| Sex vs. Love
Posted: 6/25/2006 6:08:14 PM | i'm only 22 but this is what was wrong when my sex life went south with the 21 year old i was dating ever though of having him check out at the doctors there's some thing that can sneak up on you health wise that will put your sex life in a dieing mode have him check to se if he got dieabetes or somthing or some that has his hormones out of ballance cuase trust me it can break the realtionship if this is the problem and you don't know about it and by the way if i had a girl do what you've done for him i'd be "jumping you bones" any time i had the time to
alright hope that helps alittle | |
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| Sex vs. Love
Posted: 9/18/2006 8:05:06 AM | There are other contributing factors to his "disinterest" in sex. The key of these is stress (which according to research is not cured by sexual release as the old adage goes). Others would include depression (where he simply feels too tired all the time), panic-anxiety disorder (in which if he is on medication, most SSRI's are enzyme inhibitors), or a general lack of interest b/c he is seeing somone else is also a "could be". Hopefully it is not the latter.
Myself, I have had a sexual past and have not experienced this lack of interest with my partner. I am 30 years old and still going strong, albeit my strong christian and moral foundations. But to answer the question completely, I think it is wise to meditate on some psychological knowledge I have obtained through a "marriage and family" course in university:
You and your partner are experiencing a very common but frustrating couples pattern--the pursuer/distancer dynamic. One person feels deprived, needy and frustrated at being shut out while the other feels badgered, harassed, overwhelmed and turned off. Set aside some time to really talk with each other about what is going on. Then, gradually build a system of communicating when you want physical contact, and how to speed up or slow things down between the two of you until you are making love when and in the way you both want.
-NM
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| Sex vs. Love
Posted: 9/18/2006 8:06:52 AM | | it sounds like its much deeper then just his sexual drive hun. | |
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| Sex vs. Love
Posted: 9/18/2006 2:41:34 PM | | ......Okay I have a problem with the question of sex vs. love...to me the 2 go hand in hand. Physical intimacy is necessary in maintaining a healthy loving relationship. I could never be fully happy with a person if my needs wheren't taken care of and that includes my needs as a woman! Yeah sure if all I want is to cum then I can do that myself, but can a vibrator kiss me passionately or snuggle me afterwards??? | |
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syhper
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Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 30 | |
| Sex vs. Love
Posted: 9/18/2006 5:24:30 PM | Magestic,
If your question in this forum is really lover over sex, then one would have to think that love would be the greater of the two. What is a life without love? One that is simply a life lived entirely alone. Who would want that? Honestly? Even the most independent people dream of it from time to time, even if they say they don't. It's in our innate nature to want that. To want to be loved and cared for as much as we want to love in return. As human beings, it is our greatest capacity and our one true solution to all the worlds problems.
If your response is that sex should be greater then love, then I would guess that your love for your man isn't nearly as dear as you may think. Or that your emphasis is being placed on something that really cannot matter as much as love does. For if this is what binds you to a man, then you will never truly be happy in life, in that you will come to find that there are things missing in your life that sex alone will never offer you.
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| Sex vs. Love
Posted: 9/18/2006 7:09:57 PM | make him have a shower, and some energy drink a soon as he gets home.
Then dont ask, just seduce the hell out of him... try a lil kink, make him a drink and give him a lap dance. Doesn't work? Then here is ur sure thing... wait till he is just falling asleep, and start to give hhim oral till he is hard. If he still doesnt want to, he is probably getting it elsewhere. Keep your eyes and nose out for the signs. good luck! | |
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| Sex vs. Love
Posted: 9/18/2006 7:32:09 PM | I haven't heard one person come up with this possible simple answer...
MAYBE he is getting it somewhere else?
OR maybe there is a problem in the relationship? Sex is the first thing to go.
And TRUST me...AGE 32 has NOTHING to do with "being past his peak"
(got a kick out of that one!) | |
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| Sex vs. Love
Posted: 9/18/2006 11:49:02 PM | Really now..... Love over Sex?? Well hopefully you've discovered that when in "Love" the "SEX" is better than a throw down. Years ago I had been in a relationship of 11yrs more or less and had the same problem with my "Ex", more or less over the entire time. In the end she told me that she felt in time that my sex drive would decrease (it still hasn't and I'm 42). She said to me that it was for her Stressful, Demanding ect..... and that Her drive was simply much less than mine. Her inability to keep up made her feel less of a person and that depressed her more which ment less sex for me. Timing & communication would have greatly reduced the bad feelings for both of us.
It sounds like your able to talk about it with him so.... Timing..., I suggest a little fore thought at times, along with more spontanious times. Remember to remind yourself that its not Quantity but Quality your looking for..... One good go may sustain you till he's ready for another. Remember you can try too hard and he does need to initiate more. Check his diet and see if its healthy one or a collestrol filled no exercise type as this will make a diff.
Yes I'm more than aware that I'm not the average guy when it comes to sex. As for most from what I can gather over the years, men and women can talk a great talk and maybe in the short run can keep up. But over the long term most are happy with a weekly/biweekly smile. Compatability does require a little give on both sides from time to time. Most guys dream of women like you  but its just a dream of keeping up with you not actually being with you for life. | |
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| Sex vs. Love
Posted: 9/19/2006 3:37:44 AM | He better find time to "not" be tired. Women need three things from a man if the man hopes to maintain the relationship. [Sex fits into 2 of the three]
1: Respect
2: Affection
3: Romance | |
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| Sex vs. Love
Posted: 9/24/2006 10:57:14 AM | My goodness....
try a lil kink, make him a drink and give him a lap dance. Doesn't work? Then here is ur sure thing... wait till he is just falling asleep, and start to give hhim oral till he is hard.
Where is this woman (above quote) and why are there not more of her type out there that would do such a thing to help curb an un-enthusiatic man? Not to say I'm one of those, but whoa, I'm impressed with this creativity!
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| Sex vs. Love
Posted: 1/28/2007 1:13:30 AM | FIRST SEX than a relationship
use to fall for a guy first than have sex and either wasnt satisfied by it or the lack of it and yes that hurt the relationship - now im all about finding the right guy in bed first and if a relationship comes of it great - now i have both a great guy in and out of bed.
OT - dont over analyze it - some people just dont have a high sex drive - that simple - you need to find someone thats compatible with you both in and out of the bedroom | |
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| Sex vs. Love
Posted: 1/28/2007 1:33:49 AM | | First off, you can find sex anywhere, but love....that's why most of us are on this website! We all want what you have. I think though, that if you can't see yourself giving him 100% because you're too unfocused, you should let him go. We all have our antics, our demons, things that we have to suppress within ourselves~things we have to quit, let go of, that leave their marks and haunt us. If he is your soulmate, and you really do love him, then you wouldn't be asking what to choose. Maybe he's lost his sexdrive because you're putting pressure on him (guys can be fragile that way). The pressure to perform, the pressure to keep you from straying, the pressure to please you~it probably makes him feel a bit unsexy to know his woman has a sexual appetite that he cannot feed. This is why we have masterbation! It's not only for the single people (*sigh*), it's for the ladies who have incredible labidos like you! You just need to find what turns him on...make that your mission. He may not be into short skirts and hooker boots~he may like a top hat and a tie...why don't you ask him what he likes~let him tell you what to do, could be fun! | |
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| Sex vs. Love
Posted: 1/28/2007 2:02:09 AM | it sounds like a stress thing to me...maybe hes depressed..it could be a large # of things(negative things)..my advice is to be patient and respect him..and most of all talk..maybe you guys need counselling who knows...my $00.02 | |
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jlryan
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Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 39 | |
| Sex vs. Love
Posted: 1/28/2007 4:14:26 PM | | Sorry, but you'll never be happy, move on! | |
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| Sex vs. Love
Posted: 4/18/2008 11:20:33 PM | | Hey ladies. Why not leave it to him to make the moves and stop pestering and pressuring him. Really. Either that or take his job for a day and see how much sex you wany. At this point though I don't see you keeping him to long. Perhaps you should find a 20 year old replacement and screw your brains out until you mature a bit more. Then look him up. Like are you with him for the sex, to make babies or are you in love? | |
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