| |
| What made you decide that Christianity should be ignored?
Posted: 2/1/2005 3:21:39 AM | longer version of my story:
I was raised to be a Christian.
For the Elementary years I was raised in an overseas interdenominational church and attended an evangelical one with my family for the highschool years.
I was always really involved in the church: choir, afterschool kids groups, vacation bible school, sunday school teacher etc.... It makes me annoyed when Christans say-- oh you must never have been a real Christian if you stopped believing. I prayed the prayer. I was baptized at 12. I spoke in tongues. I truly believed.
I remember having inklings of doubts about the kindness of God. For example, I questioned why God would bring into being people who would NEVER EVER hear of Christ. I also wondered if people in other religions thought that God answered prayer...it really struck me one day when the pastor in the pulpit said that his moslem friend believed that Allah answered his prayers. I was also unimpressed with the lack of empathy in the Bible...not to mention thinking that certain prophets sounded insane/miserable and the apostles sounded horribly bossy.
My experience of church was heavily influenced by fear. I would get panic attacks when I heard people talk about the devil, satanists, witches, demon possession etc... I would get paranoid and pray harder...feeding the fear. I still get creeped out whenI hear about the anti-christ. If God was so great, why did we have to even worry 2 seconds about the devil???
I was also afraid of dying. Not because I thought I was going to go to hell--- but because life on earth sounded THOUSANDS of times more interesting than heaven ever did. My reaction was just to avoid conversations on the subject and teach Sunday School. I liked the kids and could avoid the stress/boredom caused by sermon materials.
But I still believed. Was VERY interested in apologetics and it would have been a dream come true if I could have led someone to Christ. I remember asking many times for God to bless me with gifts of the Spirit-- be able to heal people/see visions etc.... Every Christmas I would pray that I would feel close to God in a stronger more profound way. You see... I always sensed that there were people around me who had a stronger relationship with God. His presence was more noticable in their lives. Sure--- a lot of prayers were answered and there were interesting coincidences in my life but God wasn't there the way I wanted him to be...the way the church people said he would be.
Then came the university years. I went to a Christian university and was relieved to be around other Christians after a year at public school.
My deconversion was because of two influences...often they were simultaneous.
1. Sexual liberation
2. Questioning of the Bible
The original plan was to stay a virgin until I got married.
But got drunk one Canada Day and did it. I was SO UPSET for a week. When I went to talk to the guy who devirginized me (a liberal anglican) I just ended up doing it again! Doh!
I was really upset with myself. Over the next few years I went through cycles of wanting to be pure and feeling strangely close to God then sinning and enjoying it and then being overcome with guilt.
The pro-abstinence/purity sermons at church and school didn't help at all. I'd just get horny hearing talks about sex.
I prayed over and over asking God to take away my desires so I could be a better Christian. I really wanted to serve him. But no response. I was left alone to my own devices. At this time I got really really frustrated that God was not helping me. With all those verses about asking and receiving I was really let down.
At the same time I was starting to question more and more how accurate the Bible was. The teachers at school were not complete fundamentalists so I felt a bit more free to explore doubts. For example --- the biology professors taught evolution and the biblical studies teachers (professors/translators) believed that the Bible came to us in more ways than God speaking and someone writing. When I questioned why God wouldn't help me with saying no to sex--that opened up the door to questioning other things.
The cycles of sinning and repenting became more and more pronounced.
I even worked as an exotic dancer while attending the university. The people in charge at school found out and forced me to go to counselling. The counselling was great because it helped me to deal with the panic attacks I was prone to-- not to mention other stresses in my life. Events conspired and I was fired from the job. (Honestly I was too young to deal with it..and the guilt.) I thought that God had saved me from that situation and felt closer than ever....but it was almost an odd frenzied unhealthy high. there were enough people around who were happy to talk to me about my doubts and soothe me with apologetics but the questions kept coming back and I kept on sinning.
By this time I had stopped going to church. I would still go to chapel at the university on occassion but I preferred to go out dancing Saturdays and sleep in on Sundays. I felt more alive onthe dance floor than I ever did in church.
After awhile the cycles of being close to God and not being close REALLY started to wear me down. Not to mention university life is stressful enough when you aren't having a faith crisis. I remember walking through the halls--- angry with God, angry with myself, not to mention worrying about homework.
I felt like I was going to officially go crazy. It was then that I made the decision to focus on one problem at a time. I could not get my studies done while obsessing about God. I decided to put the questions about God on the backburner and just not think about my faith for awhile. I also said to myself: If God REALLY wants me to not sin I am confident that he will help me. And the weight was lifted to a certain extent.
Guess what...the sexual desires stayed. And I remember having sex for the first time without feeling guilt. It was great!
The first year or so I mainly avoided discussions on religion and said to myself...I'm not ready for Christianity right now. Maybe one day I'll go back to church but not yet. Gradually bits of faith slipped away...and it was gradual. I also started to meet ex-christians who shared their stories with me. When you first leave the faith---a lot of people worry that they will go crazy without God's presence in their lives. It was good for me to see others who were confident non-crazy ex-christians.
I thought about exploring other religions but I sort of felt like a traitor --- plus if I didn't believe in the Christian god's power--why should I believe in some other God's power? I tried to invent my own religion -- dabbled for _very_ short period in online tarot etc...but that just left me frustrated. I knew a lot of Christians who believed that the new age powers were real-- but they were evil. If I didn't believe the other stuff that the Christians believed--there was not much point in me believing that the new agers had power either.
At this point in my life I don't really have a label for what I believe.
I see beauty and truth in the world and seek after it.
I try to be kind and am now more free to be empathetic than I was as a Christian.
I think that there is something out there....dunno what-- God?. I believe in fate, strange coincedences, consequences, wishes being answered and the like.
My goal now is to be happy and find ways to enrich my life and the lives of others. Instead of looking in the Bible for help, I look to myself and my friends.
I see Christianity as being a box that some people respond well to. I've seen that my parents and brother have found a lot of joy and strength and peace through Jesus Christ. I did not fit in that box.
I guess when it comes down to it we are all different spiritually.
Truth comes to us all in different forms. We all have our place and peace and beauty come to people in different ways. Some love Jesus. Others love Allah. Some need yoga. Others get off on looking through telescopes or microscopes.
You just need to find out where you fit. | |
|
| What made you decide that Christianity should be ignored?
Posted: 2/1/2005 4:59:47 AM | I didn't ignore it, I just didn't take it literaly, or as george Carlin says "the invisible man in the sky" just didn't do it for me.
There are zillions of mythologies and each religion is the same basic structure. The ones that require their followers to believe only one thing are traditions unto themselves. As I take the bible, Jesus would be the last one to be a Christian. Basically, he went abroad, learned about reason, came home and tried to introduce the practice of thinking for one's self as an antedote to top-down dogma and it's shortcomings. Irony being the driving force of the universe, this results in him being used as the figure head for exactly the kind of thing he was preaching against, while his better idea was effectively outlawed for centuries.
I had a friend who was Born Again and belonged to a local chapter of We Know the Truth, Inc. One of their rules was you could only read certain books, published by their own organization, or the bible. With rules like that you don't even need to burn the books.
Rather than ignore it or defame it I just put it next to all the other religions as, well, another religion. When viewed side by side you see 99% similarity and 1% difference. Many are localized dialects of the same basic myths. All share common themes.
If you are taught from childhood to be apprehensive in your thinking because you may invoke the wrath of God by questioning what is taught to you through church, what chance has your mind to ever grow beyond tha ability to recite words from a book while feeling a sense of reverence? Then, unable to handle things on your own, you are truly dependent on the church for support. It works great when it works. When it doesn't, war is hell. | |
|
| |
| What made you decide that Christianity should be ignored?
Posted: 2/1/2005 8:31:12 AM | What really made me question Christianity was when I took a good look at the first 3 chapters of the book of Revelations, and saw how corrupt Christianity had become in less than 100 years after Christ's ascension. One of Christianity's most popular evangelical, "soul-winning" verses, Revelation 3:20, was originally addressed TO a Christian church, asking them to let God back into their church. "Behold, I stand at the door and knock...". Another church was told to kick Jezebel the harlot out from among them, and others have fallen into the trap that "you must go through the clergy. God doesn't deal directly with you", which is the biggest crock of all.
My gripe about catholicism is their view of purgatory. In saying that God created purgatory, Catholicism claims that Jesus' sacrifice wasn't enough.
Also, there are many references in the New Testament that point to the fact that Christ was being obedient to God's will in sacrificing Himself for the sins of all humanity, and that salvation is the gift of God, for all people everywhere. In order to receive God's grace, one doesn't need to subscribe to the beliefs of Christianity, but rather just believe in God enough to desire to seek God. | |
|
| What made you decide that Christianity should be ignored?
Posted: 2/1/2005 2:07:36 PM |
Rather than ignore it or defame it I just put it next to all the other religions as, well, another religion. When viewed side by side you see 99% similarity and 1% difference. Many are localized dialects of the same basic myths. All share common themes.
Last Christmas I did a bit of online research and found VERY interesting similarities between Jesus's birth and the births of Dionysius and some Egyptian god whose name I can't remember at the moment. | |
|
| What made you decide that Christianity should be ignored?
Posted: 2/1/2005 3:53:39 PM |
Last Christmas I did a bit of online research and found VERY interesting similarities between Jesus's birth and the births of Dionysius and some Egyptian god whose name I can't remember at the moment.
For that matter, the Hindu faith also has a trinity (Brahma, Vishnu & Shiva). | |
|
| What made you decide that Christianity should be ignored?
Posted: 2/1/2005 4:26:30 PM | | resent the tone of this thread, as it is insulting to non-christians. how many christians have you asked to justify their faith? do not feel the need to justify my lack of faith in that religion. church history, with the lies, wholesale murder, propaganda, rampant contradictions, attempts at mind control, denigration of women, and outright corruption are enough to turn most people off. i am native american, and had the viral religion of the european invaders shoved down my throat ever since i can remember. not interested. always preferred to think for myself, rather than blindly accept what others tell me i should believe. have researched many faiths, and formed my own ideas. don't really subscribe to any religion. don't feel the need to belong to any group, or to particapate in dogmatic rituals of any kind. | |
|
| What made you decide that Christianity should be ignored?
Posted: 2/1/2005 6:17:28 PM | That's fair enough that you should resent the tone of this thread. I resented all the bullying I was seeing of Christians on this Religion Forum so I started my own thread. I wanted to see who was just a smart aleck punk and who actually had studied the matter and had something to say. From what I gather from many is that they gave up believing in God so they could download porn on the internet without feeling guilty. Oh they are not coming right out and saying this but it is pretty obvious. Feel free to ignore this thread if it offends you.
Dance, I can relate big time to what you are saying. Sadly many Christian groups screw people up, but that does not nullify the Bible. I spent many years among Pentecostals and came to the point that I wasn't sure if God was there or not. I decided to study on my own and find the Truth. After flirting with existenialism, I concluded that the Bible is indeed the Word of God. I know how some Christian groups can mess a person up, and if anyone who has been wants to email me and talk privately, feel free to do so. | |
|
| What made you decide that Christianity should be ignored?
Posted: 2/1/2005 6:49:42 PM | I think that this is a good thread and I want to hear more stories.
I don't think it's insulting because it gives us the opportunity to speak up.
As far as asking the Christians why they belive...I've seen a lot of their comments already.
There's the What has Jesus done for you thread for one example. | |
|
| What made you decide that Christianity should be ignored?
Posted: 2/1/2005 8:31:25 PM |
From what I gather from many is that they gave up believing in God so they could download porn on the internet without feeling guilty.
Here's my take on the issue of guilt and the human body.
Before Adam & Eve ate of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, they were walking around the Garden buck naked and they didn't care, because they didn't have a conscience. | |
|
Loukus
|
Joined: 2/15/2004
Msg: 37 | |
| |
| What made you decide that Christianity should be ignored?
Posted: 2/1/2005 9:22:46 PM | | GeeTunes, I was being sarcastic, but I truly believe some decide to give up belief in God, or Christianity, because they wish to participate in practices the Bible condemns. My favorite band, Great Big Sea, has a song called "Consequence Free", which is basically about someone who wishes he didn't have a "Catholic conscience" following him around. (Incidentally, most U.S. residents have never heard this great Canadian band as U.S. radio really stinks). | |
|
| |
| What made you decide that Christianity should be ignored?
Posted: 2/2/2005 2:29:02 AM | I have never decided that christianity should be ignored, it's kind of impossible to ignore anyway, but i am not a christian in the way a lot of people here are.
I've been to catholic, methodist, church of england, spiritual church's, anglican, and my main problem is the bible, yes i have read it, no i cant quote from it.
Christianity revolves around the bible it is it's basis for all ideologies and theory's that are present in the vast array of sections encompassed by the umberella of christianity
The bible was not written by God him/herself or even by Jesus, it was written by men and therefore is only as reliable as they are, it is well known that nothing written down second hand is ever truly accurate unless written down verbatim, it is also completely open to interpretation as is any written record, and I don't want to live the rest of my life, by obeying rules that God passed on to jesus and jesus passed onto his disciples, who probabkly wrote them down some time after they were told, that were then rewritten and translated, and interpreted by someone who was alive however many years ago, was more than likely badly educated by today's standards, viewed woman and people of 'inferior' races as property. I don't think that that says to me, heres a reliable source of god's word.
I have seen people on here arguing over the meaning of different passages, in the bible, so how can anyone say what is or isnt true or false!
In the world we live in nothing is definite, I believe that religion complicates something that should in fact be very simple.
Faith is a personal thing, everyone has different ideas on it, .
I believe that my duty for the time is not to stay a virgin til i'm married or not work on a sunday.
I believe that it is for each of us to be the best person we can be, each different, but none any better than the other. | |
|
| What made you decide that Christianity should be ignored?
Posted: 2/2/2005 12:03:48 PM | Christians have it so easy!
Blind faith requires no thought.
repent and thy shall be saved
say a hail mary
and go on your evil ways
It's been my experience that atheists are much more moral than christians. We have nothing to fall back on, only the way we conduct ourselves and how we feel about ourselves. I remained true to my wife long after it stopped being a marriage. I sure had ample oppurtunity to b otherwise. While I watched christian friends cheat on their wives and girlfriends. I have
lots exmpls but I type slow. Just take a look at the catholic church, how many priests are pedophiles? What does the church do? Pays off the families and sweeps it under the table! How many priests are infected with GODS OWN SCOURGE. Religion? Naw.
P.S. All you catholics out there make sure you give generously at the offering this week, those priests need your help. | |
|
| What made you decide that Christianity should be ignored?
Posted: 2/2/2005 3:40:34 PM |
atheists are much more moral than christians
I'll have to disagree with you on that one.
It really depends on the person.
Moral: Mother Theresa
Immoral: Stalin
You can do it both ways.
Maybe you're more moral than the priests you heard about in the news...but you really can't lump everyone together.
Anyone with an institution to protect likes to sweep things under the rug.
Think of the police and the prevalence of wife abuse for example... | |
|
Loukus
|
Joined: 2/15/2004
Msg: 43 | |
| |
| What made you decide that Christianity should be ignored?
Posted: 2/2/2005 5:51:45 PM | | dance I admit it was a poor post, someone ticked me off. By no means did I mean to infer all christians are immoral, quite the contrary, christians probably do more good for the world than atheists do. My point was, christians have a crutch, atheists do not. And I said from my OWN experience, friends who are atheists tend to live cleaner lives than my friends who claim to be christians. I know the boundaries of my own heart, and how I treat other people, our beautiful earth and our furry brothers and sisters. I am passionate person.... To be condemned to hell for non belief Beffiins**t. | |
|
| |
Loukus
|
Joined: 2/15/2004
Msg: 46 | |
| |
| |
Loukus
|
Joined: 2/15/2004
Msg: 48 | |
| |
| What made you decide that Christianity should be ignored?
Posted: 2/2/2005 6:35:20 PM | I have to agree that we Christians are not very moral. We are as wicked as anyone else. That is the whole reason Jesus Christ came to die for us, because our righteousness is as filthy rags.
I am kind of curious as to why so many of you who have given up on Christianity gravitated to the religion section of a singles site.
This isn't a trick question, I am really curious. | |
|
| |
Home
login 
