| What are we doing?
Posted: 2/11/2009 9:22:12 PM | I've noticed there seems to be an assumption that we were "less picky" in our twenties. That's not true for all people. One friend of mine is a serial monogamist (dumps them after three years, never been without a relationship for more than a month), and another has never had a serious relationship (she feels it's up to the guys to do the asking, and for some reason no one does the asking). Actually, now that I think about it, I have several friends in that situation... waiting for something to happen. Myself, I've been a very long term relationship (which obviously inhibits the dating  ), and have dated some afterwards. I really only have some basic criteria (decency and reasonably intelligent), and I wouldn't quantify that as picky.
Now that I've hit 30, I've noticed the available pool is a fair bit different than a few years ago. "Older" people are more likely to be dealing with baggage from divorce and serious life events, and need time to recover. The pool is also smaller because more "older" people are in long-term or serious relationships than those in their twenties. So if the available pool is much smaller to begin with, there an even smaller group in that pool that would be somewhat compatible.
Wow, that sounds kind of depressing. I don't meant it to be. I'm just trying to say "circumstances" may be more accurate than "picky".
Some of my friends who are "waiting for something to happen" are probably picky, some are not. In any case, I used to be a bit like that and realize I have to encourage or create opportunities too (just like work and professional relationships). I chatted up my neighbour the other day about cycling (he was dragging his bike into his apartment). I've flirted with a guy who works at the library. I make myself more approachable.
Ideally, I do have an ultimate end goal in mind, but I am comfortable with myself. I don't need to jump for bad matches that just happen to present themselves. It may mean I am single for a while. I'm ok with that. I think many people in their thirties feel this way too. I'm experiencing life, and seeing what happens. That's all you really can do.
I guess we can all kick around and wait until someone bonehead tosses a good person out of their relationship. Give some good ones back to the pool! | |
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Diva77
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Joined: 10/31/2008
Msg: 27 | |
| What are we doing?
Posted: 2/12/2009 12:37:44 AM | | I've always been picky. But when I was younger, I didn't really know who I was yet and didn't know what I wanted in a guy. As we grow older, we mature and find ourselves changing in many ways. What we thought was important to us at 20, suddenly seems minor to us at 30. And perhaps at this stage in our lives we're looking more towards long term and settling down, rather than the casual flings 20somethings are known for. | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/12/2009 6:49:39 AM | | I am almost 40 and I dont know if I am so much picky as in I guess I have learned alot. I have found that this new age of online dating is very challenging and well it hasn't really worked in my favor and maybe it is because I am real as I am in person, I don't play games, I dont lead a guy to believe something I am not and maybe that is what scares them but I figured I am too old for the games I want a guy to know the real me up front and personal so to say, I think my ways back when I was 20 I had a certian guy in mind that I wanted tall, thin, hair, now as I am about to turn 40 I would just like a guy that likes me for me that doesnt play any mind games and lead me along and then drop me hard I dont need the tall thin thing, I just want a guy that is true to himself and to me, havent found him yet but I am hold out for hope that maybe one day that guy will walk into my life and it will be the best thing that happens to me :) | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/12/2009 9:08:46 AM | I was pretty picky in my 20s as well. However it only looks like I am more picky now...we just have more information at our fingertips to decide with online especially then we ever did in past years. So....we now know the things up front that we'd have to date someone for a while in a RL situation to find out. What we're doing is saving time, speeding up the process.
And it goes without saying that we can see things we already dealt with (or our friends did, if we're really perceptive and don't need to go thru crap first hand to learn from it) coming a mile away once we experience it once, so that's making us seem pickier as well.
Finally, as we get older typically we become more comfortable in our own skin, have fuller lives and can entertain ourselves more therefore needing less approval, reassurance, or people to keep us busy (and we have less of a desire to keep others busy as well). | |
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| What are we doing?
Posted: 2/12/2009 9:22:37 AM | | I am a little wiser. I have found that guys who drink, live with Mom at this age, who cannot find a steady job are going nowhere. I'm tired of these guys who are irresponsible. | |
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| What are we doing?
Posted: 2/12/2009 9:42:32 AM | Yep.....that is me........drinking to much and still living with mom, and getting unemployment checks....... 
Shakes head and wonders why anyone would think that we are picky with our dating trends, knowing what is out there to pick from...... 
OT........I have always been picky, just instead of walking around on a large college campus with many many options to choose from, I now do that on line while I earn my money, support my mother when needed, drink from my own wine cabinet, and help support all those that still need and use unemployment checks.......
Picky????........You are damn right I am......
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| What are we doing?
Posted: 2/12/2009 9:51:01 AM | | Finally a guy who's got it right!!! Not wasting time with all those annoying things we all put up with in a partner for a while when we are young! Now we know (finally) what we want, who we are and how much we want to put up with in the long term... now that is smart! | |
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bsg789
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 34 | |
| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/12/2009 1:48:14 PM | | My standards may have changed with age. But I'm not anymore picky now than I was 10 or 20 yrs ago. Having new and different standards doesn't necesary mean more strict standards. | |
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| What are we doing?
Posted: 2/12/2009 9:41:42 PM | Same, I was pickier when I was 16 - 20.
They either cut the mustard or they don't these days. I know what I like and I know what I want - that is not being picky - that is more direct thinking | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/13/2009 4:38:25 PM | | I still go out with people that I "dig"...guess older you get you just know things about yourself that you didn't know when you were young....you know your likes and dislikes better....I miss that innocence of youth too....we are really missing that alot in the dating atmosphere now..."the innocence"...too much social pressure from freinds , tv, radio internet etc...shoving down peoples throats the role models of some tv producers perfection....to much dating "education" and theories and the innocence has been lost ....could be the reason some of us aren't finding mr or ms right.... | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/13/2009 5:22:02 PM | | I don't know if wanting to find the right person can be considered picky or not, but that's my answer and I'm sticking to it. | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/13/2009 6:28:22 PM |
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Because by the time we're 30 must of us have been through at least 1 or 2 (or 3 or 4) psychos, losers, etc, and we don't want any more of the same? | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/14/2009 9:45:13 AM | | Sometimes you just gotta go out with the person you "like" and not feel like you owe the world an explanation for it....or feel so overly educated in the dating area that you lose your free spirit about it....having a great personality and some happiness bubbling out of you still has it's place in the dating world....you may go out with mr abs b/c the world makes ya think it's the trendy thing to do...but if mr abs doesn't have that 'thing" that makes for two people having a mutually good time....you could have a better time with "mr not so perfect".....that's how i see it sometimes....but hey i am still single..but at least im still having a good time dating.....we need some happy stories....not a bunch of downers.... | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/14/2009 10:46:46 PM | | Because I spent my 20's learning much needed lessons. Now I know what I want/don't want and what I will and won't compromise on. Maybe it's just a part of getting old(er). :) | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/15/2009 5:45:05 AM | My opinion;
The vast majority of people in the world suffer from the syndrome of
"been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, didn't like it, not going back!"
Stay Casual.... | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/15/2009 6:28:59 AM |
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Because we can. My life is fulfilled is so many ways now. Money, car, friends. Once you are more or less happy with who you are, you become less stressed about the other half. At least this is ture of me. I'd like a partner in crime and possible a kid or two but if I die alone, shrug life will have been good. My good works will speak for me, and my great nephew will get an early start on being financially secure.
joe | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/15/2009 7:21:45 AM | | I think that the clear answer is, most people in their 30s have a better idea of what they want, based on past experiences. We are working harder than ever to build a good life so we don't want someone who could screw it all up. A better question would be, why would you ever settle, especially in today's environment? | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/15/2009 6:21:44 PM | | In my case i am less picker today than i was when i was in my 20's. Unfortunately, the women that i've met since i been in my 30's got more drama now then they did when i was in my 20's. | |
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| What are we doing?
Posted: 2/15/2009 6:30:59 PM | | It is true that as we get older, we make better choices. I wish I would have started much sooner. | |
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Diva77
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Joined: 10/31/2008
Msg: 47 | |
| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/15/2009 7:36:20 PM | | Could be that hind sight is 20-20? That perhaps we learn from the mistakes we made in our 20s and know what to look for in our 30s? | |
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| What are we doing?
Posted: 2/15/2009 8:20:35 PM | and on the shop and street I gazed,
my body of a sudden blazed,
and for twenty minutes, more or less,
it seems that i was blessed and could bless. | |
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