| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 9/8/2005 8:38:56 AM | There was a young fellow named Bush
Whose head contained only mush
Its slopping around
Made such a nice sound
That everyone voted for Bush | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 9/8/2005 8:40:08 AM | There was a skilled whore from Perth
Who f*cked for all she was worth
And in only one day
She made ten times the pay
Of anyone else working on earth!
 | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 9/9/2005 9:00:03 AM | A strange looking gent from Porton
Had one long leg and one short 'un
To complete the trick
he'd a two foot long prick
and a fart like a 500 Norton | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 9/9/2005 2:40:08 PM | a dashing young man from hawii
who liked to eat all kinds of pie
til one day quite scared
he had one that was heavily haired
so he choked as he said goodbye | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 9/9/2005 2:44:10 PM | I once wrote a very bad limerick
about which Iam very sorry
it made people ill and quite sick
then i thought to myself don't you worry
it's not like you really owe 'em
so go screw yourself and this poem | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 9/20/2005 1:08:46 AM | There was a barlady from Sale
on her breasts were tattooed the prices of ale
and on her behind
for the sake of the blind
were the same prices written in braille!
| |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 9/20/2005 11:26:30 AM | A death-row blind inmate who's too mellow,
Was thinking while playing his old cello,
"I choose as my last wish,
To eat plenty of fish",
So they took him down to the bordello.
GE&H
• I'm sorry that this poem appears to make fun of differently-advantaged people (but sheesh, he was a criminal after all).
• I'm sorry that this poem appears to link certain types of women or a women's anatomy to a smell often regarded as offensive.
• I'm sorry that this poem glamorizes the oft-illegal institution of prostitution.
• "plenty of fish" is in no way meant to relate to, or make fun of, "www.plentyoffish.com", its owner(s), affiliates, or any of the major sports leagues. | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 9/20/2005 6:26:49 PM | Out popped the monkey in the coconut grove
He's a cool mother f*cker you can tell by his clothes
He line a hundred woman up,against the wall
Bet ya ten bucks he can f*ck em all
He f*cked nintyeight till his balls turned blue
Took a shot of wiskey
Then he f*cked the other two
When he dided he went to hell
F*cked the devil and his wife as well
Written all over his grave in cream
This mother f*cker was a f*cking machine | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 9/30/2005 9:05:45 AM | A medieval Lord Mayor of Limerick
Had such a big long thick prick
At council meetings
He used it for beatings
then made the maids all have a good lick!
 | |
|
elle j
|
Joined: 5/14/2005
Msg: 60 | |
| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 9/30/2005 2:28:16 PM | A mathematician named Hall
had a hexahedronical ball
and the cube of it's weight
plus his pecker times eight
was 3 fifths of 5 eighths of fuk all | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 11/24/2005 8:38:07 AM | Didn't see this one on here anywhere...a true classic !
There was a young lady from the Azores
Whose box was all covered with sores
And the dogs in the street
Wouldn't bark at the meat
Whick hung in festoons from her drawers | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/4/2006 8:45:11 AM | There once was a vampire called Mabel
Who's period was heavy yet stable
So every full moon
She took out a spoon
And drank herself under the table.
There once was a man called Dave
Who dug up a prostitutes grave
She was mouldy as shit
And had only one tit
But think of the money he saved.
A kinky young girl from Coeshill
Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her vagina
In north Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil. | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 11/4/2006 7:08:09 AM | A man hailing from St. Moritz
enjoyed playing with his girlfriend's tits,
saying "I may be a wussy,
but I don't like eating p***y
'cause it always gives me the sh**s!"  | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 11/7/2006 8:48:34 PM | There once was a man from Bombay
who had to have sex every day
when asked was he gifted
his p*nis he shifted
and the calendar gained a whole day
There was a lass from North Sweden
whose p***y was a sweet drink of Eden
while eating her out
the young boys would shout
no water would they ever be needin' | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 10/6/2007 12:17:00 AM | There once was a chick named the kitty
Whose **** was too big...what a pity.
She screwed them all day
And screwed them all night
But her boobs were too small, she had no titty!! | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 10/6/2007 12:45:04 AM | There was this red head from the south
who liked to take c0ck in the mouth.
She gagged and she choked
Thank god, she don't smoke
Cos she woulda been kicked outta the houth (house)! | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 10/7/2007 9:20:56 AM | can anyone think of a limerick that starts of with:
I know i young man from melksham?
usually good at poetry etc but this one has me beat. | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 10/8/2007 5:26:51 AM | I know i young man from melksham
who used his left ball to make jam
he pummelled the fruit
which he held with his foot
in the style passed to him by his Gran | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 5/11/2008 1:25:15 PM | Pattycake, pattycake bakers man...
if your girlfriend is on the rag...
f*ck her in the can! | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:59:37 PM | | Is it time to restart this thread -- I started it about 5 years ago, left POF for three years. I've recently read through the responses and they are quite funny. | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 7/26/2009 2:10:26 PM | Not original, but fun:
Poor old Prunella was built like a fella
So she went 'round to see Doctor Kerr
He said 'Now then, make haste,'
but when stripped to the waist
He couldn't help calling her 'sir.'
'Don't worry your head, I'm a surgeon', he said
'I'll graft you two on, just like that.'
Then he went and got plastered
The silly old . . . fool
And he grafted them onto her back.
Now poor old Prunella, she can't get a fella
To walk or to talk or romance with.
'Cause who wants to chat
With a girl, looks like that
But, by God, she's great fun to dance with!
Original one:
I said, "What a great moustache, Guy!
It's clipped and sharp--what superb art!"
(But to my great surprise,
I had failed to realize
Guy's head was between a girl's thighs.) | |
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