| | When One Person Wants MorePage 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | ...I couldn't take the heartache of someone not wanting
to be with me as much as I wanted to be with them...It hurts ladies, more than you
know...You're not the only ones that get hurt..
I totally agree with you on this statement Jesterbud, there is nothing more frustrating, hurtful, and saddening than when you feel more for the other person than they do for you. Wanting them intensely, yet it is not reciprocated. This can leave you feeling very empty and cold and very troubled.
I guess it is all about knowing what you need and if it is not being met.......moving on as hard as that can be at times. I know that men and women both feel it, just some more than others. | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 3/12/2006 8:36:12 AM | jerryspringer, how often do you tell each other that you love each other? ..
do you think she is not ready to settle-down, or just not settle-down with you? ..
if it's not about you, and she is just not ready to settle-down in general, do you know why? ..
has she ever settled-down before with anyone? ..
has she ever said "i love you" before to anyone? .. | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 3/12/2006 8:44:22 AM | | Well, she used to tell me that she loved me very often, but now says "I just show it to you instead". She has been in a LTR, she was married before for 4 yrs. I have kind of backed off on telling her that I love her as well because it's not as much fun when your the only one that says it. She does act like she does however when were together. | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 3/12/2006 9:06:23 AM | how long after her marriage ended, did she start her relationship with you? .. how did her marriage end? .. did he leave her? .. did she leave him? ..
were there any other relationships in-between? .. what do you know about those relationships? .. how did they end? ..
how does she show you that she loves you? .. can you list the ways? ..
is there anything about you or your lifestyle that may cause her to be worried? .. dangerous job? .. risky business? .. | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 3/12/2006 9:26:29 AM | | Her marrage ended about 6 mo before she met me, he had cheated on her, so she left him. She had dated some before we met, but nothing serious. She shows me that she loves me by doing little things, everything from mking me heart shaped cookies to cudding on the couch, to doing little things, which I always am doing little things like that for her as well. I sent her flowers not long ago also. Nothing dangerous about my lifestyle. We do live about a 1 hour drive from each other in the same metropolitan area, but have talked about ways to change that, not hard to do. | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 3/12/2006 9:39:53 AM | OP
can you just not enjoy this relationship as it is.. and let things
happen naturally?
Your forcing something on her that she is not ready for is a sure way
to break the relationship.
That she is taking time is a good sign..... stop pushing her. State your feelings
once and leave her alone with it.
I have met guys like this and they turn into almost like a stalker or something.
Its creepy.
If you cannot appriciate it as it is... then you will not be able to keep it.
make your choices carefully as most do not even find someone they like that much
or want to be with.
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 3/12/2006 9:44:21 AM | | Great advice frangal. That is what I am going to do as I stated previously. | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 3/12/2006 9:48:31 AM | OP
Do not assume she is playing games with you or doesnt care about you.
OK?
she just needs more time.
I hope you are not playing games with her.... because sometimes a guy who is
really sincere and patient, understanding...
ends up finding something real.
There are so many idiots and players out there... LOOK AT IT FROM HER SIDE !
Read some of these threads where guys share pick up tips how to score quickly...
the games they play and all. You really cannot blame her for being careful. You should
see she is selective and being cautious.... which should signal you that she is
a good and honest person.
hang in there... good things come to those who wait.
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 3/12/2006 9:48:36 AM | jerryspringer, it sounds like you have a caring and loving relationship ..
you were the first good guy to come along in 6 months and have probably helped her through some of her hurt, during the 6 months that you have known her .. she is probably afraid of being hurt again by another man .. i would agree with your decision in giving her the time she needs, to heal, and to trust again .. | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 3/12/2006 9:51:09 AM | Your patience and understanding will also help her heal faster.
if you push it, it will go backwords.
Don't ruin what sounds like a base for something good by being selfish and
having to have your own way.
k?
Thats what most guys do... and they end up losers..... they are cluless
and there are in great abundance....
hopefully you are not one of them. | |
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Rouxx
| | Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 36 | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 3/12/2006 9:54:36 AM | Be patient,she knows where you stand.
Six months is a short time ,specialy if you came out, from a bad experience.
She will come to you,if everything is real. | |
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blue46
| | Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 38 | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 3/12/2006 6:20:30 PM | UPDATE: We are talking again...We figured out, that we got too serious at first, we didn't get a chance to go out together and have fun, give me a chance to really romance her, now that she knows where my heart lies...we are starting over, dating each other, not being so intimate, and we are going to date other people just to make sure that this is the person we want to be with...This may be the best way to handle this situation...I would rather not
lose her...but if it is for the best, C'est La Vie... | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 3/12/2006 6:25:53 PM | | Wow Jesterbud, almost the same exact situation, other than the dating other people. We moved too fast in the beginning also. | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 3/12/2006 7:37:39 PM | Someone just brought up a point to me, that she is keeping me as backup, in case her
other relationships don't work out... | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 3/12/2006 7:39:48 PM | It's possible, some people do.
I would be concerned, and tread very carefully. The way she treated you last time around shows that she's capable of playing games, being very insensitive ... and that's a part of who she is, it won't go away just because you two may reconsider a relationship. When things get tough, you'll see that side again.
Just tread lightly and keep her recent behavior in mind. | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 3/12/2006 9:22:27 PM |
Someone just brought up a point to me, that she is keeping me as backup, in case her
other relationships don't work out...
I understand. What is really important here is that you are just seeing each other. So she blows out. This elevates your attraction for her. Then she eases back. You are your own man. I don't know everything and I've made a lot of mistakes over time.
Just a point here. Was that respectful of you? Now that you are "easily" had as a man that is clearly interested and available......she backs off? What does that mean to you? Don't think. Just observe. What did you learn from that? | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 8/1/2006 1:31:58 AM | Jester....I've had the same issues dating. I've been divorced for almost four yrs. and have been proposed to three times in this short time. The thing is, I was dumbfounded by the proposals, although there were feelings, I never saw marriage in the cards with anyone I've dated...Then the real mind blower was when I discovered each one was secretly involved with other people. I confronted the last suitor and plainly asked him why this keeps happening to me. He explained that although he did love me, and he assured me that his predicessors did as well, I was intimidating. This came as a big shock to me. I don't consider myself gorgeous or anything, but in his eyes I was, and he said he always wondered if I was waiting for someone better than him to come along, thus the reason I was kept on the back burner or sometimes it was another woman on the back burner. In either case, guys, thats not fair! Due to those few experiences it's made it difficult for me to trust men. How am I supposed to take the next person seriously?
I know women play these games too, but it really sux for those of us who really want to fall in love again....sometimes I guess Love just bites! | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 8/1/2006 2:28:18 AM | Six months it the critical time in relationships ..whether it's going to make it or break it...don't get too carried away...k? I think I have been in your shoes but not to the point of living together. If it's meant to last a lifetime...don't push her...you have your whole life to spend with her....give her some space.
I think your insecurities are showing...that she is going to slip away from you arms...if you don't hang onto her tight...
I would ask why not EVERY weekend? and email just a few times a week??compromise..compromise... | |
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Jen4u
| | Joined: 7/16/2004
Msg: 46 | |
| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 8/1/2006 4:53:24 AM | | Same thing happened to me, it had been 4 months and our relationship was about the same as yours, seeing each other every week, sometimes not even that. He was just really involved in his own hobbies and didn't seem to want to change much to allow me into his life. I really felt like he liked me and held on hoping he'd open up one day when he felt secure, but it got where it was hurting me every day he didn't call or see me and I guess I have pretty much given up. It stinks, as I am madly in love with him. But my common sense tells me that if he cared about me or liked me, he would have been more open to seeing me more often and talking to me daily. If you like someone, you see them. That's human nature. I miss him so much right now it hurts, and have been physically sick over this. Spent all weekend throwing up and weak, just nerves I suppose. It's been a hell of a few months fo rme, and losing what little relationship I had with him is so painful. He;s the first guy is 2 years or more who has made me feel anything close to love. I miss him...... I was so sick over it, my ex even took the kids this whole week for me. It's sad i have all this free time, and all I can think of is wanting to spend it with him. | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 8/1/2006 5:25:12 AM |
(OP) My GF is happy seeing each other every other weekend....
(Msg 4) we have been together for 6 months.
(Msg 46) Same thing happened to me, it had been 4 months and our relationship was about the same as yours, seeing each other every week, sometimes not even that......... But my common sense tells me that if he cared about me or liked me, he would have been more open to seeing me more often and talking to me daily. If you like someone, you see them.
Jen4u says it all. If you like someone, you see them. It's as simple as that.
If the person is interested in you they will want to get to know you. When a person says things are moving too fast ask them how getting to know someone is moving too fast.
They do not have to leave their apartment or sell their home and furnishings and move in. How is spending time with someone moving too fast?
IMO, the person is not interested. If they were they would get to know as soon as possible and if they didn't like you they would end the relationship. If they aren't even interested in knowing you......well, it speaks for itself. | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 8/1/2006 9:34:54 AM | | You are 38.. break it off now or start looking around for something else (I recommend breaking it off first). If she loved you too she would want to live together as well. | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 8/1/2006 9:43:36 AM | quote" If I thought she would never change her mind, I would probably start to date others, but could not do that right now without thinking about her"
I haven't read the full thread....
Well, that sounds weird to me. If you both are planning to get marry or live together later (under the condition that this is what you are aiming for), then I don't see why she can't say "no" until she feels better. If what you really want is sex from her, tell her straight and see if she can compromise with that. If she said no, then it is your choice to leave her and find someone who can provide sex then. However, I don't think you really love her if you choose to leave just because she can't provide you sex immediately. AND I'm sure she wants to have sex with you when she thinks you are the right person to give (under the condition she is a human-being), so I don't understand why she wouldn't change her mind later if you are patient and respect her decision.
my 2 cents... | |
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| When One Person Wants More
Posted: 8/15/2006 10:55:18 PM | | Seeker4love: My original post wasn't anything about wanting to have sex. It doesn't matter though, I broke it off with her 4 months ago after catching her in some lies. Looking back now, I must have been an idiot at the time for wanting to build something serious with her. Another lesson on how love is blind I guess?? | |
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