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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > How come we all get so picky after 30?      Home login  
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 Leadfingers
Joined: 8/5/2009
Msg: 251
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How come we all get so picky after 30? Page 11 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
I am less picky than I have ever been IMO. But it's not like you're making any one feel better that you lowered your standards/expectations to be with them.
 tonekey
Joined: 1/26/2010
Msg: 252
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:56:07 AM
In keeping with the theme of this subject or thread I would simply like to say to all that are looking to date etc, "lighten up". When you're meeting someone for the first time keep your conversations light, fun, non-demanding, and certainly do not draw a life-time map of expectations, rules, and conditions. In my experience, the latter is definitely a total turn off!

Say what you mean and mean what you say! I've found on this site that some people post profiles that are untrue or deceitful. Some women wont bat an eye lash to jump into bed with a younger man. But, the same women will make guys their own age or little older jump through the proverbial ring of fire, and then slam the door in the man's face. That's not right!

Another reason people appear to be picky is attitude and the way they perceive things in general. Some people can't fully experience joy and happiness being with others because they've allowed negativity to contaminate judgement and reasoning.

I hope you don't mind my two-cents worth of opinon. I wish all of you luck in finding what you're looking for.
 captainobvious2010
Joined: 1/25/2010
Msg: 253
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/24/2010 9:33:07 AM
I didn't bother reading the upteen million replies to this question so I'm just going to spout off my take.

The reason I am so picky is because I can be. It's the one power I have that no one can take away and will never get me in trouble. I suppose I also raise the bar so high that if a woman rejects me, I use it as a defensive measure and tell myself she wasn't good enough.

I don't think people are making a mental note that someone must pay for the pain of a previous relationship. I think some, not all, of us learn about different colors of flags and where to find them when meeting the next person. It's like getting burned from a flame on a stove. You don't walk up to every stove after that and give it a kick because one burned you. But you do approach it more cautiously and are more aware of where you place your hand.
 shazzywoowoo
Joined: 8/16/2009
Msg: 254
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:56:59 PM
I have gotten more picky as the years have gone by. (my mum says so) I wont give you my little list of must have's. Lol
It is a lighthearted look at the perfect man i suppose (not that i am perfect myself of course, almost)
 Home_for_30
Joined: 2/6/2010
Msg: 255
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/24/2010 6:35:54 PM
After 30?...more like after 38 for me..haha. Well, all that dating in my 20s and early 30s shouldn't me what kinda of perosn is a good fit for more. I was the king of 'square peg in a round hole'...if they met the basic physical requirements, then I went for it. But after 2 divorces and many many relationships, I figured out a pretty detailed list of 'must and must not'. And I am lucky to find someone that fits my needs perfectly now. So, I'd say it with time you begin to figure out what you need in a partner.
 Skookumchuck
Joined: 11/3/2008
Msg: 256
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/24/2010 6:39:55 PM
Picky or selective?

btw, men have must-have lists too, but as soon as we start to get attached, the list goes out the window.
 guyd42
Joined: 10/13/2008
Msg: 257
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How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/24/2010 10:10:02 PM
Because in reality, most people don’t want no relationship. It’s that simple. Those who really want a relationship know and accept to make acceptable compromises. The must-have lists only works when buying a new car.
 RichRoket
Joined: 8/16/2009
Msg: 258
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/25/2010 12:13:37 AM
I believe we get sooo picky after 30 cause we have lived through alot of bullshit that has possible shaped us in one way or another, good or bad. We know inside of our minds and hearts of what we are in search of and do not soo want to settle.

That is not a bad thing to be picky, but as long as it is not too picky, meaning you hold out forever looking for the perfect one and along the way saw some possibilities that may have worked but did not persue because you are waiting for the mighty perfect one.

It is a fine line, a double edged sword soo to speak, but in the end you will find that mate and hang on tight cause the ride will be soooo fun :)

Good luck in your hunt,
Peace, Rich
 arcticdude
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 259
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How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/25/2010 3:31:30 AM
Haha, I like the opening post...
A few observations:
Looking for "perfection"?...I don't know about everyone else, but I'm not looking for 'perfect',just perfect for me (and there is a surprising amount of leeway).

I don't think we are any 'pickier'...Looking for hardbodies at 20?...Still looking for hard bodies at 30 & 40...How is that MORE picky? It's not more picky, it's just less realistic.
Finally, as for 'setting standards', We are supposed to learn from our mistakes and aquire a better idea of what we are seeking...I don't see that kind of 'more picky' as bad at all.
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 260
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/25/2010 7:53:19 AM
I was easy going, easy to forgive, easy to bend, easy to meet more than half way, easy to love. Now, I'm just one difficult and intolerant **** and life is a lot better for it. I get joyfully spoiled by my man and my friends are true friends as opposed to users. Call it picky, I call it understanding that love isn't real if you don't love yourself first, and respect starts within. I may pizz off a few people, but repeatedly, they prove to be exactly the person who uses and abuses those they *love*, so let them be pizzed at me, I got big shoulders, I can take it.
 oirish_japanese
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 261
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How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/25/2010 4:22:43 PM
because we can afford to be picky and have more to lose, good job, house, no debts. I dont think I am that picky wanting a woman with a job, no debts and attractive.
 GreySpot
Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 262
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How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/25/2010 6:48:16 PM
There certainly is a lot of negativity here. I don't much agree with the idea that things are harder after 30. My experience was that things got progressively easier as I got older. In fact I met my special love when we were both around 50.
 green023
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 263
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/27/2010 9:25:49 AM
I may have become more picky in some areas. But more flexible in other areas. Overall while some of my standards are changed, I don't consider myself to be more picky.
 paul starr
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 264
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/4/2010 10:46:30 AM
ITS not that we are oh so picky its just that we or they dont want to make another mistake and if you have a child like myself you need tobe a little picky i mean hey thats just being a good parent.............................................................
 JaredBoarder50
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 265
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/4/2010 12:11:51 PM
For me its not about being more picky but definately more selective. However it is balance with a shift in priorities as well.

I think people that keep the high expectations on looks and gain new higher expectations on things like career, personality, kids or no kids ect will have trouble.

When younger I did not understand what I wanted other than to be happy and often tried to find the best personality out of the cutest girls. Now I think I am trying to find the cutest woman out of those that meet what I am looking for personality wise.

My priorities have shifted do to a lot of self discovery and finding why my past relationships did not work and how I can reduce the chance of that happening again. For me it was seeing the best in someone and expecting I could help someone along that maybe didnt get a fair shake in life as I had a tough childhood myself. However this hasnt worked out so well and now I looking for someone that has her stuff together vs another project. Also first and foremost for me is a woman with a good solid personal relationship with God, I dont want someone to change her ways for me so if she isnt at the same level as me at this stage I wont go further.

So yea we might get picky but I think we need to say what categories are most important and be picky with the ones that will actually result in the relationship working or not, and be open and forgiving on ones that are not. Like if I met someone that had done things in her past I dont agree with but she has learned from it and moved on who am I to judge when I have my fair share of that as well, but if she is still stuck in a rut like that its not worth it to me at this stage.
 _Shan_Rich
Joined: 1/22/2010
Msg: 266
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/4/2010 7:46:23 PM
Well I don't know about the rest of you but I missed out on alot of the social interaction stuff. In fact the most social interaction I have had is working where I do now, and that's not really saying much. I don't know maybe I'm unique in that I do not feel comfortable in groups of people. One on one or two for conversation is my limit any more than that and I tend to find a corner to go sit in or a way out. I've never really felt like I had anything anyone cared to hear about. In fact I'm so used to hearing people tell me to shut up, or go away that I avoid as much socializing as possible.

Another huge problem that I personally face is what I have in terms of both self and self worth. As for self, I'm a shy easy going guy bla bla comedic bla bla kind of guy. Not everyone gets me and for that reason it's difficult to maintain friends. As far as my self worth goes well I have a low paying job, I live with my mom, I don't own a car, I don't own much of anything. So to sum up I don't have anything to offer other than myself and for most women that's just not enough.

It's difficult to be picky when you can't think of many good reason's anyone would pick you. The whole "who am I" syndrome takes over in your mind, causing you to judge yourself rather than judging others. That in itself makes you appear a picky person to others even though in reality it's not them your critiquing it's yourself.
 JaredBoarder50
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 267
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/5/2010 8:52:19 AM
xshanx,

I think you understand your issue but are not acting on it, okay so you have self confidence issues... but dwelling on it wont help you. In fact you need to get over it if you ever are going to find someone.

You think what you like no one else likes, not true... sure its a minority but I know a lot of women that are "geeks" and into computers and games and such BUT they want a self condifent guy that isnt looking for emotional support and someone to listen to about how bad his life is. Enjoy what you have, and focus on positives only and others will as well.

Until you resolve loving yourself you will never find someone to love you.
 _NorthernBoy_
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 268
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How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/5/2010 2:30:03 PM
Well, when you go in head first knowing you are going to fail, you will. I've met many a person over the years and have settled down with a few. If I went in to each relationship with the doom and gloom, I would never have done it.

Ok, so I'm back on the site after being gone for 3+ years. It was a pretty good run and I wouldn't have missed it. I never met, fell in love, moved in with her with the thought that this was going to fail. We truly believed it was going to work. My mind did not explode, nor will it. I'm still happy, single or not. Just another life phase is all. Next time it happens, it's for good....done deal.
-----------------------------------------------

I don't know if we are getting more picky or just more contented being on our own as we age a little. Granted, there are some things that we will not tolerate, but other things that we have no issues with that we may have had in our twenties.

Personally, I think that as we age, we define ourselves a little bit more each year and as a result we have a more definitive idea of who we'd like to be with. Not to be confused with being picky.
 ALT Nation
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 269
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/11/2010 10:27:06 AM
lets see....by the time we are 30

we have experienced alot of relationships, from the douche to the skank and everything in between.

now at 30 were pretty much learned to avoid the above and thus making it hard for anyone to break thru.

Most ppl eff around til 30+ then get into serious settle mode?
 lala1977xx
Joined: 3/7/2010
Msg: 270
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/11/2010 11:11:41 AM
I know exactly what you mean .I ve been single for nearly four years and can count the amount of dates i ve been on , on one hand . Started to think it was just me .I can find something that puts me off every man I meet and than I start making a big deal of it in my mind and lunch them with some poor excuse. I also tell myself that i have nt got time for relationship , maybe if I got off the internet for 5 mins I might meet someone.And as my ex said to me one day your never meet another me (Thank God) so give those other s ago.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 271
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/11/2010 3:48:46 PM
you're late to the party, I was PICKY at 18.
 misszmsz
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 272
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How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/12/2010 10:12:23 AM
Because I know what I want. And I want what I want.

But I don't understand your comment about somebody having to make up for bad experiences you have encountered in your past, and what that has to do with being selective in a mate.
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 273
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How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:21:02 AM
let's leave the picky people to their picky selfs!

~sc~
 flybuttersocial
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 274
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:28:48 AM
I'm not that picky, I think most guys aren't. For the most part I believe women to be far too picky searching out Mr. Movie Perfection that rarely exists.
 mibra
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 275
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/14/2010 1:57:28 PM
It is SELECTIVE, not PICKY....
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