| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/3/2005 1:20:30 PM | It's a grieving process - much like a death really, I believe.
Time heals all. It really does.
(((hugs))) | |
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| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/3/2005 1:40:19 PM | honeyhaze
Believe me the thought has crossed my mind. The problem with those types of spots (there are many) is that I would be too worried their 'services' were against their will, too many stories of sexual slavery lately and I can't be a participant in that.
However, if any lady POFers want to help me with this I would be willing to try this course of treatment. I know I'm clean and disease-free due to three years of forced celibacy, and the pent-up energies should be good for some really good times!
MajMike    | |
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| suck it up cry baby.
Posted: 3/3/2005 2:01:28 PM | You could drive a truck on her or you could move on with your life. Why don't you buy
a pony? Or a puppy.? Just drink lots of beer it makes you feel funny.
No one will 'fix' you but you. Quit looking for a magic answer, you only have half a life left make a difference and change it for the better. | |
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| suck it up cry baby.
Posted: 3/3/2005 5:26:34 PM | I've got a dog, thanks. Also, I'm not looking for a magic answer, I realize there isn't one. I can't drink alcohol due to some medications I take for residual problems from wounds I received in combat, but thanks for the thought.
If you really think I'm a 'cry baby' than I suggest you have not yet been blessed with a love as deep as that I shared with my ex. I am sharing my story here at POF as a form of therapy, believing that to let it out is much better than to bottle it up. I tried that for other things over the years, it only works until you explode.
I hope you never experience what I have, I truly do.
MajMike | |
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rayvnn
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Joined: 10/4/2004
Msg: 80 | |
| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/4/2005 2:01:46 PM | | You don't stop loving someone if you truely loved them. Your love for them will change over time, and it shall become integrated into your life. You may not believe this right now, but the day will come when you haven't said her name all day. Then the day will come that you haven't thought about her all day. The day will come when you haven't dreamed about her. This is a slow process and I am hoping that you have someone that you can talk to, not someone who is judgemental, just someone who can hear you and offer support. Your emotions towards her will take a roller coaster ride and you won't believe how much hate you can hold for someone you love, these emotions will eventually level out. | |
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| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/4/2005 3:03:11 PM | A word of advice from a 53 year old widow who's loved and lost, but willing to love again!
I can hear real pain in you, and I wish that there was something that we could do to ease your pain. We cannot fix it, but we can be there to listen and maybe that will let you get out your anger and frustrations. I know that if you had true love, it will last forever in your heart. You don't really want to be "out of love" with your ex. You want to stop hurting!
Forget your relationship with your ex because that isn't your biggest problem. If she came back you'd still have the same problems. You have got to get yourself physically and mentally healthy:
*Go to a different doctor for a complete physical by someone who can start from scratch, and evaluate you with an open mind.
*Get into a Psychiatrists office immediately! Talking to us helps get your feels out, but you really need a professional that evaluate you and provide treatment and/or necessary medications.
*Get rid of your gun! You do not need to tempt yourself. You should not have a gun in your possession on medications and in your depression. Your child NEEDS you.
If your ex came back tomorrow things would be just like they were the day before she left because YOU need to change before your relationship can change. And Sex was not the problem, it was simply a sympton of the bigger problems!
God helps those who help themselves - call a church and make an appointment to speak to someone. They can assist you with grief counceling. You are grieving the loss of your friends in the war, your innocence because of all you experienced over there, and your relationship with your wife. | |
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| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/4/2005 3:28:40 PM | lompocean
Thx for the post, I appreciate the feelings. I have been seeing a shrink for years now, and am on meds too. For the physical problems, I have seen of the best specialists in the country.
You're right about one thing, I don't want to be 'out of love' with her, but I do want to stop hurting.
Lastly, I would never 'end it', I love my daughter too much. It took me over a year to reach that conclusion, but I am firm in it now.
MajMike | |
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| The sun will shine again.
Posted: 3/4/2005 9:38:52 PM | I do not want to insult you not at all. I have had that pain before. Love is all around you
It is a change of attitude! You could fall in love with any woman you meet. Love your life.
and make a difference for the worlds future. Lose the ego and gain everything! want nothing and have everything. It is simple.
The answer is already inside you. You can see a sparkle of it in your daughters eyes! I promise. | |
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legs57
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Joined: 2/28/2005
Msg: 84 | |
| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/4/2005 9:59:23 PM | | I spent 11 yrears with a jerk, I loved him forever, he treated me like crap, we didn't make love for 5 years, I slept on the couch in my own house, while he had my 2 bedrooms, at least I had the living room and dining room, fireplace and the sliding doors to outside, but we fought all the time, 11 yrs of fighting about everything, he smashed up all the cars we bbought, then when he left he came back and stole the cats, plus he almost beat to death, you learn to move on, it takes time, but you have too or it will kill | |
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| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/5/2005 10:11:29 PM | | if u truly loved some one no matter how much they hurt u .. i don't think u can let go.. i believe u can fall out of love and love some one eles but u will always have some kinda love for the other person | |
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| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/6/2005 12:08:01 PM | Yes you are right!
If you love or feel or someone it will say for a long time,or forever!
But if you have the strenght to get over it then great i only wish i have the strenght for that ,but i don't.
I'm weak. | |
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| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/6/2005 9:03:20 PM | MajMike,
You need to ruck up and soldier on, 15+ years, the military doesn't train quitters. Yeah you have some problems, but there are things you can do, support groups, the VA, ect. Divorce is the wrong answer, go back to her and beg for her help, you were togeather for 17 years, and you have a child, she wants to help, let her know you need it, and are willing to accept it. | |
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Cin4U
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Joined: 2/26/2005
Msg: 88 | |
| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/12/2005 7:40:42 AM | I hear you South, it took me a long time to let go and i really actually may still have one of my fake nails dug into him. I loved one man half of my life and would always compare everyone else with him and say hes not Shawn and never will be. You have to wean yourself from those feelings becuase you may be blocking the one that truly deserves your love. Its easier said then done, its not weakness to not be able to let go, its called being human and having the ability to love is the most powerful thing. Let go and let true love come in. I dont know your circumstances but just let go a little at a time.
Cin | |
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| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/12/2005 8:22:29 AM | I feel for you: MajMikeW.
I was in a similiar situation, except I was the wife. You don't stop loving someone after all you been together, you just can't live together. My ex decided to attempt suicide and take me with him. He was still in the military at that time. I could not handle it especially after he repeatly threaten to kill me. I will always remember that he is the father of my children and will cherish those happy moments we had. My advise to you is remember her with fondness and try to love someone else because you seem to have plenty of love. | |
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Jlizzy
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Joined: 10/10/2004
Msg: 90 | |
| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/12/2005 9:55:26 AM | Hey MajMike,
Sorry to hear about your ordeal.
Definately can relate to some things you said.
I "left my husband" in September. Well basically I moved 5000 miles to be with him, it was a bunch of psychological games and me surmerging myself and him breaking so many promises but especially the psychological BS gosh that was a killer!
It's fair to see that even though I'm not even 6 months on, and even though I myself now am in the process of divorce, I am actually leading a very happy, fulfilling life. Yes I can get sad but all in all I have a really good, happy, healthy life no. And ie I thus also mean that the hurt is not so bad now.
How?
Well things like the following:
*In october a good friend left for austrailia (she's gone for at least a year). We were at her leaving party and I ended up bawling my eyes out in the arms of a guy my friend is having an affair with, a guy who will get with any woman he can, and thus not in the arms of family of true friends as it should have been.
Well I felt so embaressed and so low that I decided "to hell with this I'm not going to spend the next year sitting miserable like this, I refuse". I started my new job which helped enourmously because I then no longer had days spent at home, rather I was working, had new collegues, we were going out a fair bit, my mind was proccupied with learning so many new things and getting out and about with new people.
*I joined the sports club where I climb and swim, and I joined soccer where I've made a number of cool friends.
*I started focussing on everything I had wanted to do but couldn't when with ex.
*I read some books. The SIMPLE line "let you divorce be your catylyst" is like a motto for me almost. You can CHOOSE to let it all drag you down or you can CHOOSE to learn from it and grow and to use this to do all the things you should have done in the past. Eg I'm back into getting my education on track, I'm building my career, I'm doing my sports, I have travel plans, I have music plans, I have business plans, I socialise etc...the world is now this amazing place with amazing people and places and things! I'm not tied down by my ex.
*Keep your friends that can really help around you, don't take any nonsense from anyone, keep positive people around you, talk to people about your feelings ie those you trust of course/the ones that are close to you. I myself bounced my feelings of a different website for a long time and still am, just as you are doing now!
*There's no cure for birth or death save to enjoy the interval!"
I swear..even though it is SOOO hard, at the end of the day it is a CHOICE. You can CHOOSE to be happy or not. Do you want to be unhappy? No one does. Choose to see the positive things in life. Choose to surround yourself with positive things. Choose to look at your relationship in terms of what you've now gained and learned etc. At first the only option is to PRETEND to be happy but forcing a smile, eventually someday (and much quicker than if you choose to be unhappy), the smile turns into a real one.
Btw that obviously was in a metaphorical context but the trick works in relaity too. :)
If you'd like to have my email addy so that you can bounce stuff off me just let me know.
I wish you luck and strength. | |
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| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/13/2005 2:35:27 PM | | Man, great question. Ive been mulling this one over myself. I just got divorced last year. My exwife and i continued to talk about getting back together up untill January 2nd. Friday, she married someone else that she has dated for 2 months. I, too believe that if you truely love someone, its forever. I also believe, that time heals. We may always love them, but we also have to move on. I am also a veteran and i know how you feel. I hope things get better for you. Pray for peace and patience. It helps me!! Roger | |
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| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/14/2005 12:22:06 AM | I must agree with HoneyHAze. 2.5 years, 1 day before our wedding my Thai Fiance went missing, She showed up in Bangkok 4 days later. Then called me to tell me all the things i did wrong and she was going to look for a good man. It has been 2 weeks and considering all the BS she gave me I hurt as much today as 2 weeks ago.
Beleive me she would never have done this in Thailand becasue in 2 minutes I would have 2 new honeis to help me forget. After about 1 week of this you will remember how it feels to be treated nice and someone while not loving you can make you feel like a king. Trust me 2 weeks in Thailand and you be cured... There are thousands of girls waiting for you. Good boost for the ego. Dont worry the girls forced to do it. They are looking for a good man and yes money. My problem is she managed to almost break me to the point i am at rock bottom. So can only go up at this point. Thanks to all the postings, this board is just what I needed.
Cookie | |
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| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/17/2005 7:58:48 PM | How do ya stop loving someboy??
Ok, I dont have an answer to that, but you never stop loving the one you love for so long because of problems that you both went through.
I've never been married, but I have to say, that its hard when I see some of my friends go through a divorce. You just got to move on with a SMILE and just remember that love will find you. Remember the good, bad, happy, sad, joyous and sorrowful times that you and your (ex) wife shared.
At least your divorce isnt the one that will make you HATE her. It will make you a much stronger person, and just remember that, at first it will be hard, but in the end, you will be stronger and you will be able to move on and love another soul.
It is hard not to love the one you were with for so long because you grew with that person. It will be hard to carry on the life you once had, but its just that, the person wont be there. Just turn to GOD and to your family, friends and your daughter. Concentrate on what is important and you will get through it. You will somehow learn to also let go of your wife. Just dont forget the memories. I guess your (ex) wife was real lucky to have you. She is just a FOOL for letting you go and for not falling in love. But then again, I just hope that you do take all the advice that is in here. I hope that my 2cents has helped you. Just remember that it will be painful too. It will be difficult, but just remember that you have a LITTLE GIRL to worry about and just put your faith in her!
Take care!
Ciao
Poly   | |
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| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/18/2005 8:10:55 AM | | reading what you wrote to mike..... i will try to apply your wisdom to my own life too, i like what you wrote. Well done! | |
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legs57
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Joined: 2/28/2005
Msg: 96 | |
| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/19/2005 2:21:16 AM | | Hi you don't stop loving them, that's where all the character and morals come fron in us. Even after my ex cheated on me and I slept 5 yrs on the couch I still loved him, but I finally had to tell him to leave as I could not go on that way - as we get older we get to know ourselves more | |
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| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/21/2005 3:54:35 AM | im sending a big fat juicey smooch 2 all of the ppl here that have been hurt... dont get me wrong ive been hurt too but it really touches my heart to hear or in this case read of other ppls painful stories...
majmike - u must b so strong.... i couldnt deal with that,i find myself very simillar 2u when it comes to my beliefs and sero\iously i would of lost the plot by now.. thinking of u always and keep ur chin up xoxoxoxo maddy.
shattered - where r u finding these woman????? & pls dont say on here!!!! 
anyway i hope things only get better 4 all of us I LUV THE BANANA 2 !!!! | |
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| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/28/2005 6:48:00 PM | To those who have recently started trying to date again:
I have gone on two first dates so far, but on both I was constantly feeling like I was 'cheating' on my ex. Both ladies were nice and I had a good time, but I never got past the formal attitude I used with other ladies when I was married. Have any of you experienced that and how did you deal with it?
Intellectually I know it's not cheating, and I'm not still hoping to get back together with her (given that up), but how do I relax and just be me with these new folks I am meeting? It's been almost 18 years since I dated, so times have changed a great deal I know, any tips for a 'born-again' dater?
MajMike | |
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| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/28/2005 7:00:17 PM | Majmike...
How long has it been since you & your ex parted...if its been the last year, give it time since 18 yrs with anyone, can be difficult to meet when you're possibly not ready.
If it all about getting pass the awkward feeling...try keeping your meet fun...go for a walk, bowling, try a new resturant you've wanted to try or having coffee ....Its all about getting your feet wet again, and meeting people, it may not be all about finding your next love...so keep trying and have lots of fun... | |
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| How do you stop loving someone?
Posted: 3/28/2005 7:32:24 PM | My Take.
You don't stop loving someone, just like that, it just changes. To either extreme hate, if the person proves to deserve it. Or, a better outcome would be deep caring for that person if the lust dies, which would indicate it was not love in the first place merely and illusion of love. Hmmmm. Contracticiton in terms..
True Love is True Love and you never actually lose it. It just changes it's form.
Figure that out and you'll have figured out one of the greatest mysteries. Or maybe that's just a mystery to me and everyones been keeping it a secret. Hmmm Conspiracy.
I need to get out more.
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