| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 9/25/2006 6:42:55 PM | This is a very touchy and personal subject- definately continue to pay your support- whether it is directly to her, a bank account for the child....whatever....thankyou for stepping up to the plate and taking care of your responsibilities. It only takes a few minutes of speaking to a judge to plead your case- they will ultimately make the decision that is best for the child- and you should be prepared, that you may not like the decision. Also, child support (depending again on the situation, and the state in which you live) is calculated on your income and the income of the mother in question as well-
Good luck with everything | |
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apms
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Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 102 | |
| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 9/25/2006 8:46:56 PM | Allow me to make a suggestion to you and everyone.
The first thing that I did when the issue of a divorce came up was to purchase a book of my state’s “Family Law”. It only cost me $45.00. Don’t buy a “Do it yourself” book, get a real Law Book. If you don’t know which one to buy, just go to your local county Law Library and ask the Liberian for the best one to do research. Look in the front of the book for the publisher and contact them on the Internet. Believe me, the cost of this book will be well worth your money.
The “Family Law” book that I purchased came with a disk that had a fill in the blank form for a Dissolution. It turned out that it was the same book that my Attorney used. The disk was designed for Attorneys to use, but one could easily use it themselves. These books are easy to read. If you can read a paperback book, you can handle this material. And no, this stuff is not boring since the subject matter effects you, your kids and your money.
I read most of the book but unfortunately, I only skimmed over the chapter that I should had read. I assumed that my Attorney knew what he was doing and paid dearly for that mistake. I later had an issue that my Attorney never covered in the Agreement. After I re-read that chapter, it was in black and white, word for word, a section that the book said should had been included in the agreement. Had this section been inserted into the agreement, my ex would had screwed herself instead of screwing me.
When I went to court about this custody issue, my new attorney strung the case (and his fees) out for over a year. I fired him and got a different Attorney who within a month had my ex on the way to jail and begging me not to take full custody. My son’s appointed attorney and the judge both wanted me to have full custody but my son wanted 50/50 so I went with what he wanted.
After learning lessons from my previous experience, should I have to go through a divorce or dissolution again, I would do the following:
1.) I would get that book and read everything I could. If I didn’t under stand it, I would re-read it. If I still didn’t understand it, I would ask my Attorney to explain it because he/she works for me. I would not let my Attorney give me the line, “Don’t worry about that little issue, that’s what your are paying me for.” I would not put all my trust in my Attorney. I would remember that Attorneys are good bull-shitters and that mine may try to bull-shit me.
2.) I would not assume that my Attorney will do everything right. I would Micro-manage my Attorney,
3.) I would remember that my Attorney works for me and that he/she is my employee.
4.) If I didn’t like what my Attorney was doing or the outcome, I would fire his/her Ass and get another Attorney.
5.) I would ask around to find who is a good Attorney for “Family Law”. I would remember that Attorneys specialize in different areas of law. I wouldn’t go to a Proctologist for an ear infection. I would ask the Attorney for references and talk with their previous clients. Just because someone has a law degree and passes the exam doesn’t make him/her a good Attorney. I would remember that I am putting my future, my children’s future and my hard earned money in my Attorney’s hands. I would remember that I am not hiring someone to mow your grass.
6.) I would continue to re-read that book for every step of my case.
7.) I would remember that “The Golden Rule” is, “Don’t ever trust your ex’s Attorney.
THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE.
This is only my opinion on what I would do if I would have to go through a divorce or dissolution again.
I’m taking time to write you my opinion because from what I’ve read, my opinion is that you could of found a different Attorney who could of easily of kept you from having to pay any child support from the start.
In closing: Buy The Book And Read The Book!!!
Again, these “Family Law” books are easy to read. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 9/26/2006 9:37:59 AM | ^^^^^ Very well said!!! Bravo!!
I got my first attorney when I was 20 when I was pregnant... and didn't realize how bad he was until I accidentally found out that another friend of mine used him for her custody issues. I didn't know that I could fire him until quite a few adults (i.e. my parents friends) told me that I could.
You know a lawyer is bad when you call to get your retainer cheque back and the receptionist who sounded like she hated her job gets very cheerful when you tell her why you called, and sends it by courier back to you, with a little happy note thanking you for your business!!! | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 9/26/2006 9:44:52 AM | In order for any law to make you responsible for paying child support on a child that is not yours, you had to have signed some legal paperwork.
Dont cry later when you didnt pay attention to what you were willing to sign.
If you didnt sign anything, then I suggest you become knowledgable over the laws in your area. It does no good to whine about it when you sit and do nothing to correct it. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 9/26/2006 2:15:26 PM |
If you have 50/50 custody then you shouldn't have to be paying support. If you get full custody, yes she should be paying YOU support.
Not necessarily true.
If you have filed for primary, and you are granted it, then yes - she should pay you. However, what she covers may not be close to waht you are paying.
A friend of mine is in the middle of a divorce. Her kids are 50/50. The ex pays support for the kids but not alimony. He makes about 5X what she does. There are rules as to where each of them can live. This puts serious strain on her financially. He is paying the smallest amount he can get away with.
The courts won't necessarily put as much weight on what you have done over and above what was agreed in court. They will look at this as something that you chose to do. | |
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apms
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Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 107 | |
| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 9/27/2006 1:10:44 AM | Cocodelite,
I stand corrected. Thank you for pointing this out. It’s been six years since I had to go through this stuff and I guess I’m trying to suppress the whole unhappy time period.
I may state that each state has it’s own laws and these laws change from time to time. That is why you need to buy a new book with the current laws vs. relying on the books in the library, which are sometimes outdated. One could probably find current changes of laws on the Internet.
According to my state laws. The amount of Child Support one pays is in proportionate to ones income to the other parent. I talked my ex into getting a dissolution. At that time, we made about the same amount of money, so we agreed on no child support. I think she would be paying about $10.00 a week. We were getting along and I was so happy to get her to agree with everything, that I said forget child support. Plus, if I got a different job with more money, I’d have to paying her.
The problem here is, guys from my generation were raised that a man was to support the family and the wife was to stay home and take care of the children. Women’s Lib just started when I was in high school. By the time I got married, many years later, things changed.
Unfortunately, some guys still have that macho philosophy and some churches still preach it. So, a lot of my friends who married right out of high school worked their ass off and had their wife stay home. Some guys didn’t want their wife to work. These friends screwed themselves. They wondered why they lost their house that they paid for, had to pay alimony and had to pay so much child support. The reason was that they thought they were macho and never read the law. Their father probably instilled this macho philosophy in them but their father never had the experience of going through a divorce and never read the law.
I know, for my state, the law is not sexually bias about child support but society is still bias against a man who is not making as much money as his wife. Some women are still looking for a man to support them and most women won’t date a guy who makes less than her. However, some guys never learn and are still into this old outdated macho philosophy which will screw them in the end. As far as me, I’m not going to support any woman. I’ve learned and I hope other guys learn from this post.
River Girl:
I do remember (because I was surprised by this) that in my state, if one spouse starts and continues to financially support a child of their spouse who is not their biological child or who they did not legally adopt, they automatically have to pay child support for that child. They do not have to sign anything. All that the biological parent has to be proven is that her spouse supported her child.
I remember this, because, I had been supporting my ex’s daughter but never legally adopted her. My ex never read the other book that stated this and she never got an attorney for the dissolution. We agreed on everything and went to my attorney to have it formally written up so it would fly in the court system. I was sweating it when my attorney explained to her that he was representing me and not her.
Here again, is an example of how one can get screwed by not knowing the law. Luckly it wasn’t me who got screwed his time. I did give my ex the Family Law book that I bought so she could read it. However, this was in another Family Law book that I read. But, it serves her right, because she told me and her daughter that her biological father couldn’t be found and didn’t care about her. At that time, I believed my ex and unfortunately her daughter still does. Later, I found out different. She knew where her father was but didn’t seek child support from him because she didn’t want him to visit her daughter. He lived several states away, knew he couldn’t get custody and rarely visited this state, so, he stayed away to avoid having to pay child support. I could of filed and gotten him to pay child support and all back child support but didn’t because I didn’t want to press the issue.
By the way, in my case, I didn't want the house so I gave her the option of getting it re-financed in her name and giving me half the equity. She never did, so after a fair amount of time, I had the option of getting the house re-financed in my name and giving her half the equity which I did. We got along great until I had to force her to move out of the house. She got pissed off and that is when all hell broke lose. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 9/27/2006 3:22:56 AM |
HOWEVER, she has directly caused me to just WASTE thousands of dollars because she does not care about money as she has never 'earned' very much anyway (career student/welfare recipient)
OP - nowhere in this rant did I hear "my child needs..." - this is beucase in YOUR opinion, the money is not going to the child...you know what, it costs money to put a roof over his head, food in his stomache, heat in his home, water for his bath and to take care of him. For you to be this selfish is amazing. Obviously the courts did not agree to your philiosphies, so why don't you suck it up and remember it is for YOUR CHILD, and HIS best interests - not a "waste" of your money!. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 9/27/2006 6:24:41 AM | no you cant have the child support back but
you need to stop buying his clothing, as that is what you pay
child support for.
You can ask for a list of what she is spending money on
so you do not duplicate things... go see a lawyer and get
info on getting a list on what she spends... guys do it all the time.
hey bud... joint custody doesnt mean much of anything really.
numbers c and d in your list in msg 1
should be covered by the child support you pay... if you
insist on paying for them...
then shut up...
and pay... nobody is twisting your arm.. and everyone knows that
child support is suppossed to cover all that clothing and hockey stuff.
That you are paying what you are allowing his mother to blow money.
Get it right
or just do it for the next 18 years and stop complaining... those are your
two choices.
let me say it again: JOINT CUSTODY DOENT MEAN MUCH OF ANYTHING...
you will see. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 9/27/2006 7:32:43 AM | OP, I'm in a similar situation as you are. I pay for everything right now, down to gas money for her to pick our son up, diapers, clothes (she doesn't even wash the clothes she uses, she brings them back dirty), the whole nine yards. My parents pay for child care, insurance, medical costs, and a lot of incidentals for my kid. They also watch him in the evenings every week night until I get off of work and pick him up. It amounts to just a couple of hours, but it's a great help because I have to work overtime to pay for this divorce...
Her parents have made ZERO effort in the past 3 years to be in my son's life, much less help us out. My soon-to-be ex wife does not work, she lives with her mother (who is a man hater, and very, VERY much not the..kindest or...most sane individual on the face of the planet. She will not get custody of the lad, I will be sure of that.
I'm scared to death that if I pay child support, it'll not be used to actually support my kid. I love my son to death and I will do anything for him, which is why he's better off with me. I have a house, a job I've worked for the past 4 years, stable income, and a support system that blows hers away.. I have no doubt in my mind that I will get custody. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 9/27/2006 8:41:12 AM | Go for whatever you are entitled to, you know she would not skip a beat in demanding it herself. I am so tired of spouses using the ex as a second income instead of using the support payments on the children. I see a lot of ex spouses using the kids as casino chips in supporting their dependant lifestyles.
Good luck in your situation. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 9/27/2006 12:54:26 PM | | Talk to a Lawyer first and you'd better have documentation. You won't get a refund but you might get a reduction or support might get eliminated. | |
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cmea
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Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 113 | |
| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 9/28/2006 10:58:36 AM | "Perhaps in the $500 range per month etc....
That DOES contribute to what the child ACTUALLY uses (day care for instance, food etc..)"
Are you kidding me??? My daughter's child care ALONE is $500 per month and that is below the average!
I'm sort of all over the map when it comes to child support. I've been a single mom steady now for almost 4 years. I have three daughters 11, 9, and 4. My two oldest children are from a previous marriage. We haven't seen or talked to their father in over 8 years. So the kids and I have never received a penny from this man. Nor do I want to see a penny from this man. He's not been involved in their lives. My youngest daughters father chose to end our relationship by sleeping with someone else. I did take him to court for child support because he had played an active roll in my daughters life from the time we split up. Taking her every Saturday night then HE switched it to every second weekend. He only has to pay me $290 in child maintenance and 1/2 the cost of her childcare ($250). And I only ever receive it when he wants to pay. He is currenlty in arrears of over $3000. I have never denied him his visitation and have tried on numerous occassions for him to take her for extra times (holidays ie.). Then he decides to up and move to Alberta earlier this year where he makes triple the salary he was making here...yet, I do nothing about it although it's my legal right to go after more money for her. And then when I ask for any extra money to put her in skating lessons this year...I'm a money hungry B*TCH? I never could understand that about him? I also don't understand why some men/women find it hard to understand that 'child support' is more than just money for food or childcare. We still have to provide a roof for our children, running water, electricity etc.? | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 9/28/2006 2:52:45 PM | In some parts of Southern California, daycare (usually centers) are on an avg. of $1,000/mo. And this was 3 yrs. ago-Im sure its gone up by now. Private daycare, where my daughter was at from a baby til about 3, was $600/mo. I once put her in the center one, for a wk. while my parents were on vacation and her normal daycare was closed. Thats how I know their rates.
Where she goes now (pre-k) is a bit over $600/mo. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 9/29/2006 6:24:52 PM | WOW
you seem very fixated on the professional student/welfare aspect of the mother. that is really too bad cuz it seems ur hatred and emphasis on money is overshadowing the best interests of ur child.
for your own emotional well being AND that of ur child - write it off as a loss... | |
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cmea
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Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 116 | |
| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 10/2/2006 11:16:13 AM |
you seem very fixated on the professional student/welfare aspect of the mother. that is really too bad cuz it seems ur hatred and emphasis on money is overshadowing the best interests of ur child
Just wondering who this statement is directed to? | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 10/16/2006 11:49:30 PM | If you make more than her, then yes, you should still be paying her child support.
The purpose of child support is to equalize living situations; to make for a similar environment at both households.
It pays for food, daycare, rent, car expenses, medical, dental, entertainment, everything that you have or provide in your own home.
If you want to pay her less, quit your job and live in poverty. I doubt a judge would make you pay then. That would sure teach your ex a lesson!
If she is a career student/welfare recipient (and this bother you so much), perhaps you should have worn a condom.
:) | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 10/17/2006 10:12:49 AM |
So from proud Daddy to the next go for it and don't stop. Fathers have just as much right to seek child support. If it is right or not.
I totally agree with you Aqua, fathers and mothers who take on the responsibility of their child have a right to have that little piece of mind that there is the financial support provided to the child, if something happens.
Yeaidid...Since she has 2 other children and is not working stably, there is a chance she will go for undue hardships and lower the support payment, but at least she is starting to pay her portion.
I wish you luck! | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/7/2007 10:46:41 AM | I really didn't want to post anything but after thinking about it i decided to post something.
My brother has two beautiful children which he used to have soul coustody of (wont get into details) He did not recieve any money from her for the three years he had them. She didn't send the kids money like she promised or nothing. Once and a blue moon she'd send them gifts Clothes and such.
She has now had the kids back for almost 3 years (my brother didn't pay her anything in the past three years, because she didn't help him when he had them)
my brother now sends her $500 a month. Plus when he comes to see his kids he buys most of all thier clothes, aprox $350 in food, and sometimes also gives her an extra $500 when he comes to see them. He pays for all my nephews hockey fee's including equiptment. All my neices fee's for girlguides and Violin. Plus he spends money taking them out when he visits ect. Now add it all up 500 plus 350 in food plus 550 a year in hockey not including equiptment. girl guides is about 250 a year. Now his daughter is 12 and son is 9 you figure out how much clothes a month or year would cost for them.
Not once does my brother complain about the money. She complains that she never has enough. Keep in mind she has another child from some other guy as well who is 2 years old. He pays her rent which just went up to 1600 a month. That's really all he does for his child is pays the rent.
So you figure out she make's about $800 -900 dollars every two weeks I'm her live in Nanny she pays me nothing. She gets over 700$ a month from Child tax. Plus a $100 Cheque from goverment for her youngest of two years old. plus 500 a month from my brother plus her rent is paid. All she is left with paying every month is half the food I pay the other half , Power, Gas, water, satilite and phone.
So yeah in the end guys really get the shitty end of the stick believe me i know, But if you do what my brother does and just buy the stuff and give her very little cash then you know the money is going towards your Kids. Although courts don't see buying your children stuff when they don't live with you child support, You just gotta do waht needs to be done unfortinately. And like my brother says.. WHo cares how much stuff i gotta pay for after giving her 500 child support a month at least I know that my children are getting what they need and that they have the joy of being able to be in hockey girlguides violynn whatever. Personally even if i knew the money wasn't always going on the kids the point is that your Following the court order. Why start a huge fight over things you have no control over like her spending the money on nails ect. Bring it up in court if it's a problem.
At least my brother finds the comfort in knowing that his kids have everything and if you think for one second the kids don't know that their daddy/Mommy is the one who takes full care of them financially your totally wrong!!!! And believe me they let their mother know that too.
It's her that really pays for it in the end believe me i see it everyday with my Niece and Nephew and as they get older it gets worse for her.
Not sure if this message will help or not but it's here take it as you will. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/7/2007 12:10:05 PM |
I personally think that if a woman remaries a man of viable means that the father of the child should be absolved of any support responsibility at least in the legal sense.
This is probably the most ignorant statment I have read in this thread. Are you serious???
So, just because she remarries that's your "get out of jail card" eh? You are now free of your financial responsibilties now that this awsome man has entered the picture to co-op parent with your ex? He didn't sign up to pay for YOUR child which is YOUR responsibility. You created that life now invest in it!
It's the mentality you have that continues to make some single dad's labeled as dead beat dads. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/7/2007 12:25:58 PM | What one does not realize that there is the flip side to the above, if the woman remarries, what if the man remarries and now has a higher combined income. If child support would be eliminated when the woman (actually that should say CP) remarries then it only holds true that if the NCP remarries then CS would be based on their combined income.
As someone who pays support I would not want to have to pay a higher amount just because I get married. This would not be fair to my partner. If we open the elimination up we are opening up a whole other can of worms for others.
While I don't agree with the elimination of CS when the CP remarries and their household income goes up substantially but what it comes down to for me is character of the person. If the household income has gone up substantially the CP could show character by saying that the next increase in salary the NCP gets they don't have to pay more since it isn't needed. That to me is character. The NCP parent still pays. This would though have to be a decision between the CP and NCP parent and not something that could not be put into law. Just because someone has a right to something does not give them the right to take advantage of another person simply because it is there.
Just my opinion | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/7/2007 1:46:57 PM | | Chef, your child support is based on your income alone. The only way your partner's income would come into play is if you try to lower your support payments due to hardship. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/7/2007 2:03:40 PM | | I HAVE SPENT 16 YEARS IN THE COURT OVER MY OLDEST DAUGHTER TO VERY LITTLE AVAIL AGAIST A BITTER WOMAN. I GOT CUSTODY OF MY TWO YOUNGEST GIRLS ABOUT 18 MONTHS AGO AGAINST ANOTHER WOMAN WHO THOUGHT IT WAS OK TO USE CHILDREN AS WEAPONS. I SAID I WOULD GIVE HER FREE ACCESS AND NOT REQUEST MONEY OF HER UNTIL SHE WAS WELL, NOT USE THEM FOR REVENGE. I NOW HAVE A CALM GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR MOTHER WHO IS ALSO BENEFITTING FROM THE STABILITY OF HER CHILDREN. I KNOW REVENGE IS SWEET AND YOU FEEL YOU WANT IT BUT YOU WILL FEEL A BETTER PERSON FOR NOT GOING DOWN THIS ROUTE AS I DO. YOU WILL FEEL BETTER FOR NOT USING CHILDREN AS WEAPONS AS A LOT OF PARENTS THINK SEEM TO THINK ITS OK , AS THEY DONT SEEM TO CARE ABOUT THEIR CHILDRENS MENTAL HEATH BUT REVENGE AND TO GET ONE OVER THE EX. PUT YOUR CHILDREN FIRST, YOUR CHILDRENS MENTAL HEATH FIRST AND REVENGE LAST. | |
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| CHILD SUPPORT-I WANT MY MONEY BACK
Posted: 3/7/2007 2:06:31 PM | | Carol27 and Alias Regardless of whether or not she has 2 other kids with someone else, he should go for support. If roles were reversed everyone would hold the guy's feet over the fire and tell him to zip it up if he can't pay for kids. That being said, he should go for custody and if he gets that then go for support. I am a little sick of some women feeling like their are entitled to everything simply because they are the Mother. | |
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