Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What ever happened to committment and chivalry?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 betterlate
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 126
view profile
History
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?Page 6 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

IMHO women don't respect chilvary. I lot of women say that they want it, but in reality, when they get it, they don't appreciate or cherish it. Women have forgotten how to be submissive. Too many women want to be head of the household. When you have a God fearing man and he lives his life according to God's will, then as a good woman, you should submit to him and allow him to be the man of the house. Now the man is suppose to love that woman as he loves himself. But with so many women scorned, they have the attitude that they are not going to allow this man to abuse them like the others. So it becomes a domino effect, with neither wanting to give. If we all would go into a new relationship with a clean slate, not caring around the pain and anger from the past; chivalry would not be dead.


WRONG... God's will states clearly how a man and a woman are to live together, as a team, with love, respect, kindness and a wife is to be the same.

Dont blame women for being scorned by all of the dishonest abusive men, they are hurt, looking for the man described in the bible. Both want to give, but if a man starts swinging his "I am the man, do what I say, NOW" bs, it ruins it, but if the man would just realize that he is the man of the household...(definitions are most likely different here) and be sweet and a true partner without being abusive, there would be no need for the woman to feel that she is not going to allow this one to abuse her too.

I do like what you say about the clean slate, and agree totally. I just feel a lot of men may take the "man of the house" role a bit far and think it means boss, one who decides all things, his word is law, and woman must do everything he wants and says, that is just not at all what the bible says or means....
you know?
 betterlate
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 127
view profile
History
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/16/2007 3:35:02 AM
yea sure, if you did any of those things you would be a better person instead of coming across as a sarcastic liar... that thinks by going so far to the extreme, it makes rudeness, lying acceptable?? Is that your message??
 muttsie
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 128
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/16/2007 4:22:20 AM
i see that commitment has taken a nosedive in recent years. i chalk it down to a few things like everyone making more money and becoming more independant in general. when you think about it, the days of family life sitting around a fire messing with your sisters and getting your amusement from a rubix cube, are pretty much gone. everyone relied on each other, and thought differently. if you got a girlfriend in the 80`s, you jumped around like a lottery millionaire, offering everyone your cigarettes, and being ridiculously giddy. you were the one who felt blessed by whatever god is up there, that you had a girlfriend at all. its different now though, folks dont find it so hard to get things done in this world of better pay, and easy technology that does everything at the touch of a button. the reason all of this is relevant, is because its very easy to switch places and faces nowadays, especially when life also seems to be all business. even in relationships, it can be all business. if something aint working out, its no problem to get that instant shower, put on that expensive shirt, go to a bank machine, go to a bar, and go on the hunt. is there less of a conscience about these things, or am i imagining it? taking into account the way the world is turning etc. now, if i was after a girl, firstly, i wouldnt forget that it was me who was doing the hunting. therefore ill be trying to make a good impression. in fact, even if im successful, i STILL keep up making good impressions. ive never seen a woman as a "service" of some kind. thats crap, and it doesnt work that way. i get enormous pleasure in watching a girls face light up, simply because i bought her something i knew she wanted. even if shes not my girlfriend. yep, you read correctly. i dont want to be alone in life, and i most certainly will do what i have to, to make sure ive got companions/girlfriend to go through life with. that kind of attatchment from anyone is precious, and earned. im not afraid to earn it! im more than happy to hold my breath and the door for a lady. im happy to give her things she might love, just to see her face light up. theres a girl i live with here for example. i know when she comes home from work, she either wants to kill something, or get a load off her mind. it gives me great pleasure to watch how she discovers the chicken baguette i bought for her earlier, she knows i think of her. it dont take much effort, folks. show them that you like them, and not afraid to go the extra mile. thats what it takes. i sincerely hope that when im old, im gonna have people around me who give a damn, and vica versa. and of course, especially if they are ladies. being a guy, you cant blame me for that. hope that made sense. ciao.
 pelandor
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 129
view profile
History
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/17/2007 6:59:50 PM
I dont know about committment, may be dead because we have become a society of where we want more and more. So a man or woman would like to have as much good freedom living sex as possible before settling down to one they love. Wether this is a good thing or not, i dont know.

Chivalry? OH YEAH ITS DEAD! It was killed off in the 90's. It was killed off during the highschool years where all the girls dated the bad ass's but always kept the good boys only around so that they could complain to the good boys about the jerks they date. If a noble and honorable teen were to express their feeling to such a girl, three things would happen. She would laugh, saying how corny her was, she would say they were just friends and she didnt want to lose that friendship, and she ultimately refuse him. This sort of behaviour show that the girl does not even value him as an equal, but rather he was there to service her emotional needs, not the physical, and if the boy were to complain about how lonely he was, she would definitely not reciprocat the emotional support, for she would see him as weak, not want to date him, she would talk to her girl friends and the word would spread because we all know how much girls can talk. Enough rejections, and most guys soon began to notice that the jerks who only cared for themselves were the one getting all the affections from the other women these nice boys desired. Result, the nice boys soon copied the same behaviours they noticed from the other guys, and as a result, they would start to have dates and sex and so on. Fast forward a few years later, and now all the women ask where are the nice guys? What ever happen to john? He used to be such a nice guy. I guesse its true, you reap what you sow. The truth is nice guys were never truly appreciated for what they offered to a woman, because women knew they would get that any way without having to do anything in return, including being a real friend. A girl does not have to say yes to a nice guy, there are other ways to handle rejecting him, and when he is heart broken maybe you can actually help him. BUt that was not how it was done nor is it how it is done now. Human kind is a species that evolves, and as women evolves to becoming more dominate and more powerful in todays world in attempting to achieve equality. SO has man in the world of mating. Is this a bad thing or good thing, I honestly cannot say, but women, if you are to ask where are all the good men, time you begin to understand what the reprocussions are for your actions.
 ladyrcmt
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 130
view profile
History
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/17/2007 8:07:34 PM
pelandor
i think you speak a big truth there.
this does not apply to all men and all women of course, but i agree that the behavior you describe is the overwhelming trait in most women ages 15-30, and has been for at least 50 years.

i think historically speaking tho, women have been treated very shabby tho.

it's just kind of sad really.
humans on power trips can just be so unkind.
this is why, and it has been said often in this thread that respect and decency to all really is more vital than ever.
 studly23
Joined: 1/27/2005
Msg: 131
view profile
History
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/18/2007 4:30:14 PM
[The truth is nice guys were never truly appreciated for what they offered to a woman, because women knew they would get that any way without having to do anything in return, including being a real friend.]

This couldn't have been said better!! I demonstrate the good characteristics a well-cultured young boy was taught but it seldom seems like it's appreciated or reciprocated. I don't do it to seek attention. But I can tell after a handful of times making such gestures and not getting any sincere recgonition, it makes a man not want to do them anymore. And then we get these forums with women asking where it's gone to. And it's obvious where it's gone to.....your heads. It's gone from being noticed as a kind gesture to being taken for granted. If you want to be treated like a lady, act like one by saying "thank you" or "you're so sweet" or "that's kind of you" EVEN if you know you can do it yourself. Guys want to make the women around them happy. But they also want to be noticed for it just as you want to be noticed for other things that make a healthy relationship. Afterall, it's men that almost all the time have to put the wheel of kind gestures in motion. It's then up to the woman to keep it moving.
 mspiggy
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 132
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/18/2007 4:52:02 PM
I am sure there are chivalrous men somewhere ...ok everywhere but he could be bald, short, or not having a desirable jobs, and we women tend to overlook or underestimate them. The chivalrious men we all see are coming mostly from movies: a strong, handsome man with all those positive traits...but come on people, lets face it, not every man are coming from an underwear ad, let alone getting one with chivalrious characters.

I have to admit that as a woman, I sometimes get frustrated being one, my woman mind sometimes thinks about things that I deep down inside know that I should not .... well I guess its just our own process of selection....
 neurotique
Joined: 1/6/2007
Msg: 133
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/18/2007 5:51:06 PM
A person shapes their world by their own actions. Lament, deride, or heap scorn upon other's un-virtuous actions to no avail. Want chivalry in your world? Act chivalrous. You then can sleep well at night knowing there's one more person in the world who reflects traits you found lacking when you started your day.
 lkjhgf
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 134
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/19/2007 7:45:12 AM
most women are absolute pigs- truly they are- $ and looks- thats all they want- open your own damn doors- and pump your own gas
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 135
view profile
History
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/19/2007 8:55:12 AM

(Msg 139) most women are absolute pigs- truly they are-


And they say men are pigs, too. Hmmm, does this mean maybe, just maybe, we're finally getting together?

Hey, that reminds me of an old, old song. Remember this one? It's by Friend and Lover
It's called Reach out in the Darkness.

I think it's so groovy now
That people are finally getting together
I thinks it's wonderful and how
That people are finally getting together

Reach out in the darkness
Reach out in the darkness
Reach out in the darkness
And you may find a friend

I knew a man that I did not care for
And then one day this man gave me a call
We sat and talked about things on our mind
And now this man he is a friend of mine

Reach out in the darkness
Reach out in the darkness
Reach out in the darkness
And you may find a friend

I think it's so groovy now
That people are finally getting together
I thinks it's wonderful and how
That people are finally getting together

Don't be afraid of love
(Don't be afraid) don't be afraid
Don't be afraid to love
(Listen to me)
Everybody needs a little love
Everybody needs somebody
That they can be thinking of
So reach out

Reach out in the darkness
Reach out in the darkness
Reach out in the darkness
And you may find a friend

I think it's so groovy now
That people are finally getting together
I thinks it's wonderful and how........
(http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061209151228AATmjY7)
 ladyrcmt
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 136
view profile
History
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/19/2007 10:45:47 AM
i love that song! and i love that attitude.

we're all different,with all sorts of thoughts going through our minds at any given time, and so i try hard to remember to give people the benefit of the doubt and to not think the worst of them if there has been some strange or unpleasant interaction between us.
i learned to be much more compassionate and respectful of others when i put myself in their shoes.

manners, politeness, decency...to any and everyone...it's good for the heart.
everyone here has been hurt or disappointed by someone, but it is our own choice what we choose to do with those feelings...turn them into bitterness, or learn from it all which keeps the heart open and loving and kind.
 JMars
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 137
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/19/2007 1:44:07 PM
Commitment went out the window when our soceities began to emphasize the individual good over the collective good.

As for chivalry being dead and women women killing it; guys, the code of chivalry was born out of the preChristian warrior ethic of the peoples of NW Europe. It was about how men should behave, formulated by men for men, and geared to earning the respect of one's fellow man. Women were never central to it. They crept into it as a result of being the physically weaker sex, and the code of chivalry demands that the strong protect the weak.

If anything killed chivalry, it was men allowing women to define and validate their sense of their own manhood.
 BuddhaNature
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 138
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/19/2007 2:17:30 PM
I'm jumping in a little late here but it seemed for a while the thread was jerk vs. doormat. The discussion got a little heated but maybe I can add some insight.

A jerk has positive attributes that women like
(a jackass has the negative stuff)
leader/dominant/confidence - approaches and talks to women non-apologetically.
aggressiveness - it is the man's duty to pursue.
truthful - says exactly what is on his mind. She enjoys knowing when she is misbehaving.
exciting - you never know what is coming next

A doormat has negative attributes women rightfully hate.
submissive - follow her around and cater to her every wish and beg for a kiss.
buy dinners - trying to buy love or sex from her? no wonder she withholds from you.
liar - only say what you think she wants to hear. You are pathetically predictable.
boring - you only want to spend time in her world. Get your own life and be interesting.

I believe someone said "a man should never give up his power". I think he means men shouldn't become wussy. While, opening up to a woman is called intimacy and is certainly desirable.

Bottom line: Guys out there, be jerks - not jackasses or doormats.

Read "Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida for more info on men giving up their power and how it ruins the relationship.
 sprngrstar
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 139
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/20/2007 10:11:44 AM
I was raised with my Grandfather as a father figure. As I see it my social habits skip a generation in the decline of western civilization. Basically stated, I was raised with the respect and courtesy this subject matter refers to.

I do not agree with the author's statement:
"Do unto other s as you would have them do unto you. More detailed, chivalry involved treating women as if they are ladies, even if they aren't, doing kindnesses unto others without having to be asked to do so, and being respectful to all those around you."

I'm in no capacity ready to agree that I need to continue to act in this capacity with a female who is proving herself less than interested in performing her share. How many readers here have witnessed the girl who tries to flirt or somehow draw out a mans attention simply to try to make her boyfriend jealous? How many of you have seen the psychotic girlfriend-on-her-way-out who belittle, betrays, and guilts men into acting in a manner which suits her desire of the moment?

That being said, why is it that the above statement expects a man to hold the constant of pulling out chairs, opening doors or otherwise attending to ALL women regardless of their actions.

I believe in treating a woman with respect. I believe in treating all people w/ respect. (Raiders fans are the exception.) But it's not a matter of human rights or unconditional love. A woman needs to do her part or it won't happen. There's no debate, we see the results in action. The more you see women stepping on men for their short-term gains, the more you'll see men becoming cold and less concerned.
 lookinbill
Joined: 12/26/2006
Msg: 140
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/20/2007 10:44:50 AM
Radical egalitarianism and feminism destroyed chivalry.

Chivalry is based on the notion that those with more social, economic and physical power have an obligation to those with less of the same to act with restraint. This notion ostensibly stems from a form of Christianity practiced in the late middle ages. If we are all equal in every way, there is no need for restraint. Darwinism, social Darwinism is in full effect. Welcome to the demise of Western Civilization and the social compact that made it great. Technological Barbarism is just around the corner.
 ][KAOS][
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 141
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/20/2007 10:49:29 AM
It sunk, like the Titanic.
............................................................................................................
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 142
view profile
History
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/20/2007 10:56:21 AM
I recently spent time with my son and his girlfriend. He turned 21 a few days ago. He spent most of his evening ~ opening doors, pulling out chairs, getting drinks and basically ~ making sure his girlfriend and myself were having a good time. I guess that chivalry is alive, if it was taught and appreciated in return. I am a little stunned when I meet men my age or older who simply have no clue about the little things that some of us have taught our sons.

I don't know who's to blame, but for me, I am chivalrous and I want that returned. If he can't walk beside me into an establishment, if he doesn't feel the need to hold the door open to that establishment, I don't feel the need to see him again. I don't care about car doors, or pulling out my chair, but I WILL NOT follow some man ~ no matter where we are. When he forgets to treat me like a lady, I forget to answer my phone.
 Harry Peter
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 143
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/20/2007 11:32:56 AM
What many forget is that back when chivalry was the more common thing, women were burned at stakes, weren't allowed to do much more than cook and pop out babies, and were slapped by their men for talking back, with little if any penalty. Times sucked then and they suck now. They will suck tomorrow. G night:)
 Hey Mikey! He likes it
Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 144
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/20/2007 11:38:45 AM
A chivalrous man is many things all at once. He is honest, respectful, trustworthy, loyal, helpful, honorable, courteous, kind, faithful, dependable

Dont we get it guys??? Some women dont want this because guys like that are BORING! too predictable and will jump anytime a woman says to do so. Or so these women have it in their heads!
 JustCallMeMike
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 145
view profile
History
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/20/2007 2:02:23 PM
This is what happened with committment and chivalry...

1. Women in many cultures wanted to break away from what they preceived as male domination/determined roles (which some of them were and should be dealt away with while some still upheld).
2. Too many men used these concepts as weapons of control and a means to justify their less than honorable and honest actions.
3. Women who believe that they are independent and to second guess every action of the male portion of the society, has forced men to adapt to a if you want to be equal with us, you will be equal all the way (and I agree, and it is also the natural evolution of society as we move away from the sensibilities of the old in order to justify and qualify the foolishness we stand for today).

To be honest with you, that second sentence is far from true. You can be very chivalrous and all those things above and still be wild and crazy. If you don't think so...Try having a romantic lunch in a secluded field and then seduce her into making love to you right there on the blanket in the middle of broad daylight during the meal. Or better yet, take her to a fancy restaurant and then in the middle of the meal, and then before desert, tell ask her where you two should met after giving her a hot kiss and firm groping. Chivalrous does not mean virginal, I am rogue and knight rolled into one.
 ladyrcmt
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 146
view profile
History
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/20/2007 2:03:07 PM
jmars
#142
amazing post.
calm, direct, and probably the real truth of the matter.
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 147
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/22/2007 3:26:08 AM
Oh my god! Just stopped laughing. Are you serious.

Guys don't cheat. One and a half times as many women sheat as do the guys. And a full 80% of all divorces are instigated by the wives, 10% by the guys and 10% by mutual agreement.
So forget this business about guys cheating. It's nothing more than an old spinsters tale which has gotten all the soft headed girls paronoid about cheaters.

Respect is something that is earned. It doesn't come automatically just because you happen to be female. The female junkie, who gives her one year old son heorin shots, so he'll sleep all night, while she goes out on the town. (Fact. Not hypothetical) Do you really think a girl like THAT deserves any respect at all? She thinks she does!

Let MEEE tell you about a little thing called chiviarily. The real thing I mean. Not the Hollywood version.

Chivialry was a code of violence, concocted by some of the most barbaric of the crusader knights. Most of these knights were actually criminal gangs in western Europe and the Kings wanted to get rid of them but didn't have the armies to do so.

They fobbed them off onto the holy land by getting the Pope to promise them absoloution for all their sins if they died on crusade.
The code of chivalry involved raping and murdering only Muslim women and only raping Christian ones. And even then, only raping married Christain women. It was a papal code to try to justify mass murder, rape and canibalism. On a few occasions Muslim babies were spit roasted and eaten..
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 148
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/4/2008 5:51:56 PM
WOW, I only got as far as the first POST on this...and yes it does still exist. I married one and they are far most sexier than any of the " new age men" I am sooooooo disenchanted with what is considered relationships, love etc now days..and I am not from the dark ages. I strongly admire men that know how to be a man. My son is 29 years old makes me one of the proudest mama's alive. He is respectful, takes the man's role......and treats his wife the way a woman should be treated.........takes the leadership.great dad..... Is he a dud.no ...cute as all get out, and an E-8 in the Army........ etc. But he has been taught to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. Even religion aside, any man that treats his lady with respect and puts her first will find that she does the same and the rewards are awesome. There are exceptions as always....but the reson I have seen most relationships fail is one persons selfishness and unwilling to give of themselves..only a taker.
I have definitely been hurt by them ...takers.......but they hold no reflection on the kind of person I am. God help me if I ever forget how to do unto others as I WOULD have them do unto me. I think Chivalry is NOT DEAD !!!!!!!!!!!
 Ambientflyer
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 149
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/4/2008 7:38:13 PM
There are a lot of women that can't do things for themselves... Chivalry is really called for in those instances when people can't do things for themselves. Now.. i did see a girl for a while that claimed she liked chivalry.. but really.. she just liked being taken care of.. by her friend.. by all men. I think we should all be helpful and respectful to everyone regardless of sex. But I'm going to be turned off by a woman who can't open a door every now and then, pay for herself, and even more.. can do those things but expects a man to do that. That is sexist and manipulative at its core and a complete turn off. These types of girls expect it not just from their lover.. but from any and all men in the room.
 Ambientflyer
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 150
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/4/2008 7:42:08 PM
IN REFF TO THE WOMEN TALKING ABOUT WOMEN NOT BEING SUBMISSIVE::: I'm a Bible believing Christian man who fears God a whole heck of a lot. And it still would turn me off if a woman couldn't do things for herself.

I reserve ultra chivalry for special occasions and the one I truely love. Shoot.. I hold the door for my male friends all the time if i hit the door first. If I have my hands full though she better well be ready to help me and not act like she can't hold the door. What a turn off... The bible says men should look for a woman who works hard with her hands... IE::: not helpless. A woman that expect such amenmities is a user. And shoot.. why can't she pay for my meal :) lol. how sexist.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What ever happened to committment and chivalry?