| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/10/2006 12:39:17 PM | 1. Communication
2. The fact that we live in an instant-gratification society: Speed-dating, rush marriage, unwillingness to work on challenges = disposable marriage. | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/10/2006 12:55:41 PM | | Robby i think your right about that. Seriously communication in a realationship is a biggy. IF your not communicating with the one you love then what is left. The sex really in reality sex and only sex cannot hold 2 people together. Someone once told me three major things you need in a realationship are 1.Communication 2.Respect 3.Love the realationship is doomed if there is no respect communication or love so even bother staying in a realationship that does not have one oif these useful tools. Why??? cause serioulsy people dont want to admit it they just get to comfortable in a realationship..... That 50 percent of the time ends up in cheating on your partner. People dont think of censequences.... I admit it i shoudl have listened to my own advice years ago but we all learn from our mistakes.... | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/14/2006 10:13:36 AM | | I think it's important not to make a bunch of empty promises at the start. Honesty and communiction are essential, but so is not having unrealistic expectations. I mean, if someone is throwing a fit because their partner just glanced at someone of the opposite sex, their relationship is probably doomed from the start. Also important is the willingness to roll with the changes. It's likely the person you married when you were 20 isn't going to be the exact same person when you're 40. | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/14/2006 10:59:35 AM | Very simple, one person or the other figures they arn't getting what they though they were supposed to get.
Disillusionment is loves worst enemy. | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/21/2006 6:28:48 AM | Ragcat:hey ragcat! RRRAAAGGGCAT!!!! Now that I got ur attention,I hope your going to give us all your expertiese on keeping relationships for a bold statement you made I would say you have never had a failed relatinoship,not one that mattered to you cause if u did youd want to learn anything and everything to never EVER EVER EVER have to go through that f'n pain again. Cause if there is anything out there that would save my 22yrs of marage I want to know about it.
Now for my opinion on some of the answers,BLAME big big big ONE.rESPECT no ONE mentioned what I think is got to be the bigest2 money lying | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/21/2006 6:57:26 AM | Some wise words from captainbaud (message 116).
"Felt love" is biochemical and it does fade. Studies indicate that most women have a biological drive to mate with a new partner every 4 years. Man is not a monogamous creature by biological nature; by majority, we have an innate need for biological diversity that cuts across all cultures, but which is tempered by social institutions such as church doctrine.
The need for a friendship and respect basis is also correct but I would add that couples get into ruts, as a couple, and as individuals. To be a happy person one must continually grow, or else one is eventually disatisfied with what one sees when he or she looks in the mirror. If you do not love yourself it becomes harder to love others, or perhaps it is easier to love others when you take it easier on yourself. If you perceive that your relationship holds you back from personal growth you become resentful. Since many people are of the mistaken notion that if you are couple you must do everything together, and be joined at the hip, it is easy to start eliminating choices that must be approved by both partners, and possibly withholding opportunities for growth that one might value and even need for personal growth.
That relationship based on friendship and respect will be supportive and nurturing, encouraging each other to seek personal growth activities that might be shared on some level, but not necessarily done together. The opposite pattern is too often seen, unfortunately, and that is the pattern of ownership and control, and interference with a partner's choices for purely selfish reasons. Without additional opportunities for stimulation and growth from outside the relationship at the individual level, the couple bond becomes increasingly stale over time until the couple, like the individuals in it, are in a rut also. Some times the patterns are so ingrained that there it is impossible to climb out of these ruts as long as people are still in the relationship. You know the rest. | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/21/2006 9:48:05 AM | I think relationships fall apart because the guy has stopped doing the little things for his sweety. For example a wife would be like "Oh you allways used to cook for me, howcome you don't anymore?" The husband would say "Oh that was courting! Were married now! Go order me a pizza! Chop chop!" Or:
Girl: Howcome you don't get me candies anymore?
Guy: That was courting, now that your my girlfriend I don't need to anymore!
So a word of advice: Dont stop doing the little things! | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/21/2006 10:14:57 AM | | Lack of communication....people tend to lose appreciation for what brought them together in the first place. A man can literly steal a womans heart by being attentive to her,,,contrary to popular belief..If you really love her show her in everyway..but don't be posessive..I guareentee she will never look else where | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 135 | |
| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/21/2006 10:19:25 AM | Holy CRAP!!!!
Explaining this whole problem and alllllllllll the possibilities would shut down the entire WORLD WIDE WEB!! Certainly it would cause POF to crash.
Let's skip this question and hear from some more of the fishies who met their "soulmate" last week and are getting married this week. heheehehehe those are cute. | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/21/2006 10:20:21 AM | | I believe a relationship starts to fall apart when one of the 2 stops trying.Then comes the no communication and the spiral downward.i believe you have to constantly work at a relationship for it to survive and flourish.One can do it for awhile but that doesnt usually last very long.Only my opinion though | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/21/2006 10:36:29 AM | Is there really enough bandwidth for the answer to this question?
People change and grow, not always at the same pace or in the same direction. Communication is key, but at the end of a busy day when one or both parties are worn out from hectic days of day to day living it isn't always easy to make time for talking extensively.
Jobs (time/flirtations), children (some moms become obsesses), sex (or lack of), alcohol (too much), money (too little), hobbies, interests...oh the list goes on!
Sometimes as has been my experience, even a forever love of our lives can't work out. Some people simply need the one thing that the other can't provide. Sad...but true! | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/22/2006 6:23:58 AM | you know what blow jobs are my specialty but after so many years of blow jobs even that wont save a relationship or arguement. how about a muff dive i wouldnt argue that either, step out of the boat do something different. | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/22/2006 6:27:27 AM |
Why do relationships fall apart?
An inability of one or both, or all -- to accept or embrace the perspective, choices, behavior and views of the other (s).
Was it you or your significate other?
Both.
Was it the circumstances?
Yes
Or a lack of comunication?
Yes [Or a lack of understanding of the communication which was perhaps present]
There are many reasons why things fall apart with your significant other. This issue I think is important.
Agreed. | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/22/2006 7:00:27 AM | Because some people on here have no real intentions on nurturing a relationship. There are too many temptations and obessions that goes on behind closed doors. How many people on here jump onto the computer and check the emails from the personals ..after being with someone they really enjoy being with????or is it .."out of sight..out of mind"???
When two people have layed all cards on the table and they accept it as it is....then they have a chance..but not if one keeps a few under their sleeve.... | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/22/2006 7:52:57 PM | 1. Communication
2. Always make the other feel # as you did in the beginning
3. Keep it alive by doing those little exciting things that matter
4. Surprise him/her once in awhile, such as leaving a trail of rose petals or notes leading to where the other one is at.
5. Give a little......do something with your significant other that he/she enjoys, even if you don't.
6. I could go on and on but it could take a life time for I have an imagination that won't quit. | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/22/2006 8:06:53 PM |
Why do relationships fall apart?
Human nature: taking what you have for granted
Lack of honest communication
Forgetting that a relationship takes work from both parties
Was it you or your SO?
Both
Was it the circumstances?
Initially maybe (due to work), but later it was due to laziness (to put in effort)
Or a lack of communication?
Lack of quality communication | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/22/2006 8:07:21 PM | You're 99% on the button king jay...but you forgot the 1%. This goes for both men and women because both tend to get lazy/bored at a certain stage in the relationship. Why do they get lazy? THEY TAKE THEIR PARTNER FOR GRANTED. Then the snowball effect begins..."well, you don't do this"..."yeah? But you don't do this either". I think the majority of people are just plain lazy and unimaginative to even try to keep a relationship healthy, let alone keep going. Nowadays, people (men OR women) are waiting for their ex to start the divorce proceedings. I wonder how many of these divorces are more like tests to see how far one will go..."If he divorces me then I know he wasn't serious about me...no loss"..."If she divorces me then I know she was just after my money...good riddance then". If both people actually TRIED to make it work instead of giving up on it, then maybe the divorce rate would be lower.
And please...no mouth from anyone who is going to say WHAT ABOUT ABUSE? It doesn't take any brains to figure out the obvious for chrissakes...we all have brains, so let's use them | |
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Meface
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Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 144 | |
| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/22/2006 9:03:39 PM | | Not enough love. We aren't looking for love, but 10,000 other things. Love is a state of wholeness. All the rest is a state of fragmentation. When we start looking at hairy legs, misshapen toothpaste tubes, or paychecks that aren't big enough, when we start looking at problems at all, we forgot about the love. When we forget the love, might as well forget the whole thing. | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/22/2006 9:17:56 PM | Communication (or lack thereof) and the need for one or both partners to keep re-playing old patterns. It's sad that so many people enter into relationships and end up acting out in a fear-based manner.
After a time with my ex, I realized that he was not even talking to me--he was still talking to HIS ex-wife, even though they had split up 15+ years before I came along.
Also, there is the issue of optimism versus pessimism--each person can choose to love and make positive changes, or they can shut down and become bitter and cold.
In order to make things work, both people have to choose to love by means of their actions. Provided that the love is still there of course. If not, you're hooped. | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/22/2006 10:04:15 PM | Here’s a thought for you all. I have seen couples tolerate each other even though they appear not to get along at all, abusive, arguing all the time, yet the relationship lasts a life time. I have met women who can’t stand to be nurtured, treated well, there is no adventure in it, its to boring, so they leave. I have seen perfect relationships turn to dust for what appears to be no reason at all, I have seen perfect relationships last a life time. I have seen all kinds of crazy mixes when it comes to relationships and the one thing that they all seem to have in common is one thing. The one thing that seems to make a relationship last a long long time is this. Great sex!!! When both parties are happy in the bed room they both seem to be able to put up with a whole lot of crap from each other. The better the sex the longer it lasts. and the longer it lasts the better the sex.
So there it is, and I know I just left myself wide open, so go ahead, take your best shot, lol. | |
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Meface
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Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 148 | |
| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/22/2006 11:37:44 PM | I think I mispoke a little in my last post. I didn't mean forget the relationship. I meant, forget the issues. It's never been my experience that trying to come to a truce over the issues works. I know western psychology thinks it does, but it only gets you more lost. You have to go back to ground zero, the love. Whether the issue of the toothpaste tube, the hairy legs, or the small paycheck ever get solved is ify. You must return to the place where there was love. When there was love, it was not dependent on all those things. Maybe you thought it was the blue eyshadow and the pink dress, but not really.
And that's why I think we're having so much trouble on these modern dating lines. We're looking for skinny and paychecks and legs and boobs and people who ride bikes and people who hate bikes and hanggliders and 400 fragments. Look for the love first. Then it will come together. | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/23/2006 6:40:44 AM | | I think you have a good point Meface, people are so caught up looking for what they want, they end up with tunnel vision and can't see the love right next to them. Then when they find what they want that toothpaste tube becomes real important, because those types have to control every aspect of the relationship, trying to make there life as perfect as possible. They have to find that trophy and make it perfect to display. I know the type, and as I said, as long as the sex is good they put up with it. When that dies and they get bored with each other its over. | |
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| Why do you think relationships fall apart?
Posted: 10/23/2006 7:35:04 AM | First, it really surprises me that not many people mentionned sex and intimacy. Not many people realize that after a few years, you need to work on the intimacy. In other words, it doesn't come as naturally as it once did at the beginning of the relationship. It's normal that you don't often feel like ripping each other's clothes after 5 years together. You have to be creative, find new things to put some excitement into your intimate relationship.
So yeah...often that's what happens. People end up feeling unloved, rejected when there is a lack of intimacy. Anyone needs a human's touch once in a while.
That's why a lot of couples end up cheating on each other... the need to be touched and to feel that closeness again with someone.
Secondly, I totally agree with the following quote thai_paradise wrote :
The honeymoon period of a new relationship only lasts a year or so. After that you either slowly form an attachment with each other or gradually grow apart. In my opinion, it's easier to leave a relationship now more than ever. Another possible factor might be because women have become income earners, they don't have to take any crap from their boyfriends or husbands. They don't depend on the men to have a good life like they used to in the 50's.
The fact that both men and women have gain a certain level of independency over the years have a direct impact on relationships today. 50 years ago, men needed women to cook, clean, raise the children and women needed men to work. Those needs made them work even harder in trying to maintain the relationship. Does that mean they were happier? Not necessarily. A lot of them must've felt trapped even. They didn't have any choice.
This reminds me of a story an old man told me the other day. He said that his mother had died when he was quite young. A few months after her death, his father went to see the priest and asked him to find him a wife to support him and his children. The priest had a maid who was single and asked her the same night if she wanted to mary that man. She asked for a few days to think about it and ended up agreeing to be his wife. A month after they were married. For me, marrying someone like this would be a nightmare.
Yes I agree that some people don't put in enough effort to make a relationship work, but I think we're still quite lucky to be able to choose who we want and live even when single. | |
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