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xamo
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Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 51 | |
| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:47:45 PM | To number 14, it seems like you are fetishizing the culture a little, the bushido (personal code of conduct for samurai in feudal Japan) is primarily focused, and was soley created to create absolute loyalty to serving one's master. Samurai are dead to the world and exist soley for their master's pleasure. The highest ideal is to be useful to their master, not to embody courage etc. This is STRICLTY a way of making the master look good within his feifdom, that's why they always had their hair nice too, that's why they killed themselves if they dishonored their clan etc... and why they were nice..So a dude who would kill a kid with one command, no hesitation, is not a "nice guy". I don't mean to be harsh, but romanticizing the culture really isn't appropriate because they were trained to hold a specefic position within society, there was no free will about it, no choice to be "nice"...this is my problem with self professed nice guys, in terms of character, real moral fiber, all sizzle and no steak...Personally it seems that the people who would classify themselves as a "nice guys" are trying to avoid responsibility for themselves and their emotions, and trying to put the responsibility on others not to hurt them in life. Honestly how many of us has hear, "I am a nice guy, girls say thay want us b,b,b,but nobody likes me!"  or witnessed extreme passive agressiveness, gossipping, guilt tripping women etc. in these nice guys ?Seriously....enough with the self pitying it's so juvenile... So are jerks, but is anyone with confidence considered a jerk by nice guys, I find it dependson how the jerk treats them !, if they are nice to them,not a jerk, if he/she does something they don't like they are "not nice"..someone in here said women like a nice guy with confidence, well put.
P.S A tip to the nice guys who wonder why it never works out, women like to be treated well, not because it is just part of your nature you can't help, but because you made a deliberate choice and effort to treat them well, with respect and dignity, not putting them on a pedestal so you won't get hurt by the "mean girls". Honestly, look at the furums, type 'nice guy" into there and look,it's ridiculous...you give genuine niceness a bad name. (not you samurai dude, I just disagree strongly with the nice guys are samurai deliberately living a personal code thing...
Damn weiners...I'm gonna blow a valve and keel over...sorry for the length, I won't hog anymore. | |
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| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 6/23/2006 6:20:37 AM | The people tired of the threads have entirely too much time on your hands...(no offense).
What is "the answer is 42?" 
"Pu**y whipped" from the lack of it could make a man who doesn't look good use act like a kerr dog, yuck! I would go for the lap dog though!
I am seeing a guy that is not so great looking, and it is as if he doesn't want to really concentrate on bettering himself as far as looks go because he has given up. If I had things about myself that needed work (and we all do) and even if I had a humpback, I would still try and feel good about myself. He is already making me feel bad about myself because he always has to be the hero, and is treating me and comparing me to his x's. He is so set in his ways. Not good. He is stuck in the past!
You ladies see if Mr. Nice Guy has treated his formers anygood, of course they have, but they have nothing good to say about them, and it is not without a price. Kind of a contradiction don't ya think? Also, you men who say don't change for any woman, if they don't like you for you then move on....is a contradiction, because it is an excuse not to work on yourself. This is what is happening to me now with this guy, I don't know what to do. He knows that I need his help and it is perfect for him because I am working for him and it gives him control.
Women don't want to be the strong ones in the relationship, and the men are empowering them and making them the ones in control which makes them feel like the strong ones. Not good.
How long can a man be a nice guy? | |
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| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 6/23/2006 1:03:02 PM | | Give me a nice guy with a backbone who will tell me to stop doing what I am doing if I ever get in my teacher/Leo/he needs to take me seriously mode that I do seem to get in about once every few months. i.e. ACT LIKE A MAN, not some wimpy doormat of a boy. I cannot stand people who do not stand up to people or for what they believe in. | |
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| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 6/23/2006 1:22:11 PM | It is so much easier for me to date in real life.
Besides if a Nice Guy actually doesn't take crap(putting it nicely) and one time(out of 6 months or a year) cusses someone out or gives them their just deserts, then they will be called mean. And this is no matter how much of a jerk the other guy is. | |
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| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 6/23/2006 1:45:07 PM | Surfy - 42 is a reference to Douglas Adam's "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". A very entertaining series of books and a good movie. Also sounds like you need to kick your nice guy in the behind...nice guys don't try to make a woman feel bad about herself. Which means he really isn't a nice guy. If he doesn't realize he's making you feel that way, give him a wakeup call. :(
I guess I missed the post where nice guy = loser. I consider myself a nice guy, and try to remain one. It doesn't mean I'm a doormat or a loser. Ah well, guess it's my turn to beat the horse. Kind of ironic people will complain about nice guy threads, but then continue to post in them.  | |
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| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 6/24/2006 3:24:55 AM | | The answer is 42..isn't that the meaning of life and white lab mice are the smartest creatures in existance?..but back to the OP ummm nice guys do not finish last, be your self and be proud of it, don't give off the aura that you have no self confidence. | |
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| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 6/24/2006 6:06:10 AM | Why is this the most widely repeated thread on internet relationship forums?
Because the number of men and women in internet dating is out of proportion. More guys online means fewer guys getting dates. But for some reason a large number of the ones who aren't sucessful can't do the math, and their "logic" goes like this:
I am a nice guy. I can't get a date. Therefore women don't like nice guys.
There are variations on this theme: Therefore women only like really hot looking guys or Therefore women only like guys with a lot of money | |
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| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 10/8/2009 9:54:58 AM | you get put in the 'friend zone' once you are there you will be perptanice and you are done as far as she is concerned. She will call you when things are bad with the boyfriend of the month, and if you continue to take the calls thinking that you may get a shot to date her, here's your sign. You are a NICE GUY. You might as well be gay to her.
NICE doesnt make you taller, richer, smarter, fitter, have a better job, house, car, or get you a date apparently. Besides every girl I have talked to that is dating a 'jackass' is convinced she is the ONE that can change him. Go be the jacka$$, it will fill up your social calender alot faster than playing the stock market will affect your bottom line.
So long and thanks for the Fish. | |
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| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 10/8/2009 11:42:44 AM | | Some nice guys really are nice guys. Then there are all those that think they are a nice guy, that is only their opinion of themselves, my opinion of them differed. | |
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| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:04:29 PM | Men are raised to believe that "nice" and "decent" are the same thing. They are not. Guys that flirt or charm women are usually lying and deceiptful **stards looking to get laided that night. Long ago these men learned to separate themselves from the herd by telling women what they want to hear -- like the fact that they are not really "nice guys". Either that or they act like total sh*theads so as to stand out from the crowd.
Sadly Real Decency has no value in modern times. Like self-sacrifice for the greater good the concept of decency as a practice is seen as a handicap. Decent people are harder to control, which those in control like governments do not want. Like Human Rights -- decency is bad for business so it is not an accepted norm. Only male culture in general still finds value in honor and respect, and even that is often twisted to serve evil men who want to make wars, steal others women or posessions, etc -- all in the name patriotism and loyalty -- a common nice guy failed belief. Women in general are not raised with the same values as men, so they do not get the honor thing at all.
Decent people stand up for what is right -- like human rights and freedom. Such people are considered bad for any authoritarian or capitalistic society (like most western countries are) so therefore the powers that be frown upon anything that support independent decent beliefs. Women bought the conformist crap long ago because of their nature. Men tend to rebel against non-decent beliefs so to women the way they think about it day in and out has no obvious value.
Men have to know right from wrong, so that they know what they are fighting over when they do fight. Women don't get that part either.
So if you are a guy who is trying to be decent or do the right thing, then just go do it. Stop worrying about women think of it. The less you care about what women think of you, the more they are attracted to you, and the more good you can get accomplished without obsessing over women anyway.
Women are taught not to respect what men think any more anyhow. It is part of their biological hardwiring and a big part of their social conditioning to self-abusive or martyr thought processes. Just accept it and modify your views on self-worth accordingly.
It is not rocket science, just twisted modern human nature. Some women will get it. Most never will. Don't lose sleep over such things.
<---- Pitchfork and hangin rope line forms at the left ladies  | |
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| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 10/8/2009 5:10:54 PM |
you get put in the 'friend zone' once you are there you will be perptanice and you are done as far as she is concerned. She will call you when things are bad with the boyfriend of the month, and if you continue to take the calls thinking that you may get a shot to date her, here's your sign. You are a NICE GUY. You might as well be gay to her.
NICE doesnt make you taller, richer, smarter, fitter, have a better job, house, car, or get you a date apparently. Besides every girl I have talked to that is dating a 'jackass' is convinced she is the ONE that can change him. Go be the jacka$$, it will fill up your social calender alot faster than playing the stock market will affect your bottom line
Oh yes, the dreaded friend zone. I don't mind having female friends, I only have issues with it when its a one sided friendship (she only contacts you when SHE needs/wants something and pretty much ignores you when things are going well). Another common problem i've encountered in my lifetime is that same female friend trying to pursue a relationship or a friends with benefits type deal from the moment another woman comes into the picture.
I think i'm a 'nice guy', I treat women well, I don't lie or cheat and like to make people around me laugh with my ridiculous jokes and goofy behaviour. Sure some of the members of POF may look down on that but I couldn't care less about them. I'd rather continue being myself than turn into a cold heartless jerk just to get more dates and be more successful in life. | |
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| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 10/8/2009 5:56:25 PM | Don't shoot the messenger - I don;t necessarily agree but it's not a bad read..
It may be off topic from the OP's question, but it addresses some points that his question brought up.
---Note they surveryed women ages 18-87 <---
Why Do Women Have Sex?
October 08, 2009 01:53 PM ET | Deborah Kotz | US News and World Report
Why do women have sex? It's an intriguing question once you get beyond the obvious reasons: to perpetuate the species and because it feels good. Two University of Texas researchers wanted to dig deeper to find out what specifically drives women to go to bed with their partners. They conducted an online survey of more than 1,000 women ages 18 to 87 and found, to their surprise, that women aren't all that different from men. The survey asked women if they have ever had sex for one of the 237 reasons identified by the researchers in a previous study. If their response was yes, they would then be prompted to describe a specific sexual experience. The researchers Cindy Meston and David Buss incorporated the findings into a new book, Why Women Have Sex. Here are excerpts from my interview with Meston. (You can listen to the full podcast below.)
What are the biggest reasons women have sex?
The No. 1 reason is because they're attracted to their partner, followed by their seeking of physical gratification. Lower down on the list, the reasons were connected to love or emotional bonding. This sort of knocks down the stereotype that men have sex for pleasure while women have sex for love. Personally, for me—in my 17 years treating women who have sexual problems—it's reassuring to see that most of the women who participated in our survey are having sex for the pure physical pleasure of it.
Who are the women who participated in your survey?
Is it possible those who take the time to fill out an online survey are more likely to seek out sex?
You bring up a good point. There's a natural selection bias in any sex research in that those who are more sexually liberal are more likely to take part in a study. We hope we eliminated that by keeping the answers confidential so people would be as honest as possible, but it's still hard to know if this is a representative sample. We did get a wide range of ages of women responding and had respondents from several other countries besides the U.S.
Did any of the motivations for sex surprise you?
While we expected a wide range of reasons, some specific stories really did surprise me. Many women said they had sex to bring them closer to God. And revenge sex was a big theme—getting back at partners who weren't faithful by having sex with someone else. Competition sex was also surprising: A bunch of friends go to a bar and see who can get the guy to have sex with them. Many young women wrote about having sex simply to get another notch on their belt, which we typically think of as something men do. Some women simply wanted to get rid of their virginity. Still other women engaged in "sympathy sex" because they felt sorry for their mate for any number of reasons, like he was too unattractive to get any dates. Women also admitted to having sex as an economic exchange to land a job or promotion or to get money or drugs. Some of the reasons made me laugh, and others were very sad.
Did women ever express regrets for acting on their impulses, like having a one-night stand?
Some did, while others didn't. For instance, one woman who had sex out of loneliness said a one-night stand helped her feel better and more connected afterward. Another woman, though, said it made her feel even lonelier. It's hard to say what drives this remorse; it's probably a complex mix of religious attitudes and values and what a woman deems to be appropriate behavior. Self-esteem also plays a role in the choices she makes and how she feels afterward.
Did you see any differences between men and women?
Yes. Based on our previous research and this new study, we see that men are still more likely to engage in uncommitted sex, like one-night stands, but that this gender gap has narrowed dramatically since the 1950s, when these [kind of] surveys were first conducted by [Alfred] Kinsey. More women still make the connection between love and sex. And overall, men are definitely more willing to have sex because of physical attraction, while women place less emphasis on physical attraction and more on a man's scent, personality, and breadwinning abilities.
Were there reasons women said they didn't have sex?
We didn't really explore that; it's really a separate study. The number of reasons is so vast, from not having a willing partner to having psychological or medical problems. | |
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| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 10/8/2009 6:07:55 PM | It's because all the interesting threads get deleted, by people who vote to delete them. All that leaves is why can't a nice/mean/old/young/fat/skinny/cute/ugly/boring/exciting/funny/sad/guy/girl get a date.
Enjoy. | |
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| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 10/8/2009 7:39:05 PM | | Yes the answer is 42, and yes I do have my towel. It's in the book after all. The real question is what is the question? | |
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| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 10/8/2009 8:10:57 PM | | The guys who claim to be the nice ones that can't get dates are whiners and annoying. No one is "keeping score" and no one cares whether or not they got rejected by some chick for some guy who looks better than them. NEXT. | |
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| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 10/9/2009 11:11:54 PM | Really all "NICE" says is that you dont have dismembered apendages in your freezer and severed torsos buried in the back yard.
Thats a hell of a resume builder. Or maybe you do and that you are the quiet loaner that always pays his bills, keeps to themself, never got in fights with the neighbors....
You would do better with 'Hi, I am the @$$hole that everyone warned you about' | |
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| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 10/10/2009 3:16:00 AM | I don't really understand the "nice guy" phenomena.
Personally, I think that women like to ::gasp:: be treated like people. "Nice guys" tend to treat them like they're some strange, exotic, alien life forms that can't be talked to in a normal way.
It's weird and creepy.
I'm a self proclaimed a-hole... because I don't treat women "well". I treat them like other people.
Some are stupid, some are smart. Some are sweet natured and some are scandalous b1tches.
Everyone should be taken on an individual basis (at least in my book) regardless of gender.
And strangely enough, girls tend to like me. Hmmm.
So no, girls don't like "nice guys" because in my experience, "nice guys" don't relate to women as real people, or at least not in the sense that a woman (or man) needs.
A friend.
-8sf8 | |
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| The end of this 'nice guy' epic
Posted: 10/10/2009 6:59:00 PM | What is a nice guy ?
^^^Good question. I'm sure alot of women have different kinds of answers on this one. | |
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