" with it, someone WILL get hurt in the end. I just don't see the point. I think friends should be kept as friends, and to treat friends of oppsite gender the same as you would someone of the same gender. | |
|
| |
| |
| Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Posted: 9/21/2008 12:57:10 PM | Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Of course you can, or at least many people can. It's not ideal, and many, probably most want more but it can serve a need for a while. To me, it sounds like a lot of confusion about definitions. If I meet an attractive woman, date for a while and hit it off and start having sex, but realize we are ultimately not a good long term match. Is this FWB? This has happened to me more than once in the past. We remained friends but dropped the benefits when either of us met someone else.
How about you meet someone, like each other a lot and decide to live together, but for what ever reason the connection isn't strong enough or the timing isn't right for you to marry. Sounds like FWB to me. I lived with a girl for nearly 10 years like that. Eventually we broke up, moved on married other people. We are still good friends and see each other occasionally, sans benefits.
I think people can and do have all sorts of relationships with members of the opposite sex. They usually become intimate after a while. That's what it's all about , isn't it, choosing a mate?
People can and do maintain these tentative relationships for long periods of time, whether because of fear, uncertainty, past experiences, you name it.
Ultimately though, most of us would like to have the “real thing” to coin a phrase, lol. And we keep searching for it. The “incomplete” relationships serve a need along the way. They teach you how to be ,or not to be with another, to try out you “wings”, or sadly just to fill an emptiness we all feel from time to time.
The only time I find the thing offensive, really offensive is when one of the party is simply using the other. Guy I met was trying to get me to work with him. He seemed nice, competent and interesting. I was considering it. Then he told me he was taking this cute nurse he knew to Vegas for the weekend. I had met her casually. I asked what they planned to do for the weekend. He replied, “I just plan to ge my C*ck in her as quickly as possible. After that I don't care what she does. I decided I didn't want to work with him. I'm really not comfortable with men who treat women like used Kleenex. | |
|
| |
| Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Posted: 9/21/2008 1:13:03 PM | "I just want to know if its cool to have sex with a man and not be in a committed relationship, but still be able to pick up the phone and hold a friendly conversation with them?
Yes
And if you do that, Guys will you consider us females hoes?"
Not if he wants to continue the relationship | |
|
| |
| Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Posted: 9/21/2008 5:47:15 PM |
lolntthnx: why would you want to **** someone but not date them? i dont understand
if you dont want to date them its because they have a flaw....so why would you want to **** someone you think is flawed?
if i want to sleep with a guy its because i think hes amazing, so of course i would want to date him too.
again i dont understand how anyone can sleep with someone they dont have feelings for. if youre gonna have such low standards you might as well be a hooker and get some money for it
You throw a very valid argument - but the thing is that just because you care for someone and love to have sex with them, does not mean they are compatible. And just because someone isn't right for you does not mean there is anything wrong with them or that one would have lowered standards. Life experience will teach you this in time.
Take for example the guy I had such a relationship with for a year. The sex was awesome, the physical closeness we shared was intoxicating - but we were from completely different worlds. For one thing, I was considerably older than he was, and even if age would not have mattered, he was looking for a woman to settle down and make a family with. I had already done the family thing twice and was sterlized. As if those two reasons weren't enough - just our interests and styles were complete opposites. He was a very traditional, conservative and mild mannered man, where I was a punk rock artist lady.
But when clothes were stripped away and glasses placed on the table - it was just two naked adults in between the sheets, enjoying each other's closeness both physically and emotionally. To be quite honest, the actual act of sex was only 1% of the time we spent together, whilst the rest was laying in each others arms, kissing, cuddling, sleeping and chatting into the wee hours of the night about life in general. How can that be so wrong? | |
|
| Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:03:03 PM | Yes I believe you can. So boo to all of you out there that are so quick to judge and lump this type of "relationship" into a Friends with Benefits category. As the poster above me explained, often there are circumstances that don't work in the real world yet you like being with that person, for whatever reason.
I must be honest and say I don't know if I want the whole "relationship" thing anymore. The waking up with the other person and having them "hang around" while I need to do things for the day. I am not the most patient person so for me having someone spend all weekend with me could get on my nerves. I am thinking I might be better off in a casual relationship. Why not? I mean men do it all the time so where is the problem? Double standards. | |
|
| |
| |
MeInSC
| | Joined: 7/14/2008
Msg: 125 | |
| Can you have sex with a man and not be together, but still be friends?
Posted: 9/21/2008 7:35:59 PM | I have a friend that I speak to sporadically throughout the week, but can always call just to talk. We go on "dates" every once in a while and have sex whenever we feel like it. No strings, no expectations, no plans to ever get serious. I think it's great and nice to have fun without worrting about drama. | |
|
Home
login 
...It works for some people, but not everybody. But it is possible if both parties go into it on the same level, and nobody gets attached. 
