| What are we doing?
Posted: 3/6/2009 12:10:48 PM | Through life experiences we have come to an understanding of what we want and dont want, through bad relationships we have discovered what our dealbreakers and dislikes are, and through the good ones we discover what we like and expect in a partner, also as we age we get to know ourselves better.
When i was 18 my only prerequisite for a guy was that he was "hot".
Well nowadays i have a whole slew of qualities and dealbreakers that i mentally check off, can anyone live up to it, who knows? | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/6/2009 12:12:49 PM | Yvette,
I think one of things definitely that I konw about myself; that I have realized being by yourself is not a bad thing, but being with the wrong person is.
Stu | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/8/2009 9:19:53 PM | Yvette: It sounds like you've come to understand what many men think.
"Sure, I want to find my forever woman. But, in the meantime, why not have some fun?"
Some of that may be hormonal because you're at your sexual prime and your libido is firing on all eight cylinders! Some of it is just, that you're experiencing LIFE and all it has to offer!
Keep your chin up, stay positive, and roll with it!
BTW, good luck on that forever man, whenever he shows up in your life! | |
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| What are we doing?
Posted: 3/8/2009 11:41:21 PM | | I would say I am very picky about who I date because the older I get the less time I want to waste with someone that does not make me happy. I want the attraction, sparks flying, lust, wanting to see that someone special, spend time with that man, want only that man,. If you are really into that person, then you want to be with that person spending time and getting to know each other. I want my knight in shining armour and my prince charming all rolled into one guy. I know I am in fairy tale land thinking, but a girl can't help wishing for it???? | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/12/2009 10:42:39 AM | | I wouldn't really call it picky. When you reach a certain age, you pretty much know what you want by then and aren't willing to settle for less. Not to mention because of your wisdom you know bullish when you see it without even having to deal with it. We don't need perfection, we just want maturity. When we were in our 20's, maturity wasn't a key factor in our life at that time. Hope this has answered your question at least somewhat. | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/15/2009 5:27:52 AM | | I agree with Diamond Girl It is not picky but we are not willing to settle for less. I agree we can tell right away if someone is giving us bull. I want maturity and the truth. Is that to much to ask???? | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/15/2009 5:54:29 AM | | I agree to sticking to it. I want it all romance, flowers, candlelight dinners, eyes that devour me and in return I will rock his world!!!!!!!!!!!! What you give you shall receive in return:0) | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/15/2009 10:09:53 PM |
I think there are a number of factors involved. I think many folks get more comfortable the longer they are single, and hence there is a lot less in the way of adjustments to their lifestyles they are willing to make and less habits they are willing to tolerate from a partner. ...
This is so true. The older I get, it becomes harder to change my habits and set in my ways. I want to alter/compromise them for the right person and not just anyone. One thing I will not change, is my work-out habits and gym time. I might play less soccer or golf but I will be at the gym 5 times a week and I am looking for that partner who can at least tolerate or understand that.
Also I would like to comment on the post by camp63. One of my ex-gf got into a car wreck couple years back. She was in coma for 10 days and then once she came out of it, she was moved to a different level of ICU (there are 3 levels). Any way to make a long story short, I never stopped going to the gym while she was in the hospital (5 months). I went to work at 7 am to 5pm, drove an hour each way to the hospital she was in to spend time with her everyday and still made it for a work-out (11pm-midnight). I didn't have much of a social life or didn't get to watch any TV, etc but I managed. My point is where there is will, there is always a way.
" Obsession is a word used by lazy to describe dedicated." | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/15/2009 11:57:41 PM |
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Because the social drives for pair bonding gain more of a sway than the hormonal drives as we age. | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/17/2009 10:12:55 PM | How come we all get so picky after 30?
Because for the past three years we've been reading the exact same forum threads and they all say we're pickier ~ we believe them.  | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/18/2009 12:50:07 AM | I not more picky, I've refocused from looks to personality over time.
When I was a teen to about 25 I'd take anything I could get personality wise as long as she was hot. From about 26 to 30 I wanted a combination of both looks and personality. Now I'm more interested in "easy on the eyes" with a good heart. By the grace of God I'll keep maturing and not give how someone looks a thought. | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/18/2009 12:31:40 PM | | I am not any pickier being over 30 (41). But I am more aware of things I appreciate in a woman and things I don't. For example, when I find a woman who shows she's quarrelsome, I am out of there. I can't be bothered to deal with a nag. I don't classify that as picky, I never did like a nag at any age. | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/18/2009 12:53:30 PM | I don't think that we get picky.
I think with age we realize that when you look at someone what you see is what you get. They aren't going to change and you aren't going to change.
The things that were tolerable in our twenties are deal breakers now. | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/20/2009 10:10:42 AM |
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Because we have lots of experience with what we don't want in a person, and almost everyone you meet will hold up at least one red flag for you. Or sound a warning bell. Also we're less likely to settle for someone uncompatible just not to be alone. | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/21/2009 10:41:05 AM | Experience.
We've generally got 10 years worth of experience in dating under our belts and know way more about what works for us and what doesn't.
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/21/2009 11:32:58 AM | | Damn, all this time, I thought it was because we had more money, settled in our careers, had better credit scores, more confident in ourselves, and less tolerate of BS... Some people out there have Samsonite baggage... | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/21/2009 11:35:30 AM | | Not always, some people even in their 30s still think they can take without giving, and that they can get the same results from when they were in their 20s...It is sooo hard... | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:37:05 AM |  I kinda think it's known as, "Living and Learning About Who and What We Are & What We Want/Don't Want". We'd have far fewer divorces and illigitimate children if YOUTH WAS FAR MORE PICKY!!  | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/23/2009 3:54:39 PM | When you really desire a relationship, you understand that individuals are different and that the perfection doesn’t exist. There’s no such thing as “settling”. This is BS for those who don’t admit they don’t want to commit. If you want to commit and serious about meeting someone, you understand that you have to make “acceptable compromises” also known as being realistic with your expectations.
Even Dr. Phil said that in your 30s plus, if you ever find someone who is 70% compatible, don’t let him/her go as it may never happen again. Even for most, 70% is not nearly enough.
It appears obvious that people who are “picky” simply don’t want anything serious. This is fine! It would just be nice if they were upfront and not make others waste their time…. | |
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| What are we doing?
Posted: 3/23/2009 5:18:17 PM | Wow. I just started dating here at age 32, haven't been dating really since I was 19, 13 years ago everyone was younger, things were easier going, everyone was single. ( I went through 2 long term monogamous relationships over the past 13 years)
I've noticed that getting the date and getting along on the date is much, much easier in my 30s than it was all those years ago.
But I also notice the pickyness... and shake my head. Not sure what it's like for the ladies, I'm sure you deal with it too, but I'm just amazed with how picky the ladies are. If I had a dollar for every time I heard, "You seem like a really nice guy and you're really good looking, however I was looking for someone 3 or 4 inches taller, good luck in your search", or "I just didn't feel the connection on our first date", I'd be rich.
I mean, I'm a great, nice guy, I'm in good shape (I play paintball weekly and that's like going to boot camp every Saturday!), I like intellectual conversations, I follow the news, I'm confident but not****, chivalrous, decent looking. I'm not Mr. Perfect and I know that I'm not the right guy for everyone, but when you're in the market for a long-term, arent they worth meeting a few times to see if it would work out? You can't pick a long term partner over an hour and a half long coffee meeting.
I guess its down to just a numbers game. I have my criteria too so I'm also guilty.
1. I want a girl that is either thin, athletic, or average. I lost a lot of weight a few years back and kept it off and got in shape I want someone who takes care of their body. Not model-esque, but attractive.
2. I want a girl that isn't into travel. (Last two girlfriends left me to travel the world because they wanted to move overseas for a while. nuf said)
3. I'm looking for a girl that smokes (Last girlfriend became a born again non smoker, caused nothing but problems)
4. I'm looking for a girl that drinks sometimes (I like drinks after work and dont want to be ****ed at about it)
5. I'm looking for a girl that's beyond nightclubs and bar scene
6. Looking for someone who wants long term and kids, I dont mind if they already have kids
Now that would seem to be easy enough.. But the pickings are real slim in the 28-32 age group, I do searches out 50 miles and I dont find more than like 26 matches.
So while I find dating to be much easier and more fun in my 30s I do find the pickyness a bit frustrating to deal with; but c'est la vie I guess | |
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| How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/24/2009 11:40:04 PM | | you just know yourself better, who's right for you and who ain't. It's like eating good sushi. Once you've had it, it's hard to go back to the discount bits. | |
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