| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/16/2006 11:02:20 AM | "Not considered a loss as he simply had to leave early (back to heaven)"
That is an extremely healthy way to look at it....I commend you for that YEAIDID.
 I don't think I would handle it that well. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/16/2006 11:07:32 AM | Thanks Carol....just know that I did not put that up here for sympathy. Its for the people that think my rage is unjust, and that I am being 'petty' in certain thoughts. Notice there have not been replies nor will there be. That fact alone tends to make people shut what they call the 'fukk up'
Ive been through hell with gasoline boots on already. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/16/2006 4:24:12 PM |
Thanks Carol....just know that I did not put that up here for sympathy. Its for the people that think my rage is unjust, and that I am being 'petty' in certain thoughts.
Well, if I'm one of the people you're referring to, I'm hoping you didn't misunderstand me. I honestly believe you want your child for selfless reasons. But there were a lot of references to getting money, which I don't think you really care about... that was just your frustration. If you go into court thinking about some of the things you said here, you might end up saying them there. I'm just saying keep using the forums to get all that out of your system... or talk to friends, family... whoever. When you get to court, just make sure everything is about your son. You won't have a hard time convincing most of us that your son is more important than money... but it's the courts that are going to be making the decision, not us. I'm just saying that a lot of what you said here would be best kept out of court... in regards to the money aspect. You probably already knew that... I just said it. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/17/2006 11:49:29 AM | I didnt reply, because I have not had the chance to be on here, and have been busy.
I am also sorry for your loss. Ive been there(twice) under diff. circumstances (I lost 2 daughters prematurely in preg.)
I dont think your main deal is revenge, nor do I think you are petty. I do believe you have your sons best interests at heart.
I believe alot of us have gone thru our own personal hell, but, such is life, and it sucks. Ya pick yourself up and become the better person.
Get custody of your son from here on out and live in the now. Try not to worry/focus about the past, the money lost, what shes done. From here on out, concentrate on the present. It does no good to focus on the past--it only stirs up emotions, and if they are filled with anger and hurt, that can overcome your main focus. Which should be focusing on what you can do to make your son have a better environment NOW. | |
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Bosha
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Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 55 | |
| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/17/2006 12:51:24 PM | | I too have 50/50 custody of my children. I work a PT job, but make good money doing so. He did take me back to court and fought the fact that I only work PT (he felt as though I should be working FT and the boys should be with a sitter instead of their own mom...go figure...ohhh, not to mention, I would have to pay for that as well). When we went to court, he had the support cut to nothing, but then after I revealed the fact that he owns 2 rental properties that he tried to hide, even from his lawyer, he did have to pay me support each week. My salary, although I am PT, was doubled by the judge (how nice of him...wish he paid me the difference) to make it as though I was working FT because amazingly enough the idiot judge thinks that kids belong in daycares as well. I didnt fight it because I felt as though it were more important to make a point to my ex that I WILL CONTINUE to work PT, make enough to get by BUT....still be able to help my kids with their homework, help them pass that test, take them to the park after a long day at school and just let them enjoy the time with their MOM and me enjoy time with them... and not some babysitter who wont give a damn what MY KIDS are doing. I might be losing out on money, but DAD is losing out on time spent with the kids. We all know, money doesnt buy back lost time with your kids. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/17/2006 1:38:10 PM | YEAH...
My kids slept in the bed with me (still do sometimes) for the longest time, but that was because I was so scared they'd stop breathing and I wouldn't hear it. They did just fine. It was because she was drunk that he suffocated, not because he was in the bed with her. But you're right, it was his time to go home... he's in a better place now. I've lost three.. it's hard, but you know they are watching over you now and it somehow makes life a lot nicer knowing that.
Get your son away from that woman because he won't flourish in a negative environment.
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/18/2006 11:06:11 AM | As for the remarry thing that needs to be discussed between the natural parents, my girlfriend got married when her son was 2 his father has never seen him yet he pays, does the money really get put to use for this kid nope, in this case the father shouldn't have to pay anymore as he is not involved.
Every case is unique and should be treated that way! | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/18/2006 12:48:27 PM | Hate to say this.....but I think the reason you are paying that support IS because she is on welfare. In Ontario, welfare goes after the father for support, so they have to pay less to the mother. Cheap ass government, if you ask me....
In my opinion though, no you should not have to be paying because you HAVE 50/50 custody. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/18/2006 3:40:25 PM | | If you share the child on a 50/50 split, then I believe you should not have to pay support! However, I must admit...I am shocked that someone posted if a woman should mary a man of means, that he should be absolved of support payments!!! Did the new man make the child? Is he that child's natural Daddy??? OMG what neanderthol thinking!! | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/18/2006 7:06:18 PM | | Are you nuts? What if you remarry and your new wife is loaded should you pay more money in child support?, Your kids are your responsiblity regardless of who their mother marries or lives with, if your kids get lucky enough to live with a another man who is good to them and has money you should just be grateful! | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/19/2006 3:10:56 AM | I think there is a lot of missing information here...
For the men who don't understand how a child can cost $1000/month...
- Single mothers getting that kind of cash monthly usually have an extra bedroom to pay rent for.
- With having an extra body in the house, extra water and utilities are being used, extra food being eaten, and extra cleaning supplies being used. Believe it or not, these are costs that are included as a portion of your child support.
- Child support is based on income because it reflects the quality of life that you would be able to provide for your child. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/19/2006 12:31:24 PM | | I have to agree with. If you have your child 50% of the time, your paying the medical, buying his clothes, all school stuff (and YES gramma counts). It is very expensive to buy all that stuff for them. I have 3, i know, and even tho, i hate the dad...I know, i had these kids to. So i have to get along with him, and why should I screw him over because we didnt get along. Remember, God gives you 1 good parent, and your child will know what a great parent you are...later. good luck w that | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/19/2006 12:35:36 PM | Tauche, I think that you are wrong. Even in joint custody the higher income earning Parent can still be ordered to pay support regardless of income levels. I know someone who divorced his wife and she is a Principal and they have joint custody. She makes great money, roughly $75000 per year and he still pays support has he makes a lot more. The purpose is to balance things out so that the child gets to maintain the same living standard as if the Parents were together.
I think that a lot of people who pay support are bitter, and that they should be more worried about their kids welfare. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/19/2006 1:38:56 PM | | Ok here's what I think about the matter.......I believe that if the child lives most of the time with one parent then the other parent should pay child support (regardless if it's mom or dad) but if custody really is 50-50 then no child support should be paid by either but clothing, medical, school expecses etc. should also be split 50-50..........And to whoever said that $1200/month couldn't all be going to a child you are wrong, especially if there's more than one child! And I fully believe (whether it be by the father OR mother) that some expenses are for the benefit of the child for instance rent-a roof over their heads, car payment and insurance and maintenence-a safe vehicle for the children to be riding in, heat and electric bill and even phone bill-heat, lights and a phone to call someone if there is an emergency........some things do not benefit a child such as hair and nail appts., credit card payments, things like that.....If the custodial parent (the child support reciever) does get married again I believe that shouldn't affect wheter support is paid but since anyone can get a review once a year maybe it can be determined that not as much should be paid....I don't know how that works in every state.......either way I believe that child support should be payed by the parent who has the least amount of time with the child whether it's the father or the mother..................by the way I am a single parent of 2 daughters who does recieve almost $1000 per month in child support but I also work 2 part time jobs because I like my jobs and don't want to just sit around the house collecting my child support but I also put up with my ex telling me that he doesn't like the way I spend "his" money (gymnastics and cheerleading classes, rent, gas electric phone, car payment and insurance.......and when I asked him if he wanted to buy subs from the kids' fundraiser he said yes and refused to pay me because according to him he'd be paying twice since I already have "his" money....... | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/19/2006 3:05:31 PM | I know here where I live that the courts consider all the "extras" that you buy as a gift, so reimbursement doesn't happen. I also know someone who signed adoption papers for his son to be adopted by his ex's new husband, child support did not stop taking child support from his paychecks, because neither biological parent contacted child support. Child support claims that the only way he could recover that money that he paid after signing the papers, was to actually take his ex to court himself, there was nothing child support could do.
Anyway, I think that you should continue to fight for full custody, and forget about the money you've paid out. Start a "new life" with your son, and move on. In all reality do you think you will ever see any of the money?
As far as not paying child support if the ex spouse remarried, I would have to disagree. My kids are my kids....so I wouldn't expect someone else to pay for the things that I as a biological parent should be paying for. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/19/2006 3:19:55 PM | news flash! Being thePrimary is very hard WORK! Maybe she felt inadequate - had to go get 'training'. But the reality is = SHE is the one sitting hors in the doctor's office for appointments. SHE is the one figuring out all the little deatails of his daily care so that YOU can have a guideline for your time with him.
SHE is the one the school will call when you are at YOUR JOB. She is the one playing nurse when he gets sick, getting him to his appointments when you are at your job, buying and bringing home the food and other things he needs at the times when you are at your job.
you say she doesn't have a job. YES she does. But you are paying her to do it. She doesn't need to validate herself anymore than that. Also if you are on call , 24/7 , like an EMT, THAT IS HARD WORK! | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/19/2006 3:58:38 PM | | bABYSITTERS, WHO Ddo ntot do housework chaufferring , recreational activities schoolwork, doctor appointments, take care of them when they are sick, host their friends, take them to lessons , handle fights with bullies at school, ,handle their emotional crises, on and onand on, etc. STILL DO WORK FOR WHICH THEY GET RECOGNITION AND PAY! | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/19/2006 6:52:33 PM | | This is an issue i have been giving a lot of thought too as i recieve my phone bill which my ex paid when i said you wanna call your boy you pay for the phone. My ex and I get a long fine but she has remarried (a lawyer) and has had a new baby. I think I nedd to file for support anyways but not looking forward to the stress | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/19/2006 8:54:25 PM | | Keep all recietes and take her to court. DO you have a way to prove this?? I suggest that you go to child protective services and see if they can help you.!!! I have problems with CPS but that does not mean that they can't help you. This is a case where they need to be involved. If you can get them on your side and prove her unfit they will help you!! | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/19/2006 9:33:24 PM | Flip this the other way.. I recieve child support and when my kids want anything, and I mean anything, they are told to ask their mom since he gives all his money to their mother. When they used to go for weekend visits, I would have to send money with them since he wouldn't spend a cent on them. He claims poverty but sits on RRSPS and two pieces of recreational land. He has a house with two room mates and the kids sleep on futons in the basement when they come. I live in a nice house in a nice area.. and I work full time. he won't pay his share of extra expenses unless he gets to okay them first. He spends very little of Christmas, in fact, he took them to a dinner theatre a few days before christmas and announced at dinner that this was their christmas presents. I pay for all school uniforms, field trips, extra curricular activites.
He signs his support cheques including a count down until he no longer has to pay it.
BTW, we have joint custody, kids live with me full time, and see him on Sundays for dinner.
Their choice. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/19/2006 9:39:37 PM | | I am also one with a child, the father does not pay and i don't want his money...I want him to be a father. It does not take money to be a father. I am also currently in school so it's not like I am rich or anything, but I feel cuz he wanted an abortion and it was my decision to keep it, it is my soul responcibility to provide for the child. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/20/2006 9:31:51 AM | ^^^^^
So did you tell him that your having the child regardless? Is he active? Do you still speak to the father?
Message 67-linneth.....Are you alright over there? Nobody said that being primary is easy. Bottom line is that manipulation and deceit is not the way to go through life and it will effect your child(s) outlook on life. All things listed below are done by ME. I have him friday through friday every other week.
CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/19/2006 3 38 PM
bABYSITTERS, WHO Ddo ntot do housework chaufferring , recreational activities schoolwork, doctor appointments, take care of them when they are sick, host their friends, take them to lessons , handle fights with bullies at school, ,handle their emotional crises, on and onand on, etc. STILL DO WORK FOR WHICH THEY GET RECOGNITION AND PAY!
Now in Response to RiverBabe: Your totally right that living in the past is never the way to 'move forward'. Thing is, Her prime objective it seems is to make my life uncomfortable however possible. Of course 9/10 it effects my son as well. She agrees to cooperate initially for all extra curriculars ie swimming, karate, tee-ball.....and then one to two weeks into it....she stops being cooperative and doesnt bring him to the lesson. Her car has broken down LITERALLY every other friday since the second week in january, between 4-6 (pickup time is 530). So how do you deal when its an EVERYDAY occurence?(besides venting in POF forums)
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/20/2006 9:39:39 AM | Response to Message 58: Your right somewhat.....Wefare is the reason that i was found in arrears for 6000K past due. This is when i was dumb enough to believe that the honor system meant something....no receipts nothing. She has been on welfare since 18.....damn, 16 years! That looks more terrible now that im re-reading this then it did when i just said it in my head. ewe
In response to "CPS"-Been there done that, cops went to her house in the day when we didnt have the 50/50 order....and said 'its ok' that he is with a 10 year old boy and 9 year old girl everyday ALL DAY ....he was 2.5 at the time. I didnt have time or the desire explain to CPS, WHY he should be with an adult or at least someone with the slightest concept of responsibility/emergency processes.....wouldnt have mattered even if i did | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/20/2006 2:26:13 PM | Since I have never been on welfare.. I can't really comment on her reasons for being on it.
I can't imagine being on it for that many years.. is she disabled or something? don't they usually kick people off that after a while??? | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/20/2006 8:01:55 PM | Hi,
I was sort of in your situation when my son was born. I was taken through the ringer in court and with welfare. I ended up paying 1000s just to get visitation to my son. His Mom did not approve of my fiancee and tried to block my rights to see him. She also quit her job and went on welfare before he was born. Needless to say, welfare also came after me and I had to pay the full birth bill.
I'm in NY and the way the law works is they surmise that 17% of the total gross of both parents combined should go towards a child. They then figure your percent of the total gross and you pay that percent. Then that percent also applies to all medical and daycare needs also. Suffice to say, I've been paying out about 170/wk for a long period. My son is 10 now and he stays here all weekends, 2 nights/wk and I also have him after school for another 3.
Under the law I could take her back for a reduction but would rather just keep the peace and let it all progress. I also pay for other incidentals,food, clothing, sports,his hockey camps and half his schooling.
My biggest beef of all of this is that giving the money for your child isn't hard or wrong. You want your child to have a good life. But there should be some control on how the money is spent. I really think the parent getting the money should have to show some sort of ledger on where the money goes. Also I think that a certain percentage of all support should go into a trust for that child for his adult life.
You're right to want that money for your kid. HE DESERVES IT! | |
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