| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/15/2009 11:08:17 PM | I believe that when we find that right person we will want to put up with all that stuff that usually drives us crazy.
As the older we get we learn to accept each other for who each other is and that is where the pickiness comes into play. When we are younger we THINK we can change someone to who we want them to be and that is where divorce comes into play. | |
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| What are we doing?
Posted: 2/16/2009 12:02:13 AM | I guess it's because we are more cautious. I wasted my 20's so I'm not about to do the same all over again... | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/16/2009 8:49:07 AM | | lets use some comman sense here.. before your 30 you just want to get out and date, after 30 your priorites change, you want to settle down with the right person. | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/16/2009 9:54:34 AM | | It is not so much picky after turning 30, it is just a matter of once you have been thru a couple of things, more than once, hopefully you learn from them and change your ways. I don't keep my few extra pounds, I care about my appearance, and I expect the same from others as I do from myself. If people let themselves fall apart, that is a self esteem issue and needs to be addressed. Naturally we get stuck in our ways, because it is who we are. I am not doing any of this to anyone else, I just do not put up with any bullshit. I do however meet a lot of people doing what you describe, and I am learning more and more, they have some major self healing to do. I have even told a few, they probably should NOT be trying to date, if they are that effed up. I am not perfect, but I refuse to allow my issues become anyone elses. If I have things going on that need work, I do not date and present myself to be anything I am not. | |
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KimmiM
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Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 55 | |
| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/16/2009 11:15:21 AM | I know I'm much more picky than I was in my 20s. I've lived and learned. I've found what I will and won't be willing to put up with. Life is too short to spend it with someone that you aren't happy to be with.
In the past I did everything I could to make sure everyone around me was happy, forgetting that what I want is just as important. Not anymore! I don't want to change anyone to be what I want or need them to be, and I would hope that someone would not want me to change either. Pretty much it is "take me as I am". I know I'm not perfect, but I'm confident in who I am, and not willing to sacrifice myself to bend to someone else. Maybe that makes me a witch.... oh well. Witches need love too! LOL
All in all, I think being *picky* or more aware of what is important is pretty much a matter of self preservation. | |
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Kim3
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Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 56 | |
| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/16/2009 12:02:52 PM | | I don't think that we get picky after 30, mostly we have matured and learn that you can't change anybody. That is something that we think we can do in our early years. Find someone good looking and likes to have fun, probably not too hard to find at an early age and if your both WILLING to grow old together turning your love into mature one takes DISCIPLINE, COURAGE and SELF-EXCEPTANCE and letting go of our tendancy to blame someone else for what we are not doing to improve things. Having fun is great, but as we all know or have found out the hard way, life is not always fun and sometimes we have to look and try hard to find fun in difficult circumstances, and remember bad times come and go. What we do have control over is our response and our attitude and finding someone who will reflect that back to you will make life alot lighter regardless of what may come your way. I found that no one will complete me only compliment me and work on yourself and your own faults until you find someone that is perfect for you and it will happen. | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/16/2009 12:31:44 PM | | I haven't become more picky with age. If anything I have become more flexible with my standards. Having some initial interest in various types of people isn't necessary a bad thing. Sometimes a person that is somewhat different than your usual type could be a good match for you. This applies to several of my friends and relaitves in successful relationships. If there is no connection after some phone / email conversations or after a few dates, then you can end things with that person and move on. | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/16/2009 1:25:22 PM | It's not about being picky after 30, it's more like......
1. Dating pool has been reduced because of our age.
2. It's because we are tired of the BS that comes along with dating that we just sit back thinking the right one will just come right before our very eyes without putting in much effort.
3. OK I can't lie we are lazy and don't want to put in the effort.
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/17/2009 5:04:39 PM | I think we are starting to look for those who are going to be the long term person as opposed to having someone to just go out and have fun with. As we get older it necessitates that we need someone who is going to have a degree of permanence in our lives. It becomes a harsh reality when we find that many of the people we have been involved with were not of that caliber or we treated them without the necessary seriousness.
I think we start getting a better idea that we don't have all the time in the world and we don't want to end up wasting it like when we were younger.
ATL | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/20/2009 3:51:37 AM | | I kinda like the poets myself. I got picky because today I know what woman I will stay with for the long term and consequently I know what woman I will not be able to stay with. Also, it seems to me that most of the time, because we're older, we don't ride that "emotion" into the relationship. More reserved and untrusting. | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/20/2009 6:04:30 AM | | I think in MOST cases at 30 almost 40 yrs. old we know what we want and that's typically substantially different than what we wanted at 20. I’m not personally out to get someone b/c of my mad choices and misfortunate over the years. I have learned from those mistakes and have moved forward. Are my standards very high b/c of those life lessons.... ABSOLUTELY... | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/20/2009 10:20:01 AM | I don't know if picky is the right term.
We've come into our own... realized who we are... and what were looking for
Some perhaps carrying some excess baggage that makes them bitter/burned in their choices, but all of us have grown enough to know where we're willing to compromise and what isn't acceptable under any terms.
Most know what path they are taking career wise, are finished.... sowing their oats... and ready for something more permanent. It's now longer about looking for someone to simply not be single... but looking for someone to share the good and the bad and well as the plain old boring day to day... because for me at least ... it's all a little easier to face if someone's there sweating it out with me by my side:) | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/20/2009 1:48:12 PM | I didn't get picky after 30, I've always been picky. That's how I got to be 30 and single. I will still date anyone whom I think is fun.  As for what I expect from a mate, someone who is absolutely wonderful and realizes that I am equally wonderful. Is that so much? | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/20/2009 3:26:42 PM | I just have to add this.
There is something that I always am telling myself. People in my age bracket that are single and dating, are single for a reason!!! LMAO, in our 20's this just wasn't so. We were single because life was fun. Now we're in our 30's and we are single after a bad marriage, relationship, life problems, other priorities. And it seems that just about all of us have some sort of major issue.
The people that know they have issues are not the one's to worry about either! It's the people that don't think they have issues.
instead of doing this 
we should have been  | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/20/2009 3:59:29 PM | Good question. I'm finding that the dating women on plenty of fish starting to get really tiresome. I found after being stood up over a meeting for a coffee hung up on im, and generally being treated with contempt on this site. . I'm seriously starting to think about dating asian women. From what I've seen and heard on this forum. All the women think us guys are just after sex or we're weird. It doesn't help much if you're not that weird or a stalker.And just want a friend to meet for a coffee. You still have to put on the i'm no stalker weirdo mask just to get a date. And if you're luck y to actually make a date. You're date doesn't even show up . Not even a text. That's happened to me twice so far.
Also lets get real too. After 18 Australian women get really picky . Why? Because they can.
Since I've been here, I've dated two women. Both have said that I'm not the one for them whilst having a sexual relationship with me. So basically I got sick and tired of being ****ed , then told I'm not good enough so I played up on both of them.
The shit hit the fan when they found out. But hey I'm not going be told I'm good enough for a relationship but good enough to ****.
Get this as well one lady had a chronic illness, and 2 kids. She was the worst ,whilst ****ing me she was on the online dating sites meeting other guys for coffee. Talk about crazy.
So one day after over 6 months of this ,'you're not good enough for me' , I'm going to chat to other guys and meet them for coffee, she said ow I want to take this relationship to the next level. Next level, that's when I dumped her.
Australian women They want it all money security etc. I'm a 41 years old male. If I've got a choice of dating a 40 year old liberated australian woman with a few extra pounds or dating an asian lady who has actually been brought up to think about her husband and satisfy him On all levels. ...It don't take much to work it out ladies.
Australian women are selfish and pathetic. Lift your game ladies or you're all gonna end up lonely and old and noone will want you.  | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/20/2009 6:05:11 PM | | Only read the first part of the thread, but excellent responses, I like it :-) Felt right at home, lol. Burn my once, its your fault, burn my twice, it's mine. I'm not a big risk taker when it comes to the important stuff anymore. The kind of guys I dated then are NOT the kind of guys I would date now. | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/20/2009 6:12:16 PM | I'm not sure I understand why your credit would be "dinged" after 30!??! Isn't that supposed to happen in your 20's, trying to pay off student loans, accidentally drinking your budget over the weekend, etc?
By 30's, you should have have established something, not ruined it.
I know that I'm much pickier because I'm not looking for marriage, I'm not looking to have more children, and I have far more clarity about who I am, what I have to offer, and what I would like in return. If it's not there, I have nothing but time. I'm not afraid to be alone (I actually appreciate the alone times, there are far too few of them!) and I don't need someone to "complete" me.
With that said OP, you make it sound as though people in their 30's are falling apart at the seams! Good grief! It's not like we're 80! If you're overweight who's to blame? Drop the extra pounds...you can't even blame it on "mid life" yet because you haven't achieved that! There are just as many buff and fit people in their 30's as there are in their 20's.
(Actually, due to my increased interest in healthier eating, working out, and minimizing my alcoholic intake, I am healthier and in better shape than I was in my 20's.) <---ie. more late nights and calorie packed jugs of candy apples! | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/20/2009 6:15:37 PM | For we grow up and realize that we want something more.
It is that we are fine with who we are and not we used to be. If people don't like it then oh well move on. | |
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| people are picky after 30
Posted: 2/22/2009 9:24:13 AM | Well then.
Date the youger crowd.
Makes up for all the jaded mid-life crisis fold you've met so far.
*smiles happily* | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/23/2009 12:56:53 PM | I was a lot pickier in my 20s in the physical-type department. I was one of those bikini-model-craving chumps.
Then I made the mistake of marrying one.
Nowadays I am a lot more forgiving even though I'm actually in much better shape than I was in my 20s. But through hard-earned experience, I now have a much better idea of what to look for and what to avoid in the personality department.
On the other hand, my expectations are lower too: I'm no longer trying to find some dizzying apex of earth-shaking passion from my partner. All I ask for is some decent sex, half-intelligent conversation...and hopefully no more than 2 or 3 crippling neuroses.
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/23/2009 2:00:40 PM | I'm pretty happy to be where I am today. I'm single, but by choice. The thing is, I've learned a lot about myself from my twenties and my past relationships. If I wasn't picky at this point I wouldn't have learned anything from my past experiences and mistakes.
I'm happy to be where I'm at, and I know what to look for in a partner. The unfortunate side of this is that it isn't as easy to find someone - however - in the long run I believe it will pay off. At this point I'm looking someone to commit too, not an experiment, fling or repeated mismatch.
If you don't have standards then how valid will your complaints be when you exit another failed relationship?
Good luck! | |
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