| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 3/9/2006 12:31:26 PM | Since when did dating someone give you a lifetime lock on them?
They got together a little too much at your house - while you were there no less - that's tacky. You let them know, they appologized. So far that's fine on your part.
Your good friend owned up when you asked him about his relationship. Fine. Not really your business, but no lies. He probably didn't want to let you know too much detail out of respect for your feelings since you and he were once together. No foul there.
The girlfriend lied when you confronted her. Not cool, but it really isn't any of your business. If you know she's still with her old boyfriend and told you what she did, you could (after having stuck your nose in it) gently tell your male friend what she said and that you think she's still seeing the other guy. Have no jealously or accusations in your voice. Then, BACK OFF. It isn't any of your business. Let both of them make their own decisions and you don't enter into it. You have no ownership rights over him now. As a friend, you would have told him facts as you know them, but give him the respect to make his own decisions. For all you know, these two might have a true connection that is real. | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 3/9/2006 12:54:42 PM | tesaje, i agree with you that what the X and gf do is their business and not mango's.
but i think more often than not, seeking a friend's X is disrespectful to the friendship. lieing is the exclamation point. i wouldn't want to be hanging with a dude who not only is a cheater but lies about it. that's just not someone i want influencing my life.
these two people are free to do as they choose. but mango doesn't have to play along as a swell egg. she's best to distance herself from this chick. ultimately i'd distance myself from the X, as that is likely to become a poisonous situation to mango's well-being. the X did less wrong, but still is not right.
personally, i have no desire to form intimate relationships with any of my X's friends, that is, if i still respected my X's feelings (if we broke up with no animosity or ill feelings). | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 3/9/2006 1:09:30 PM | bike man, if it were me, I wouldn't consider the girl a friend, but then I wouldn't have butted in either.
I'm just reacting to several posters who seem to think that once you've dated someone, no one you know can date him or her either - i.e., a life time lock. I suppose that is an artifact of casual sex - you don't want him or he doesn't want you but you had those instinctive and probably unwanted feelings sex engenders and so feel like there's some sort of ownership. All around not healthy. You can't control who finds who attractive and once you no longer have a romatic relationship, you have no rights as it were over that person.
Also, it is possible that those two have a genuine real connection - that powerful thing we all want but so rarely find. And when that happens, who is anyone to say that they can't be together? Maybe it's not like that and her behavior doesn't sound all that on the up and up, but they have to make their own decisions and it isn't Mango's business.
I also agree, if it were me, I'd distance myself from the whole thing - for my own well being. But there again, it is Mango's decision how valuable any of these people are to her as friends. The friend can only let him know what she knows about the girl's current behavior, then let him make his own decisions. | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 3/9/2006 1:58:33 PM | you may not be but you can never tell if you ask me it is a human traite that people are just self contained .......     | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 3/9/2006 3:55:40 PM | I wish to thank everyone that has responded and given their input to the situation. And yes, I hope to be able to distance myself from both of them for a little while, but it get's more complicated....I work with the girl at my full-time job and the male friend...well....we have a part-time business together. It's a little complicated and that's okay. I've been hashing it out in my head these past few days and distance does seem to be the best response at the moment.
and just to let you know....I don't think I ever 'laid claim' on my ex. If I did, it is unintentional. I've always been happy for him whenever he had a girlfriend. It was/is the lying that I'm having the biggest issue with.
I guess time will heal all wounds...blah, blah, blah | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 7/3/2006 6:22:41 PM | | I agree with babidoll I think its disrespectful to be dating your friends ex lover and wasen't right to be doing in front of you in any case, they both knew that you have feelings for him still that's gotta be obvious, but hey dont let it bother you too much the world is full of people without respect for other people's felings. just gotta role with the punches and remember what your values are. have a good one ...Don | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 7/3/2006 6:33:07 PM | | It is called DISCRETION! There is no graceful way to deal with it -- either by them or by you. A little distance would probably be good for everyone. | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 7/3/2006 8:04:21 PM | | She's paranoid because she dosesn't wanna get ****ed at by you. In my opinion, you are over reacting because I think they're might be some kinda jealousy thing going on. Not necessarily because you still have feelings for you ex, but maybe that whole 5th wheel thing. Also, from a guy's point of view, if your friends with a guy, (and I have a few girl friends that I hang out with) you can't be a (for a lack of better words) a****block. If hes gonna get some in his friends house, be it a guy friends or girl friends, good for him (unless her bf is one of your friends, then thats a whole other scenerio), if anything you should have been accomidating. My rule always is NO MESS! lol, but hey thats me. | |
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wrecks
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Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 34 | |
| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 7/3/2006 8:24:09 PM | As far as them doing it in your house and all, you had every right to be angry - that was very disrespectful of them.
Apart from that - none of your buisiness is it?
Your not with him you don't tell her what to do.
She lied because she didn't want to hurt you AGAIN. What buisiness is it of yours to be a part of their relationship? You had your say about their disrespect that night but it should end there. | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 7/3/2006 8:34:03 PM | | #1 rule... never date a friends ex. That is a line that should never be crossed.... doing it in your house and while she had a boyfriend.... then being lied to on top of that. I wouldn't want friends like that. I don't think you are over-reacting. Drop them both. | |
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