| | Why can't women have male friends ?Page 8 of 10 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10) | ^^^ yeah well it was DEAD as a doornail...so no animals were hurt in the making of this thread.
I just think that you don't have to continually make the same point over and over again in as many different ways as you can. Say it...and move on. Leave the poor OP to his thread...after all he started it and it was the way he saw it. | |
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Shaps
| | Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 177 | |
| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 1:17:00 PM | Squirrly -- sorry hun but not poor lol 65 auctiosn ended -- Whohoo lol
Nah each time I move my fingers I have someone telling me something new which is wrong or that if I stopped whinning - which I didn't start in the first place. | |
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| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 2:49:40 PM |
(Msg 169) dave1234.......cus i chose to be ...... living in hiding from a abusive man who i met on HERE to boot.....yes he was charged and doing time in jail
I thought something was amiss when I saw your joining date and "0" lists. Your pic and profile are definately attractive so I was wondering what was happening. Inquiring minds want to know. :-) | |
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| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 3:47:18 PM | All this chat about friends has raised a question.
Shappy, let's say you meet three women and they all decide to be your friends. You exchange emails, phone regularly and get together every three or four weeks for lunch or a movie or a game of pool. In other words, you are building a friendship with each of these women.
Six months pass and you meet someone special. This "friendship" really takes off. You're spending as much time together as possible.
Another month passes and one evening she's at your place and one of the other friends call. They want to get together Friday night. What do you tell them? What do you tell the person who's sititng on the sofa beside you?
A couple of days later another one of the three friends call and they would like to get together next Saturday afternoon. What do you tell her? What do you tell the person that you are seeing regularly.
Last, but not least, the third friend calls and wants to get together because it's been almost two months since you've seen each other because you've been busy with the special one. What do you tell her and what do you say to the person you are seeing on a regular basis?
The reason I ask is because when I was on a dating service it was done by phone, not computers, so we had to keep in touch that way. A couple of women I had met but with whom there was no romantic connection would occasionally phone me, or I them, and we would go out on Friday or Saturday night for a few drinks and chit-chat at a bistro and listen to music. (Who knows, maybe one of us would get lucky.)
Then I met the "one" and while sititng on the sofa watching TV the phone rings. It was a lady friend from the dating line. She wanted to get together the following Friday evening. I told her I had to check if my girlfriend and I had made any plans and I would call her back shortly.
I hung up the phone and turned to my girlfriend who's facial expression was like stone.  A few moments of silence passed and she said, "I'm waiting to hear what you are going to say. Are you going to ask if we have plans? You know we don't make plans. We see each other almost every day but we plan if we are not going to see each other every day so are you going to meet a woman you met on the dating line and plan not to meet me Friday night? If so, I'll call one of the guys I met and see what's he's doing Friday night."
Somehow I didn't feel that was a good idea. 
So, what would you do in a similar circumstance? The "friend" wants to talk to you about her dating experiences, the guys she's met, what you think and she doesn't want an audience. In other words she doesn't want your girlfriend coming along. Are you going to meet her Friday night? And what about the other two "friends" when they call? | |
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Shaps
| | Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 180 | |
| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 4:06:07 PM | Dave
This has already happened a few times. Now, there is a girl I am dating. I let her know or if she ends up being from here that I have many female friends. Now after getting to know the real me, she will learn to understand that if I go out for coffee or a drink with a friend that, that is all it is.
My of my ex's didn't like the fact that I had female friends and sorta told me to make a choice. It was either her or them. NOW !!! she had guy friends so I told her the same thing. We both had to make a choice. We talked it over and it wasn't the fact that she didn't trust me it was the fact that she couldn't trust them. SO we ended up having a little drinking party. Everyone behaved themself and everything was fine. She found out a little about my females friends and I found out about her male friends.
So back to the question. It's whoever makes the plans first. If I get asked by one or 3 girls to meet. I will ask the one special in my life if she was planning anything. If she say's no then I will tell her that I am meeting a friend.
There is no reason as to why she can't trust me. I am a one woman-man, I don't think or even try to cheat or fool around someone else's back. I mean do you think I would like it if it was done to me ???
I keep the relationship open/fresh with communication, I am not going to end up telling her a week later " oh yeah friday night I got drunk with so and so. "
I can't be there for everyone, and it's also to what I want to do, if I wanna be out for a coffee then I will, if I want to stay on the couch with my special friend then I will. I try to make time for everyone, maybe that is a fault for me. But most of the friend whom I have stayed in contact with I have known for over 10 years, and whoever I am dating will know that. As I will not try to hide my friendships from her being male or female.
I have one friend, I have known her since Grade 8, once a week we hook up for coffee and she is dating someone, he knows about me, actually I met him a couple of times and he knows where our friendship lies. Sometimes I think he gets worried and wants to come along, but she doesn't want him too. YET !! he's still trusts her, and whenever I run into him, he's as cool as ice.
When a girl wants to get into a relationship, I will state that she WILL KNOW !!! she can trust me. Why would I want to get into something special with someone if I am just gonna wreck and hurt someones feeling at the same time - the answer is - I don't.
Do onto others as they would do to you. Oh and if she cheated on me, well you can't cheat on an ex - well you can but you know what I am saying.
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| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 4:17:11 PM | Hey, I'm on your side..There is sooooo much less pressure if you are just making friends.. If something comes of it GREAT, but if it doesn't you always have a new friend....
I went out witha guy from here like 4 times...He's a great guy and I like him alot, but when he started sounding serious I had to tell him that I just didn't get that tingaly feeling when I was with him but I enjoyed hanging out with him.... He was offended at first...but then agreed that we could be friends........cool | |
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| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 4:37:44 PM | This thead is nothing but a guy's whinning -
If women are not interested move the heck on, and search for those who will like ya as a friend or more. You think in your own head "you'll be great friend to someone you met", but do they think the same about you? That you have to think about alot, thus is the answer to your pathetic question ----> Why can't women have male friends ?
End of Dr. Phil's feedback. | |
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Shaps
| | Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 183 | |
| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 4:46:22 PM | Well I will call ya a doctor but far from Phil lol
It's not whinning, I am asking a question and giving an example.
Trust me if I was whinning or a weak minded male, I would be over at her building sitting in the lobby waiting hour after hour til I saw her in the lobby lol
I moved on a long time ago, but since so many people think I am whinning over it, well it's going strong. Mind you there has been SOME excellent feedback on this matter, and others like yourself who think it's some ploy to win women or this one female over.
I'd like to see her message me now -- give me a chance to block her lol. | |
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| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 5:29:38 PM | | No I think you are right. I met a guy on here and we went on a date.We have been hanging out for over a month now and he decided that it would be better if we just remain good friends.I am cool with that, however I do really like him and wish that we could have a future together.But he is 10 yrs younger than I am and I cannot have anymore kids. I understand that he wants kids and I can't give him that. We are great friends and hang out and party all the time.And yes we did have sex on several occasions but he does not want to hurt me and I really don't want to be hurt either. But yes, you can be friends it just depends on how well you connect with the person. I wish you luck! | |
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| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 6:21:58 PM | (Msg 181) I can't be there for everyone, and it's also to what I want to do, if I wanna be out for a coffee then I will, if I want to stay on the couch with my special friend then I will. I try to make time for everyone, maybe that is a fault for me. But most of the friend whom I have stayed in contact with I have known for over 10 years, and whoever I am dating will know that......I have one friend, I have known her since Grade 8.....
But in post 180 what I'm asking is if you have known those three single women for six months and have met them, say 4 or 5 times, and there was no romantic connection why would you forfeit an evening with someone you met a few months ago and are really connected with and are trying to get to know better? As you said, "if I wanna be out for a coffee then I will, if I want to stay on the couch with my special friend then I will. That's exactly my point. If you don't want to stay with your special friend then there is a problem.
In my example, those three ladies are not close friends. In fact, considering you met them six months ago and have seen them only 4 or 5 times over that period the best that can be said is there is a possibility of a friendship developing of any substance. The point is why do you want to make friends with single women looking for a relationship knowing that the time necessary to make or further the friendship will be time taken away from your special friend?
The friend you had for 10 years and the one you met in grade eight are established friendships. The three ladies you met are more acquaintances or potential friends.
Perhaps if I put it this way. Let's say you were never on POF and you met someone through your job. You're dating the lady for a few months and then you say to her, "I joined a dating/friendship line last week in order to make friends. One lady that responded sounds like she'd make a really nice friend so I'm meeting her Friday night." What do you think her reaction would be?
Is there a big difference between meeting that lady for the first time to see if she will be a friend as opposed to the continued meeting of the other three to see if a substancial friendship will develop?
I see no difference. That is why I never agreed to stay friends with anyone I met through a dating service. As I noted if I was still single and bored I might call to see if they wanted to get together one evening but there was no friendship. We never kept in touch on a regular basis because we both knew if/when either of us met someone we wouldn't have time for the other. | |
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| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 6:32:45 PM | dave 1234....hey np like i said just here to reply to forums and see what other ppl have gone through to help me get threw this and maybe some of them
but i gotta say this thread has became more and more interesting holy crow !!! | |
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| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 6:47:59 PM | Yes, it is an interesting thread.
I remember one gal I met and had a temporary relationship with just prior to meeting my current partner. The gal and I were together a few months but she didn't want anything permanent.
When I met my partner I told her we wouldn't stay in contact. There wasn't any reason. She didn't like me after I said, "Good-bye." 
I never saw a reason to keep in touch with EXs or past potential dating partners. Maybe it's just me. | |
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| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 7:05:42 PM | Actually tool is correct. It takes about 5 minutes for someone to decide if they want to be with someone or not regardless if it is friendship or more. I have certainly had my fair share of rejection and it is never fun to be rejected but it does take a while to get the match even if it is just friends you are looking for. Some people are not looking for friendships but relationships but will never admit it (can’t tell if this is the case here).
Take it all with a grain of salt my friend. I just came out of a 6 ½ marriage and was crushed by it in more ways then one and I know others who have been through worse. Count your blessing and keep trying and it will happen when it is supposed too.
Best of luck to you | |
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| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 7:11:41 PM | Most normal women are a pretty good judge of character. Next time a woman says you aren't for her, why dont you try and figure out why, instead of blaming her.
If I was a chick and a guy said he wanted to meet me to be his friend, I wouldnt trust him with a 10ft pole, or his skinny 4 inch pen. | |
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Shaps
| | Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 191 | |
| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 7:22:18 PM | Fish - I never blamed her, actually if you read the entire thread ( probably take a day ), you would see me state that each person has their own choice. So she didn't like me, Jenni-pooh and Shee-Ra want me dead, and about 40 people think I am a whinner -- it's all their choice.
Only reason I can think of since she didn't give one was cause I am a smoker -- which was another reason as to why I was only meeting her for coffee and not viewing her as a potenial mate. I'm not quitting anytime soon.
Dave
As for getting to know someone who I think is special is also a time thing. I don't want to hound her and take up all her time. Unless we are in a relationship we still have our own lives, and friends. Each person is different and even with the description you gave, I can't say for sure on how I would handle it, but the girl would know that she could trust me. If she asked me not to see them anymore than I would seriously have to think it over.
A friend is a friend, and always should be a friend to the end.
Would it be better if I blew her off and when or if I became single again to call her up and have her tell me off cause I blew her off. | |
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| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 7:22:48 PM | I have the same issue as the OP. I have a lot of female friends. Or at least, I did back in High School and college. Some of those I even managed to keep to the present.
But a lot of girls think along the lines of "boyfriend or nothing."
A lot of my female friends were folks I had somthing in common with. They were part of my writing group, for instance. So we had that.
Next time a woman says you aren't for her, why dont you try and figure out why, instead of blaming her.
Honestly, girls never give honest answers to this type of question.
I don't think it's as much a matter of 'blaming her' as simply not understanding her.
Why is everyone getting so hostile and derogatory at the OP. Yeah, there are some guys who are of the 'sit around and get into her pants later' type. But there are also some guys who can see women as buddies as well as objects of romantic lust. It's hard for girls to tell the difference I know (I'm not being sarcastic) but there are such people.
It seems like most of the girls who are willing to go the 'friends' route are a little on the tomboyish side and think like guys to begin with. Or stoners. Anyone notice that? | |
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| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 7:50:37 PM | | Jackie you cant be freinds with anyone....you are such a lying backstabbing **** that its impossible for you to be friends with anyone......all you know how to do is spread your legs.....your too lazy to work thus you extort a welfare check out of the government.....thats why i reported you to huron county welfare for fraud.....further more this woman jackie(wildgirl_5) is a child beater and thats why her 5 children were taken away from her....she makes false allegations against men she dates(she drains you of as much as she can then when you have nothing to give she calls cops and tells them you beat her then doesnt bother showing up for the trial......im just warning any guy that gets involved with this woman to watch your wallet and your back because this woman is a professional slut and troublemaker and she has absolutely no morals or consience.....and when it comes right down to it shes laid so many different guys/gals that she got to be carrying a whole slew of social diseases......i made the mistake of sleeping with her and im now going through a whole slew of blood tests so you might want to consider that as well.....but just look at some of her past posts and youll see her for the whore she truly is......Wildgirl_5 you have no shame and someday all the people you have shit all over will enjoy seeing you get your just desserts.....as for me abusing you.....well I went out to work to pay your debts while you used my homew as your own brothel and while your shotting your big mouth off bout me being charged why dont you tell the whole story and tell these people how a judge didnt believe your lies and choose to vindicate me on all your bullshit charges......but as i said you have no morals so telling the truth would not be of any concern to you | |
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| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 7:53:45 PM |
(Msg 192) A friend is a friend, and always should be a friend to the end. Would it be better if I blew her off and when or if I became single again to call her up and have her tell me off cause I blew her off.
If you became single again you would meet new people.
I agree, a friend is a friend to the end but what I don't understand is why you want to make friends when you are in the market for a relationship. You may not be actively searching for a relationship but if one comes along you will go for it.
Everyone is different but most people who find a relationship/start a relationship tend to avoid others for a while, at least. Again, most people already have friends and family that they are obliged/expected to keep in contact with. Unless you have a lot of free time any developing friendships you make here will suffer because it's natural to want to spend as much time as possible with your new love.
That's why I said, in most cases, being friends means nothing. You will not want to develop a friendship with someone not interested in you romantically when you meet someone who is interested in you. That's the point. It's superficial for one to say, "We can be friends." It means nothing because when one meets someone special they spend their time with the special one and not with the potential friend.
In my case I have free time. I've had people where I have exchanged a number of emails and when they asked if we could get together on a Friday night I said, "No." Obviously they never read my profile. I am in a relationship and the only time I am available is during the day when my partner works. I am available during the day, every week day. No nights/no weekends. I'm not going to take time away from my partner to explore a possible friendship especially with a member of the opposite sex from a dating service.
Good gawd, man! What's the bottom line here; taking time away from the woman you are attracted to in order to pursue a possible friendship with another woman? Sorry, but it sounds absurd to me. | |
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Posted: 3/18/2006 8:23:38 PM | | I had a good answer to this.but deleted it........all i can say is.....life is life!...some of it's good!.some is bad........... but no one ever lost by learning!..damn I wish I would have posted my other 45 paragrahs!...... | |
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Shaps
| | Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 197 | |
| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/18/2006 8:46:49 PM | See Dave
I'm not looking for a relationship now. Hell half the time I am blind when the female does. That is why I am looking for friends, male/friend - someone to hang with the odd time. Last night I had 3 offers I didn't accept any of them as I was prepping for today.
Anyhow I'm not looking for a fvck buddy or a relationship. Just someone who wants to spare time when I have time.
I didn't say that I would meet new females offline -- Sorry but when I am in a relationship I stay the heck off here. As I hope she can do the same. So when I said what I said I wouldn't be meeting new girls from online, but I would keep in touch or meet up with friends who I have made to date.
Ok here
Say I am in a relationship right now ( god wouldn't that be fun )
And someone whom I have been talking with for like 6-7 months and met 2-3 times wants to hook up -- yeah I would try to make time for that person.
Say some girl finds me cute and wants too meet, I would turn her down, maybe over a course of 4-5 months maybe I would, but remember once I am in a relationship I won't be on here anymore -- so it won't happen.
Anyhow I am still feeling the thread above from wild_girl_5 -- all was that directed towards you or someone else -- please try to keep personal stuff out of here. If you have an issues or whoever it was - take it to PM land
Geof
I saw and read some of it, should of kept it up as long as it wasn't gonna bash someone -- I think many people are learning on here or at least letting off a bit of steam lol | |
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| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/19/2006 12:31:20 PM | | I love online dating and the male female thing, and I have looked for dates here to get laid, etc. but why would anyone want to "meet" a "freind" from the internet? Friends are friends, you dont "meet freinds". People become your friends because of work, school, classes, neighborhood etc. Someone would have to be really lonely and weird if they dont have "friends" from right next door or work! | |
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| Why can't women have male friends ?
Posted: 3/19/2006 1:23:21 PM | | Easy for you to say Mr. 9-5, I work weird hours, so do my friends, I'm a single mom, therefore I have responsibilities. I have made friends and aquaintences on here, from all over the world. I am neither weird or real lonely, but enjoy making the company of new people. I can respond to mail at my convenience at any time of the day or night and keep in touch with my new friends at any time. | |
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