| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/16/2006 1:11:31 PM | OK I did not read all the post so forgive me if this has already been stated
I was told by my doctor that when you turn 40 your brain stops producing a chemical your body needs...and the brain not producing this will cause depression.
There are a lot of antideperssents out there can help with this problem.. I know it was worked wonders for me
Aquaman | |
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| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/16/2006 1:33:14 PM | | Has anyone considered that both parties might be going through a mid-lifey kinda thing? I definitely agree with several of you that suggested breaking the routine and getting away for a day or two. I also agree with the medical exam. There has been a lot on tv lately about blood pressure issues and diabetes affecting men and creating E.D... Get a family member to take the kids (if any) for the night so you 2can talk. Unless you are in a severe depression also,, you should be willing to help your man of 7yrs get the help he needs. Bailing on someone you have loved at the first sign of problems isn't exactly the adult or mature thing to do. | |
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| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/16/2006 1:34:11 PM | | I think I would certainly try to get him some help. Guess it is all about how much you want to invest in him. If this is a sudden change that do what you can, be supportive. Men and women go through this, some never come out of it. We realize we aren't young anymore and maybe the fun things are passing us by. It doesn't have to be that way! I think maybe a heart to heart is in order and ask 'what can I do to help?' Maybe he will open up. | |
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| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/16/2006 1:57:52 PM | | Daddy4two has a point. When both people get needy at the same time, the tank is totally empty. It might be helpful, OP, to start talking about what you both want to do -- you might need to be dreaming about the same things and make room in your lives for change -- abrupt change, you can do together -- you still need and love each other don't you? | |
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| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/16/2006 4:09:19 PM | summer.. we both know first hand about depression.. i have bipolar..
i have also talked w/him about the issue w/him.. he said he has known for
months that he was depressed..and i have even talked w/my doc. about it
have talked w/him about it.. says he will go see doc.. but now he is pretending
all is roses so that i won't push the issue.. he makes sure that i take my meds everyday
but why is it so hard to men to break down and get help. | |
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| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/16/2006 4:21:10 PM | ok.. maybe i should give a little more info.. as far as sex goes..
he gets it whenever he wants.. the prelude to it is bend over.. all i need
is 5 minutes.. he gets it.. i have never refused him ever.. and as far as having
an affair.. its a thought but i would never do it.. and yes he knows that i am thinking
of leaving if he doesn't try to help himself.. i can only help so far.. then it is up
to him.. is it selfish of me to want to be touched.. hugged ,kissed.. attention of any kind other than bend over?
is it selfish of me to want to be cuddled.. ok.. ya it is.. | |
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| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/16/2006 4:23:39 PM | OP
try wearing some nicer clothes, maybe a little femme...
put some makeup on... try to keep in shape.. do your hair in a nice style...
Guys like that | |
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funbbw
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Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 32 | |
| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/16/2006 4:41:40 PM | Chevi sorry if I sounded a little hard on you earlier today in my post ,sounds like he really doesn't care anymore and I can see why you feel the way you do if all he wants is 5 min to do his business and not care about your needs. What a selfish individual to get his jollies off and not give a damn how you feel.
I can now understand why you are thinking of leaving him. Try talking to him, tell him how you feel and that you are tired of being used for his pleasure and getting nothing back from him. See what he has to say to that then tell him if he does not shape up, you will end the relationship. It also sounds like he might be using the depression as a ploy to something else.
Good luck and I hope a sound resolution comes soon for you. | |
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| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/16/2006 4:51:59 PM | thanks fun.. there is a lot to it just not enough space to type it all
i know it takes two.. but i am honestly trying.. i have told him i don't want to thro
7 yrs down the drain because of his pride.. and for the one that wants to know
what i am doing on pof.. my profile states i am in a relationship.. i came for the forums
and opinions.. you don't have to be single and wanting to date to read do you? | |
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| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/16/2006 6:35:40 PM | | Lol, guess I am one of those obnoxious, happy, bubbly people. Oh, but I love to laugh and be happy. | |
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| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/16/2006 6:43:47 PM | | There is an old song called, "Try a little Tenderness" good advice. | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 36 | |
| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/16/2006 6:46:22 PM | First of all, rule out any physical ailments, make sure there is no hormonal imbalances, his thyroid isn't acting up, etc... At the same token, he is old enough and hopefully mature enough to go get a physical.. If after that, then he will need to get some counseling. There is only so much you can do for this fella, be supportive of him, don't nag him, and acknowledge that you can't change him..
At the same token, if he isn't willing to help himself, then you may have to present an alternative to him and do the "tough love" routine with him... You can't make him well, you can't take these steps for him, he has to do it on his own.. Perhaps you could get some family counseling for yourself as well as to how to cope with it.. Having an affair or someone else give you the "satisfaction" won't solve the problem | |
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| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/16/2006 7:05:06 PM | Ok. Let me ask you this......when you go freakazoid just how much do you invalidate and suppress him? Do you start feeling insecure when he does come up and then do you slam him back down because him being up makes your freak pattern fire off?
I don't really believe in the workability of psychiatry or psychology. So this is just coming from observing similar situations. Just curious. After all when you start a thread you have to dance. | |
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| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/16/2006 7:53:39 PM | I had a midlife crisis ,but I put it off because I was too busy to deal with it  | |
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| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/16/2006 10:19:23 PM | | no i don't slam him.. unlike him.. when he asks me whats up.. or down.. i tell him.. also.. i have lived with bipolar since my teens and know how to deal with it.. when i get to a point when i feel like i am going to "crash" aka freakazoid.. as u call it.. i increase my meds and go see my doc. have tried the councelling stuff.. all they want to do is give you a hand full more drugs.. the ones i take are fine w/me. i am not a guinnea pig. He has supported me thru and thru.. and i am trying to be supportive of him..but if he isn't going to try to help himself or even talk to me.. what more can i do.. I have tried several times to help him.. but i do not nag him.. that just makes him close up even more. He has never nor will he probably ever talk about serious issues.. doesn't matter what it is.. he makes everything a joke so he don't have to deal with it. That has been ongoing since the beginning. As far as invalidate and suppress i am not sure i understand what you mean. we never put each other down or not keep the other from doing what they want.. | |
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| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/16/2006 10:50:32 PM | | Well then everything should be ok. Read a thread a few days ago about how people not talking is cool. They are not trying to control anything they are just having a hard time. Just be there. Don't try to cheer him up and don't try to do anything. If he has always been there for you then it's time to return it. Or is it all about you? I'm not getting on ya. Just that are you his mate or arent you? | |
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| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/17/2006 12:49:02 AM |
so just find someone new.. trade up. It will solve everything.
I hope that was meant to be a joke FranGal, because it didn't come across that way. There IS such a tendancy for people to walk away from problems and issues rather than confront them. You can't help someone that refuses help, but on the other hand, a middle aged guy who may have never had any health or emotional issues before may have the pride thing working, and is very reluctant to admit that he has a problem. So don't quit your man yet: give him some time! | |
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| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/17/2006 2:02:33 PM | | chevi36, if you're still around .. have you thought about using sex toys? .. it won't solve his depression, but it may tide you over sexually, if not emotionally .. he may even regain some interest in being intimate .. i know that i would at least want to watch .. maybe he will even take direction from you .. so while his heart and soul may not be in it, he may be willing to go through the motions .. and by going through the motions, he may remember the feelings that used to go with those motions .. just a thought .. | |
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| midlife crisis
Posted: 3/17/2006 2:07:28 PM | I think she left -- there's a lot to think about. I applaud her for being brave enough to ask for feedback ----------> going for greenbeer. Happy Paddy's Everyone !!  | |
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