| | Being truthful doesnt always workPage 10 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | Maybe this is for another thread but honesty and openness are two different things.
I believe I'm obliged to be honest but not only do I object to certain personal questions too early in a relationship but I also don't feel obliged to answer. Either way there are consequences. | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:03:26 AM | Some people can't handle the truth.
So True...I would rather the truth.
and
Best not to ask a question you might not like the answer to. | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:34:17 AM | Truth and honesty are not the same thing. People tend to treat them like they are and like the instructions in a manual says..."Do not remove the cover from this product. Only a trained and authorized technician should open."
But everyone wants to think they are qualified to be experts on honesty.
There is only 1 truth but there are 100 ways to be honest about it. The truth is the way is it, honesty is the way you feel about it. Beware of people who say they want honesty because it doesn't mean they can handle the truth. Most people say they want honesty because it's safe and gives them a feeling of security. Key word...feeling.
What the truth does is challenges that "feeling", and it will turn it into an actual confirmation of security or a threat.
The truth comes in only 1 form. It's like water. The moment you try to tweak or customize it to make it more pleasant, it's no longer the truth. You can add flavor to the water, sweeten it with sugar or NutraSweet but it's still no longer just water.
I always say...why be honest with someone who lies to themselves? They will never believe you because you're speaking in opposite of them. That's why so many men lie to women. Simply put, it works.
If I get rejected by a woman who is an opportunist, and then I lie and say I have a BMW but it's in the shop, and I'm rich but all my money is in the Cayman Islands, but it convinces the woman to get naked, then I'm going to say it. Am I going to feel bad when she finds out the truth and then calls me every name in the book? She lied to herself so I simply spoke her language. | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:36:14 AM | | OP, it probably did work, because if the person you told whatever to didn't like you after you told her then she probably wasn't right for you anyway. No relationship can be based upon lies, because if the person can't love you for who you are, then they can't really love you. If you lie to them about who you are, then the person they believe they love isn't the real you, and the truth will always out eventually, so it's best sooner rather than later IMO. | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 6/28/2008 1:31:45 PM | That's true, very true. The bigger picture though is it doesn't end there. The reason so many of us are facing this today is that if we simply walk away from a lie, the lie is still there, waiting to hook someone else until they catch on, and so on and so on. Eventually there is a buildup of bad apples that there less and less good apples out there but the same number of people who are looking for apples.
We spend so much time advising each other to just walk away from a lie but then we aren't addressing the root problem, so the lies persist. It's no rocket science why this story becomes more and more people's story as the days, weeks, months, years go by. It also is no hocus pocus why more and more people are alone while at the same time more and more men/women are playing games.
We face enough more serious issues in America than having to deal with this preventable insecurity. | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 6/28/2008 1:50:38 PM | David .. I always found it best to deal straight up with people , no sugar coating or using kid gloves to soften my words. I put it out there , let them deciede what they want to do with it now. I like putting the ball in thier court ,so they can make a decision based on the truths..thier call at that point. I prefer to do that if I meet someone that I plan on keeping in my life, and I tell them at the beginning...not 5 months into things after feelings have developed.
As far as.. "live life to the fullest"...anyone who knows me knows I have always pushed the edge in life , lived fast and hard for many years and made many of my dreams come true while others just sit and dream about them. I cant really think of anything or anyone that I "lost" due to how they took my honesty and truthfullness about my past...perhaps back when I was living "that" life..people shunned away..but I was still putting it out there for them to deciede for themselfs. I once heard someplace that .."an honest mans pillow is his peace of mind"...I have dealt with all my lumps and dont plan on getting new ones anytime soon
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 6/28/2008 1:56:24 PM | Being truthful can hurt but in the long run it is way better to hurt by the truth than by a lie. I have just discovered a man I have been seeing for 9 months just lied to me about being in town. I am really hurt. If he had just told me he didn't want to see me anymore I could have handled that. I don't understand why people want to lie about that kind of stuff.
Good for you for telling the truth. You are being honest with yourself, that's the most important thing. Better to find out now that she's not the woman for you. | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 6/28/2008 2:07:55 PM | OP nothing 'always works'.
The only person you have to be truthful to is yourself. A lot of this stuff is completely 'blind' - I have women who act over the moon about me and switch off completely 10 minutes later with no interaction having taken place in between times.
The only logic that exists with it is that living in your own head and it's the same for all of us. Don't beat yourself up over it. And no, being honest doesn't always 'work' but the ladies who react badly to it aren't ladies you're suited to being with anyway.
I mentioned to a lady who had agreed to meet off here that I had another date also that week and she cancelled our meet on the strength of it telling me I should never tell a woman I was also meeting someone else. So I told her she was in the wrong (she had put 'honest' as a requirement in her profile and I was being honest).
I would tell another woman exactly the same thing if it were true. Don't hide anything you would otherwise say to people or they will come to mistrust you.
Sure you lost in the short term but you gain yourself in the long term and that's worth more than any date. | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 6/28/2008 2:42:52 PM | well life is pretty weird sometimes.in general its always best to be honest but there are times in life where it seems telling the truth brings u nothing but trouble or worst.
for example lately i had told a friend of mine the truth about his gf.that she was using him and stuff and all true things.after i did that i was seen as the bad guy and my friend hated me.now things are good with my friend again.we patched things up but hes still with his gf.but i did learn my lesson.
there are times in life where things are not so simple.and telling the truth isnt so simple.
for example lets say u would see someone breaking in your neibhors house across the street.u see the guy and u know who it is.your not really friends with your neibhors theyre just your neibhors nothing more.and lets say the robber knows that u saw him.
and lets say this guy is a really bad dude with mob connections .would u actually tell the truth to your neibhors and frame this guy knowing that he knows it was u who framed him.personaly me i dont think so.i wouldnt put my life in danger or my family's for telling the truth in this situation.so there u have it.sometimes in life its better to keep things quiet.
in your case if u just got arrested for DUI then its not the same.lots of people get arrested for dui.and secondly when u meet someone tough its better to be honest about yourself and tell them stuff like if u ever got arrested and stuff.they have the right to know that. | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 6/29/2008 6:20:15 AM |
twister239 wrote: As far as.. "live life to the fullest"...
anyone who knows me knows I have always pushed
the edge in life, lived fast and hard for many years
and made many of my dreams come true while others
just sit and dream about them.
If you're attracting and keeping the ladies you'd really
like to have, you're living life to the fullest by my definition. | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 6/29/2008 6:53:21 AM | I agree with telling the truth is best. I cannot fault someone for being honest with me even if its something I do not want to hear. I respect people that are honest. However, being in the law field myself, I know people can get arrested for some minor things that do not really matter and sometimes there is a reason or logical answer for why. It just depends on what the crime is. I do not want to date a felon either.
Always be truthful......it will pay off in the end. Good Luck! | |
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kimtut
| | Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 237 | |
| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:38:59 AM | Let's say you lied... two years later she finds out you LIED...
What do you think is the lesser of two evils? | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:40:20 AM | | The next time someone asks.... say, "yes, I have been arrested before, and I really learned a lot from it. I'm glad that it happened, because it was a harrowing experience, and it really opened my eyes, and changed my life." Always make it positive. Because you were embarassed, or didn't explain the seriousness of the situation, she may have taken you as being flippant, and this put fear into her about your character. Communication is always key in talking about criminal records, or STD's and your attitude in explaining or (bragging) about something serious could have been a tip-off to her leaving. | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 9/4/2008 11:14:22 AM | | well u did your part at least u were honest with her.lots of people would have lied about something like that.but u cant blame her for running the other way.most people are very touchy with stuff like that.u just need to find someone who wont be freaked out by it.there is some.if it was DUI it can be passed on a bit more but anything else i would understand someone being concerned more. | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 9/4/2008 11:37:14 AM | You did the right thing. You have to have a sense of humor about these things.
Telling the truth doesn't mean that life will be smooth sailing.
A fine example: When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong...Vernon Franklin
http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=24435
Jim | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 9/5/2008 1:54:59 AM | | Honesty requires maturity from the listener just as much as the speaker. Not all people appreciate the truth. | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 9/5/2008 2:05:13 AM | "Sometimes the truth hurts!!"
But it hurts only once. The lie, open or by omission, is like a slap in the face everytime is remembered. | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 9/5/2008 2:09:02 AM | | I think that the truth is the best. No matter what. If you don't really want to know the answer don't ask the question. | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 9/6/2008 9:30:20 PM | In the immortal words Jack Nicholson said to Tom Cruise in the court room scene from A Few Good Men, "You can't handle the truth"! This holds true for certain people on here that can't believe something is true, or that someone is actually being honest to them for a change. It's a shame that so many people feel the need to lie or make up stories about themselves just to find a date. I get emails from people wanting to know if what I wrote is indeed the same person that really composed that profile.
I suppose there are people who would would rather live in a fantasy world than actually coming to terms with the truth. I guess there's something to be said about truth being stranger than fiction...(' ') | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 9/6/2008 10:13:10 PM | If people are so scared of the truth, then maybe they shouldn't allow themselves to be in a situation that would lead to the embarrassment of it coming out later on in life eh?
It's really not that difficult, people.
If someone is so concerned about being judged for their past, then don't put yourself in compromising situations to begin with. Poor choices will ALWAYS have consequences. People just think that because it happened in the past that they should get a free ride in the future. Not.
If you lie about it when it's brought up, the lie is now just as bad if not more so.
I'd rather be honest about a past and deal with whatever consequence comes up. Lying about it doesn't make it better, it just makes you shady. When the truth comes up (and it always does), it'll be exponentially worse than if you had just said something about it in the beginning. 2 wrongs don't make a right. | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 9/25/2008 7:43:49 AM | It's like this... I believe we all have baggage (of different kinds) and that in looking for someone to have in your life going forward, you have to be honest with yourself and them about things. Honesty is always best - even if you end up alone.
Honesty hurts for a little while, but dishonesty hurts far longer. | |
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| Being truthful doesnt always work
Posted: 9/26/2008 5:51:18 PM | | It's always best to be honest. If the other person can't handle the truth then they aren't the right person for you. Just move on and find someone who loves you for who you really are, flaws and all! | |
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