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 Bliss92
Joined: 2/28/2007
Msg: 676
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Dating Someone On Welfare ** Page 28 of 33    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33)
I haven't read all the replies... Just a few on the first page.

I'm a single mom of 3. When my husband and I were together, I stayed home because daycare costs much more than any job I could get here. It doesn't stop me from looking for jobs, but I have yet to find anything. I worked up until the point I had my second child. Even then, I would still do weekend jobs (under the table and such), and I even babysat in my home to earn extra cash for us. Now that my husband isn't in the picture, and child support (when he pays it) is only $200 a month for 3 children, I am back with my parents (which was something my husband and I did temporarily when he lost a job - he then left, leaving the children and I with my parents). I still have an under the table job helping clean for an elderly woman - but it just about pays my gas, and my school loans - that's it.

I get told I'm stupid for not going and getting on welfare. However, I don't want that stigma attached to me. Right now, I'm debating whether or not to go back to school for something that will make it easier for me to get a job (I went to school for equine science and management before - there aren't many jobs that are feasible for someone with children to do in that field - unless you have the money to start up your own business/farm). However, if I go back to school, I have 2 choices - live off the state, or live off of my parents. Neither are things I want to do, but when child care costs more than I can make - even full time - my choices are pretty limited. My mom doesn't work in the summer, and will babysit part time if I get a summer job, but lets face it - a job in the summer isn't going to support me year round.

There are people out there who abuse the system - my husband's sister is one of them (I won't get into that story, you'll just have to trust me). But then there are people like me, who had their whole life planned, and I wasn't planning on having my husband leave the 4 of us high and dry. I'm not on welfare, or any state programs (well, other than WIC). But I am considering getting the help I need, so I can go to school so I CAN provide for my family. I think right now, my biggest issues is that my oldest child is 3. None of them are in school, so I have to be able to afford full time daycare for 3 children - which is a heck of a lot more expensive than part time daycare.

I can either use the help the state offers temporarily, until I can get on my own 2 feet, or I can go get a minimum wage job, live in my car, and have the state take away my children, and have all the taxpayers pay for them until they're 18. I think that's pretty much the choice a lot of us mothers face. We're damned if we do, damned if we don't!
 Spoken For
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 677
Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 7/10/2007 6:21:37 AM
I'm a single mom to one special needs child. No involvement or support frrm the dad (rights were legally terminated a year ago due to the abuse he put us through). Because of his disability, he gets financial and medical assistance from the state. When I was pregnant with him and with that abusive arse of a fiance, I was on WIC (nutrition assistance; paid for things like milk and cheese, etc) and state-supported medical assistance. That carried over to him when he was born, and we recently stopped using them because we don't use dairy, and we don't need so much of everything else they give us.

While I was receiving WIC and medical assistance, I would, from time to time, get looks from grocery store clerks and nurses that either reflected pity (poor thing, can't make enough to support her family without help) or disgust (living off the state, that's sick), or both. I HATED it. I still hate it. I hate having to go to the bank with social security checks for my son and see the look on the cashier's face, which can be either of the three described above.

That could be the exact reason your neighbor doesn't want the government's help-- she doesn't want to feel pitied or disliked because of her finacial status. It's a big thing to some people. I hate being looked at like I was below the social status of everyone else just because I was getting government assistance, and I'm willing to bet that's the way your neighbor friend is thinking.
 Ms.Sheila
Joined: 1/16/2007
Msg: 678
Dating Someone On Welfare
Posted: 2/23/2008 3:23:37 PM
hey i very much agree with u on dat O-T-B
 Ms.Sheila
Joined: 1/16/2007
Msg: 679
Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 2/23/2008 3:29:12 PM
That's y they have dis system called income and employment assistance to help of those are in need in going back to school, taking care of their child/ren(alot of deadbeats out there) sum cant pay for child support, rent transportation, medical,etc.............
 xxfoxyredxx
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 680
Dating Someone On Welfare
Posted: 2/23/2008 3:43:49 PM
Im not in this catogory but I will answer the post because of what you said about people not wanting to date people on benefits. I dont think this true once you explain why you collect benefits. I do and Im not ashamed of it as I have good reasons. I can still support myself thought I have to be sensible with what I get. I dont need to be looked after anymore than anyone who is working cos im sensible with my money and im not in debt or anything.

Just cos someone is on benefits doesnt make them a lesser person and doesnt makethem not educated r anythng out. Sure for some people its an easier option for some people its there only option and to me if the woman is going to be better off collecting her benefits and staying at home with her children, and its what she would like well then obviously its set up for her to do that and its her personal choice.
 vibrant1
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 681
Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 2/23/2008 3:51:17 PM
She should enroll in college or a tech program if she can get aid from welfare financial aid would be available.
Encourage her to do so.
Dating some one on welfare
hmmmm how did they get into situation where this is necessary ?
Are they just pros at working system ?
Does it seem they are taking advantage or truly seeking help as a last resort.
I had to get food stamps after my ex left.
Myself and 3 kids still home he did not help at all and we needed to eat.
It was humiliating degrading and it was a low point.
Currently I have three fractured vertebrae in my neck and if I could get
medical assistance I would it is not available at this time in my state .
I was told to have it fixed within 3 years 20 months ago its a quality of life issue medical care and eating.
Each situation would be judged on its own merit.
Single parents do face a lot of financial hardship and no one can stand to see their children hungry.
 JuJuBee
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 682
Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 2/23/2008 4:30:17 PM
I didn't read anything but what you wrote & I think I agree. I'm guessing you are in Canada (?) b/c the states don't go to those lengths to keep children w/ thier mothers until school age & I find it sad. I'd love to have been given the option, but it all turns out as it should.

I think she will actually come out ahead in terms of the kids' well-being & financially.
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 683
Dating Someone On Welfare
Posted: 2/23/2008 4:57:07 PM
She should be Thankful that there is such a thing as welfare to feed her spawn and clothe her. Whether a working male, who isn't on welfare too, wants anything to do with her is entirely up to him. Bear in mind she won't be getting the pick of the litter. There are working women out there without kids who get the first pick.
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 684
Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 2/23/2008 5:09:54 PM

Do you think they are lazy by default?

Not Lazy, per se.
Every action has a consquence. They chose to breed so here are the consequences.
What? Did they think they could go ahead and pop a couple out and not expect any consequences from their choices?
 iamyoursxoxo
Joined: 12/3/2007
Msg: 685
Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 2/23/2008 5:39:18 PM
Hey all,

Id date someone on welfare.

I know welfare is temporary, and is on a need basis , and that you may NOT add any new children to your case who are born after 1996 "welfare reform bill" federal law.
This is assuming if you have ever had a case with them. and if not, there are LIMITS. yes Limits on how much you get. And with those LIMITS, you may NOT posses ASSETS of any kind greater than your MAP. "usually below 2,000.00" .
They encourage you to work, they use GAIN. Welfare is not about being lazy.
They encourage you to go back to school.
Those who are on welfare and dont work MUST provide proof from a doctor as to why they cannot participate in GAIN or other they send you to.

Last but not least, Google all this before speaking about something you dont know.
 lizbeth2
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 686
Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 2/24/2008 3:08:39 AM
To the OP....the situation you have described is the exact reason that there needs to be affordable daycare for lower income families.
As for your friend dating....I think she should be motivated to make a better life for her children by trying to get back in the job market...instead of doing it to get a date!
It is very difficult to raise kids being dependant on welfare...but the motivation to get off of the system shouldn't be related to how her dating prospects will improve....
 Slightly_Stoopid
Joined: 7/23/2007
Msg: 687
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Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 2/24/2008 5:25:12 AM
I would not date a person on welfare because they need to get their life together and get off welfare first. their kids should be their only priority at that point. While it may not be the case, looking for a mate while in that situation looks like they are really just looking for a meal ticket.

can any woman here honestly say they would date a man on welfare? ( im sure it happens but Ive certainly never heard of a man on welfare.....it might not ever happen for all i know :P) im guessing no.

i guess my other comment is this. are people really finding it THAT hard to find a decent paying job? Listen I know the world needs waitresses and fry cooks and stuff like that but i mean.....its not overly difficult to find a job. at least not as hard as people make it seem. they just get this idea in their mind that they dont qualify, or they wont like the job, or its not even worth putting in an application. its untrue. people would be suprised by how little actual knowledge of almost anything you need to do most jobs in America. There is very little techincal expertise required for almost anything. The ones that do require some sort of expertise? yeah sorry you are prolly out of luck, but it doesnt hurt to send out the less than one penny piece of paper that is your resume to them anyways. companies do keep those things on file and when openings happen, they look at their stored resumes first
 For Eternity
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 688
Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 2/24/2008 5:46:54 AM
Will try to keep my answer close enough to the thread. First of all I would probably not date someone with two children in the first place other than a friendship. Secondly I would probably not date a women with two children and on welfare unless she showed potential of more or wanting more out of life. What I mean by this is that if she is on welfare and has two children why can she not take some college courses. If she has not finished off her high school why does she not try to get a high school equvilance diploma. If she does not have the brain for accademics to get a high school diploma why does she not try some of the other fields such as hair dresser, moly maid etc. The point I am making is I would not want to get involve with a lazy person. A person on welfare to me puts up the flags that the person is lazy or going through a set back bigger than temperarily. If it is just a temp. set back she would be on uneployement insurance not welfare.

So to answer your original question, my answer would be no.
 carolplumb
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 689
Dating Someone On Welfare
Posted: 2/24/2008 6:17:08 AM
why the heck shouldnt you date someone in receipt of benefits...its the person you are dating, money shouldnt be an issue....

perhaps it is only a temporary financial situation...she can better herself and gain a good job etc.....
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 690
Dating Someone On Welfare
Posted: 2/24/2008 7:39:43 AM

perhaps it is only a temporary financial situation...she can better herself and gain a good job etc.....

Since it is only temporary, she can forget about dating for the while, focus on getting her better job and improving her situation before getting back into the dating pool.

Besides, why date a person on welfare when there are so many other people out there NOT on welfare?
 ChattyKathie
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 691
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Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 2/24/2008 8:42:48 AM
As a woman who dates men, I would say...for the most part, No. statistically speaking, men don't have the "burden" of being the custodial single parent. Most men contribute their time and money to the child while the mother is responsible for getting them to daycare, school, doctor visits, preparing their meals, helping them with homework and after school activities. Just to name the basics. Making her work schedule more difficult. So,statistically speaking....If a man is on welfare I might find myself wondering why. I know there are exceptions to the rule, and in that case I would more than likely consider them. Strictly speaking though, unless he is physically or mentally unable to work, or the sole custodial parent, he should be working.

Now that I have answered that question, I'm wondering something myself. How many people out there actually know what percentage of their tax dollars goes to welfare? For those of you who don't know, it's a very very small portion of your tax dollar. If that money wasn't going to entitlements, at least here in America, I guarantee you would still be giving it up to taxes. Social security benefits account for the largest percentage of federal spending (22.6%), followed by spending on national defense (16.2%). Welfare represents approximately 7.5% of total non-Social Security receipts to the Federal Government. So, for everyone of your tax dollars to the Federal Government, about 7.5 cents goes to these programs......

Medicaid, food stamps, family support assistance (AFDC), supplemental security income (SSI), child nutrition programs, refundable portions of earned income tax credits (EITC and HITC) and child tax credit, welfare contingency fund, child care entitlement to States, temporary assistance to needy families, foster care and adoption assistance, State children’s health insurance and veterans pensions. While there is a portion of that money that is never recouped by the government, a good portion of that money is returned via wage garnishment of the non providing parent.

If you're one of the people complaining about the DRAIN the welfare system has on your income....Ask yourself where all the rest of you tax dollars are going rather than mentally and emotionally spitting on the parent who is forced to collect it.

Just a thought
 ChattyKathie
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 692
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History
Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 2/24/2008 8:48:08 AM
So, for everyone of your tax dollars to the Federal Government


That should read, every one of your tax dollars......
 laughinglibra
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 693
Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 2/24/2008 9:30:06 AM

Every action has a consquence. They chose to breed so here are the consequences.
What? Did they think they could go ahead and pop a couple out and not expect any consequences from their choices?



About the only thing I agree with is that every action has a consequence.

I "chose" to breed with my ex husband. I "chose" not to stay in an abusive relationship. I "chose" to leave with my children that I "popped out" with no money, no family close, no friends to help. I did however, realize that there were consequences from my choices. The consquences were that I did have to go on social assistance for awhile in order to feed my children. The consequences were that I did need help. The consequences are that my children are growing up without the stress of being in an abusive home and have a mother and a father who are loving towards them because they are not busy fighting with each other.

I "chose" not to date until my kids were older... not because I was on social assistance or not.

There are some that are lazy, but do not judge a book by its cover.... you may well have passed on the "one" for you because he/she is at a stage in their life where they need some help.... take each person as they are.... an individual with a story all their own.

Don't be so judgemental.
 hopelesslove78
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 694
Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 2/24/2008 2:24:24 PM
This is an excellent topic....I am a single mother of three children. I suffer from heart issues and had 2 blood clots in my lungs...I still work fulltime and I am fortunate to have a nanny for my children who lives on the other half of my house. but guess what I did not plan to get sick I did not plan to have to ask for help..I am not ashamed and if someone would choose not to date me because I need state assistance to pay my medical bills then they are not the person I wanted to be with in the first place...just remind her of that. Also remind her to live for her kids do what she can to give them the best. Take every opportunity life gives her go to school show her kids just what she is made of...Set an example
 hopelesslove78
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 695
Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 2/24/2008 2:27:40 PM
I also must ask what is her position on wanting a date and worring about her financial situation, I mean unless she is hoping to find a man who will support her and her children?? I am sure she is wonderful and wants the best for her children
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 696
Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 2/24/2008 9:10:46 PM
I have cerbral palsey in my left side and walk with a limp and have little physical strength. I work in a call centre as a customer service rep. From a medical stand point I could probably set back and go on disability assistance but I choose not to because I want a better life for myself. If I can do it why can't an able bodied person?

I understand having 2 small children pre-school age or infants can make it tough to work so for those who have children under the age of 5 you are exempt but for those who have children in school why do you not get a job at least part time while the kids are in school. Dating should not be looked at as a way to find someone to support you and your family.

OP your friend needs to understand that she should set a better example for her children.
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 697
Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 2/25/2008 12:20:57 AM

you may well have passed on the "one" for you because he/she is at a stage in their life where they need some help.

This is DATING, not CHARITY. I'm fine with charity if it's for a good cause. Friends on welfare because they're at a stage in their lives where they need some help ~ that's fine. If they're there to mooch the system, they're only going to pull you down if you get too close. I would not date a single parent because her lifestyle would not gel with mine.

I have dated women who've had no money because they're in school or doing something noble as working with Americorps. That itself is tough because of the financial inequality ~ she refused to let me pay more than my fair share and so often we couldn't do stuff because she had no money. Why date her then? I understood that she was sacrificing her financial wealth to do something noble as helping others first.

Any guy who makes a decent amount of money would have difficulty dating a woman on welfare because he's gonna either see her as a mooch or she's gonna feel lousy that she can't pull her weight in the relationship.

So, if she's on welfare and has kids, she definitely isn't the one.
 gucci8
Joined: 11/18/2005
Msg: 698
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History
Dating Someone On Welfare
Posted: 2/25/2008 2:19:50 AM
yes Rose!!! Does Designer Clothes , Nails , pedicure and cell phones count..yust wondering..
 Yuckmowth
Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 699
Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 2/25/2008 2:53:16 AM
I did once, but the chances are low that I would again. I felt more like a father then a boyfriend, because I found myself giving guidance and advise, none of which I got back. I think it was more of an education thing for me. Because we couldn't share ideas I started to feel unfulfilled.
 TheKnightInShiningArmor
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 700
Dating Someone On Welfare **
Posted: 2/25/2008 3:24:38 AM
Personaly I would not date someone on welfare, i understand what you are saying about being on welfare allows more money into the family, However it is a said state of affairs when hard working single mothers get less than the single mothers on welfare.

But you as a working single mother, are showing your kids, you have to work for what you want in life, you are setting them a great example that they should not expect to get everything without giving something in return.

Its a very complex subject and at the end of the day, the father should be paying for his family to have a good start in life.

At least by working you can have some self respect and hold your head up high, people will also respect you far more, simply because you didn't take the easy route in life.

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope the Gods shine down on you

Respect to you Nigel
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