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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What ever happened to committment and chivalry?      Home login  
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 10of6
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 201
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?Page 9 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I believe a chivalrous man will take a loud-mouthed, self-centered, sassy wench over his knee and whoop her good, until she changes her behavior to be deserving of civil/chivalrous treatment.

Then, again, this type of treatment--a part of the entire "being a man" mystique--is no longer an option, unless the man who does this enjoys unemployment, excoriation by the community, and possible jail time.

For me, I just don't bother wasting my time in a culture and civilization that not only no longer appreciates and heralds this behavior, and works with a feverish energy reminscent of psychopaths with a view towards expunging it from men..
 Paul-a-Bear
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 202
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/15/2008 9:30:42 AM
There is a lack of respect between men and women. Various things I have noticed while being on POF.
1. Women state what they are wanting and how to be treated.
2. Some women are predators.
3. Men and women predators don't mix.
4. Men don't listen or communicate effectively to the needs of a female.

Men know how to hunt. When they hunt they kill the woman in the relationship. She slowly dies because he has accomplished what he set out to do. Women have to learn how to keep that hunt going once being captured. Men need to learn how to keep the relationship going through communication. DATING even in marriage. Learning how both will need to set a date night and not let other priorities and children get in the way of the relationship.

What happened to commitment and chivalry? -- There is a vicious cycle which is occurring.
Women get mistreated. So they mistreat the men based off of the last experience she has had with the last men she has been dating. Men get mistreated. Men get mistreated for the same reasons as the woman.

Therefore, how do you break the cycle?
1. Men need to be honest! Say what you mean and not do something different.
2. Men who lead in a caring, loving and supportive way will have a woman that will reciprocate.
3. Men need to learn not to hunt for the meat for a drive thru relationship. Quick lay
Men have to learn some women have sex because of the lack of respect for themselves. They have to prove to themselves they are pretty and want to feel the need they are wanted. Relationships such as this do not last except for the physical needs. Then after said and done she shoves her feelings and emotions of guilt and shame to the side and continues in her cycle.
4. Men need to learn how to show commitment and turn off the hunt mode. Show respect and above all be an effective listener.
5. Men need to communicate on a woman's level and understanding her emotions. Comforting and not trying to fix something. Give them credit women are smart; smarter than men in relationships.

Finally, by no means am I bashing men; I have simply noted that men do the leading. When men show the commitment and chivalry they can break the vicious cycle or ill-treatment. It will take a while for a woman to connect. Give her space so she can analyze her thoughts about the man she likes. Along with commitment and chivalry is repast. You don't have to get touchy feely. Men have to control their physical nature and allow the woman to make the move. Hard to do! Been there but it works.
 10of6
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 203
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/15/2008 10:06:20 AM
^^^^^I know you're taking yourself seriously, but I'm calling you on this one.

Do you understand that you can substitute the word "man/men" for "woman/women" and vice-versa in your five-point plant and it be completely applicable? By the way I don't know how to nor give a crap about hunting; let's put this prejudice away in the prejudice box, with all of the rest of the prejudices, k? Either sex has the capability of doing things they don't need to do in everyday life. I have the ability to run faster and to lift more than most women, so when I need to use it, I will; I don't consider it as a factor in how I think or react.

When women show they deserve the chivalry they're so desperately seeking, then perhaps it will be bestowed.
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 204
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/15/2008 12:06:27 PM
When women show they deserve the chivalry they're so desperately seeking, then perhaps it will be bestowed
10of6

And just how do you determine who you "figure" deserves this treatment.? By what standards do you base this?
EVERYONE deserves common courtesy, chilvary, whatever it is called............I would treat the man on the street corner with a sign in his hand for food,or the man filthy picking up cans for a living with the same respect as I do ANYONE.....in a suit and tie, or in office. It is not who they are, or how they portray themselves that determines who I AM, and what I believe. I may not always get the same treatment in return,,,and true I have a tenderheart that has been crushed many times by people that may believe my kindness as weakness.....but God help me, if I ever forget how!!! Where do you or anyone else get off putting yourself above others and expecting them to "deserve". When they no longer "deserve" do you go back to treating them like dirt because they no longer maintain your standards? How do you know what life has dealt to them, and how decide which is "WORTHY" of you? WOW>>>>>>>>>>>>>..come on.
Religion aside.........Jesus said it best when HE said" love thy neighbor as thyself."
Imagine the returns if one would just treat others with the same respect they would like.? My children have always told me one of the greatest lessons I ever taught them was that " for the grace of GOD, there go I...................."
How many women have been so beat down by a man they trusted ........that meeting a good man is what they need to bring them back,,, struggle to find themselves again.......,and vice versa for a man?
You can't teach a person to stand tall by knocking them down every time they try to stand.
No wonder our society is in such trouble

MY SOAPBOX FOR THE DAY>>>>>>>>>>>>>but it clearly made me ANGRY!!
 want2trust
Joined: 9/25/2008
Msg: 205
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/15/2008 2:16:49 PM
ichi-bon.................you rock girl! You said everything I wanted to say, but so much more eloquently.

To the young men on this thread who think you know what it is like to live and love, let me assure you, you don't. If there was life history and years full of loving another, then your tone and tune would be different. Of course there are selfish people out there of both genders. But if how you live YOUR life is based on REACTING to these people, you will be very lonely and bitter at the end of your life. Please, take a moment to re-read the posts of
bry11bec, BengalBlue, and Thalion94518.....these are the 'real men' that understand. I will have to remember to get my chivalrous husband to comment when he gets in from work. Perhaps we can get Bry, Bengal, Thalion, and my husband (Ben_Raines on POF) to hold classes. Live your life with high standards. Not for others, but for yourself. Will you get used and mistreated? Sure. But you will sleep well at night and be at peace.

Oh, and Valentino.......you may instruct also......I know you still remember how!
 Seriouslytaken
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 206
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/15/2008 8:36:23 PM
A chivalrous man does not have to worry about how unchivalrous others are
Talking about models of restraint.....
If women made 'safe' profiles, there would less jerks around them.
Now you can call me sarcastic.


When women show they deserve the chivalry they're so desperately seeking, then perhaps it will be bestowed
Agreed.

 seaga
Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 207
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 1:57:18 AM
"quote]I agree with your post, but women just don't seem to be attracted to that type of guy for some reason, I should know, I am one of them. I would love to find that special woman to settle down with and share my life with

I agree..it seem like women have changed. Women always say that they want a sweet, romantic, caring guy etc. But at the same time they want a bad boy rough type of man who is aggressive. Well you can't have it both ways...it seems to me that when a man treats a woman like that she thinks he is "less man;y' or something...i know i will get a lot of flack for saying this but its true. I've seem in numerous times. A lot of women out there doesn't really know what they want to be honest with you..they say they want this but when they get it they want you to change and be someone else. Baffling
 seaga
Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 208
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 2:01:41 AM

It just wasn't cost effective, or the women began mistakeing a mans chivalrousness for weakness. And unfortunately the chivalrous things we would do like opening doors, and the like, have been turned to bad things with many negative connotations associated with them.


Exactly!! Women often seem to think a man is less of a man if he is lovey dovey, affectionate etc etc..there just seems to be a lot of negative connotations when chivarousness is being displayed..and it for that reason why a lot of men get aggressive towards women and they try to be tough and rough. That is why most men dont really act like that anymore.
 seaga
Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 209
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 2:05:03 AM

I have never had a woman give me a hard time for opening a door for them. 10,000 out of 10,000 - always a smile and a thank you.[/quot]

well of course they would not give you a hard time right then and there, but in the back of their mind you would be "losing points" for it..well maybe not specifically for opening doors but just for constantly doing chivalrous things..you never know what these women are thinking behind closed dooors...
 Aerodynamic314
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 210
view profile
History
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 2:08:28 AM
Man Of Chivalry
A chivalrous man
Would pilot an air-balloon
Across the countryside of England
To the Magdalen Meadows in Oxford
And pick a one-of-a-kind
Purple Moon Carnation
And declare his lady
As his sweetheart
By pinning this flower
Over the area of her bosom
That houses amorous feeling of love
Only for him

A chivalrous man
Would navigate a boat
Up the Saramacca River
To the torch ginger cane fields
In the Amazon Rainforest
And bring back for his lady's enjoyment
A basket flowing over
With torch-shaped flowers
Burning with beauty
And use them
To turn their bedroom
Into a romantic paradise

A chivalrous man
Would drive a snowmobile
Across the snow-covered landscape
Between Norway and Greenland
To the U-shaped valleys of Iceland
And gather 861 papery white flowers
From atop the arctic poppies
And write upon them
How many heavenly ways
He will love his lady forever
As his angelic soul-mate

Man of chivalry, no more needs
To be written about you
For one only needs to behold the joy
Flowing like the Nile River
In your lady's smile
To know how happy you make her
 Aerodynamic314
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 211
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History
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 2:17:48 AM
^ Just an old fashioned romantic I suppose?
 seaga
Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 212
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 2:33:58 AM

what i am saying is that women change their minds all the time. "i want a man that can cry" i want a man's man" i want..."
blah blah blah.

that's my point. yeesh!

truth is ...i dont know if you KNOW what y'all want.


Precisely! women might say for example i want a man who will cry, but then they will always have "exception" to it..like they will say i want him to cry BUT not over simple things like watching a movie or seeing something happy/cute etc..you know its like they dont know what they really want..they say they want a manly man who is tough and all bla bla..but then they will say they also want him to be cute and romantic and all that mushy stuff..well that is NOT manly in the context of what a man is supposed to be!! if we are going by tradition or old fashioned or whatever....thats why i'e said over and over again that most women dont seem to know what they really want
 10of6
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 213
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 10:00:26 AM

^ Just an old fashioned romantic I suppose?
You've summarized the misconception in a nutshell there, FH. They're talking "romantic," more than "chivalrous." The word chivalry derives from French "chevalier" or Spanish "caballero" meaning in essence a knight.

My concept of true chivalry is what brought on excoriation--if others think I'm going to change my position just because it [the meaning of the pure form of chivalry] does not contort with cultural and political manipulation, well, I wouldn't suggest holding your breaths. Nothing I said was insulting, it was merely a statement of acceptable behavior in knightly times.

In feudal Europe there existed a standard of behavior among knights and how they were to relate to the general public, most of whom were sharecroppers. It would have been fully imaginable that a knight would take "corrective" action for those who disrespected his position, the position of their lords, as well as for those who abused theirs, or took advantage a situation due to their sex, irrespective of their position in society (with the exception of royalty).

I say again, with respect to chivalry it wasn't even back then a one-way street. And today, as I would expect for myself, I would get preferential or deferential treatment only if I earned it. I don't view it as something that is extended merely because of sex; that concept is antiquated. It would be nice if people could treat each other "civilly" or "romantically" these days, but until cultural and political dynamics change, there's little or no motivation/inspiration for it.
 Seriouslytaken
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 214
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 10:16:42 AM
Message 207: we want an aggressive man?
No never, I want a man at peace with himself, who isn't a whiner and knows what he is doing. This is why I don't date young men, I find them unrealiable and unaware of what makes a woman thick: these kind of men will not protect and guard my heart. It's more a matter of nobility of purpose. If I have to train a man to be my protector, the man is not for me. See....the antonym of chivalrous is cowardly. Old chivalry was not a matter of romance but a matter of honor, values and respect in the tough way. The function of the man who served his sovereign or lord as a mounted soldier in armor was to protect, to liberate, to guard. And his woman was a certain kind of woman: with an old fashioned regal beauty, deserving of his chivalrous conduct.
Men seem to be at a loss these days and women seem to have lost their 'regality'. And I prefer to be alone than with somebody who is afraid to wear his armor/self-confidence. Now, in private the knight takes his armor off. Clear now?
If a woman lost her dignity-regality, why would a man want to commit?

 Blk_Archangel7
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 215
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 10:46:38 AM
SeriouslyTaken, you nailed it! very true chivalry has died because of what you just said and the fact that society (world) has replaced values with sex, money, materialistic things, all the negative a like. And I believe chivalry is not just for men as well. Women also have to learn to fight and pick up the Armour as well or else some next lady is going to take away her knight in shining armour as well she because she did not put up a fight for him cuz these days people have to protect there values and if you care about someone you better fight for them or else they will be taken away.
 Seriouslytaken
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 216
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 11:13:37 AM
blk_archangel7 sweetheart:
you don't fight for your woman, you fight for your values. In doing so, you respect the woman who has chosen you because of it ( because of your values and your honor to them).
The fight is of an internal nature. No need for aggressive outward behavior.......we are not in feudal Europe anymore.
Young men have a difficult time understanding this; must be the generational gap and the stupidity of american feminism.
No wonder I don't date below 50 and no wonder I prefer europeans.
 Blk_Archangel7
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 217
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 11:18:27 AM
^^ haha :-D thank you for the correction
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 218
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 11:26:47 AM
seaga:
You have a LOT to learn,,,,,and it makes no sense to repost so much about my husband on here....or my son............or many of the other men that know how instinctively how to be one because they were brought up with basic moral fiber and consideration for others......if you don't get it by now...
...but a whiner..............for ..............big difference between a whiner and a soft hearted man secure enough to let tears flow when he's happy, when something touches his heart.... .when those little ones wrap there arms around his neck, and he is filled with emotion at the wonder of it all...... Show me a man that don't cry and I'll show you a man with no heart.
And to he that said we don't like lovey dovey..........oh we love that..we just don't like " touchy , feely" Big difference and soooooooooo many men can't figure that out.
 Theodocius
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 219
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History
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 11:27:14 AM
I agree with you 100% truefiannawolf, I was raised differently then most of the people around me in my life, bought up as a nice guy and my dad did teach me about chivalry and how to always be a gentlemen and treat women right. However, it becomes extra hard for me to meet new people and such because every woman I run into, either is looking for a guy who is a jerk because they dig those kind of tough guys or they hate guys in general for one guy or a few being jerks to them. I think the reason that chivalry is dead is because people let the bad behavior around them to influence them because its like going with the crowd, if enough people start wearing something, then a lot of people will want to wear it too. The problem is that bad traits can be spread like that. It stops becoming a relationship and it starts becoming about personal needs being fulfilled and sometimes our personal needs get influenced by the wrong kind of thinking, which is why I think chivalry stopped being spread because people began seeing how negative traits were getting others places for half the care and work but ehhh, I dunno, thinking about it at times kind of frustrates me because its like a good thing that stopped being passed out when it shouldn't have never stopped being passed out in the first place.
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 220
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 11:32:46 AM
21, and so much wisdom from one so young!
hang in there...you don't want the one that that is influenced by what the crowd does, but the one that responds to you being who you are and valueing you as a person with honor
 zrythm8
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 221
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History
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 12:47:02 PM
I was brought up in different countries - british - and taught that manners maketh man. I have lived by this and have to say most men are still chivalrous. I usually find the young college aged kids are not. To me manners and respect come from feeling that way about yourself and giving that off. We teach people how to treat us.
Zee
 1AmazinGentleman
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 222
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 1:03:31 PM
As a chivalrous male, I agree wholeheartedly. My late Mother, taught me to be a real man, a chivalrous man, opening doors, listening intently, standing whenever a female left the table, or when she arrived, or came back, picking up the check, complimenting her on real things, not just you look nice, but your hair looks amazing, or that outfit looks great on you, or thank you for spending a few moments getting ready to see me.

My best friend and housemate, another chivalrous and appropriate male, hate how most men make us look to women. Our female friends (platonic only, and many more of them of them then male friends for the reasons listed above), call us the "straight gay guy" duo, and the last chivalrous men in their galaxy.

Come on men, straighten up, stop making all men look bad, and making it harder for the good ones.
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 223
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 1:03:52 PM
yes yes,..

"Religion aside.........Jesus said it best when HE said" love thy neighbor as thyself."


and then the Crusaders used 'the teachings of Jesus' to justify slaughtering tens of thousands of 'non-believers' or 'infidels' or whatever other label you wish to use..(mostly Muslims) ncluding men, women and small children, chopping their heads off til the streets ran red with blood..

no doubt they were 'chivalrous' to 'believers' when they got back home though..

are Iraq/Afghanistan modern "Crusades" ? today men drop bombs that kill hundreds or thousands of civilians including women and children, (but they are only 'foreign' people, so not too important I guess..) and are chivalrous heroes when they return..

or should we all deny history & reality yet again?
 wannashakeyourtree
Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 224
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 1:17:36 PM
what happened to committment and chivalry??? Well, first of all I don't see the correllation between the two but in a word, feminism.

The feminist movement happened to traditional chivalry and subsequently committment. That was the point last time I checked!
 Theodocius
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 225
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History
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/16/2008 1:28:18 PM
"Come on men, straighten up, stop making all men look bad, and making it harder for the good ones."

I agree 100% =)
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